Maybe This Is A Good Thing

I’ve been wondering what people think about who I really am?  What I mean is, my life, in…uh real life isn’t like exciting or glamours in anyway.  In fact it’s far from it, I am a normal (not quite vanilla) but in a sense quirky.  At least that’s what I try to tell myself from time to time when I find myself cursing out loud (yes I know you all know) when I’m asked yet once again to enter a password I created years ago for an account I’ve been using that automatically signs me in.  Then I switch devices and it asks me to sign in again and I CAN’T REMEMBER THE FUCKING PASSWORD I CREATED IN 2011!!! Just a quick note about my featured image, I absolutely ADORED Roddy Piper he was everything I ever wanted to be. Bold, brash and straight to the point and it didn’t hurt that he was good looking as well. Yes, yes he was.

Okay sorry we’re getting off track here, anyway I began to wonder about how I might make my life a tad more interesting.  I mean, interesting in a positive sort of way not like what I’ve been experiencing since May of this year.  Quick review of what I’ve been through this year……

January 2021

I started the new year with a really positive attitude because I had landed what I thought was my dream job.  I worked for a female VP who said she was going to mentor me so I could get ahead in the organization we worked in.  And that’s how it started out, it was great I was learning things I had no idea about and in turn I would advise her when it came to grants, proposals and things in the proposal submission area.  It was all going great; she was a great boss she was also generous as well.  When she saw I was stressing out, she gave me a one year subscription an online yoga class and an Amazon gift card to buy some yoga apparel.   Then something changed and that’s when everything hit the preverbal fan. 

May 2021

Reporting structure changed to someone who is neither a boss or a leader, in fact she’s everything but.  Anyway, things went downhill quickly, and I saw that my boss turned into some spineless, ass kissing wimp.  She let this other person dominate her professionally and I’m not sure why?  So, because I’m not in any way a kiss ass or compromise my beliefs when it comes to my work.  I find myself at the end of the road with this particular person and department.  I got notice that I was being part of a reduction in force.  Which is a nice way of saying that the other fake boss didn’t like that I questioned everything, and she found a way to get rid of me without being fired.  A reduction in force is an HR term for “let’s get rid of this troublemaker because she asks to many questions and pushes back.”  So, after I was told I was being let go I didn’t panic, I actually felt relieved that I no longer had to wake up each morning dreading going into that office where hypocrisy is the daily norm.

One thing I find extremely ironic is that this place, this so-called institution has implemented this values culture.  But in reality it’s not……I mean how can they preach (because that’s what they do) these values when only those in higher levels of administration supposedly practice them?  A couple of months ago I was in a meeting with the main higher up, my boss and the fake supervisor and several others from our office.  The, what I’ll call “values” department was giving us a presentation on these “rules” that they want every employee to follow.  Lunch was provided and we ate as they presented.  Then at the end, one of the other VP’s asked the main guy (president) why he though employees should follow these rules?

He responded with…”Well, if you don’t think you values mirror ours, then maybe you need to find somewhere else to work.”  Everyone nodded in agreement like professional lemmings and then the values person asked if we had any questions.  I raised my hand and then said “I’d like to direct this to our leader.”  He turned around to face me and then I said “With the upmost respect sir, how can you say that if we, or employees don’t mirror these values, they should go work somewhere else?  I mean, this, all of this is like an oil slick floating on the ocean.  Only the top elite are good with this, while they sit on top of the slick and think that everyone can and should follow them.  But everyone below the oil slick is drowning in toxicity.  What about the custodian who works two jobs because she can’t make ends meet?  What about the clinical assistant who needs to keep her job because she’s a single mother of two and needs to provide health insurance?  What about the nurse who is overwhelmed with COVID and HAS to stay on because she just bought her very first house before this nightmare pandemic hit?  Or what about the grounds crews who have a tyrant for a boss, but they need to work because one of them is going to school himself to better his future?  How can you say that they need to find somewhere else to work if they don’t see eye to eye with those kinds of values?  What if some of your employees can’t move or leave their jobs because they are desperate to keep them due to responsibilities you yourself may never understand?  Being accountable to your employees is the first and foremost responsibility don’t you think?”

This six foot three inch tall man with snow white hair and piercing blue eyes just sat there and didn’t blink and believe it or not completely ignored what I had just said and turned around to continue his conversation with the other VP next to him.   Everyone was shocked that I had questioned the big cheese.  The fact that he just brushed me off without a response made me think that he really doesn’t care about those in the institutional trenches. But what he said about these beliefs and if employees didn’t like it that they could go work somewhere else just didn’t sit right with me.  And implementing this type of personal tyranny isn’t right either.  It like questioning someone for their religious or political choices.  You can work with someone who’s views aren’t the same and be perfectly able to work as a team.  But when you’re the leader of a big institution, that’s a huge responsibility and trying to “make” everyone see your views about something isn’t really somewhere I want to work.  Personal beliefs and values can mean many things to many people and ethics is another thing that should go hand in hand with this, as should accountability. 

After that interaction with the big cheese, I noticed things began to change for the worse.  So today I find myself at home taking sick leave on my last week at this toxic place.  Because since I’ve gotten notice I’d be losing my job, I haven’t had any work.  Now whether this is retaliatory or not I don’t know?  But I know I contributed many positive things to, my soon to be former VP even if she won’t see it or refuses to acknowledge it.  I had a ton of work, but now I go into the office to sit there using the computer to apply online to other jobs.  I waste my day watching movies on my iPad so that the day goes by faster and find I’m more tired than when I actually had work. This goes on while no one talks to me, not my soon to be former VP or Fake whatever she is and one of the women up front because she’s an idiot and a complete waste of space. This is what I describe as workplace bullying and I’m not new to this, it’s happen to me before and I will get through this knowing I’m the better person for not going all Harley Quinn on their ass.

I made some good friends while I was there and one of them recently left for a job out of state because he too was fed up with how that place works.  When I told him that I had been let go he had some very good words of wisdom for me.

He said “You need to get out of that place because it doesn’t matter what department you find a job in, you’re not happy with the higher administration there.  They’ve left a bad taste in your mouth and you will never see eye to eye with what they are touting.”  He has a point, and of course he’s right….damn you Jack! But I also was told the very same thing by another friend/coworker who happens to be the head nurse for another department.  He too said that the best thing I can do I get out of there because this place is filled with hypocrisy and its system is irrevocably broken.   So as worried as I should be because I mean, I just bought a house after all somehow, I’m really not.  I know something will come along that’s much better than what I had here and the lessons I’ve learned are even more valuable than I can explain.  I’ve worked with so many different people here and some who became good friends outside of work.  But one thing is for sure, I will never compromise MY values for those persons who think theirs are superior.  I have integrity and respect, but don’t you dare tell me that I have to follow yours if I don’t realize that there are people suffering because those beliefs are forced upon them.  And more importantly if you consider yourself a leader then you need to lead from the bottom up not the other way around.  

Leading doesn’t mean making others do what you want it means leading them in the right and moral direction. It means taking everyone who works for you for their contribution to your organization not forcing them into something your trying to sell, but yet don’t buy it yourself. Especially if you can’t hold those closest to you professionally accountable for their hypocrisy.

So, as far as my life being interesting I suppose that it is in it’s own way. Maybe all the characters I encounter at work are great blog fodder because without the professional and personal experiences I wouldn’t have anything to write about. I just realized that I got through this entire post with only one bad word. This is truly a first for me, so until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”