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Happy Thanksgiving

It’s Thanksgiving Eve y’all and yes that’s a thing. I hope you are doing well and staying safe and most importantly I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving holiday. As I sit here in the cool 60 degree Weds morning (okay I’m not outside, I’m just stating that this is the weather today) with clouds sauntering by spreading their cheer (which means it’s fucking sprinkling) preparing for tomorrow. I have my composition book/handwritten cookbook open to begin preparations for things I can make a day ahead, like pumpkin cheesecake, chocolate pie, homemade cranberry sauce and sweet-potato casserole. Also doing the pre-chopping of many of the veggies I’m going to need for tomorrow, this way I’m not rushing like I remember my mom doing on Thanksgiving day. This will be my inaugural Thanksgiving holiday in my new house, okay I know it’s not new but y’all get the picture. It’s been cooling down here in my corner of Texas and I’ve yet to have the AC shut down and the heater turned on. Why you ask? Well, the dude that turned on my AC can’t make it to my house until next week which is fine by me because it’s not that cold inside as it is outside.

Waiting……Still

As I write this I am still waiting to hear anything regarding past interviews I’ve had and it’s been three week since my last interview. I haven’t gotten called for any new ones but several of my friends have assured me that it’s due to the holiday season creeping up on us. I sure hope so because even though I’m not worried, I’m beginning to get a bit anxious about staying home. I need to find a routine because I still haven’t as each day is not the same for me. Sometimes I sleep late and other days I don’t, I manage to do stuff around that house but other times I just lay about watching hours of television. I told myself I was going to start running again but this time outdoors as I have a park three blocks away from my house and it has a running track. But alas, I still drive by only telling myself I’m going to do it. Speaking of blocks, I found out to my dismay that my former idiot, cheap ass Filipina bitch landlord lives only five blocks from me! Fucking bitch, I had no idea my house was so close to hers or else I might have passed on buying it. Okay that’s not true, I loved this house when I saw it so I would have bought it either way, I am being dramatic (like I’ve never done that before.)

Unemployment Hiccup Resolved

Seriously I was on hold for an hour and ten minutes just to talk to someone

When I applied for unemployment I was told that they would be taking out the amount I “owed” them for an overpayment back form 2001 from the current benefits. Because of this my first week was short by about $280. But that’s okay because that means I no longer have a state hold in case I win the lottery (yeah like that will ever happen) or have to submit a travel reimbursement if I ever work for the state again. Cheesus crust the State of Texas is a pain in the ass to deal with. The bureaucracy works in their favor for anything, I’d been fighting that stupid overpayment for six years now. Appeal after motherfucking appeal, submitting proof that I didn’t turn down a job, trying to prove that I was offered two jobs and naturally took the higher paying one. But try to tell the TWC that, in their eyes I turned down a job PERIOD! Asshat motherfucking pricks.

Job Opportunities

I don’t think so

Dealing with the third party employment agency that one is forced to register with because the “commission” tells you that in order to receive unemployment benefits its mandatory. So register I did, I created my profile so they could “help” me find a job that’s best suited to my education and experience. After almost a month I haven’t found anything that I’m even remotely interested in that they’ve sent my way. And then getting an email from one of the placement counselors telling me that maybe I need to settle for something less. So, this is what she thinks is less, s he thinks I should take a data entry position for a company called ADP. Or take a position as an admin assistant so that I can get my “foot in the door” to which I responded, I don’t fucking think so. Okay I didn’t quite put it like that, I was polite in telling her that I’ve worked really hard for my education and experience to start at the bottom once again. And at my age, I can’t afford to take a job that would literally pay me half of what I was making before. She then very nicely said that by week 12 if I still don’t have a job I need to reduce my salary expectations by 25%. I’m hoping I won’t have to but this is what I’m facing right now and well, lets face it I may have to “settle” if things don’t improve for me by January.

On that note, I’m going to leave you with this.

I think of myself as the bird that flies upside-down, but thats me, this is who I am.

Until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Shout Out to A Couple of Blogger Buddies and One Non-Blogger Friend and Other Rants from The Huntress

This is officially my third week of unemployment, which has me sleeping later than usual and doing stuff around my house at my own pace. That is unless my cat, who has taken on an alias (don’t ask me why?) wants to be called Pattso Gregorovich. He has demanded that I call him by this name, and does so in a Russian accent. To which I quickly responded “hell to the no I”m not calling you Pattso Gregorovich, your name is Charlie Bruiser O’Houlihan!” He sat down on his fat butt to explain that Scottish cats don’t really do anything interesting and Sasha said he should change his name to be able to lead a more exciting feline life.

A couple of cat punches and arm scratches later, I reaffirmed the fact that I’m the one that buys his food and cat litter so I refuse to call him Pattso, which I quickly reminded him rhymes with fattso. Let’s just say, Pattso was not impressed. When he said he was taking lessons from a Russian Blue feline named Sasha, I scoffed at him and thats when he tried to grab my phone.

He’s mad because I refuse to him by his Russian name

Okay back to the program, in any case I’ve been applying every single day and today was the first day I’ve claimed unemployment benefits. Or should I say, I filed for my first unemployment benefits to be paid out to me. I’ll be deducted about $65 dollars from each payment seeing as I “owe” this fucking “commission” over payment for a supposed job I turned down back in 2002. Which is complete bullshit because I took a better paying job over another but try explaining that to the “commission.”

On Friday October 22nd was officially my last day at that horrible place. That day I endured a day of no one talking to me, I was in my former office the majority of the day making applications online. I had closed the door to my office not really talking to anyone, because no one talked to me so why was I going to make the effort to talk to assholes who were ignoring me? I wanted the day to go by fast but that wasn’t the case, it seemed that the more I wanted to leave the slower that day went by. They had boxed lunches brought in for everyone and I had a knock on my door and Impostor #1 asked me if I wanted lunch. I said no because I had plans to go eat lunch with Cupcake that day. So I closed the door to my office and watched three movies that day on my iPad, Hackers, Down With Love and The Other Boleyn Girl. So 4:30pm came around, I grabbed what was left of my belongings and started to walk out of the office. Then I heard that fat ass bitch get up from her chair and follow me down the hall. She called out “Huntress, are you leaving already?” as I turned around I sighed loudly and said “Why yes FS, I am leaving, why do you ask?” and she said “well it’s not 5 o’clock yet.” And I laughed out hysterically and as I held my purse in one hand and my bag of stuff in the other and responded with “Oh…FS, I don’t give a fuck what time it is, I won’t be here on Monday and I don’t care what you say or think” and turned right back around and walked out of that

My Avon Lady Is A Saint

I wanted to give a heartfelt shout out to my blogger friend Heather, of Hopelessly Heather who also happens to be my official Avon lady as well. When I got home on what was my official last day, I went to my mailbox to find a package from Heather. I thought to myself I didn’t order any Avon did I? I got inside and changed, washed my face of makeup, and put on my comfy shorts and tank-top and went to the kitchen to open what Heather had sent. Inside I found a care package and a card from Heather telling me that she sent me this care package so that I can take care of myself because of all the professional bullshit I’d been going through the last two months. I stood there holding my card, looking through all the wonderful things she’d sent me (all Avon of course because she knows my love of everything Avon!) with tears rolling down my face. Which soon turned to loud sobs because my last day in the horrible place, not once did my soon to be old (I emphasize OLD) boss, that leathery hag bitch say thank you for everything I’d done to help her in the year and a half I was with her. Not that I needed her to say thank you, but I know she was still hung up on what she believed I had done wrong, and was blinded by those stinking values she will never see all the good and positive things I did for her stupid office. I cried for 45 minutes straight, I took my care package in my hands and hugged it because it meant the world to me on that last, horrible day in that lousy office.

So thank you Heather you made me feel like a million bucks on one of the days in my life I felt the most defeated, I am so lucky to have a friend like you!!!

My Dear Friend Deb From Aunt Debbie

When I first bough my house and finally closed at the end of June, I had been telling my friend Deb from Being Aunt Debbie about all the moving headaches I’d been experiencing and all the crap I thought was my son’s. Which in fact some of it (not all) had turned out to be mine. I’ve made 9 trips to Savers and the Goodwill to donate everything from women’s clothes, shoes, curtains, housewares (mostly plastic plates, cups and glasses, which were actually my sons…hee-hee) to some furniture I didn’t plan on using anymore. 9 trips, and all in my Ford Fusion because I don’t have a truck to make one haul to these places so I’ve had to make a couple in my car. Anyway, a couple of weeks after I moved in I received a package in the mail. Low and behold, I find these spectacular glasses sent to me by my dear friend Deb!! I sent her a text right away to tell her I ABSOLUTELY LOVE these glasses and to let her know that she knows me so well, lmao.

My dear friend Deb, she knows me so well!

So thank you my dear friend Deb, I appreciate having a friend like you to remind me of who I really am and that I shouldn’t change for anyone!

Just Jack

The Weds following my last day at work, I slept in late and by late I mean almost until about noon. The only reason I didn’t was because Charlie finally got tired of waiting for me to get out of bed and feed his fat ass…….I mean pour food into his bowl. So I got out of bed, went through my morning routine you know coffee, watching Fixer Upper, making myself a health shake and figuring out what I’m going to work on next. As I put a load of laundry to wash my doorbell rang, which lets face it doesn’t happen often. But I opened the door to find UPS speeding away (as they usually do) and a brown box at my front door. It was a plain brown box with no address or information on who it was from. Anyway I opened up my mystery package and found Jack had sent me a book as a gift. His card said “For you to read and finally understand those bitch ex-coworkers of yours. Remember good riddance is all in how you say it, preferably with a glass of red wine in hand and a killer black dress. Love Jack.”

So thank you too Jack, even though he’ll never see this because I haven’t told him about my blog, and I think I prefer it that way. I love you and thank you for the awesome biography about my leathery hag ex-boss and that fat ass Fake Supervisor.

Until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Lacking Motivation or Inspiration or Tricks and Treats?

I realize that I haven’t posted anything consistent for a while.  After all starting this blog was purely for cathartic reasons on the suggestion of my super awesome therapist Terri.  And that all started because of one stupid, careless, self-absorbed person, Lestat.  Well, Lestat is long gone, not that he hasn’t tried to contact me because he has.  Desperate measures I think because he’s just that kind of an asshole.  Anyway since last Monday, which was officially my first day of unemployment, I’ve been trying to keep busy here at home.  I’ve tried my best to get my unemployed ass out of bed to do something productive around my house.  Like pulling that stupid, annoying devils weed from winding its way around my one and only rose bush and the chain-link fence on the corner of my house.  This fucking thing is just what I said it was, the devils weed, it’s an ivy sort of plant that just grabs onto something so it can choke the fuck out of it and just keep growing no matter what it has to cling onto.  Or keep unpacking more boxes of crap in the last bedroom because I’ve still to find some of my cook wear.  Or attempt to clean out more of my garage, my one car garage that although I can fit my car in there now.  There are still boxes and bags of stuff I need to go through before I can fling it into the trash bin. But I haven’t done much in the last week here at home other than obsessively apply for jobs online. 

Speaking of which, let talk unemployment shall we?  Here in the great state of Texas (okay it’s not that great right now with the fucking state government trying to tell me what and how I should treat my own female body, those fucking asshole pricks) we have to go through this state office called the Texas Workforce Commission.  If it sounds like a branch of the mafia, well that’s because trying to get money from them is like having to kidnap someone, put them in your truck to prove that you’ve done what you have so they know you’re a goodfella.  That’s what it’s like to try and register with them to get unemployment benefits.  It’s taken me two days to do this and then your directed to a third-party website where you have to register yourself so potential employers can see you; your qualifications and experience and they can contact you.  If you don’t register and do this, you don’t get unemployment benefits, fuck my life this is aggravating.  In any case, I’ve applied to so many jobs (27 to be exact) that I’m hoping something will turn up.  Before I left that shithole university and its crap leadership, I applied to several jobs within and I got four interviews.  Nothing came of those of course because I’m pretty sure they all called my ex-boss the leathery hag to ask about me and that was the end of that.  I’m just making an assumption here; I don’t really know if that’s the case. 

Okay moving on, so I’ve been glued to my computer applying for city, state and federal jobs like a mad woman.  I’ve made a few private company applications here and there, but I’ve been in state service since God was a boy, I figured I’d find something that better suited me within these entities.  I’ve had three interviews with the university I was with prior to this shit university I just left, and I haven’t heard anything back yet.  I’m even applying within the state of New Mexico because they seem to have a lot of positions that I’m suited for.  And because I live so close to the Texas/New Mexico border it wouldn’t be so bad for me commuting from here to there.  But what is puzzling me at the moment is my lack of…..drive.  I have no energy, no inspiration, nothing to motivate me.  My very good friend who is also a counselor told me on Friday as we met for lunch that I’m simply adjusting to being without a job for now.  She said this to me because I asked her if I might be getting depressed.  She looked at me and she asked me a series of questions, which I answered honestly, and she told me that I wasn’t depressed. 

She said that my life before I lost my job was always go-go-go, from 5:15am to when I got home at about 6pm every day.  Now my body is adjusting to not having to rush around and get to work every single day.  I told her that last week I had the hardest time getting out of bed, I woke up and damned these light blocking curtains, it was already 11:30!! Yes, I just blamed my curtains for my not waking up early, but then I thought, why?  I have nowhere to go because, ha-ha, get this I have no money!  Okay I do have money but it’s my savings for four months of unemployment.  But I have no liquid income at the moment whereas before I could go and buy a pair of shoes to go with the other 67 pairs I already have and not suffer for it financially.  Yes, I know it sounds very petty but I’m venting here, and I know a lot of you don’t feel sorry for me and I don’t expect you to.  Again I’m just writing down what I’m going through to put out there into the void. 

Speaking of Voids

Halloween came and went this year and I didn’t even blink, or should I say shudder.  My neighborhood is rife with rug rats of all ages and I didn’t even think to buy candy.  Good thing too because no one came to my house.  Maybe it’s because I locked my gate with a chain and lock.  Yes I do that at the behest of my three sons since I live alone.  But my next-door neighbors reassured me that no one comes down our street to Trick or Treat.  They all go across to the golf course every year because they host a huge Halloween Trick or Treat…..thing and give out candy and prizes and stuff.  They also told me that since COVID hit, the hadn’t had it so it was going to be a big deal this year.  I suppose I don’t feel as bad not giving out candy and stuff and now I guess I’m the crazy cat lady on the corner who locks her gate at night.  And everyone can just stare at me while I yell at the neighborhood kids to get off my lawn.   Which I really don’t do, I’m exaggerating here……OR AM I?

Now back to your regularly scheduled program. Until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Maybe This Is A Good Thing

I’ve been wondering what people think about who I really am?  What I mean is, my life, in…uh real life isn’t like exciting or glamours in anyway.  In fact it’s far from it, I am a normal (not quite vanilla) but in a sense quirky.  At least that’s what I try to tell myself from time to time when I find myself cursing out loud (yes I know you all know) when I’m asked yet once again to enter a password I created years ago for an account I’ve been using that automatically signs me in.  Then I switch devices and it asks me to sign in again and I CAN’T REMEMBER THE FUCKING PASSWORD I CREATED IN 2011!!! Just a quick note about my featured image, I absolutely ADORED Roddy Piper he was everything I ever wanted to be. Bold, brash and straight to the point and it didn’t hurt that he was good looking as well. Yes, yes he was.

Okay sorry we’re getting off track here, anyway I began to wonder about how I might make my life a tad more interesting.  I mean, interesting in a positive sort of way not like what I’ve been experiencing since May of this year.  Quick review of what I’ve been through this year……

January 2021

I started the new year with a really positive attitude because I had landed what I thought was my dream job.  I worked for a female VP who said she was going to mentor me so I could get ahead in the organization we worked in.  And that’s how it started out, it was great I was learning things I had no idea about and in turn I would advise her when it came to grants, proposals and things in the proposal submission area.  It was all going great; she was a great boss she was also generous as well.  When she saw I was stressing out, she gave me a one year subscription an online yoga class and an Amazon gift card to buy some yoga apparel.   Then something changed and that’s when everything hit the preverbal fan. 

May 2021

Reporting structure changed to someone who is neither a boss or a leader, in fact she’s everything but.  Anyway, things went downhill quickly, and I saw that my boss turned into some spineless, ass kissing wimp.  She let this other person dominate her professionally and I’m not sure why?  So, because I’m not in any way a kiss ass or compromise my beliefs when it comes to my work.  I find myself at the end of the road with this particular person and department.  I got notice that I was being part of a reduction in force.  Which is a nice way of saying that the other fake boss didn’t like that I questioned everything, and she found a way to get rid of me without being fired.  A reduction in force is an HR term for “let’s get rid of this troublemaker because she asks to many questions and pushes back.”  So, after I was told I was being let go I didn’t panic, I actually felt relieved that I no longer had to wake up each morning dreading going into that office where hypocrisy is the daily norm.

One thing I find extremely ironic is that this place, this so-called institution has implemented this values culture.  But in reality it’s not……I mean how can they preach (because that’s what they do) these values when only those in higher levels of administration supposedly practice them?  A couple of months ago I was in a meeting with the main higher up, my boss and the fake supervisor and several others from our office.  The, what I’ll call “values” department was giving us a presentation on these “rules” that they want every employee to follow.  Lunch was provided and we ate as they presented.  Then at the end, one of the other VP’s asked the main guy (president) why he though employees should follow these rules?

He responded with…”Well, if you don’t think you values mirror ours, then maybe you need to find somewhere else to work.”  Everyone nodded in agreement like professional lemmings and then the values person asked if we had any questions.  I raised my hand and then said “I’d like to direct this to our leader.”  He turned around to face me and then I said “With the upmost respect sir, how can you say that if we, or employees don’t mirror these values, they should go work somewhere else?  I mean, this, all of this is like an oil slick floating on the ocean.  Only the top elite are good with this, while they sit on top of the slick and think that everyone can and should follow them.  But everyone below the oil slick is drowning in toxicity.  What about the custodian who works two jobs because she can’t make ends meet?  What about the clinical assistant who needs to keep her job because she’s a single mother of two and needs to provide health insurance?  What about the nurse who is overwhelmed with COVID and HAS to stay on because she just bought her very first house before this nightmare pandemic hit?  Or what about the grounds crews who have a tyrant for a boss, but they need to work because one of them is going to school himself to better his future?  How can you say that they need to find somewhere else to work if they don’t see eye to eye with those kinds of values?  What if some of your employees can’t move or leave their jobs because they are desperate to keep them due to responsibilities you yourself may never understand?  Being accountable to your employees is the first and foremost responsibility don’t you think?”

This six foot three inch tall man with snow white hair and piercing blue eyes just sat there and didn’t blink and believe it or not completely ignored what I had just said and turned around to continue his conversation with the other VP next to him.   Everyone was shocked that I had questioned the big cheese.  The fact that he just brushed me off without a response made me think that he really doesn’t care about those in the institutional trenches. But what he said about these beliefs and if employees didn’t like it that they could go work somewhere else just didn’t sit right with me.  And implementing this type of personal tyranny isn’t right either.  It like questioning someone for their religious or political choices.  You can work with someone who’s views aren’t the same and be perfectly able to work as a team.  But when you’re the leader of a big institution, that’s a huge responsibility and trying to “make” everyone see your views about something isn’t really somewhere I want to work.  Personal beliefs and values can mean many things to many people and ethics is another thing that should go hand in hand with this, as should accountability. 

After that interaction with the big cheese, I noticed things began to change for the worse.  So today I find myself at home taking sick leave on my last week at this toxic place.  Because since I’ve gotten notice I’d be losing my job, I haven’t had any work.  Now whether this is retaliatory or not I don’t know?  But I know I contributed many positive things to, my soon to be former VP even if she won’t see it or refuses to acknowledge it.  I had a ton of work, but now I go into the office to sit there using the computer to apply online to other jobs.  I waste my day watching movies on my iPad so that the day goes by faster and find I’m more tired than when I actually had work. This goes on while no one talks to me, not my soon to be former VP or Fake whatever she is and one of the women up front because she’s an idiot and a complete waste of space. This is what I describe as workplace bullying and I’m not new to this, it’s happen to me before and I will get through this knowing I’m the better person for not going all Harley Quinn on their ass.

I made some good friends while I was there and one of them recently left for a job out of state because he too was fed up with how that place works.  When I told him that I had been let go he had some very good words of wisdom for me.

He said “You need to get out of that place because it doesn’t matter what department you find a job in, you’re not happy with the higher administration there.  They’ve left a bad taste in your mouth and you will never see eye to eye with what they are touting.”  He has a point, and of course he’s right….damn you Jack! But I also was told the very same thing by another friend/coworker who happens to be the head nurse for another department.  He too said that the best thing I can do I get out of there because this place is filled with hypocrisy and its system is irrevocably broken.   So as worried as I should be because I mean, I just bought a house after all somehow, I’m really not.  I know something will come along that’s much better than what I had here and the lessons I’ve learned are even more valuable than I can explain.  I’ve worked with so many different people here and some who became good friends outside of work.  But one thing is for sure, I will never compromise MY values for those persons who think theirs are superior.  I have integrity and respect, but don’t you dare tell me that I have to follow yours if I don’t realize that there are people suffering because those beliefs are forced upon them.  And more importantly if you consider yourself a leader then you need to lead from the bottom up not the other way around.  

Leading doesn’t mean making others do what you want it means leading them in the right and moral direction. It means taking everyone who works for you for their contribution to your organization not forcing them into something your trying to sell, but yet don’t buy it yourself. Especially if you can’t hold those closest to you professionally accountable for their hypocrisy.

So, as far as my life being interesting I suppose that it is in it’s own way. Maybe all the characters I encounter at work are great blog fodder because without the professional and personal experiences I wouldn’t have anything to write about. I just realized that I got through this entire post with only one bad word. This is truly a first for me, so until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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A Ray Of Sunshine Among All the Bullshit

I’m going in a different direction with this post.  I’ve posted recently how I’m being “RIF’d” from my position with the leathery hag VP I currently work for.  And yet, I’m also hoping that I can find it in my inner good person and walk away from this experience with a renewed sense of purpose as well as a genuine reflection of how this all started out in a positive direction and then turned into something I can’t believe happened. 

Dave The Miracle Mobile Mechanic

In addition to everything bad that’s happened I had an experience of “when it rains, it fucking pours” on Tuesday.  I ran some errands on Tuesday morning and when I came back home, as I was backing into my garage my car stalled.  It went dead, okay maybe dead isn’t how I’d describe it, it just stopped because I knew I had power in my car but it wouldn’t start.   It didn’t let me take it out of gear and I tried what I could to try and get it to turn back on.  But I couldn’t find what was going on with it and in my head I’m thinking well this is just fucking perfect.  I’m losing my job and now my car whom I take such great care of with all the maintenance when it needs, you know oil changes, tire rotations, filter replacements.  I wash it at least once a week, I make sure the inside is immaculate and take pride in the fact that for a 2010 Ford Fusion it looks good AND has low mileage.  Not to mention that I don’t have a car payment at the moment, that’s a huge plus.  But despite all the love and care, it took a giant mechanical crap in my garage Tuesday morning.  At least it didn’t happen in the parking lot of the Albertson’s or Dollar Store where I had been previously.

My son came over that afternoon and tried his best to figure it out, he took off the batter and we went to AutoZone to get it tested and they said it was good. 

We came back and he said he’d try and get to it during this weekend.  I was left without transportation and Weds morning I told myself I was going to look for a mobile mechanic to see if I could get them to come and look at my car.  I found Dave, no it’s not Dave the critical, overbearing grammar Nazi who use to troll my blog only to give me unsolicited tips on how to write.  Anyway, Dave came by and he was a Godsend because he eliminated everything else that it could be causing it to stop working and then before I knew it, he found the problem.  He figured out it was the shifter cable that runs from the shifter inside the car out towards the engine and into the transmission.  He also checked the transmission and found there was nothing wrong with it either.  Which was a huge relief because I don’t have money to fix the transmission.  For four hours Dave the mechanic was in my garage diagnosing my poor baby Precious.  Yes, I named my car don’t you? 

After about an hour he called me out to tell me and show me what he’d found.  I almost cried as sat in my car with the shifter box console taken out and all the guts of it spilling out into the inside of my car.  Not to mention under the hood he took off the battery and everything that was in the way of the cable that was causing the problem.  He told me that my car was stuck in reverse and it wasn’t starting because the safety mechanism sensed it was in gear therefore not allowing to start.  He showed me a small plastic piece that was supposed to hold the shifter cable in place was broken.  I’m talking a small piece of plastic that if he hasn’t pointed it out to me I would have never seen it.  He called around to several auto parts store and he had them on speaker while they gave him prices.  The part was running anywhere from $42 to $47 dollars.  But he said he could fix it without ordering the entire cable to save me money.  Dave is a miracle worker in spite of him working on my car for four hours, when he was done he called me out to ask me to start my car and it started up. 

Dave the Miracle Mechanic fixed my car and only charged me for labor, which was about $190 because he did spend four hours figuring out the issue with my Precious.  I am forever grateful because had I taken it to a repair shop or the dealership and they would have taken days to figure out what was wrong all the while racking up hundreds of dollars in labor.  Dave is going to be my mechanic for life and not only is he a great mechanic he’s a great looking conversationalist and has an awesome personality.  He’s a retired mechanic from the City and he’s very handsome……He’s married of course, just my luck.

Dave was that much needed ray of sunshine to restore my faith in humanity.  He is the silver lining in a downpour of professional problems, because let face it the issues with my car could have been worse than what it was.  And, it definitely would have taken a lot longer than one day for someone else to figure out the problem.

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Karma…….It’s A Bitch

I want to talk about karma people and only because until I had this conversation with Fake Dolly did I realize that karma has begun working “it’s gonna bit you in the ass” magic for being bitch assholes.  On whom are you asking that karma is working its voodoo? Well let’s start off with Impostor #1.

Imposter #1– She is a backstabbing, uneducated, word misusing bitch.  And although she was the one who actually showed me some of the things I needed to learn when I got this job.  Nothing prepared me for having to deal with her conniving, backstabbing ways.  I heard her on the phone talking with the nurse for the COVID response team and she said this…..

“By her own submission she said she didn’t know she was supposed to pick up the supplies.”  I couldn’t help but laugh because I knew what she was attempting to say.  And yet I thought to myself, and this is the bitch they’re going to keep? What she was trying to say that the nurse from another department had forgotten to pick up supplies for a COVID vaccine clinic that day.  Instead of saying “By her own admission” she said submission.  I question how this dumb broad got through grad school….probably by her own submission I think.

Her karma – Well I found out that her low life, can’t hold down a regular job, three bar tending jobs a week daughter stole her credit card about a month back and tapped it out of its $8K limit.  Yeah, this is her very own daughter and that’s not the end of it, her selfish, self-centered mother lives with her and HELPED her daughter take her credit card.  Now, I stop to think that for two days straight she was on the phone with Discover Card customer services trying to get them to reverse the charges because she fought tooth and nail over her not being the one who spend the money.  So after the second day, one of the stores at the mall forwarded video to the card company of her daughter and mother having a hell of a time on a shopping spree all at her expense.  She was in my office crying telling me “You’re so lucky your kids would never do something so evil to you.  I have no idea why my daughter treats me like that and why my mom enables her.”  Well yeah ya dumb bitch, I raised my boys better. Now she’s in debt for eight thousand dollars on her credit card and she deserves all the karma that comes her way.

Fake Supervisor – This wannabe “boss” but has no ethics, integrity or accountability and is less than a leader but, somehow gets away with doing whatever the fat bitch wants because President Oblivious (yes I changed his name because what else could he be but oblivious or abliss according to Impostor) to how Fake Supervisor takes care of things in his office.

Her Karma – I come to find that her husband suffers from a very debilitating anxiety, so much so that he can’t hold down a “regular” job.  He is a chef/caterer but, his food isn’t all that great either.  Because it’s a conflict of interest for her to hire her husband to cater any of the events at work.  She is bankrolling his business.  Not that that’s stopped her from hiring him, no the bitch asks others to order his crappy food like MD, she hired him for one of the COVID clinics we had and got mediocre sandwiches and chips from Sam’s. I filed an anonymous complaint to the compliance office because that’s just pure bullshit if you ask me.  But then I also found out that she’d been trying to buy a house for a while now but, she has (are you ready for this?) $428,000 in student loans!!  How does anyone accumulate that much in student loans? Oh, that’s right a narcist bitch who thinks she could be a Ph.D but has absolutely no follow through that’s who.  So, every realtor has told her debt to income ratio is too high and because the bitch is the sole bread winner because of her useless husband she’s been struggling to stay afloat.  The bitch makes six figures and she’s struggling financially, oh sweet, sweet karma!  AND the rental house she’s been living for the last ten years in is being sold and has to be out of there by the end of October. 

This is what you can do with your letter of recommendation bitch

Leathery Hag VP – She started out as the boss I thought I’d always wanted to be like.  Then when the change in reporting structure happened she turned into an ass-kissing, spineless, insensitive bitch.  She says she doesn’t have enough work for me but, she’s giving Impostor #1 what work I do have.  I’ve been going into the office because I have to.  Except for this week, I had planned vacation this week a couple of months ago, but only for three days but then decided why not take the entire week.  She offered to write me a letter of recommendation and I reluctantly accepted.  Then after asking her for it for four days because I had an appointment at HR to go over my application options.  The fucking boney assed bitch said to me “Well Huntress, I’m trying to figure our how to dance around the issue that you have an anger management issue and that your values don’t align with mine.”  I told her if she had to “dance” around the two things that in her warped mind were negative, as opposed to all the positive things I’d accomplished during my time with her then I didn’t need a letter of recommendation from her.  She began to back track and tell me she’d have it in a couple of hours and I told her not to bother, that was pretty sure I could find a job on my own without her fucking letter.  Then she came to me to tell me I had to pick somewhere so she could take me to lunch for my birthday when I came back from vacation.  This was definitely feeble attempt to make right the entire issue of the letter she said she’d write. I looked at her and said “Are you serious?” she thinking I was joking.  And I said “I think that’s completely insensitive you wanting to take me out to lunch AND bringing Fake Supervisor and Impostor #1 along as well all the while I’m being let go by October 22nd.”  She just stood there in the break room blinking the nervous blink she gets when you make her uncomfortable.  I grabbed my cup of coffee and walked to my office.  Seriously, this skeletonized bitch has come fucking balls.

Her Karma – Her husband had some cosmetic surgery to fix a droopy eyelid because it was bothering him.  Well, the surgery didn’t go as planned and he got an infection and now the dude can’t open his left eye.  She’s been taking him to specialist all over the state of Texas to no avail and she even brought him here to see one of the neurologists at the university.  But the surgery damaged the nerves above and below his eye so it seems he’ll either have to stay that way or try for another surgery.  Oh should I also mention that her only son from her first marriage also stole money from her as well? How do I know all this? Because Impostor is a huge gossip and can’t help but tell everyone that will give her the time of day.  Also her new house she just bought with her second husband turns out has some structural issues that’s going to cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars. 

When I explained to Fake Dolly about all the behind the scenes crap going on, I told her that karma is already in the works for these bitch assholes from hell.  And that we don’t normally see karma happen the way we’d like, for example having Fake Supervisor choke on a sandwich like Mama Cass, as mean and vengeful as that would be.  But that doesn’t mean it’s not happening where it hurts them the most, their families and finances.  Fake Dolly looked at me with this light in her eyes and said “You know what? Your right, I never thought about it like that” and we both stood there laughing. Fake Dolly has a job interview this week with another department, I sure hope she gets it because we need to get the fuck out of there as soon as we’re able.

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Money For Nothing and My Checks for Free…….For Now

Since they gave me notice that I would be RIF’d and my last day here would be on October 22nd, I’ve been coming into work to find that things are slowly being changed over to the “new” backstabber who will be helping my now, soon to be former VP.   I’ve lost all access to all the calendars of the people I was helping, so now I can’t see anything.  Is that good or bad? Good I think because I’m here in my soon to be former office, making online applications to different places and taking my sweet time to do absolutely NOTHING.  Impostor has begun to take appointments for my skeletonized, leathery faced hag of a VP.  They meet in the VP’s office which is next to mine and then they close the doors to whisper about me I’m sure.  Does that make me paranoid? Actually no, because even with the door closed I can hear everything they say because these offices are so badly built, the walls so thin one can hear every single audible word they say. 

But, I’ve done my job to the best of my ability, and I can honestly say that I have not sabotaged anything or anyone here.  As much as I’d love to, I’m not because unlike everyone that works in this Godforsaken place, I have integrity.   Fake Supervisor has been out of town attending an institutional values conference, talk about hypocrisy, the mere fact that fat bitch has any values is laughable!  I heard that she was having issues with connecting flights, that’s what Impostor said.  I’m sure they finally got a cargo plane to take her to where she was going.  Again, I don’t fat shame because I have a son who is on the “fluffy” side, and I am sensitive to that fact.  But Fake Supervisor is a horrid person all around and she, for some reason perceives she’s untouchable.  And maybe she is because President Cutie Pie thinks she’s doing a spectacular job and doesn’t question anything she does.  She’s a control freak with a huge (and I mean huge) God complex who wants to be in charge of everything but isn’t a leader in anyway.

So, I, Impostor #2 and Fake Dolly have formed an alliance since we’ve found out each other’s displeasure of this particular workplace. We’ve had a couple of Friday night, girl’s night, alcohol induced bitch fests about work, and the people within this office. We’ve had a blast and believe it or not the fact that we can talk, complain and laugh about what we individually go through at work is like therapy. We feel better afterwards and the stress doesn’t seem so bad. We bitch about how they preach values and teamwork and inclusiveness, but do the exact opposite of all these things. Fake Dolly is applying internally as well, and I hope she finds something soon. Because what she says about dealing with Fake Roseanne is just fucking absurd. Fake Roseanne does next to nothing, she’s a complete waste of space and thinks she’s Fake Dolly’s supervisor. Fake Roseanne gets on my fucking nerves, when you tell her to do something, she complains about it. She’s told Impostor that she wants to be a “boss” but has only a high school education, no tack, initiative, or even communication skills. The bitch is useless, but yet she’s a favorite as well, her and Impostor are protected. It’s like working with the damned mafia here, if you don’t kiss Fake Supervisor’s ring (or big fat lardy ass) you don’t get anything. And Fake Dolly, Impostor #2 and I are NOT ass kissing hypocrites.

Finding Little Details In Fine Print

After I was given my RIF letter, I went home and took it out of my purse and read it at least five times. I still couldn’t believe that these two bitches who control this office made up such a lame excuse that the VP I worked for didn’t have enough work for me. But then I realized the letter referenced a couple of policies that HR had regarding employee’s who’ve been RIF’d. So when I came back the next day I began looking through all 107 HR polices to find the overlooked fine print of the policy for employees let go due to a reduction in force.

If my suspicions are correct what Fake Supervisor and my soon to be former leathery hag VP are trying to do is give Impostor my job. Something tells me that the new VP for Finance/CFO may be bringing her own assistant and this is just a way of ensuring Imposters job. But, because I worked in research, I am thorough with policies, guidelines and such. And I will make sure that whatever it is that I am being made a part of will be enforced. That is if I don’t have a job within the period that the policy states, because why would I want to continue working here right? Some may think, enforce this policy out of spite and I’d have to agree but only to make their lives hell after the fact. And only if I haven’t found a job because let’s face it I need a job and ASAP. Anything is better than working here, my leathery faced boss takes an entire hour out of her day to take a Spanish lesson. I can hear her broken Spanish through the paper thin walls, it’s like nails on a fucking chalkboard.

Applications Everywhere

Since I found out I’m being let go, I’ve made my days in this troll-hole productive with the fact that I am applying wherever I can. Not just for any job mind you, but for jobs that I know I’m experienced at and that are consistent with my education as well. I’ve applied internally and with my former university and the City. So with my luck I hope to find something soon so that I can finally say a big old fuck you to this place and the hypocritical, lying, manipulative, two faced motherfuckers that work here! Yesterday my soon to be former VP approached me to see if I’d like for her to write me a letter of recommendation. What could I say? I couldn’t very well tell her no even though I wanted to, but if I keep applying within this university her letter would maybe open a couple of doors. Even with this I feel like a hypocrite and that makes me feel….well like YUCK!

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Well Fuck My Entire Life………..

Somehow I felt this coming, I had a sense that because I’m not in any way an ass kissing employee that I’d either be written up for something stupid or taken to HR because of how I verbalize my dissatisfaction with some situations.  But today I was told by both my no-good, rotten, ass-kissing, motherfucking, hypocritical bitch bosses that I was being let go due to a “reorganizational structure” in the Office of the President.  Yes, you heard that right, I’m being let go or “RIF’d” (reduction in force) because my boney assed bitch boss and the fat ass, jello mold from Hotel Transylvania

(because that’s how morbidly obese the bitch is and how many rolls she has) earth quake shaking walking bitch Fake Supervisor that they don’t have enough work for me so therefore they are eliminating my position!

And what’s worse is, there isn’t a fucking thing I can do about it, they work in tandem to get shit done, and their reasoning is that when I got hired, I got hired to support two people.  My VP and the Chief of Staff, but the COS quit in August of last year.  And in spite of this, Impostor #1 is going to be helping my boss with what she needs from now on.  I suspect that she might have something to do with this because she’d been avoiding me the last three weeks.  So that backstabbing, ignorant bitch (because she’s abliss) can fuck herself alone with the other two!

So in this “meeting” they had with me to let me know I was being let go, they told me that I was hired to support two people and then my skeletonized, leathery hag of a boss said “And I just don’t think I have enough work to keep you busy, Huntress.”  This is her justification even though I’ve been working to help Bad Cop and MD in my capacity and this bitch can’t find enough work for me?!?!  How does this make sense? I’m working like hell just to keep up with Bad Cops demands on me and his admin support already started!!

They Said That I Should Be Supporting Two People

My response?  I told them that they should have thought about that when the COS quit, and let me go then so that I would have been able to find something suitable as far a job.  I also added that if neither of them can’t find enough work for me that means that they don’t have enough work, correct?   They sat there looking at me in silence and then fat all Fake Supervisor told me that “this isn’t the way this works Huntress.”  I said that I know that, because I don’t kiss ass and aren’t a “favorite” in this suite they target those people first.  My boney assed-leather faced white lady boss said to me “I’m really sorry Veronica” and I responded with “Are you really? Because I highly doubt it.”  I grabbed my “RIF” letter folded it and walked back to my office to do…….ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! It’s not like me to be a slacker in any shape or form, but you know what? I’ve given my boney assed leather faced, Shirley Temple, brillo pad haired boss 100% in my job, and I’m not giving her anymore of my time or effort.  I have this stupid job until October 22nd so as far as I’m concerned, I’m not doing a fucking thing until I have to officially leave this godforsaken place, of course I’ll be applying to other jobs but that’s an afterthought at the moment.  I’m so GODDAMNED ANGRY right now, and there isn’t anything anyone can say or do that is going to change how I feel at this very moment!!!!

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Silently Wishing Their Demise

I haven’t really posted anything in regards to my job in a while because, well I’ve been kinda busy with my house and stuff.  But I’ve realized that even though things here aren’t as bad as they are in my mind, and that I over think the professional injustice that goes on in this office constantly.  I just need to do what a former coworker of mine told me once.  He said “que te valga madre” and I’ll translate that as “just don’t give a shit” and do your job without conscience of what others do or say.  He’s right you know, but for someone who’s always had pride in her work, that mind set is hard to do, because I’ve always been a hard worker no matter what I did.  When I worked as a janitor, I did the best job I could because my dad always told me “It doesn’t matter what your job is, always do it the best you can.”  So I grew up with that mentality, so as a janitor, I did.  When I was a warehouse worker, I did, when I worked at the other university I did.  But with the lack of leadership, guidance and communication that goes on here, I may have to just say “me vale madre” for my own sanity and wellbeing. 

My VP Is Either BiPolar Or Just A Wishy Washy Bitch

Because of the change in reporting structure my VP is no longer my direct line boss.  So I asked her a couple of weeks ago that if she knew if everyone was going to get the 2% merit increase.  Her response?

“I don’t know anything about that, if you don’t get it could it be because of your coaching with Fake Supervisor?”  Those words lit a fire of rage inside me, a fire that was apparently obvious to her because her facial expression changed when she saw how I reacted by not really reacting.  My response?

“I believe that if anyone gets more than a 4.0 on their annual evaluation it’s a 2% merit across the board.  You being the associate dean of finance should know this, and how do you not know this?”  And I walked out of her office.  I received a “coaching” after I had asked Impostor #2 to take meeting minutes for me the day I was to go and close on my house.  I didn’t ask Fake Supervisor though, and because she’s our direct line boss she got upset, hence my so-called coaching. 

The Ineptitude and Idiocy Here Is Overwhelming

After the incident with my VP, nothings been the same.  I chose to say what I did because I’m not stupid, and I hate that she’s turned into some wishy-washy, ass kissing, bipolar old hag.  Yes this is the person who was overwhelming generous when I was first hired.  This is the woman that gifted me the Amazon gift card and Yoga classes for a year.  So what happened?  I couldn’t say, but it all began when Fake Supervisor changed the reporting structure.  The thing is, President Cutie Pie has no clue about what his so called “assistant” does behind his back.  Yes he has a lot of responsibility, the entire weight of the university is on his shoulders, but he really should pay attention to what Fake Supervisor does in the suite because it causes a lot of internal strife.

When my VP voluntold me to help out Bad Cop in his department she didn’t ask me.  At the time I didn’t mind because I didn’t know Bad Cop all that well.  But since, I’ve gotten to know the ineptitude of his direction and how he runs his department causing six good, hard working people under him to quit.  That shit is just plain wrong if you ask me?  He may be a great physician but as a director, he sucks monkey balls as he doesn’t know how to do anything technological.  He doesn’t know how much money he has in his budget, what he can or should pay the people under him and he scrutinized every single office supply purchase asking if one of the administrators needs an entire box of pencils?  But, he has no idea how to read his financial reports, and asks the stupidest questions about why he has so much money in the M&O account at the beginning of the fiscal year.  It’s enough to make me want to bang my head against the wall every single time I meet with the dude!

The worst part of all is that he’s a sneaky little weasel, and since my boss is his boss he goes directly to her when I let him know about stuff he can or can’t do with the budget.  Then the boney assed bitch contradicts me because it seems she likes to make me look stupid.  My feelings about this? I didn’t ask to help this guy out, she put me here to help and then she tells me I’m not to guide him financially.  HOW IN THE FUCK DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?!?!

I’m Playing The Game While I Quietly Look For Something Else

I need my job, that’s a fact because I just bought a house and I need to pay for my mortgage.  But having to deal with all the emotional bullshit that goes on here is enough to make one go crazy.  At the moment I don’t have another option, there isn’t anything I can apply for within this institution.  I have to bite my tongue and grind my teeth so that I don’t snap my VPs neck like a dried up chicken bone!  She’s quick to tell me everything I do wrong, which is complete nonsense because I do what she tells me to do so where does this shit make sense?  Then it’s like high school, Impostor #1 walks into my boss’s office, they close the door and stay in there for the longest time.  Or she walks in there and they are whispering about God knows what.  I don’t care what they talk about, I just do my job and keep on stepping.  

As Stupid As They Come

They just hired a new boss to replace Fake Carol, and I hope that she sees that Impostor does next to nothing all fucking day long.  Impostor #2 says she has to close her office door because Impostor #1 is on personal calls all day, with her mother, daughter or sister.  And yells so loud that Impostor #2’s boss closes the door to his office and so does Impostor #2 for that matter.  She watches YouTube videos all day, and then leaves for lunch with Fake Supervisor for more than two hours.  I guess that saying is true, it’s not what you know but who you know, and if you’re good at kissing ass it goes a long way in this suite.  And Impostor #1 can certainly do that.  And she’s doesn’t know how to talk, and I mean seriously she uses words out of context or can’t say the word at all.  Here’s an example….

Impostor #1 – That new guy that Impostor #2 hired doesn’t know anything don’t you think?

Me – Yeah, he’s a new graduate and he seems a bit wet behind the ears if you ask me

Impostor #1 – Yeah I asked him if he set up his work email and he looked at me and seemed abliss about what I was talking about.

Me – Abliss? What is that?

Impostor #1 – You know, abliss……*she sighs in frustration*…..that he doesn’t know anything!

Me – *laughing hysterically*…..oh you mean OBLIVOUS?!…..HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Impostor #1 – What?

Me – Its not “abliss” its oblivious….hahahaha, abliss….seriously?

Impostor #1 – *turns red and walks away*

This is the kind of shit she says all the time, I mean she’s got a master’s degree but she’s completely “ABLISS” to any sort of professionalism whatsoever.  Once my VP asked her why she never wore dresses to work, and Impostor #1 said that she has scars on her legs. She rolled up her pant leg and showed us what looked like stretch marks. And my VP said “you can wear dark hosiery you know?” And Impostor just nodded her head and then my VP asked how she got those “scars” and Impostor said the most ludacris thing in the world, confirming she’s a complete idiot. She said she had an allergic reaction to something and “the histamine in her legs popped” and that’s how she got the scars. I was drinking coffee at that very moment and I swear it almost came out of my nose because of her response. How exactly does one’s histamine pop? Because I’m curious, I want to know this rare medical condition so that I don’t come down with it.

No I shouldn’t have laughed at her when she thought “abliss” was “oblivious” but I’m not a “favorite” in this office, and it was mean to do what I did.  But, I don’t get any favors, or can take two hour lunches, or pretend to “work” when in reality all she does it watch Youtube, fight with her family and then leave early because she’s “had too much to do.”  I have to come in when I am scheduled to do so, I have to actually do my work, plus help Bad Cop with his department and Managing Director with her department too.  And then I’m told I may not be getting a merit increase? Where in the FUCK does this make sense? 

Okay I know, I’m rambling on about something that I can’t change, but I’d rather ramble on here then be arrested for assault in the workplace due to plain stupidity of others.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Things That Happened While I Was On Vacation

I haven’t posted anything in over two weeks because of work and the continuing effort to finalize the unpacking process from the move into my new house.  Which is kind of odd saying that because it’s not really my new house anymore, it’s just my house.  I’ve adjusted to the fact that this house is way bigger than the rental home I lived in for 15 years.  But the fact that I’m still unpacking comes as a complete surprise to me because of the fact that, HOW IN THE FUCK DID I ACCUMULATE SO MUCH CRAP?!?!  And here I thought that most of it was my son’s, which is accurate he had a lot of crap he’s taking to his new house.  And I still have some of his crap/stuff/junk at mine, waiting patiently for him to take it home.  Anyway, I took vacation to be able to stay home and finish unpacking and organize everything where it needs to go.  All the while trying to keep the jungle that was my front and back yards in check.  Because with all the rain, they grow like…..well like fucking weeds and my role as new home owner now includes being a landscaper/gardener to make sure my house has a tame yard.  Because will all the rain, the grass (actually it’s more the weeds) grow unruly and it’s a pain in the fucking ass. 

Also since I don’t have a lawnmower I use the weed whacker to do what I can to keep everything in check. 

The Only Person I Knew On My Side Of Town Left

Working here I had to start working with Good Cop/Bad Cop and under his department I became friends with one of the assistant directors and the head RN who runs infection control.  We didn’t like each other at first because he’s such a diva.  Apparently that’s exactly what he thought about me too, and then we got along fabulously.  Come to find out he lived on the same side of town I moved to, only four blocks from where I bought my house.  So we became kind of close in the short amount of time that we worked together, I’m going to call him Jack (Will and Grace) because he’s the Jack to my Karen.

I’m going to really miss Jack

Just as I began to form a new work family, Jack up and tells me he found a job in Phoenix and is going to start on Sept 8th.  I and Cupcake (the RN in Infection Control, I’ll explain later and yes it’s a he) will just have to get along without Jack.  Jack put his house up for sale and it sold in less than two weeks, he’s coming back into town to sign off on paper work in three weeks to finalize the sale of his house.  So because of this, Jack was selling off a lot of his stuff, you know furniture, accessories etc.  He had already given me a light fixture for the dining area.  So he called me to go and pick it up from his house and he was also having a yard sale to get rid of some of his things.  Needless to say I came home with not just the free light fixture, but for $35 I came home with a newish tv stand, two blue accent chairs, an industrial style lamp and a “vintage” coffee table that I’m going to refinish to make it look more modern.  I’ve gotten into the DIY phase of my home buying experience.  Anyway Jack called me the following day to tell me that he was selling his Ashley Furniture sofas, and I was ecstatic because they’re beautiful!  But, I told him I was on a budget, and needed to negotiate the price.  He said no need to negotiate, I know you’ll take care of them so I’ll let you have them both for $300. 

I was like FURIOUSLY HAPPY! No I’m not ripping off Jenny Lawson, I was literally furiously happy for him letting me have them for only $300. 

These are the sofas I got from Jack, this picture is from his home’s Realtor.com listing

Because I looked up the sofa set and he paid about $2400 for them.  So, I went to pick up my new-ish sofa set at his house on Friday and with my son’s help got them home and into my new “formal” living room.  Which by the way has an awkward green wall now since I moved the old sofa set into the “sun” room or “den” area.  But, that will change by next week when I can go buy paint for that one wall.  Friday was the last day I saw Jack in person, he was off to Phoenix that weekend to start his new fabulous life over there.  All because Good Cop/Bad Cop didn’t think he had the experience and education to allow him to apply for the director position.  Only because this idiot wants a RN for the director but I digress.  Good Cop/Bad Cop is allowing the good hardworking people in his department to leave, and those who are asshole miscreants to stay.  What the fuck is wrong with this picture, seriously?

My Home Still Doesn’t Quite Feel Like Home…..Yet

Charlie kept mumbling to himself this very phrase while I was on vacation…

Yes, tis true, my beautiful little house (not really it’s kinda big for one person and her snarky, CHONK cat) doesn’t quite feel like home yet.  I’ve been there over two months and I’m still trying to find my place, you know like when you finally slip into bed or a comfy sofa and find just the right spot to just lie in?  Yeah that’s how I feel right now, maybe it’s because I still have tons of shit to unpack and it won’t feel like home until all of this crap is put away in its place and/or donated.  In spite of my wonderful house not quite feeling like home, I do like the view of the mountain every morning when I leave to drive to work.  It’s absolutely breathtaking, of course unless your being eaten alive by mosquitos that is.  In my old house, I didn’t have a mosquito problem, but maybe being so close to the mountain and because its been raining constantly that’s why there are mosquitos out to get me.  Of course it doesn’t help that neighbors (I won’t mentioned which ones) won’t cut their fucking grass that’s also taken over with giant weeds.  See, this is why I got up early on my first day of vacation, yes at 6am to go outside to cut grass, pull weeds, trim my mimosa tree that seemed to be growing out wild and dug up four dried up rose bushes.  I didn’t want the neighbors to start gossiping about “the woman who bought the corner house and how she doesn’t keep her yard tidy.”  Okay, it’s only in my imagination but if I’m already thinking this about neighbors that have already lived there longer than I have, what’s to say they aren’t thinking that about me? I can hear it already…

Neighbors:

Grace (fictitious neighbor’s name): Oh gawd, Henry did you see the new neighbor that bought the house on the corner?

Henry (fictitious neighbors husband): Nope, watching the game…

Grace: Her weeds are almost up to the ankles.  Isn’t she going to at least do her yard sometime soon?

Henry: Can’t hear ya Grace, watching the game.

Grace: And why doesn’t she put her car in her garage?  She’s probably one of those hoarders, oh GAWD Henry we have a hoarder living across the street!!

Henry: Oh for the love of Pete, Grace, stop looking through the window like a fucking Kravitz!

Grace: I’m not a Kravitz, Henry I’m merely making a comment about how our new neighbor isn’t cleaning her yard!  She’s been there close to two months and you can see the weeds in her back yard are as tall as the fence!

Henry:…..raises the volume on the television.

Meanwhile across the street from the Kravitz’…..

Norma (other fictitious neighbor): Well fuck my life James that fucking Henry and his wife have the volume up on their dammed television….again!

James: Can’t hear you Norma I’m watching the game.

Norma: But did you see the woman that bought the house on the corner hasn’t cleaned her yard yet? Well, that’s just an abomination.  At least the last neighbors kept their yard clean.

James: But they had house parties and drank out front Norma.  You called the cops on then several times, remember?

Norma: Well, if they were going to drink at least do it in the back yard where no one can see you.

James: *sighs loudly*

Norma: At least the new neighbor seems quiet, but she really does need to cut the weeds in her yard.

James: I’m going over to Henry’s to watch the game….

I have four sets of neighbors because I have a corner house, one to the right, to the left, one caddy corner to me and the house right in front of mine.  Whose yard hasn’t been kept since I moved in, so if these fucking neighbors are going to gossip, they should maybe start with them.

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Trying to Accept Things As They Are, and Being Grateful For What I Have

Yes, it’s still raining here…..

No, you’re not dreaming or on someone else’s blog, yes that is the title of my latest post.  In addition to being tired, for which I have an upcoming doctor’s appointment.  I’m also feeling a lack of, enthusiasm, energy or whatever else once calls just making it through their day and going home, then repeating it again.  Like the Lego Movie, except in my reality not everyone is awesome.

I was Voluntold To Help A Passive Aggressive Good Cop/Bad Cop

My dotted line boss, my VP volunteered me to help a director of a department she oversees.  I didn’t fight it because he seemed to be a very good, genuine guy.  That was mid-June, and now I want to fucking choke the motherfucker because he’s not what he seems to be.  He plays this very well meaning person to the higher ups, but behind the scenes he’s a complete asshole who doesn’t know what he’s doing.  You may remember him as Dr. Dangerous.  Well, he’s more like the Good Cop/Bad Cop from the Lego movie.  Yes this may very well be a Lego Movie themed post, but whatever, this dude is getting on my nerves!  AND I’m not being paid to help this douche bag of a director either, when I approached my VP about getting what we call an overload, she said no.   An overload is extra money we’ve paid others under my boss that take on extra duties while doing their jobs.  Some of the administrators under have received an extra $1,500 a month.  In addition to their six figure salaries.  And I can’t fucking can’t get an extra $500 for dealing with Dr. Douchebag?!?!

The dude is impossible to work with, he makes things harder than they should be, and he’s lost four people in his department who were competent, valuable, hardworking people!  Then he keeps the slackers, whiners and do-nothing asshole, bitch pricks! One which I’ve already butted heads with, I’m going to call her the Human Hemorrhoid, but in reality she physically looks like the poop emoji we all use, I’m not exaggerating with this. 

If I could show y’all a picture of her I would so you’d see she really does look like the poop emoji.  She’s a manager and has attempted to tell me what to do, boss me around and order me to do what she should be doing.  So after ignoring her nasty emails and such, she sent me another one and “told” me I had to answer her or else.  So I answered her, and I copied Dr. Douchebag and told her I didn’t work for her, and that I was helping Dr. Douchebag out at the behest of my boss.  I also explained that as a manager she needed to take care of those individuals under her, and I worked directly for the VP in charge of her boss, and I wasn’t a secretary or an admin.  I was the EA for the VP of Clinical Administration, and I don’t answer to anyone but my boss.  Which I pointed again, was her boss’s boss, and if she didn’t like it, she could take it up directly with her boss or mine.

I’m Supporting Four People And My Workload Is More While My Pay Is The Same

After I approached my VP about a potential overload and after she said no, I felt as though I’m just being taken advantage of.  And now I see her as President Business from the Lego Movie….yes, yes my post has taken on the Lego Movie theme, I know.

Maybe this is why I feel so tired, and that my lack of enthusiasm has been more and more apparent.  My plan is to do the bare minimum, yes I know how that sounds, and believe me it’s not like me to be a slacker in any way.  I’ve always prided myself in being a hard worker, and never, ever back down from a challenge.  But, being volunteered to help someone else without being asked isn’t exactly what I had in mind as far as a challenge.  I want the extra experience, I want to gain knowledge from my job so that I can eventually become a director or something.  So I don’t have to work at the drive through at Wendy’s until I’m 89 years old to pay off a house I bought at 52 years of age.

I’m Grateful For…

My therapist asked me what I was grateful for after our visit and my bitch session about my boss, the new duties and how I wasn’t being paid extra for all the work I’m doing and how others are getting an overload amount.  She sighed out loud as if annoyed and then I sighed even louder, that’s when she gave me a little black journal and asked me to write down every morning, twenty things I’m grateful for.  She said to fill up the journal and when I have, to bring it back to her.

So after the first few days of entries like….

I’m grateful for not being in jail

For not being arrested for road rage

For not killing the stupid lady in the checkout line at Albertsons for haggling over coupons

I started writing down things like……

Being grateful for God

For my boys

For the view of the mountain from my house

For my job (despite the drawbacks)

For my blogger friends

For my house

You know things like that, genuinely being grateful for the things I have and not keep wondering about the things I don’t.  Being grateful for a dinner get together tonight with cousins I haven’t seen in decades.  Six maternal cousins that I grew up with, that I’d see every weekend, played together, fought with, spent the night with and somehow we all lost touch when we grew up.  Being grateful for being alive and living to be 52 years old, technically not until October but we’re almost there so, whatever.

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Getting Into The New Swing of Things

It’s been just over a month since the “big move” into my very own home, and believe it or not, I’m still unpacking and putting stuff away.  But now that I’m living alone, okay with my cat so that’s not really alone. 

I’ve struggled somewhat to get back into a normal routine of sorts, like getting back to running, fixing up my house, or just finding energy to do stuff around the house.  I have no idea why I’m struggling so much at the moment.  Could I be that I’m just plain tired or what the hell?

Rain, Rain Go Away……..Seriously Rain BEAT IT!

El Paso doesn’t normally get much rain during the year, it hits mostly around the end of August or early September.  But this year, the monsoon season come early and it’s beginning to be a pain the ass!  Seriously though, the mountain and surrounding areas haven’t been so green in I don’t know how long, but this constant rain shit is getting on my nerves.  Not only because of the humidity but, because of the rate grass and weeds are growing.  I haven’t had a chance to even start doing something to my lawn because when I finally decide to do it, it starts raining again.  Like last night for instance, it was around 2:45am and I could hear the rain coming down, and I’m thinking to myself well this fucking sucks.  One) because trying to dry my hair as I get ready for work will take longer and two) because my hair is a bitch and won’t cooperate when I attempt to style it, three) the weeds and grass in my yard are about two feet tall.  Yes, TWO MOTHERFUCKING FEET TALL!! And what’s the point of doing yard work when it’s just going to fucking rain again and make it all grow back?? 

Someone here in El Paso was kind enough to post a video of what tons rain does to a section of I-10. It floods, A LOT and it does so where cars stall out, and 18-wheelers can blind a driver by passing them and spraying what is a kin to a fucking tidal wave over your car.

I’m Learning To Be A “Outdoorsy” Person

In spite of all the rain and humidity, I’ve decided to try and work on my front yard, because I’m a homeowner now, I have been trying to keep the outdoor part of my house at least somewhat kept.  As mentioned above, the rain has been horrible and made whatever grass I have along with weird weeds grow.  And by weird I mean, as I used the weed whacker/eater/trimmer thingy, I came across some weed that’s low to the ground.  I’d say it’s a creeper type of weed, that has oblong leaves and when I cut the damned thing with the weed eater, it has water inside.  Then there are the stupid “goats-head” thorn weeds/bushes that are low to the ground as well.  And some grow high too as I learned this past Sunday at my son’s new house.  I ran past one and got caught in it and my running shoe, pants and everything below the ankle covered in goats-head thorns! Those motherfuckers are everywhere, and are annoying as hell.  In Spanish we call them “torritos” or little bulls heads, because of the horn like crap that make them stick to everything. 

Exactly

Anyway, I’ve cut down the long grass and taken some of the weeds out and fought with that stupid annoying “water plant/weed.”   I did manage to find that I have a bearded iris growing along the side of the house and bird of paradise plant as well.  Along with dried up rose bushes that need to be taken out too.  I haven’t even started on my back yard, it’s a jungle out back I’m sure of it, but I can only do so much during the weekends. 

My Snarky Cat Plays Nip Mouse Hockey All Night Long

So, since my son moved to his new house, he left Charlie with me, to keep him from stressing out more than he had been with the move to my new house.  So now that I live alone, I mean with my cat I don’t close the bedroom doors at night anymore.  The main reason for me doing that was because my son snores and loud, he sounds like a damned freight train sitting on the track just idling there.   Now if you don’t know what that sounds like, then you’ve never lived near railroad tracks.  I grew up around them, and when the engine just sits on the track idling, it’s a loud type of constant hum, it’s scary and weird all at the same time.  And my son snores that loud where I kept my bedroom door closed for years and even then it still didn’t help, I had to wear earplugs.

But, I’m getting off subject here, so since he moved out and it’s been me and Charlie, I keep the bedroom doors open so the scary cat won’t think I’m trying to lock him out.  Anyway, he sleeps all damned day long and at around 2:45am every morning to about 5:30am the motherfucker plays nip mouse hockey.  Which means since I don’t have carpet anymore, he slams all four of his nip mice against the walls, doors or whatever furniture he can.  Then I hear him run all around the 1631 square feet of my house, with his little paws and claws trying to grab onto the corners.  I’ve had to retrieve two of the four mice from under my bed before I go to sleep, and then he starts up again the next morning.  So, I’ve started to use earplugs again, but this time to keep Charles “Bruiser” O’Houlihan the FHL (feline hockey league) goalie from waking me up at night. 

I’ve Moved Within My House

Since I live alone…..correction since I live with a snarky motherfucking cat, I can pretty much do what I want in my own home now.  My master bedroom is small, so small that my queen size bed takes up all the room in my…..well, room.  And on top of the child size sink I have to deal with daily, it’s pretty much a struggle to feel comfortable in my own house with a tiny room and even smaller master sink.  My solution?  I’ve move out of my master suite and into the larger front bedroom, and I did all of this all by myself on Saturday.  I took apart my bed, moved the mattresses and dresser and moved the full size bed that was in the front bedroom and into the adjoining bedroom and now I feel a bit more comfortable even though I don’t have an en suite bath.  But like I said I live alone and I use the much bigger hall bathroom for everything else but drying and styling my hair because as previously noted, there are no electrical outlets in the hall bath.  So, I’m okay with it for now, until I can actually remodel the master and fourth bedroom into one huge master suite. 

My oldest came over on Saturday after work to pick up some of his things, and asked who helped me move?  I told him no one, that I did it all myself, and he was actually surprised and then I was surprised that he was surprised.  I’m nothing if self-sufficient, and of course I’ll do what I need to if I can do it on my own.  It made up for the lack of physical exercise that I haven’t been doing since I moved.  Or maybe moving itself was the exercise I did get but didn’t know it.  Either way, I’m moving around instead of just sitting on the couch watching a Godfather trilogy marathon and that’s important and would explain why I’m so fucking tired. 

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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In All Of The Emotional Chaos, A Stranger Rings Poetic

Dealing with all the emotional and physical whirlwind I’ve been through the last month, I thought I’d never find one solitary moment of peace.  After going through the horror of moving from one house to another (which took for fucking ever, almost an entire month) I’m finally done with moving of any kind.  Now I just have to unpack tons upon tons of boxes and put everything away, but I can do that at my own pace.  I’m going to start where I left off when this entire home buying process began, trying to running my three miles a day.  Or at least try to pick up where I left off, I might have my work cut out for me since this is the longest I’ve stopped from running since I started running.  But forge ahead I must, I need to get back into shape only this time I will incorporate strength training.

This came to my attention during the move when I was helping my boys (or they were helping me when they’d stop laughing and joking long enough to actually get shit done) that I noticed things “jiggled” in places that jiggling wasn’t meant to happen.

It Sucks Getting Old…..er 

As the jiggling of body parts that were meant to be stationary and taunt became more obvious and of course pointed out to me by my overly sarcastic, joking, annoying boys.  I thought to myself, damned it must be nice to be Jennifer Lopez or Jennifer Aniston where I had all the money in the world to just work out six hours a day, every single day to keep the “jiggles” from happening, right?  I mean like Jennifer Lopez in the sense of being able to do a daily workout that takes up to six hours, but definitely not her propensity for not being able to stay alone for less than a week before the woman is on the arm of an old boyfriend because despite her having everything, she is the most insecure bitch ever!  Seriously, like the bitch just broke up with A-Rod a few months ago and now she and her ex, Ben Affleck.  And they are looking for a house together?!?!  What the fuck is wrong with you Jenny from the Block, are you that insecure and afraid of being alone for a year or maybe two!?  That’s a disaster waiting to happen and if it didn’t work the first time, what makes them so sure it’s going to work out the second?!?! OMFG seriously, like……

Ahem….sorry about that, back to the program, any way as I started to try and get my life together in my new home and adjusting to the hypocritical changes at work.  I wanted to get back to something familiar, satisfying and positive, which for me is running.  I’m not a good runner, I’m not even a runner per say, I just like to run because it reduces stress (supposedly) and cardio is good for you.  But I digress, I thought this was a routine I needed to get back to as I began to unpack all of the boxes in my “spare” room, and put my belongings away.  No, I didn’t do that as soon as I moved as I had to go back to work and then having to keep moving all the crap from hell from the rental house.  I positioned my treadmill in one of the empty rooms to try and get to running soon…..yes I said soon.

Gardner/Landscaper/Poet

Every morning as I park my car one of the landscapers is waiting for me, we’ve known each other since I worked at my previous department in research.  One morning way back then, it was raining gatos and perros (cats and dogs), and as I opened my car door I saw a virtual river of water rushing past my car.  I was wearing suede high heels and thought to myself, well that’s just a big old fuck you from Mother Nature isn’t it?  Of course she and I don’t get along too much but that’s an entirely different post.  Anyway, I contemplated just sitting in my car until the rain subsided, but it keep pouring as I listened to one of the local radio stations telling me it was going to keep raining for the next two days.  I attempted a second time to find a way to get from my car to the front of the building.  That’s when the landscaper held my door open, he told me in Spanish he’d placed some wooden planks so I wouldn’t have to get my shoes wet AND he flung his raincoat over me as he held an umbrella over my head and carried my computer case and lunch bag as well.  This was by far, the sweetest most romantic gesture I’d ever experienced, and by romantic I mean like what we read in books.  Not him and I romantic because he’s married, he’s just a gentleman.

He walked me all the way across the wooden planks until we got under the concrete arches that support the research building.  I thanked him profusely as I gave him back his raincoat and he handed me my things.  I went into my office and about half an hour later our senior director came in soaking wet, holding her umbrella, her clothes all wet.  Okay so she’s a totes bitch, she’s the biggest reason I left that department, so that’s just a little background story about her.  As she looked at me she said “Why are you completely dry?” I looked at her and told her what the landscaper had done for me and she said “Where is he now? He’s not out there” I shrugged my shoulders and went back to my office.  Baby Kermit came in looking the same, I just laughed and really didn’t think anything of it.

The landscaper it turns out is a poet, he recites his poetry at the other university and partakes of his poetry here as well during the wellness camp we have once a year.  So, the day after that stupid incident with my boss and Impostor, he saw me and I guess I wasn’t my usual self.  He stood there under one of the mulberry trees and asked me if I was okay.  I told him I was (I lied) and then we just smiled and then he said to me (in Spanish) “Don’t be sad, the rays of sunshine emanate from your soul, you are the reason the skies are blue, the birds sing and you are, a walking, talking poem in the form of a woman.”  It took everything I had to keep it together and not cry right there and then.  I walked up to him and shook his hand and said no one has ever said anything even remotely that beautiful to me ever.  Which is the truth, not Lestat or my stupid ex-husband and certainly not JMR.

We see each other every day as I walk from the parking lot to my office, we say good morning and we chat about whatever comes up.  He is what I think a gentleman should be, both respectful and strong, courteous and kind, good with words and gentle in the soul.   The only problem is, he has the same name as my stupid ex-husband, but I think after the impromptu poem I can forgive that flaw in the guy.

My DIY Attempt Has Begun

Yeah, yeah don’t rub it in….

Yes ladies and gents, I’m a homeowner now and I’m still trying to arrange my house, clean what I need to, throw away what I don’t need and do some “fixer-upper” type things around the house.  One thing I do need to do is paint, every single room in my house has ONE ACCENT wall that’s green.  The previous owner used the house as a rental property and I guess when the last tenant moved out he did some half-assed designing.  When I say green I don’t mean a subtle sage green, or a soothing succulent type green.  No, the motherfucker thought he was being brilliant and painted one wall in each room a fucking 1970’s avocado green, you know like the appliances that were available at the time?  Yeah, that kind of green, although JMR said it was sage green when he showed me the house but I beg to differ.

So I’ve begun that task of taking paint swatches from Lowe’s and painting one of the white walls in the spare room with small spots of different shades of paint I might like. 

But that’s going to have to wait, because there are more pressing matters that need my attention at the moment.  I need to try and change out the master bath’s vanity/sink combo, because again the previous owner probably was a cheapskate like my previous landlord and bought a vanity/sink that only a goddamned kindergartener would use.  It’s tiny, and by tiny I mean the fucking sink is only 17 inches wide, with no counter space whatsoever!!! Replacing that is my priority right now because there is no way I can wash my face, brush my teeth or even try and get ready every morning over that tiny sink that was made for a fucking Oompa-loompa.  Charlie sits there snickering at me as I try in vain to fill the sink with water (which is about the amount of a small Dixie cup) to wash my face every afternoon when I get home from work.  I’ve hit my forehead countless times because although the sink is miniscule, the fucking faucet isn’t, so the entire fucking thing is disproportionate.  The sink is child size but the faucet is normal and how in the FUCK does that make sense?!?!  I could use the hall bathroom I suppose but that guess what?  That fucking bathroom doesn’t have any electrical outlets near the sink……..FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

Okay back to my DIY phase of fixing up my home, I’m going to attempt to change the vanity/sink in my master bath but then my master bedroom is probably THE smallest room in the house.  I plan to (eventually) make the master and 4th bedroom into one huge master suite.  I’m going to knock down the wall dividing the two and make it HUGE, with a walk in closet and bigger master bath.  I’m going to start taking pictures of my work and progress to post them, so I can have a record of what I’ve done to my, soon to be beautiful house.  It’s definitely a diamond in the rough.

FHA and VA Loans Aren’t Qualified for Re-casting, Like Seriously Why The Fuck Not?!?!

To JMR’s credit, he did give me some very sound advice, this was before our disastrous date of course.  He gave me a folder with a lot of mortgage information which included how to re-cast your mortgage by giving a big old payment towards your principle.  And seeing as there is a bill which might give new homeowners up to a $15K tax credit for purchasing a home in 2021, but it has to pass congress and we all know that might take forever for it to become a law.  I thought why not? I thought I’d give about $9k to the principle and then have the mortgage company re-cast my amortization schedule with a lower payment.  This way I’d have a little bit more equity in my home and every year for twelve years I’d give $2500 towards my principle and pay off my house in about twelve to fifteen years.  That’s what I thought anyway, after going through all of the information JMR gave me I did some research online and found out FHA and VA mortgages don’t qualify for re-casting unless we wait four years and refinance.  It’s not that I wanted to do this right away, because I have an FHA mortgage I know I have to abide by the regulations for at least four years before I can re-cast or at this point refinance so I can recast my loan. But right now I’m like…………what-fucking-ever….

Dante and Cleopatra…..My Neighbors

I managed to meet two Pit Bull doggos that ran past me on the first day of the move.  They were blurs for a split second and then one of them came back and stood staring at me as I prayed out loud “please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me, please don’t kill me” over and over.  Then he cocked his head to one side as if to say “Relax lady, I’m not the killing kind, I’m just running free from my owner because the dude left the side gate open, and we don’t get to run free very often.”  Then I guess he saw me relax and walked towards me and I bent down to pet him and he went all friendly canine on me.  Licking me as he sat in my front yard taking a small break.  I looked at his collar and tag and saw his name is Dante.  I started to call him by his name and right then his owner ran up to me and out of breath said “Oh my gawd, thank you for holding him!” 

Dante’s human’s name is Josh, he took Dante from the collar that’s when Cleopatra ran back by, a pale gray blur and then Josh yelled “Cleo!! Come here!” and she made a hard break and came back to my yard.  She too came up to me and started wagging her tail and licking my face….I had dog slobber all over me.  But, the doggos were nice, and now when I see them jet past my fence I yell out to them and hold them for their human.  But that day when I walked into the house Charlie yelled at me…

Charlie: Meow you have canine scent on you human, explain yourself!

Me: It’s just the neighbor’s dogs Dante and Cleo…

Charlie: Meow, likely story, first you move me here to the mountain.  I had to leave meow Kat Fight Klub crew back in the old neighborhood and now you expect me to believe you don’t have a canine?

Me: I don’t have a canine Charlie, it’s the neighbor’s dogs!

Charlie: Meow be very careful human, this is treason!  He said as he sharpened his claws with one of my nail files.

So to summarize my post, I have jiggly bits all over my body which suck because I don’t remember them jiggling at all a couple of years ago.  There’s a poet gardener who makes my day every morning I see him.  I have horrid, puke green walls and a microscopic sink in my master bath, where my cat sits to watch and laugh at me as I hit my forehead trying to navigate the sink from Oompa Loompa land.  And I can’t re-cast my mortgage until four years from now.  The only neighbors I’ve met are Dante and Cleo, and they seem to be good cookies or should I say doggy biscuits.  And my cat is suspicious of me having a dog.  But as of yet, I haven’t found that any of my human neighbors are assholes….…yet. 

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Will This Nightmare Ever End….or Will I Kill My Son Before He Moves Into His House?

Lunch with Freddy Kruger would be more pleasant than having to move crap, junk and trash from the rental house to mine and my son’s home.  Seriously the arguments of whose crap it belongs to, began to get on my fucking nerves because clearly, it’s mostly his shit.  You want to know the difference between crap, junk and trash, let me enlighten you, here I go.

That’s what he kept saying over and over as I threw my five-thousand bag of crap at him…

Junk – these are things that belong to someone else (my son) that aren’t really good for anything but he decides to keep it anyway,  For example, in the garage cabinets that are over the washer dryer area, I found eight, count them, eight sets of FUCKING SPARK PLUGS!!  Yes, used spark plugs for his car and truck, why he choose to keep them, I don’t know but its crap.  Also, I found four oil filter wrenches, because apparently he was never able to find the one’s he previously had, you know, because they were swallowed up by all that crap he had in MY GARAGE!  Not to mention countless computer cables, remote controls, six bags of zip ties (because he kept losing them) and nine pairs of mechanics gloves.  Apparently my son has a serious problem, when he can’t find something he just goes out to buy another one of what he’s “lost.”

No seriously…..I’m about to snap his neck!

Crap – this is stuff that belongs to my son as well, but this are things that he uses but not on a daily basis, for example, he has three electric toothbrushes, why?  I couldn’t tell you, but it seems that my son’s Junk/Crap/Trash monster keeps taking shit from him and hiding it in weird places like the garage or in the spare bedroom closet or the bottom of his laundry hamper.  Or, hey how about the fact that I found three pairs of old work boots that he “saved” to use when he was supposed to work on the yard or his car or whatever.  The mofo wouldn’t let me donate them to Goodwill because “they were still in good condition and usable.”  And did he use them?  No, no he motherfucking didn’t!  Or how about the dozens of quarts of motor oil containers (some empty and some new) that I found throughout the garage, swallowed by his Junk/Crap/Trash monster?  Other crap I found that belongs to my son, clothes that he doesn’t use but swears (not as much as I have though honestly) he’ll fit into as soon as “His fluffy ass loses weight which will be soon now that he has his own house to workout in” his exact words not mine.  Old light fixtures, broken lamps, one broken lawn chair, two custom made wooden chairs that have never been used and an electric skillet that according to him is still good despite the non-stick surface being almost all gone.

Trash – Now I’m going to say that there is definitely a fine line between junk and trash, according to my son anyway, to me trash is fucking trash.  For example, boxes….so many fucking empty Amazon boxes all over the garage.  Some flattened as I had requested he do because they were swallowing up every fucking thing, and some just thrown on top of each other.  Some of those boxes came in handy for the move but believe it or not, some were too small to use for us to move.  Why he saves the boxes from shit he orders from Amazon? He said “Well, you never know when I might have to send anything back in case it doesn’t work.”  I thought to myself, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!

What can I say? It’s the motherfucking truth

In addition to thousands upon thousands of cardboard boxes there were tons of plastic bags that belonged to shit that were, at one point, in the cardboard boxes.  I packed up two large trash bags with countless plastic bags of all shapes and sizes. 

It’s been almost a month and I’m still not done!!! Yes ladies and gents, my son is a fucking hoarder and I didn’t know how bad his condition was until this week when we were STILL FUCKING PACKING, CLEANING AND MOVING shit from the rental house to each of our respective homes!!!  Even trash because we’re going to have to get rid of that shit little by little since there is no trash pickup at the rental home address because I transferred service to my new house.  I want to finally get the hell out of there, go turn in the keys and just LEAVE…..so, as of today I’m still going every day after work to pack up crap, junk and trash so I can surrender the property and be done with any ties with the horrific landlord and the mediocre property management company she uses.  I’ll keep you posted, this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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It’s Just A Job and Other Happenings In the Huntress’ World This Week

Since the beginning of June, the reporting structure has changed.  I no longer report to my vice president “directly” I report to Fake Supervisor now.  All of us do, and while that might sound all good and whatnot it’s caused strife among some of us in the office.  When Fake Supervisor sent us the email about no longer working “COVID” schedules (technically she was the only one, everyone else worked 40 hrs a week in person because her lazy ass worked from home three days a week) she also mentioned that the reporting structure had changed.  We would report directly to her and a dotted line report to our VPs.  I forwarded the email to my VP and asked her if she was okay with this, and of course she didn’t respond.  But told me in person that Fake Supervisor told her that she needed control of all of us because we weren’t telling her first when we would be taking vacation time or time off in general.  She wanted to have “a more accurate administrative oversight” over people in the President’s office.  To me it just sounded like she wants to be in control of everyone because her fat ass is insecure.

I was shocked, but then something happened, my VP changed.  And not for the better either, I’m talking bipolar, ass-kissing, spineless bitch kind of change.  She use to bash Fake Supervisor for EVERYTHING, the way she dressed, her lack of communication, her manner, she even said once she was “unbecoming of an assistant to the president.”  Now that’s harsh, but now?  Holy two faced bitch Batman!  It’s like she’s her best buddy in the entire world.  She use to bash her continuously and now, they are in each other’s offices, whispering to each other like they’re trying to hide something.  The hypocrisy here could choke a Clydesdale!  And I am not liking what I’m seeing or hearing, but what the fuck can I do, I just bought a house and I’m stuck here.   So after seeing this entirely different person in my VP, I decided I’m not going to confide anything to my boss anymore.  Not that I use to tell her a lot of my personal life, but she used to LOVE to gossip about everyone, especially Fake Supervisor, Fake Carol and Impostor.  Trashing them for the way they dressed, which let’s face it could use some improvement.  Fake Supervisor with her moo-moo type dresses, short tops and leggings (which isn’t flattering at all on an obese person, leggings come on people) yes she’s obese and I’m not shaming her either.  She says it’s hard to find clothes that fit her, but that’s bullshit too, because I use to work with a “big girl” at the other university and she dressed in business suits and looked professional.

And Impostor? She shops at second hand stores and it shows, now I’m not bashing that fact either because I shop there too but I look for stuff that’s nice, almost new or even new.  Hell I found one of my Calvin Klein dresses there.  But Impostor wears faded “colored jeans” which supposedly we’re not supposed to wear during the week.  She has clothes that you can see the fuzz balls attached, they are faded, dirty or so thin because it’s that used you can see skin, yes skin! She has a pair of boots that’s about to fall apart, their torn and have pieces of leather just hanging there.  She dresses like shit, plain and simple and so does Fake Supervisor, but what the hell can I do?  I’m now afraid that my VP is bashing me behind my back, I can’t trust her anymore and she was so cool the first six months when I started. 

Now? It’s all the backstabbing and hypocrisy that is making me dread coming to work.  Impostor use to talk to me but she stopped and I can’t tell you why because I came back from moving into my new house to find her that way.  So, I deduce that my stupid bipolar boss said something she shouldn’t have because that’s the only thing I can think of.  Or maybe, Impostor is kissing Fake Supervisor’s ass because I found out she’s getting a $15K raise and does next to NOTHING to deserve it.  Okay I know how that sounds but its true, Impostor #2 and I actually DO work.  I’m helping out two other departments, taking on three different roles.  I hardly have any time to just sit and talk or bullshit with anyone because I’m doing something for the other two people I was asked to help.  Impostor #2 is getting to learn the ropes of being an EA to her VP and working with everyone under her boos.  And Impostor? She spends her time in Fake Supervisor’s office for hours at a time, she watches YouTube videos for hours on end.  She takes personal phone calls (for more than 45 mins at a time) from her mom, sister and ungrateful daughter.  How do I know she has an ungrateful daughter? 

Because SHE FUCKING YELLS IT OUT LOUD AND WE CAN ALL HEAR HER!!  It’s embarrassing, not to mention unprofessional.  She takes off with Fake Supervisor for two to three hour lunches, while everyone else is told to keep it to an hour or hour and a half.  So I suppose it pays to kiss Fake Supervisor’s BIG FAT ASS if she’s gotten a raise out it.  And not a small one either, in the meantime I’m here doing my job (and other peoples jobs as well) and I’m wondering if my VP even thought of putting me in for a raise?  I’m not holding my breath that’s for damned sure and I wanted so much for my VP to mentor me as she said she was going to do.  But I’m not sure I want her as a mentor if she flip-flops on who she thinks is worthy of the bashing she does.  I use to love my job and my VP, but now not so much, because she told me that I needed to be nice to people under her.  In the beginning she told President Cutie Pie I took real good care of her, and that I was her first line of defense for her with everyone that reports to her.  Now, I’m at a complete loss as the change in her attitude, because we worked very well together.  But being told to be nice to Fake Buzz McCallister and Fake Bob Pinciotti is pushing beyond the limits of even what I can take.  Shouldn’t this be reciprocal? And shouldn’t she talk to these assholes and tell them to be nice too?

I came back from my time off and found Impostor stopped talking to me, the change was palpable, not to mention disturbing and when I approached my VP about it, her response?  “Well, what did YOU DO to make her change her attitude towards you?” I sat there biting my tongue almost drawing blood thinking to myself, you skinny, bipolar, fucking bitch, are you serious right now?  Yes I was really thinking that, and it was EXTREMELY hard not to forge ahead with my response of “Why would you assume it was something I did?”  I sat there in her office, me screaming inside, keeping it together instead of lunging at her and snapping her neck like a goddamned chicken bone, and pulling every single annoying curl out of the top of her flip-flopping, bipolar, trash-bashing little head!   But keep it together I did, and managed to keep my facial expressions as normal as possible.  I thanked her boney ass and got up and left her office.  That afternoon I thought to myself I should stop and talk to Impostor, as she passes by my office all damned day long to go and sit and talk to Fake Supervisor.  She also has to pass by my office when she has to use the ladies room because it’s on the other end of the hall.  So I tried to stop her and asked if she had a minute to talk, so that I could address whatever seems to be going on.  I said “Hey Impostor do you have a minute?” and she said “Um…no” and walked off towards her office. 

I was furious and I’m definitely thinking my stupid bird brained boss might have said something to her, either something I never actually said or if I did she must have said it out of context.  Either way the office is now one huge emotional tropical storm.  Impostor is avoiding me, my boss is being a fucking bipolar, hypocritical, gossiping bitch from hell  Now my VP and Fake Supervisor are BFF’s all of a sudden and Impostor #2 and I are on the outside looking in. 

I HATE this kind of work environment but, I left that when I left my previous department behind, or so I thought.  I never in my wildest dreams believe that the best job I’ve ever had was a short term situation and that office politics would play into how I work in my job now.  It was as I suspected, too good to be true and a boss whom I thought was a total badass turned out to be a wishy-washy, ass kissing bitch.  So, I do what I’m told, help who I need to and come to work and don’t engage with anyone one other than Impostor #2, and even then we don’t allow anyone to know we’re talking to each other.  I hate ass-kissing in any form, and I’ve never engaged in it because it’s still hypocritical and that isn’t something I tolerate well. We get told to do something and that these are the rules, then Fake Supervisor and Impostor do the exact opposite.  I’m too old to be going through this shit, and it pisses me of to no end that I have to endure it, especially since I just bought my house.

Did I mention that both of my so-called bosses will be on vacation for the next two weeks? Now, that’s what I call a vacation for emotional and mental health, on my part not theirs. I could hope that one gets stranded in Iceland for the couple of months and the other sinks the boat she’ll be on in New Orleans. Yes, yes I know that’s mean but, don’t y’all know me by now?

My Son’s Moving INTO HIS OWN HOUSE Y’ALL!!!

My son closed on his house on Tuesday of last week, and he got the keys the next afternoon.  He’s taken vacation time in order to move his stuff out of the rental house to his.  Believe it or not, I still haven’t finished moving, the garage is almost cleaned out (mostly crap that my son has) and I only have the bottom of my closet, the closet in the spare bedroom and the closet in the foyer.  Oh and what’s in the storage shed in the back yard.  I’m so very proud of him and that he took my advice and bought a house when he had the chance and the means to do so. 

My Baby Got Into the Fire Academy!!!

My youngest finally finished all the classes he needed to and got into the fire academy.  Which is a fast track into the Fire Department, my baby is going to be a FIREFIGHTER Y’ALL!!!

My Middle Son Started College….FINALLY!

My middle son picked up where he left off back in 2007, when he graduated and began his freshman year that summer.  He didn’t do well and actually flunked out after his first semester, the one child that school came easy for, the one that didn’t struggle with any subject flunked out in his first semester with four F’s and one A.  Fourteen years later he started school again, this time online and at Purdue, but I have no doubt that he’s more motivated now than he was then. 

Plain Evil, Bad Tenant Or AM I?

I’ve been trying to get the hell out of the rental house for about three weeks now, but my new house isn’t near the old house.  It’s actually 19 miles away from where I use to live and the drive is about 20 mins.  So after the movers moved the big stuff (furniture and washer/dryer) I still have boxes of crap to move.  Not to mention my clothes, shoes and everything else (lawnmowers, Christmas tree, gardening tools, boxes of shit I’d decided to save for some odd reason.)  Anyway the property management company sent me a checklist of what I was “supposed” to do when I moved out, which includes professionally cleaning the 39 year old, falling apart (literally) at the seams carpet, washing the walls, cleaning the window sills, washing the windows can cleaning the front and back yards.  Now, I’m thinking that they are REALLY asking a lot, I’m not a pig and the house isn’t in bad condition other than it being dusty.  After we moved the bedrooms there were dust bunnies the size of my actual cat under there.  But, after I got the email from the property management company I thought to myself…..HELL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING NO!!! I thought, I’m going to extend the same curtesy that they and the landlord extend to me while I was living there.

After 14 ½ years of being a very good and patient tenant, and enduring the tight-fisted, money grubbing, penny pinching, nickel shitting bitch that is that Filipina landlord.  I decided I wasn’t going to comply with the “move out checklist.”  I certainly wasn’t going to pay up to $100 dollars for having a carpet, that I tried to have cleaned in years past but the three of the companies I asked for a quote said that they wouldn’t attempt to clean it in fear it would fall apart.  The other said they would but I had to sign a waiver that if the carpet was damaged I wouldn’t hold them responsible.  I couldn’t do that, it wasn’t my fucking house, I forwarded those to the property management company.  I’ve transferred the utilities to my new house, so the rental doesn’t have any electricity, water or gas.  And I’m thinking to myself, after everything I went through and NOT ONCE faltering on the rent, NOT ONCE! 

I decided I’m not going to bother cleaning the house or the yards.  So does this make me a bad person?  I don’t think so, and here’s why.  Back in 2009 El Paso had a hell of an ice storm, yes you heard that right we had a cold front that resulted in three weeks of the worst weather imaginable, well for El Paso anyway.  It rained constantly in the middle of November, and then it snowed, then a week after the temps fell to below -19 degrees, the constant snow turned to ice.  After the hail storm the rental house roof began to leak, to which I reported to the property management company.  Who in turned told the cheap-ass Filipina bitch, and a couple of days later the insurance adjuster arrived.  Then everything went back to normal until the next spring when the rains came again and the roof began to leak.  I know the bitch got a check from the insurance company to replace the roof, but she didn’t.  Instead when I complained to the property management company, the contacted her and then she, her fucking sister and her sister’s husband showed up to fix it themselves.  Did it work? Of course it fucking didn’t, the roof began to leak in other places, after that as well. It had first started in the dining area and soon the house was leaking in the hallway, the hall bathroom, dining area and garage.

The roof was finally replaced in 2014, five fucking years later and only, I suspect, after the property management company pressured her to do so. Then there was the great water heater disaster of 2011.  I woke up to get ready for work and found that when I walked into the hallway the carpet was “squishy.”  And not to mention wet, and that’s when I realized the water heater had busted.  Again I called the property management company, who called the landlord, who in turned sent her cheap ass Filipino plumber.  He changed out the water heater with a used water heater.  Which was all fine and good….until that one broke four months later and again I called the property management company, who finally sent an actual plumber from a plumbing company.  He bought a brand new water heater and installed it.  After that it was one fucking pain in the ass after another, and finally last November when she decided to paint the house while I was on vacation during the holidays and my mom fell over the fucking ladders she left RIGHT BY THE BACK DOOR, I had had enough. That’s when I decided come hell or high water I needed to get the fuck out her house and into my own!

So, after 14 ½ year of paying rent on time (even when I didn’t have a job) and not getting the appropriate maintenance in return, I figured that not cleaning the carpet (which would fall apart mind you) the windows (which are falling out of their panes) or the entire house (which is just dust really) and yards (due to the recent rains they look like jungles) isn’t such a bad thing.  They can keep the fucking deposit and pay someone to do all that shit for the next tenant, I’m officially done with that property.  Now, the house itself has been a great little home for me and my boys and I will always remember the good and bad times we had there.  But, I have my own house now, and I need to concentrate on making it my HOME. 

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Meh….I’m Not Impressed. But Then Again Maybe Neither Was He

I had mentioned in my previous post that JMR had called to tell me about his dog mauling mishap.  At first I was skeptical because, guys have used all kinds of excuses to get out of a date.  So when he called me on Weds to tell me he’d like to go out that Friday I let him talk and tell me why.  He explained that he got hurt trying to separate his three dogs, okay his daughter’s two dogs and his dog.  His dog is a pit bull but he says normally she’s a gentle pet.  Anyway we talked for over 45 mins that day and he asked me if I’d like to reschedule for that coming Friday?  I said okay and he asked if I’d like to go to the Italian Kitchen which is a local Italian spot.  It’s famous for its chicken Angelo and I hadn’t been there in literally decades.  I said yes, and we were set for Friday at 6:30 (which I found odd because it was a bit early for me and the fact that he didn’t give me a choice as to where I wanted to have dinner seemed kind of selfish but okay) and I made plans to go all the way back home, change and spruce myself up and drive back to central El Paso to meet him at the restaurant.

He Said He Was A Chivalrous Gentleman….NOT

Yes, he asked to meet me there because he had a house showing at 4:30 in the upper valley.  I didn’t question it although I did think since he asked he should have offered to pick me up since we only live about eight blocks from each other.  I got to the restaurant around 6:15 and he sent me a text as I turned the corner where the restaurant is located at.  He told me that there was parking in back of the restaurant and that he was already there.  It did bother me that he was already there and that he didn’t offer to wait for me out front, but okay maybe it’s just me.  As I walked into the restaurant I walked past the foyer and into the dining area and he was seated right by the bathroom doors.  I didn’t say anything but this is a less than attractive place to sit in a restaurant.  He said hi as I approached the table and sat down, it was hot and humid and I was thinking my makeup was melting off my face.  He said that the waiter told him the AC has been on the fritz and that we could go out and sit on the patio where they had water misters and fans to stay cool.  But JMR said he’d gone out there and it was packed. 

Okay by this point I’m getting pretty annoyed, and thought to myself why can’t we just go somewhere else, right?  But I didn’t say anything because other than our interactions with the purchase of my house, I didn’t know too much about him other than what he divulged that day at the pub.  So I kept my mouth shut and smiled as he started to joke about the heat and humidity.  I was sweating like a pig, in my nice little black dress and high heels.   We ordered and then we talked about everything other than his or my work, finding out that other than a recovering alcoholic he’s also a recovering drug addict.  I was blown away because normally I try not to judge anyone on their past because I’ve been on that end.  Specifically about Lestat and his marital status and me being labeled “the other woman.”  As the night went on and the heat and humidity seemed to get worse, I was physically uncomfortable.  He seemed to be comfortable talking about himself and not once asked me about myself, he never once asked where I grew up, what I did, how many siblings I had, or anything personal.  This wasn’t a good sign, to me this seems to be a person who hasn’t been in a long term relationship and if he has, it didn’t last because of his lack of interest in the person he’s in the relationship with.  Then he showed me his hand and I saw that he was recovering from the dog bite/mauling and had thirteen stitches from his wrist to his index finger

Patience Isn’t MY Virtue

But I sat patiently listening, waiting for him to ask me something the pertained to me, downing my fourth glass of iced tea because it was so fucking hot, thinking I normally interject with stuff about myself if I’m comfortable with the person.  But I choose not to with JMR, I just heard him talk more about himself, his time with the Marines, his daughter, his dogs, how he started drinking at the age of 5 (yes, you heard that right, his dad started giving him alcohol at the AGE OF FIVE YEARS OLD!) How he’s never been married (actually he mentioned this a lot, and I do mean a lot.)  I wasn’t sure if he was trying to hammer home the fact that he never wanted to get married or that he might be looking for someone to settle down with.  Either way, I caught onto this statement of his as I sat there feeling uncomfortable as hell, listening to him talk about…himself…..still.

Great Advice….In Spite of…

We sat there for three hours after we’d finished dinner, dessert and coffee (as hot as it was I fucking had coffee.)  I can’t say “we” talked because it was mostly him, but he did give me some great advice about shit going on at work.  I told him that changes have been happening at work and not for the best, the reporting structure has changed and now Impostor is being a total bitch.   I came back from my time off to find she’s not talking to me, she’s spending a lot of time with Fake Supervisor.  Whom she’s bashed about her leadership skills, the way she dresses, how she manages the office etc.  Impostor has gone on and on about how Fake Supervisor bullied her and even threatened her to try to keep her grasp on the people under her.  Which we weren’t actually until the beginning of June when we came back from a weekend to an email from Fake Supervisor saying that we were going back to normal operations from the COVID schedule we’d been on.  Which wasn’t new to me, I’d been at my job 100% even before the transition back.  It was Fake Supervisor who “worked from home” three days out of the week.  Talk about hypocrisy.  Anyway I told him about how Impostor was acting and that it caught me off guard and how awkward it’s been since then.  He asked me if I had to work with her on a daily basis to do my job, I said no.  He asked if it affected my job on a daily basis that we didn’t communicate and I said no.  He asked if we were actual friends outside of work and I said no.  Then he said something that totally blew me away.

He explained that coworkers aren’t friends, and as tempted as we are to see them as that because we spend more time with them than our families sometimes, we need to keep it professional.  He said that friendships at work with coworkers are artificial/superficial and to keep from getting swallowed by a pretend friendship is to keep it a work relationship.  Then he said that Impostor has gained something from Fake Supervisor in terms of her job, which is true.  I found out she’s getting a $15K raise, and he pointed out that it’s to Impostors benefit to be Fake Supervisor’s new best friend.

He also said never talk about your personal life (which for the most part I hadn’t other than telling my VP that I was buying a house) and stay away from any socializing, gossip or bashing anyone in the office. I told him about my VP as well and how she’s totally changed since the new reporting structure changed and I explained how she too use to bash Fake Supervisor about the way she dressed, her lack of communication and leadership, how she’s a disgrace to the office of the President.  And that she’s now in there behind closed doors gossiping about other VP’s and that’s caught me totally off guard. 

He said that my VP lacks integrity if she’s gossiping about other vice presidents to someone like Fake Supervisor.  He asked if I confided in my VP and I told him I use to, but I stopped when I saw how much she’s changed.  He said that was a good thing and to remember we get paid to go and do a job, not to go and socialize and make friends.  He sent me an email with a couple of audio books to keep from stressing myself out about things and people at work.  Now that, I appreciated.

Expectations….They’re Overrated….

As we got ready to leave he said he’d walk me to my car parked in back of the restaurant, it felt awkward because there was tension between us as we walked close to each other.  Or maybe it was just me. But I was still sweating up a storm (I know I’ve said this a lot but fuck it was hot and I couldn’t feel comfortable at any point) and surprised he hadn’t noticed, but men don’t really notice shit like that do they?

We talked another half hour by my car, all about him and how he’s been told how he takes over conversations (really? Never noticed that) and how he also comes off as being a downer (apparently his sister’s told him that.) I was wearing high heels and my feet were killing me standing there for half an hour and then I said I’d give him a ride to his truck which was parked in front of the restaurant.  I drove him around the corner and parked right behind his black Toyota Tundra.  I thanked him for dinner, he said “you’re welcome” and he had fun and that we should do this again.  I agreed (don’t ask me why I said that) and smiled and got out of my car.  I drove away with the air conditioner in my car full blast, trying to stop myself from fucking melting like the Wicked Witch of the West.  All the while wondering if he really meant we should do this again?  And his lack of interest in anything personal about me or asking about my life made me wonder if he was just being nice.  Or even an attempt at a halfhearted hug or small peck on the cheek, after all it was a “date” wasn’t it, or was it?

I got home that night, tired and wondering if I had built this guy up in my head and felt disappointed that he was too self-absorbed not asking about me other than the advice he gave me about work.  I took a shower, had a glass of wine and even though it was late I sat in my living room watching Dateline and 20/20 episodes I’d recorded but hadn’t had time to watch. 

Attempts at Further Dialog Didn’t Pan Out

The next day I spoke to my best friend Impostor #2, and she was all kiddy about me telling her about my date with JMR.  I told her my story and she still felt it was exciting and asked me if we had planned to go out again.  I told him that we didn’t because he’d mentioned he’d be going to Greece in two weeks with his realtor’s group.  He said that they go on two excursions a year, in March they went to Costa Rica.  But that he never told me he’d like to get together when he got back.  Impostor #2 said that I should initiate a conversation via text with JMR to keep the dialog open.  After I got off the phone I said to myself, what’s the worse that could happen?  So I decided to text JMR a short good morning message and included that he never told me about how he makes his famous soup.  He said he makes a good green chile chicken soup the night before at dinner.  I thought it would be great opening for a continuous conversation……..wrong.

All he said was “It’s not famous I just kind of know how to make it.” Which sounded kind of cold and really not interested in continuing the text conversation.  So I responded with an attempt at humor saying “Well any guy that can cook is a rare thing” with a LMAO emoji.  That was Saturday morning and I haven’t heard back from him.  So I decided to just let it go and leave JMR alone with whatever he was doing.

Moving On….Life’s Too Short

On Sunday morning I was going through my texts with JMR (yeah don’t ask me why) and I saw the last attempt at trying to get him to interact with me even if it was via text.  I told myself that I’m not going to try anymore especially if he didn’t ask about me during our date on Friday.  As much as I thought I liked him, he may not be someone I need to have in my life and try to work my way into it his to be that “someone” that could/should be important if we began a relationship with each other.  Yes I’m aware at how far fetched that idea is, and I know that it’s just over thinking the situation. But I deleted all of the texts we sent each other since we started working together when I began my house hunting adventure.  And thought to myself, life’s too short to waste my time on anyone who sends mixed signals all the time as well as constantly telling me he’s never been married.  Like what the fuck is up with that shit?

Grateful In Spite of The No-Second Date Date

One thing I’m grateful for regarding JMR is this, I have been so preoccupied with buying my house and all of the adventures that came about because of it.  I hadn’t thought about Lestat in MONTHS!  Yes, you heard that right this is the first time I hadn’t had a thought of Lestat, even a fleeting one since April.  JMR had me so focused on buying my house and because of his constant flirting, I was devoid of memories or thoughts of Lestat and I’m finally recovered from that narcissistic, self-serving, self-absorbed asshole!!! This is a BREAKTHROUGH!

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Homeownership………….It’s an Adventure

The No-Show Realtor Date

In my last post I mentioned that JMR asked me out to dinner, I had accepted and was a little excited for this date as I hadn’t been out on an actual date since Lestat.  Anyway, we were supposed to have gone out this past Friday, but it never materialized.  I didn’t or should I say don’t keep following up with someone who has asked ME out on a date.  I figure that the guy asked, I accepted and from there on he’ll let me know when, where and what time.  So I figured that since we had such a connection via four Guinness’s, two margaritas and two burgers, he’s be reaching out to me to give me the information as to where our date would take place.  So just because he hadn’t given me any information the day at the pub, I sent him a text on Monday afternoon.  This was in addition to all the stuff I was undertaking in for the move to the new house.  As mentioned, this was Monday afternoon, and soon Tuesday, Weds and Thursday came around and I hadn’t heard from him.  So, as a follow up to Monday’s text, I called him….no answer, so then a few minutes later I sent him a text….nothing.

Friday morning at 3:45am I get a text from him saying that he’s gotten back from the ER because he had his right hand “mauled” by one of his dogs and that if I wasn’t squeamish he’d send a picture of his hand to prove it and that we would need to reschedule our dinner date.  My response?  I just told him I was sorry about what happened, and that for him to take care of his hand.  Whether this was true or not, and him offering proof of what had happened to him may or may not have been a feeble attempt as to why I hadn’t heard from him all week.  Yes, I say feeble attempt because I sent him a text on Monday and I didn’t hear from him until Friday early morning?  Why couldn’t he have just sent me a text or called me? Or why did he wait until he supposedly got back from the ER to let me know we’d have to reschedule?

Either way, I’m not putting any expectation into a thing that hasn’t even turned into a “thing” yet. He didn’t even say we’d keep in touch or that he’d call or text me later on in the week/month/year to see when he’d take me out again.

My House Is As Old As I Am

On Weds I spent the first night in my very own home, then cried that night and two nights afterwards because I still wasn’t sure what the fuck I was doing at my age buying a home and not having any clue about home ownership or all the financial responsibilities it entailed. No wonder the house is in need of some repairs, I’d be cranky too if I needed to be cared for.

On Friday I went early to go clean the house and get it as sanitary as I possibly could because on Wednesday the movers would be bringing all the furniture.  That day, as I swept and mopped all 1631 square feet of my house, as I cussed and regretted for a split second buying a house that big, I had the electricity come on.  I thanked God for that utilities being transferred finally and turned on all the ceiling fans in the house since the AC wasn’t on yet.  The person I contacted about coming to turn on the AC said he’d be there that afternoon.  Sure enough at 1:30 he showed up and we introduced ourselves and then caught his last name was JMR’s last name.  I asked if there was a connection and he said “Oh, yeah! He’s my cousin” and thought to myself, of course he is.  Then he climbed onto the roof and after about 20 mins he came back down and told me, the pump, motor and pads had to be replaced.  It’s a damned Master Cool and I know those stupid cardboard pads cost in the hundreds depending on the size.  He told me it would be about $250 to get it going.  It was 99 degrees that day and I was sweating up a storm, I was soaked in sweat because not only was it hotter than the devil’s crotch, it was humid due to all the rain we’d gotten in the last few days.

I gave him the okay and off he went to go get the supplies needed to fix my AC.  It took him two hours to replace and start the unit.  When he came back down he told me that he’d strongly recommend that I replace that unit before next summer because although he could start it up, it would only last me a couple of more years.  He’s a really nice guy, and he told me that if I decided to replace the unit he’d finance it for me so I didn’t have to pay for the entire thing out of pocket.  Then he opened up the closet where the heater is and said “Ummm, you may need to convert to refrigeration/heating instead.”  I almost fainted…because he said that the heater might not start up for the winter but that he’d be back around the end of October or early November to check it out.

I did a bit of research on my house and found out it was built in September of 1969, it’s as old as I am, okay the house is month older than I am but I’m pretty sure all the windows are as old as the house.  Oh you’re all wondering why I say that.   Maybe it was the thunderous rain and hail storm we had this past Sunday and EVERY SINGLE WINDOW IN THE HOUSE LEAKED, ALL TWELVE WINDOWS!!!  I have twelve windows *as I mutter every curse word known to man* and said to myself “you wanted a big house, you should have thought about this more, and twelve widows is a lot to replace, how about you kick yourself right now.”  The wind was hella-strong as I live up near the mountain now, and as water slowly made its way through every window and my son and I were grabbing towels of every size to put up against them.  I started to cry…again, not regretting purchasing the home…but because of all the money I’ll be putting into this house.  My son hugged me as he laughed and said “Don’t worry mom, you’ll have this house exactly how you want it in a couple of years, and then you’ll be happy.  I’m very proud of you mom.”  And I cried even harder, my son is proud of me.  Then, I realized that the slant on the back and front yards is TOWARDS the house not away from it!  The water started to pool and I prayed as hard as I could that the water wouldn’t reach up to the doors and that this will be another HUGE project I need to undertake so that can be fixed as well.

But I have to admit, the view from where I live now is awesome…

Northeast Franklin Mountains. The poppy’s bloom in the spring and the mountain is covered in yellow and purple flowers.

My Son Is Closing On His House

My son told me on Friday that Mortgage Bitch Lady let him know he’d be closing on Friday!! I’m so excited for him, one because he has a newer house (but wayyyy smaller than mine) and that two, he’ll have refrigerated air so he doesn’t have to deal with what I’m currently going through.  But he’ll be living on the opposite side of town, and it’s about 19 miles away from my new house.  I’m so very proud of my son and everything he’s helped me with. 

My Boys Are AWESOME

On Thursday afternoon I get a knock on the door, my son was at work and I don’t know anyone in the neighborhood yet, so I was surprised.  I opened the door, all sweaty, dirty and with a huge headache to find a crew of three guys from Vivint telling me they were there to install two cameras, motion sensors and a video doorbell.  I laughed out loud and said they probably had the wrong address because I hadn’t ordered any such service.  One of the men looked at his clipboard and said “This is *Blah, blah* address, and you are Ms. Huntress, correct?”  And I said that I was but I hadn’t ordered anything to be installed at my house and that there must be a mistake.  He said to me that the equipment and service had been paid for, I was still confused not to mention my headache getting stronger by the second.  Then he said to give him a minute and he took out his phone for a call.  Then he came back to the door and handed me his cell phone and I said “Hello?”  And my oldest came on the phone and said “Okay can you stop being a pain in the ass and let them install the security system please?  Me and the guys paid for it so we know your safe when I move out, so just let them in and they can get started because it’s going to take about two hours.”

My son told me to hand the phone back to the installation guy and I did….and I cried for the fiftieth time that week.  My boys paid for a Vivint security and video doorbell system because I’ll be living alone for the first time in five years.  They were worried about me being by myself, and they all chipped in to get me the service, for their peace of mind as they put it.  Little do they know that it’s not that they have to be worried about me, more that I may be the one the neighbors have to worry about, *insert evil laugh here.* 

Speaking of being worried, I came back to work after a week off to move to my new house and was told (again) I have anger management issues, okay not so much anger management issues but, I need to learn to be “nice.” But that’s for another post entirely.

My Cat Didn’t Like The New House

On Weds I finally transferred my cat to the new house. He spent the day behind the couch as he didn’t really want to explore. That night he finally came out and was walking close to the ground, wandering around the huge house he now lives in. After we went to bed, he cried all night and my son let him onto his bed so he could fall asleep. Well apparently my son didn’t sleep but Charlie did, and in the morning my son drank almost a pot of coffee all by himself. The following night, Charlie cried all night again, so I got up to go to the living room, turned on the lamp and television so I could stay up with him and make him feel at ease. We both woke up after my son came to tell me he was leaving for work. I was exhausted and still needed to finish unpacking and putting things away. My cat? That mofo slept all day long on the couch, and as mad as I was I let him.

My middle son told me to give him some nip and let him relax. So I did just that…..

This is my cat….
This is my cat on nip…

……to be continued.

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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The Nightmare Is Almost Over……..I Think

The Late, Great Huntress and Overly Sarcastic Realtor

With all the drama that happened last week over the most minute issues from my in depth, IRS/CIA/FBI background check and me getting the underwriters their answers.  I found myself waiting anxiously over the weekend.  Then yesterday around 11:45am I get a call from my realtor JMR to let me know we had an appointment at the title company that afternoon so sign the closing documents.  I wasn’t all too convinced that this was the truth since I hadn’t gotten an update CD from them with the new down payment amount. 

I know exactly how you feel there buddy

I am very skeptical about the entire home buying process and am not convinced that Satan himself is the underwriter scanning each document and sending them all back.  So when JMR told me to go get the down payment (cashier’s check of course) and to meet him at the title company by 4pm.  I was beginning to realize that, “OMG this entire nightmare is finally coming to an end!”  Right? WRONG!

Satan and Mother Nature Hate Me For Sure

So, I asked for permission to leave, so I could rush to the bank get the goddamned cashier’s check from my account and all the proof that it came from my account, I began to feel a bit more at ease.  So before I go on, let me just say that El Paso is normally a very hot and dry city.  We don’t get rainfall here more than a couple of days a year.  So, it’s been raining constantly since Sunday afternoon.  I’m talking thunder, lighting, sprinkles then torrential rainfall for more than two days.  I didn’t think nothing of it that is until I got on I-10 headed west because that’s where the title company is located.  It began to rain harder as I left the bank, clutching my purse with the down payment check inside.  As I got onto the freeway I was harshly reminded that people here can’t drive in the rain.  Okay clarification people here can’t drive at all, it’s a serious problem.  But I digress, it’s that they can’t drive in any inclement weather what so ever!  As I passed the downtown exit, traffic came to a complete stand still, it was a fucking parking lot of cars, trucks, 18 wheelers.  I wasn’t moving at all, and I kept looking at the clock on my car radio thinking “Seriously what the fuck could be the problem to hold up this traffic it’s not raining that bad!”

As I sang along to Paul Revere and The Raiders song “Indian Reservation” which is one of my favorite songs, not to mention poignant as well.  I began to think what stupid driving idiot doesn’t know how to drive in this rain that is causing this traffic jam.  My car inched along while rain fell from above and then I get a call from JMR.  He’s asking if I’m stuck in traffic like he is, and I said I was and as time ticked away he said he’d call the title company to let them know we would be a bit late.  He said that if it was the last thing he did he’d get me to close that afternoon.  As I passed the mountain that abuts the University, there was a small landslide of rubble, muddy orange dirt and rocks the size of soccer balls in the middle of the highway.  Traffic was being held up because everyone was veering left to avoid the landslide of water, rock and mud.  It was a nightmare to get past that and we were so late to the title company we didn’t get out of there until way past 5:45pm.

Fast Forward Two Hours, Four Pints of Guinness, Two Margaritas and Two Red and Blue Burgers Later

That’s right, and that’s how we prefer it thank you very much

 As we left the title company two hours late, it was still raining and I stood outside in front of my car getting soaked by all the fucking rain.  JMR said “Well we’re almost done” and I said “Almost?” He responded with “Well the seller needs to get funded, so as soon as that happens, you can have the keys to your house.”  I could feel the rain on my face and the frustration build up, I was very tired and so ready to go and have a couple of cocktails to forget the arduous journey it took to get to this day.  JMR said “Have you eaten yet? I said I hadn’t, having rushed around to get to the closing, he then suggested we go grab something to eat as we both stood there with the rain coming down on us.  “Okay sounds good I’m starving” he said “Leave your car here and I’ll bring you back after we eat” and I agreed.

As we sat in the pub I chugged my pint of Guinness and JMR? He had sparking water with lime, as I came to find out that he’s a recovering alcoholic.  I told him we didn’t have to go to that pub but he insisted that we go because the blue cheese, sun dried tomato burger was the best.  And he was indeed right, it came with shoestring fries, and it was DELISH!

So, after my third Guinness JMR and I began to converse about everything BUT the house I just signed off.  I found out he’s a single dad of an adult daughter, he’s never been married (yeah I know, wtf?) and he’s a Marine that spent 8 years in the Corps.  He was Mr. Chatty all throughout our meal and drinks, and revealed a lot about himself.  Me…not so much.  I have my guard up a bit since Lestat (yes I know I shouldn’t do that to JMR because of that) but it’s a defense mechanism.  So, after my four pints of Guinness and two margaritas (yes it was all me) and the delicious burger, we decided to go home.  I mean each of us to our own homes (I know what you’re thinking River, but it’s not there yet.)  He walked me to my car and it began to rain again.  I swear Satan and Mother Nature were playing chicken with my life as the landslide and rain made it almost impossible to get to my closing.  JMR walked me to my car, and I thanked him for everything he’d done and putting up with my sarcasm and attitude.  He said it had been a pleasure (I know he’s lying) because we’d gotten into so many “discussions” regarding houses, location and him standing me up once for a showing I know it wasn’t so much a pleasure for the poor guy.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor

As we tried to say a very awkward good bye, JMR hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.  I hugged him back and thanked him again for putting up with me as it began to rain softly.  That’s when he said “Oh, by the way did you know you’ll be my neighbor?”  I did a double take and said “What?!”  He laughed and said “Yeah, I live in the same neighborhood you’re going to live in.  I live about eight blocks from your new house.” It seemed the rain came down harder as I stood there in disbelief and a bit shocked.  Thunder from above cracked, I could see the lighting flash in my car windshield as I tried to process what he was telling me about being his neighbor……..and then he asked me to dinner.

Homeownership…..It’s An Adventure

After two excruciatingly long days I finally got the keys to my house.  I drove there right after work to make sure the roof wasn’t leaking since we’ve been encountering an unusually large amount of rain the last week and a half.  The seller had said that he’d reseal the roof on the house after the inspection found small parts of the roof weren’t going to pass FHA.  So, as I walked through the house taking in the horribly, musty smell of dirt and plastic (yeah I don’t know why?) I began the task of transferring all my utilities to the new address with a week overlap at the rental house so that we could finish moving.  I’m taking next week off for the move, and began to have a COMPLETE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!! I realized that at my age I’m barely buying a house and what the fuck am I doing?  Why the hell did I wait so long? Oh…..yeah his name is Lestat and I thought he hung the moon at the time and believed every fucking lie that came out of his forked tongued mouth.  So, I call the water company to transfer service and after being on hold for about half an hour the customer service rep tells me that there’s a hold on that property for service because of an outstanding balance of $1100.  I yelled out “what in the hell?!?”  And the customer service rep said “all we need form you ma’am is for you to email a copy of your ID and the fully executed deed/sale contract for the property and we can start service at your new address.”  Oh, well that’s like asking me to go find a gold nugget in a guano mine.  It took forever to close, I haven’t gotten the fully executed paperwork from the mortgage or title company.   Asking Mortgage Bitch Lady for anything at this point is useless.

JMR To The Rescue

I sent him a text asking how long it would take to get copies of the fully executed paperwork and his response, about three to four weeks!!!  He called me and asked me why and I told him, he said “Don’t worry let me call the lady from the title company and see what I can do.  This isn’t impossible okay?”

Well, maybe to him it didn’t seem impossible but to me it’s like going through the home buying process all over again.  About an hour later I get an email from the lady at the title company with the fully executed and notarized deed/contract of sale.  JMR really kept his word, and okay it wasn’t impossible but what can I say?  To be continued

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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AND……the Nightmare Continues………..

Nothing Can Prepare You For Any of This Shit

It’s been over a month (officially) since the “actual” home buying process began, or should I say the underwriting process that is.  Since I qualified for an FHA mortgage, I thought this would be a piece of cake since I’ve met or exceeded some of the requirements that FHA, the First Time Home Buyers and my mortgage company have asked of me.  Was that in anyway going to prepare me for the litany of constant paperwork and inquiries that I’m being asked for on a weekly basis?  No, NO IT FUCKING HASN’T!!

So this is a shortened outline of what I’ve been through the last week…..…

Mortgage Bitch Lady’s assistant – (via email, includes JMR) Ms. Huntress we need for you to submit a letter of withdrawal of an inquiry that you submitted on February 8th to your bank.  As well as your son’s bank statements which show that they withdrew the funds from their account, purchased the cashier’s checks and their balance afterwards. Also, we need for you to submit your credit card statement with a balance of zero.

Me – What the fuck?!

JMR – FHA underwriters are extremely picky and they will scrutinize everything….

Me – So what their saying is I need to prove where I got the gift funds from?  AND I have to pay down my credit card to zero?  Which will trigger activity on my bank account, which by the way, the mortgage company said to keep under $300?  Because my current balance on my credit card is $913 dollars.  So which is it? Do they want me to pay off the credit card or keep my activity on my bank account limited to less than $300?  Because if you ask me that’s a goddamned contradiction!!

JMR – *sigh* well yes, you need to pay off the credit card. Let me call Mortgage Bitch Lady and talk to her about this.

An hour later…

Mortgage Lady – Hi Huntress, so JMR called and asked about the credit card payment. In essence, we are asking that you pay this off in full. What’s your current balance?

Me – Its at $913

Mortgage Bitch Lady – Will this reduce your available funds to close?

Me – Yes it fucking will! Because I wasn’t told that I had to keep my credit card balance at zero AND not have any activity on my bank account over $300 dollars! How was I going to pay my bills until I got through this mortgage inquisition?!?!

Mortgage Lady – We’ll find a way around it

Me (in my head) – Sure you fucking will…

JMR – Can you please sign off on the revised disclosures that Mortgage Bitch Lady sent?

Me – AGAIN, this makes the 6th set of disclosures I’ve signed off on!

JMR – I told you this part of the process was going to take the longest.  Trust me it will be worth the wait.

Me – I’m starting to doubt that’s true

Mortgage Bitch Lady – Can you please sign off on the amendment for the price change on the property?

Me – *planning the demise of the mortgage lady, her inept assistant and even JMR….okay maybe not him because he’s helping me through two and a half months of house hunting, 8 rejected offers, driving me around on the weekends to look at properties and my sarcasm.  Which by the way he can match (not quite as charming as I can) but its right up there. 

Mortgage Bitch Lady – *via email, include JMR* Hi Huntress, can you please give an explanation for the item below? We need to know why you have a $50 payment for this student loan?

This is what the mortgage company sent that underwriting asked them to get from me. This student loan is from 2011!

Me – ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!?!?!  This student loan is from 2011! I am paying off all my loans, which by the way have been consolidate TWICE!  All in hopes that since I work for a non-profit I might be able to qualify or the Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program before I fucking DIE so that I don’t have to work the drive through at Wendy’s until I’m 89 years old!!

JMR – Huntress…..calm down.  I know your aggravated but….(then reads the email he’d been copied on via my response to Mortgage Bitch Lady)…..WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Why are they asking for this now, right when we’re about to close this fucking deal?!?!

Me – *cricket…cricket….cricket*

Mortgage Bitch Lady – Oh, by the way we need for a justification from you student loan servicer to prove this loan is consolidated with all the rest.  Please contact them and provide a letter of explanation to us by the end of the day.

Me – *Harley Quinn maniacally insane laugh*………….Are……you…..serious…….hahahaha……by the end of the day…..hahahahaha……..TODAY??  It’s a fucking THURSDAY MST 3:30pm…….hahahahahaha……..that servicer is on the east coast lady!

JMR – Huntress, let me call Mortgage Bitch Lady, I’ll smooth things out to give you another day to get the info they want.

Me (via phone call with JMR) – Dude…..your dead to me….

JMR – What? Why, I’m just trying to give you a little more time to get that info to them.

Me – Exactly, you should be telling Mortgage Bitch Lady they should give me more fucking time, not just “a day.”

JMR – *sighs defeatedly*…..Okay, let me see what I can do.

Me – *dead silence*

20 MINUTES LATER….

JMR – Okay, Mortgage Bitch Lady said to take as long as you can to get them that letter.  But, that this will push your closing date back by a couple of days.

Me – Seriously? Fuck my entire life JMR…..I’m…

JMR interrupts – Seriously?

Me – Seriously what?

JMR – What you just said?

Me – *confused*…What, what did I just say?

JMR – You said “fuck you for an entire life”…..*he laughs not knowing I’m so stressed out and raging mad I’m not falling for his flirtatious attempts*

Me – That’s not what I said, I said…..you know what, I’m done.  I need to get back to work so…yeah.

JMR – You’re blushing

Me – No I’m not, your being a complete pain in the ass!

JMR – Admit it your blushing *laughs over the phone*

Me – *hangs up on JMR*

This was Thursday afternoon and I was working yet another COVID vaccine clinic until about 8pm that night.  When I got home I was completely fried, I had no energy, no appetite, no nothing.  I went straight to bed and had nightmares that I’d lost this house because the student loan servicer I had to contact didn’t have me on file and I started to cry over the phone.  Then I woke up the next morning still with that shit on my mind.  I got to work extra early to prepare for what I knew would be hours on the phone being transferred from one department to another.  Having to explain my situation and why I needed a stupid letter explaining that $50 payment I had showing on my “in depth, FBI-IRS-CIA researched credit report.”  I mean, only they could dig that deep and find something that happened back in fucking 2011 for fuck sake. 

Lucky for me the mortgage company provided an account number and I was able to use that as reference.  It would have been impossible to track down that student loan without it.  So I got on the phone and began a series of automated prompts thinking this was going to take me all day.  After prompting customer service I got someone on the line by the name of Jodi.  And she was AMAZING and after I told her my story she said “Of course, I think I can help with that.”  And as luck would have it she guided me to be able to log into an account I hadn’t used since 2013.  She talked me through the website and she told me I could find what I was looking for under “My Documents.”  Low and behold, there it was, that stupid account that said I had a $50 payment on, which by the way I didn’t even get because it showed as being cancelled! I thanked her profusely and I gave her the best customer service review I possibly could and downloaded the letter.

I emailed Mortgage Bitch Lady back and copied JMR so he’d know I submitted what they had requested in less time than he expected.  About an hour later I get an email from the application processor at the mortgage company to let me know all my requirements had been met, and thanked me for being so attentive with everything they had asked of me. 

To Be Continued…

No, seriously to be continued because I haven’t heard anything from them so either they’re asking the FBI-CIA to do a background check into my parents and brother (in which case I’m totally fucked) to see if I still qualify for this house.  After which I get a call from JMR telling me he got the email and that he’s pretty sure that we will close on Tuesday and that he’ll be glad to be in town to go to my closing with me.

Me – What do you mean you’ll be in town? You mean you’ve been out of town this entire week while all this drama was going on?!?!

JMR – Yes, I mean I didn’t tell you?

Me – OMG, of course you didn’t tell me.  I would have remembered that you told me you’d be out of town!

JMR – Oh…sorry I thought I did.

Me – What if I had closed this week? I would have had to close and sign all of the 15,847 documents all by myself without you there for me to ask you questions about what I didn’t understand?!?!

JMR *under his breath* – Geez your so over dramatic…..

Me – What did you just say?

JMR – Nothing

Me – No, you said something, say it.  Or are you…….chicken?

JMR – Shirley you can’t be serious?

Me – I am, and don’t call me Shirley.

JMR – Hey! You got it! Not many people will get that reference.

Me – Don’t change the subject.

JMR – *sighs* Fine. I called you over dramatic.

Me – I thought so.

JMR – I’m never going to win with you am I?

Me *sarcastically laughs* – NEVER

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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My Faith In Humanity Is Not Lost……..For Now At Least.

My Realtor Might Be THE BEST EVAH!!

Since my last post I’m still waiting to close on my house.  A house that I believed might have been lost to the fact that even though I needed an extra two thousand dollars, I had no idea where I’d get them.

Since my offer for the house was accepted and then the appraisal came back, I’ve been going back and forth with the seller’s agent regarding the price of the home.  It appraised at $133K, but the seller still wanted to sell it at $135K.  Because I have an FHA loan I couldn’t borrow the money for the extra two grand.  I had to have it gifted to me.  I never thought of asking my boss (like Fake Supervisor does) because I have some integrity and don’t think to use people for what they can give me or how my relationship with them will benefit me.

On Tuesday I woke up crying because I had to call JMR to tell him I was going to have to withdraw my offer on the house because there was no way I was going to be able to come up with two thousand dollars.  As I dialed his number I thought this poor guy has helped me since April, and now we’re going to have to start all over again.  He answered and was his upbeat, chipper self, but when he noticed my somber tone he asked what was wrong.  I explained and he said “Look, you need to just relax and I understand that two thousand dollars is a lot of money for someone to come up with overnight.  But, God has a plan for all of us and maybe you should talk to the Big guy and pray.  If it doesn’t go your way it wasn’t meant to be, and if it does, God had something to do with it.”  Now, I’m not a religious person and some even think I’m the devils spawn and taking into consideration who my mother is, they’re not too far off from the truth.  But I am a spiritual person, I believe in God and that His divine wisdom would lead me in the right direction, even if it wasn’t with this house.  I told myself I had to have faith, because if JMR had faith in me, I might as well try.

He said that he was going to call the Bitch Mortgage company lady to talk to her to see if she can find some other programs I might qualify for.  I thanked him and hung up the phone and I completely broke down.  I hadn’t cried in years but I couldn’t take the mental and emotional rollercoaster I had been on since this entire home buying process started.  My son came out of his room and said he’d heard me talking to JMR, who happens to be his realtor as well.  He said he called my youngest and talked to him and between the two, gifted me $1500.  I cried even more, I can’t believe I have such wonderful boys.

Which makes me wonder if they were switched at birth given that they are devils spawn’s spawn.  Anyway, the next day I called JMR to tell him I had managed to get fifteen hundred dollars together and he told me that the seller was dead set on the entire $135K. 

He told me he was still taking to the seller’s agent and that he had to meet with her and the seller later that day.  But he wasn’t promising me anything so I needed to start looking at other homes currently on the market.  My elation turned to disappointment yet again, and he told me he was still trying to work on some other options and he’d get back to me.

Well later that day he sent me a text that he was going to send me an amendment to the original contract for me to sign.  I just said okay without thinking too much about it, as I was at work and dealing with jerkoffs here that are hell bent on making my life a living hell.

During lunch I looked at the contract and it was for $134K, and I was confused and yet excited.  I called JMR and said “I don’t know what you did or said but, is the house really for $134K?”  He said yes it was, and then I asked him what had happened, he responded with “Don’t worry about it, just sign the contract and we’ll be off to the races.  The final stretch is here and you’ll be closing soon.”  I signed off on the amendment and a few other documents from the mortgage company.  And now I wait for JMR to call me that we have an appointment to sign the final paperwork.  My wonderful boys and awesome realtor have make this week a tsunami of emotions.  My little one and oldest were quick to step up to the plate to help me (my poor middle son isn’t as financially stable as his brothers) and my oldest is buying his own house as well. 

I’m very proud of all my boys because as adults they have made up for every sleepless night, every time I had to clean up after them when they threw up for eating too much pizza and Big Red soda. Having to pay for something they broke, going through three tonsillectomies, two broken bones, two sets of braces, one broken windshield, a half burned hay bale (it’s a long story), scratching my new car, going to parent teacher conferences and so much more.  My boys are not perfect because after they are the devils spawn’s spawn.  But, they are responsible, good hearted, loving grown men and I’m so proud of the men they’ve become.  I hope that I had something to do with that, although I could do without their constant sarcasm and wicked sense of humor.  I have no idea where the fuck they got that from?

Random Things You Didn’t Know About The Huntress

My Tastes In Music Is Quite Broad

Growing up my parents listened to Mexican music, which to this day I detest vehemently.  It’s like nails on a chalkboard.  And it hasn’t gotten any better if you ask me, even the different genres are not enough to entice me to listing to this horrible music.  There are Nortenas, Corridas and I could go on and on and on, but I don’t want to throw up my food so I’ll stop.  I won’t listen to any music in Spanish that has accordions, trumpets or tubas.  That music was derived from the Germans who settled in Mexico a long time ago, and then it evolved from Polka-ish to just plain noise pollution.  BUT, I will listen to and affectionately sing along with Salsa music, yes it’s in Spanish as well.  But it’s much more mellow and romantic than that crappy Mexican music.  Cuban and Puerto Rican, even Brazilian Bosa nova music is like a cloud of lyrics flowing softly into my ears and I can sing, dance and relax to it.  Then I go off the other end and say I listen to Country music as well, but country music from the late 70’, 80’s and early to mid-90’s because today’s country music sounds all the same to me.  I can’t tell the difference between artists who come on the radio anymore, so I’m sticking to what I grew up with and what I learned to love, like Alan Jackson, Clint Black, Travis Tritt, Marty Stuart, Ronnie Milsap and Dwight Yoakam.  Female artists like Reba McEntire, Roseanne Cash, Carleen Carter, Patty Loveless and I could go on and on. 

Country Rock or Soft Rock bands such as the Eagles, The Allman Brothers, CCR (Clearance Clearwater Revival) the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Lynard Skynard, Poco, Jackson Brown and sooooo many others.

I also have an affinity for heavy metal, Metallica, Megadeath, early Black Sabbath, Judas Priest, AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Motorhead and Pantera to name a few.  And some new metal music, not so much as heavy as piercing and soul shattering, such as Halestorm, Evenessance, Lacuna Coil and Kamelot, their song The Haunting is just that, haunting and metal beauty at its best.  What I listen too depends on what mood I’m in, if I’m in a bad mood then Metal it is (which seems to be a lot lately.) 

If I’m in a mellow mood I listen to Salsa, and if I’m reminiscing I listen to Country.  One thing I won’t listen to besides Mexican music that is, is Grunge.  Not going there, never will and I’m sticking to it. 

Progressive Rock is another type of music I love, RUSH, Foreigner, Styx, Cheap Trick, Journey, Kansas, .38 Special, Boston, Triumph and the like because my much older cousins would listen to these artists and well it grew on me.

I also listen to opera, one of my favorite opera singers in Anna Netrebko, she sings the Flower Duet with Elina Garanca with such grace and beauty it will make you cry.  No, seriously it’s that beautiful, you should go listen to it now….I’ll wait.  Okay your back, so my list goes on and on but I also love music from the 1970’s, easy breezy music like the Commodores, Christopher Cross, Bread, Toto, The Doobie Brothers, Ambrosia, Kenny Loggins or KLog to his friends or Archer apparently. 

Apparently Archer didn’t call Kenny Loggins by his alias, KLog. And got Bitch slapped in the proceses.

The entire “Danger Zone” thing has become a “thing” since Archer had him on the show.  The US Navy even had some patches made to reflect the “Danger Zone”

And I like music that is mockingly known as “Yacht Rock”….yes that’s a thing, go look it up.

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Something I Never Thought I Had (anxiety) And Something I Wish I Didn’t (A New So-Called Boss)

On June 1st,  2021 I celebrated my one year anniversary at this job.  Boy does time fly, even when you’re not having fun.  I started this job wondering and questioning my abilities to working for a boss who is not only generous but who is kick ass and did a lot for not just me, but for Impostor and others as well.   She gifted me a year’s worth of online yoga classes, she’s given me a designer purse and buys us lunch every week.  I’ve gotten confident under her tutelage, learning a lot about how she does her job, and mingling with those that work under her too.  Those that are positive influences of course, as Fake Buzz McCallaster and Fake Bob Pennciotti don’t count.    Because of this job, I was also able to finally get some money together for the down payment on my house.  Which by the way seems to have come to a complete stop, because apparently the mortgage company we’re using is backlogged and they are “trying” to get to my file as soon as they can.  With the housing market the way it is, being a sellers’ market, it’s no wonder I’m still waiting.  Anyway, back to the entire home buying experience and the new anxieties that have developed because of it.  Not the actual buying the house mind you, but the fact that I’m 51 years old, buying a house for the first time and constantly thinking of what my retirement will be like because, I will literally have to work until I’m 95.

The closing process has been slow and agonizing and that’s being positive, but I put in the offer for my house on May 4th, they accepted on May 5th and I’m still waiting on the fucking appraisal to get completed.  Yes I’m still waiting on the appraisal because apparently they are backlogged at the moment, so I don’t know how long I’ll have to wait.  Then, since me and my son are the only two residential clients our realtor (I’ll call him JMR) has, I’m constantly reaching out to the dude for information.  He started off strong, I was his only client at the time of my house hunting endeavor.  But now? I’ve been ghosted by my freaking realtor!! He’s not a bad guy really he isn’t but seriously you’d think that he’s keep me in the look about the status of my house.  I wake up in the middle of the night wondering why I am buying a house so late in life. How am I going to retire or if I’ll ever be able to retire?  When I left my previous University I didn’t have a job, so I took out my retirement saving because I didn’t know how long I’d be without work.  And doing so, now I’m worried about things like, will I have enough to retire on? Will I have to work until I’m 95, and then die in peace? Will I have to live with my kids because I’ll still be an old woman comminuting to work on the bus because I’ll no longer be able to drive?  Will I actually be able to enjoy my new house without all of these things worrying me?

Okay, I know I started way too late in life on things I should have done when I was younger, like buying a house.  Or getting financially secure, finishing my education and all that jazz that people do in their twenties and thirties.  I feel stupid for being this old and just getting around to it, even though I know there are many people who have started “over” in their lives.  I’m going through anxieties that I didn’t think I’d ever have.  I’ve made an appointment to see my therapist Terri, because all of these fears are literally keeping me up at night.

UPDATE

This is how I feel, seriously.

Finally the appraisal for the house I’m under contract for came back lower than the offer I had put in a bid for. It came back at $133K which is a good thing BUT, the seller wants $135K which means since I have an FHA loan, FHA will only pay for what the house is appraised at. I have to come up with another $2K out of pocket. As I slammed my head onto my desk while my realtor was telling me this, I was wonder why I’m even trying to buy a house in this market to begin with? He reassured me that this was a one time process and that it would be all over soon. But, I told him how in the FUCK would I come up with an extra two grand to meet the sellers selling price? Mind you, the selling price when I put in the offer was $130K, now that might now seem like a lot but here in El Paso that can buy a lot of house. Except now in this stupid sellers housing market, so I asked my realtor to counter offer at $134K since this is as much as I had on reserve.

He came back later that day to tell me that he is standing firm on the $135K. To add to my frustration the loan officer for the mortgage company is a complete and total bitch. She’s rude and has NO customer service skills whatsoever, and her communication skills are even worse. For example, my son is also dealing with her and after four emails from her telling my son that his income tax paper work “wasn’t legible” he was at a loss. She kept mentioning that his W-2 form wasn’t “legible” and that he needed to resend it to her. So after another four emails to her, I finally called her and asked her why she couldn’t read the income tax forms?

Finally the dumb bitch said “The W-2 form isn’t included in the income tax information.” I was like what the fuck? And I went back to see what I had scanned for him, and sure enough the W-2 form was missing. Now, I’m no rocket scientist but, I’m thinking “attached” and “legible” are most DEFINITELY NOT the same fucking thing, am I right? So, I rescanned his income tax information (making very fucking sure his W-2 was ATTACHED) and resent it to her. I’m like seriously how in the fuck does someone not know the difference between “Illegible and attached” and then have to constantly tell a customer this over and over. Not realizing that YOUR NOT MAKING SENSE YOU DUMB MORTGAGE COMPANY LENDING OFFICER BITCH!!!!!

No shit ya dumb bitch….seriously!

In any case that got settled but not before going through two days of complete miscommunication (on her end) and confusing my son and myself. When all she had to do was tell us in the first place his W-2 wasn’t attached to his income tax information. Needless to say she isn’t the greatest communicator and this causes problems for me. Because I ask a lot of questions to make sure I understand the process and know that if I keep asking the same question over and over again, that’s because I’m getting in debt with a $135K home I’ll be living in the rest of my life. So, I’m not talking to her anymore, I told my realtor JMR to be the go between since he’s been working with her for years because I will most definitely bury her body in the back yard of the house I’m buying. So, needless to say I had to have someone “gift” me the other $1K so I could complete the extra two thousand dollars I needed to buy this house. I signed the amended contract this morning, so lets hope this goes smoothly from here on out and that I’ll close around the middle of this month.

My Boss Is No Longer “A” Boss

Two weeks ago we (myself and Impostor) got an email from Fake Supervisor that we would no longer be reporting directly to our Vice Presidents.  That we are now direct reports to her and a dotted line to our VP’s.  I was livid not to mention that I asked my boss if she knew about this and she said she did.  Which made it all the worse because when my boss came back the following week I asked to talk to her about this.  We sat in her office and she told me that Fake Supervisor was getting her big, fat panties in a knot because we were only notifying her of leave after we’d told our bosses (VP’) and that she said she needed to stay “in the loop.”  So, needless to say my boss tried to put me at ease over this shift in our bosses, and I’ve tried to come to terms with it and I just haven’t been able to.  Realizing I have to play nice with someone who lacks integrity, honesty, and leadership skills is very hard for this Huntress.  Which is only adding to the stress and anxiety of the entire house buying process.  I need my job so I can pay for my house, so I can try and save money for retirement and not have to work at the drive thru at Wendy’s as the oldest cashier in their history. 

Now, having a reporting structure change isn’t something I wanted just because Fake Supervisor feels the need to be in control of everyone that works in the president’s suite.  I’m wondering whether or not I’ll be able to adjust to this “change” and how I can work with someone I can’t stand.  We get along with each other okay, I just don’t think she’s worthy of her position.  She’s lazy, does the bare minimum, and has us to most of her job.  I’m at a loss here people, and the fact that my boss was okay with this is more confounding because my boss bashes Fake Supervisor at every turn.  I hate hypocrisy, but I realize that it has to be part of the job at times.  I just can’t stomach it for very long and as I mentioned before, I need my job.  It doesn’t help that I’ve been off my game at work for the last week, I’ve made mistakes that are for someone who just started working here.  I own up to them of course, but it doesn’t help that my (dotted line) boss calls me out on them either.  Maybe that’s why I’m feeling the way I do, I’m second guessing myself, my abilities and my experience.

Impostor #2 Started Her New Job

I really do feel like this every single fucking time I see her walking down the hall

Today my friend began her new job as Executive Associate to the VP for Academic Affairs.  She is getting settled with all the things she needs to know about being an EA.  Not that it’s hard but we all don’t do the same thing.  Our bosses are very different and have different responsibilities, so we have many areas that some of us don’t have to deal with.  But since my boss is also Associate Academic Dean, my boss and her boss have to work together.  The thing is, I’m not sure about how that will go since this weekend we had planned to go out for margaritas and food on Saturday.  This was her suggestion and I said that would be a great idea since last week was completely horrible here at work.  My (now dotted line boss) was in a very bad mood and I had to put out fires everywhere.  So, I accepted her invite for Saturday.  Then come Saturday morning she texts me that she’s going to drive her mom to see some family about 75 miles away and she would text me a time for use to get together.  I was like, fine I can deal with that and waited.  I spent my Saturday doing what I always do, clean, wash, do some grocery shopping, plan my meals for the week etc. 

Then at 8:15pm I get a text from her telling me she’s not going to be able to make it because she and her mom are just leaving from visiting their family.  I’m like fuming by this point, because why invite me out for drinks if she had something previous planned to begin with!?!?  When you make plans and flake out later don’t fucking expect me to be all nice about it!  And that’s exactly what happened, she text me Sunday afternoon asking if I’d like to go and have margaritas.  I didn’t respond, because she does that to me, I’ll text her and she won’t respond for hours or sometimes days, or at all.  So she kept texting me asking why I wasn’t responding.  I finally just told her that Sunday afternoons I spend having Sunday dinner with my boys, and left it at that.  So this morning when we had a welcome breakfast for her in the kitchen, we had to pretend we didn’t know each other.  If Fake Supervisor knew we worked together before she probably wouldn’t have gotten the job.  So I told her we needed to act like this was our first time meeting, and as of now, she’s being trained by Impostor on the systems she needs to use.  And I’m glad because I think I would have strangled her by now after what she did on Saturday.  I know, I need to be able to let shit like this go, but I have very little friends and it seems as though the circle might get a bit smaller because I just can’t deal with stupid bullshit like that.  I’m too old and my patience has run thin with dealing with people who can’t make up their minds, have personality issues and don’t recognize a real friend when they have one in their lives.  I’m tired and I don’t think I need to have to explain myself to those that I think are true friends.   And I don’t like being treated as though I were “disposable” either.

So that’s all for now, until next time this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Breaking News!!! My Son Is Getting A House and Other Happenings In The Huntress’ World

When I began my house hunting journey a couple of years ago, I kept telling my oldest who still lives with me, that he needed to get himself a house.  I’ve preached this to all my boys, because I don’t care if they aren’t married, investing in a home should be their top priority.  A lesson that I didn’t learn, or wasn’t taught by my financially inept parents because they built their home on land that didn’t belong to them.  Yes, you heard that right, and didn’t plan for their old age because they believed their daughter would take care of them, but that’s a post for another time.

Literally this is what it feels like

In any case, I learned late in life that I had to buy a house because not only would it be mine, but as well as some kind of financial security for when I retire.  Never mind that I have to work until I’m 92 years old because the retirement system in Texas, which those institutions of higher education invest in is a complete and total scam.  But I digress, when I began to look for my house and complete all the financial information I told my oldest he needed to do the same.  After some procrastination, he finally submitted his mortgage application and low and behold, the mofo qualified for a lot more house than I did!!!

Of course he’s very careful with his money and is financially savvy, so he said he wanted to buy a house that’s at least $30K less than what he qualified for.  Which is a smart move, but I don’t know how that will play out in this sellers’ market though.  Either way, HE’S GETTING OUT OF MY HOUSE Y’ALL!!!

WOOP-WOOP!!!  If you can’t tell I’m just a little excited about this prospect that I’ll actually be living alone for the first time in over five years.  Then he tells me he’s looking at a house four blocks from where I’m currently buying my home *insert dramatic eye roll here*

Which isn’t bad I suppose, since he’ll be closer to work and won’t have to drive as far, because I do worry about him driving on an almost deserted highway late at night coming home.  I worry about that since he works on base and his location of employment is literally out in the middle of nowhere.   So, I’m happy about that, he’ll be moving to the same part of town I’ll be living in and he’ll be close enough to call if I need help with anything but far enough to throw him out and tell him to “go home” should he piss me off.   Believe me that happens A LOT, and although I love my boys, sometimes I just want to kick their sarcastic asses out of my house.  I wonder where they get that from?  In any case, I’m happy for him and I only hope the other two follow suit. 

My Friend Got Hired To Work In The Same Office

I don’t know if that’s good or bad?  Remember that I wrote about her last year sometime, and how she seems to aggravate the shit out of me with her neediness and passive aggressive tendencies?  Well you can read about that here, and I really hope that I don’t have to kill her before her six month probationary period or I’ll be in jail waiting to see if I get probation.

Now just so you know, she’d been working with another institution of higher education with a completely controlling and narcissistic boss.  So, I would tell her to apply her (when I meant here I meant at the Institution itself NOT the office I work in) and she would.  And when we’d get together to have some adult beverages and talk, she’d whine about not getting called for interviews.  Well low and behold when Fake Mimi quit, her job needed to be filled and my friend Veronica applied.  I didn’t know this until I saw the interview list of potential candidates.  I was part of the interview panel for Fake Mimi’s old job, and although I know she’s a great candidate with a lot of experience in higher education, I didn’t have any power over who was going to get chosen for the job.

I made it a point to tell her so after she interviewed, and she said she understood.  She managed to get the job on her very own merit. Now, this is somewhat of a double edged sword because although I’ve worked with her before (that’s how we became friends) I’ve never worked with her in such close proximity.  She starts on June 1st and I’m filled with both excitement and dread AND there will now be three Huntress’ in the president’s suite.  Of course with yours truly being the one and only original, even through Impostor #2 is older than I am, but you get the point.  So, I have Impostor #1 and now Impostor #2 aka “Veronica the Needy.”   Needless to say, it’s come as a shock to President Cutie Pie to have three women named Huntress in the suite.  But, we are like the Amazon women that trained Wonder Woman, together we’re a force to reckon with. 

The Three Huntress’ Ready to Take On One Big Fat Fake Supervisor

This will come in handy when dealing with Fake Supervisor who is usurping the powers of the VP’s we work for.  That in itself is a dangerous power play because although Fake Supervisor “thinks” she’s above all the executive officers, she most definitely is not.  Oh by the way did I mention Fake Carol is “retiring?”  Not really retiring, it’s a forced retirement because she fucked up her job by not doing her job and bullying my boss.  Therefore forcing my boss to take on some of Fake Carol’s duties. 

In short, Impostor #2 is coming aboard, Fake Carol is leaving and Fake Supervisor is getting as annoying as ever.  So stay tuned for the next episode of *insert echo here* Who Will The Huntress Kill Next? So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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The Weirdest Thing Happened While I Wasn’t Looking

Why Are High School Friends Suddenly Coming Out of The Woodwork?

As a matter of fact weird things do happen to me, but it takes me a while to notice them.  Since my last post, I’ve still been looking for a house, and that hasn’t been the experience I thought it would turn out to be, but I digress.  In the meantime, during my working and going home to sleep, I’ve not done much but exactly that.  We had our last COVID clinic this past week and I worked until well past 9pm every night.  So needless to say I’m fucking exhausted, and sleep seems to be the only thing I long for at the moment.   Oh…and alcohol, I’m desperately longing for alcohol because since last month I’ve been off the “good stuff” because, even though I’m not one to drink on a daily basis or binge drink on the weekends.  I did enjoy the occasional glass of wine or cocktail.  But, I was told by my doctor to stay off the alcohol for a month, because he wanted to see how I reacted without it.  I work out daily, run, yoga, punching the occasional coworker, you know normal stuff. 

And I’d been hitting a few setbacks, such as in my diet and trying to stay healthy and he wanted me to lay off the booze (sounds so ghetto) for a month until my next visit to see how I’d done.  More on that later, anyway as I mentioned weird things happen and sometimes I don’t catch them right away.  So, I haven’t kept in touch with the people I went to high school with, and why would I?  For the most part they were mean, bullying, self-absorbed jerks.  Not all of them, but most of the people I knew were considered jocks or pretty girls and I was neither.  I played high school basketball, softball and ran track but I wasn’t a star at it, much to the dismay of my overly “jockish” father.  Who excelled in sports while in high school, and that made for some pretty disappointing conversations.  But, as I’ve mention before I got married and left when I was sixteen and went to finish high school where me and my husband lived.  So fast forward thirty some-odd years, and here you find me, not having spoken to anyone from high school in decades, not years but DECADES. 

A couple of weeks ago I was at my bank, yes I still go to the bank physically because I don’t trust computers to take care of my money.  Anyway, I had to go order some more personal checks, and while standing in line, a stranger approached me.  He was wearing a naval uniform, or those camouflage jumper looking things.  As I made my way down the line, I got to the customer service counter, made my request and turned to leave.  Now this stranger was like four people in front of me, all the while he kept turning back over and over.  I thought he was looking past me, but apparently he wasn’t because I as I turned to leave, walking towards the exit, he stopped, took his hat/cap/head thingy off and said “Excuse me ma’am, don’t I know you from somewhere?”

I looked at him and rolled my eyes, and thought to myself, sure buddy I’m sure you think you do.  Now, I’m not saying this in an “I’m so hot, I think I’m all that” kind of way.  I was thinking he was mistaken and then I said “No, I don’t think so sir” smiled and kept walking.  He walked up to me really fast and then as I approached the door, he opened it for me and then said “Huntress? It is you!” and I was what the fuck just happened here?

One of many reasons I don’t have Facebook or any social media whatsoever

So he was another friend from high school whom I hadn’t heard from since I’d left and gotten married.  He was in most of my classes my freshman year.  We both sucked at math and we helped each other out in class, he’d fall asleep and I’d cover for him.  Then, his much older girlfriend threatened to kick my ass during lunch one day because of our “friendship.”  She was a junior and was very jealous, possessive and psycho because she believed every girl in high school wanted to steal Joe from her.  Which wasn’t true, okay maybe a little true but definitely not me.  Joe was another jock, he excelled at everything, sports, academics (except for math) and even being an all-out nice guy.  And it made him all the more attractive because he was good looking to boot.  So this was Joe, from high school, he’s a career navy man and was in town for his parents wedding anniversary.

We talked for a long time out in the lobby of the bank that afternoon.  He got around to asking me if I was still married and I explained I wasn’t and why.  Then I asked him if he married Sonia his jealous overbearing high school girlfriend.  He said he did and they have four kids together, I laughed and said “Oh you have four kids, that’s nice, and my condolences for being married to Sonia.”  He knew why I had said that.  He laughed too and then he asked for my number and I was like, what the fuck? I asked him why he wanted my cell number for if he was married and assuming that his crazy ass, psycho wife wouldn’t like it if he took another woman’s number.  He said “I’m also getting a divorce” and said he’d been stationed in Pensacola and she’d stayed in Nevada.  I was like………………NOPE, not doing it.  I’ve been there done that shit before with Lestat.  They tell you they’re getting a divorce, they charm you and win you over and then right when they have you where they want you………….BAMM!!!!  They kick you right in the ovaries and tell you they are getting back together with their wives.

I hear ya bro

As much as I’d have liked to talk to Joe outside of the bank, I’m not falling for that shit again thank you very much. Then the following week I got an email from a girl/woman I went to high school with, she works here too and she was two years ahead of me in high school.   But I was in the same grade as her brother and she said she recognized me from one of the building walk trough’s I had done with my boss.   It was a pleasant surprise, and we chatted throughout emails here at work.  Then she said her brother asked if she could ask me for my phone number, if I didn’t have a jealous boyfriend or husband.  I found that extremely odd, first Joe and now Jessy?  Or should I say Jessy’s sister, and how would I respond to this?  Then I thought, the same way I responded to Joe’s request.  I asked her if Jessy was married and she told me he was, and I said that I didn’t feel comfortable giving him my phone number if he was married.  She said she understood and we left it at that.

Under Contract

After a tedious house search in the area of the city I “wanted” to live in, I took my realtors advice and looked outside the boundaries of where I am currently living and comfort zone too.   I found that there were many houses in the Northeast of El Paso that not only were in my price range, but they were as big and spacious as I was looking for when I began my search.  This was something I couldn’t find on the eastside of town and not to mention, they were tiny little houses with big ass price tags!  I have no connection to the Northeast, but I found that a plus, so after looking at three potential properties, I found my house.  I have a contract on a 1600 sq. foot home on the far Northeast side of town that borders Fort Bliss.  It needs some TLC, but I felt that as soon as I walked into the home, this was my house.  Its four bedrooms, two baths and it needs a bit of fixing up but it’s mostly cosmetic like paint, mini-blinds and a good cleaning. 

This is from my original realtors Instagram page, which was sent to me by a friend of mine who recommended her.

AND my realtor and the selling agent are trying to get the owner to replace the roof as well.  Not that it needs it, but my realtor said he’d try so I can have a refrigerated air/heater combo put in and not worry about the roof.   I’ve given my earnest and option money, and they are ordering the appraisal and termite inspection for this coming week.  The neighborhood is mostly military retirees, so I know it’s quiet and won’t have to worry about late night parties and such, having to yell at kids to get off my lawn and shit.  Yes, yes I would because I’m going to be that crazy cat lady at the corner house yelling at kids, if there are any kids.  Like I said, it’s mostly retirees so I’m thinking everyone’s kids are grown.  Did I mention that I found out that I actually know the owner of the house?  When I worked at a printer/paper supplier he was one of the city sales customers and when I was pregnant with my youngest he’d bring me ice cream and Mexican sweet bread.  I don’t think I’ll ever even get to talk to the guy during this entire home buying process anyway, to be continued.

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Skepticism….It’s A Thing

So I had a completely different post written for today, but the last month or so I’ve been on a journey that hasn’t quite turned out like I thought.  So here I go……

Once Upon A Time There Was A Huntress

Who had ventured into purchasing a house two years back that turned into complete and utter shit.  It was the worst experience of my life.  Because I was a first time home buyer that even though I researched what I could regarding buying a house and trying to get as much information as I could on different types of financing.  Ultimately the realtor and mortgage company that I had worked with were to say the least, crap on a cracker!  So, a synopsis of what I went through, I found a realtor who was all gung-ho about helping me buy a house.  She was very helpful (at first) and she put me in touch with the mortgage company she used often.  Well the idiot mortgage/loan officer for the Crap mortgage company was more interested in his upcoming vacation with his son to Cloudcroft NM than paying attention to my stats and getting me approved.  So, before that motherfucker went on vacation he told my realtor that “we were ready to go” and he gave us a price range for a house.  So we began looking, and then I found a beautiful home near where I live now.  It was below what I had supposedly been approved for and then everything went to shit.  The asshole loan officer for the mortgage company came back a week after his vacation and was sucked back into reality and realized that I didn’t qualify for anything because he didn’t take into account my student loans or my median credit score.  You can read more about that here.

So, that was back in 2019 and it was a huge setback for me because I really wanted to get out of the rental house owned by that cheap ass Filipina bitch who maintains it on a damned $10 budget.  So, after two years of fixing what I needed to fix regarding my credit, I finally approached another realtor who has been such a blessing and she guided me in regards to what I needed to do, what documents I had to collect and all the information I would submit.  And after all that……………….I finally GOT APPROVED FOR A HOME LOAN Y’ALL!!!!

And Even Despite This Good News, I’m Skeptical

Okay so that’s the good part of all of this, that I finally found a competent realtor and a caring and not to mention careful loan officer who paid attention to me and all my financial information.   It’s been going on a month now and I’ve yet to find a house that I like or can afford.  THEN my caring and thoughtful realtor had to break some bad new to me.  She told me that she would be going to Florida to help her daughter open her own realty office in Miami.  She said that she had someone in mind to help me with my home hunting journey.  So, I was kind of hesitant to go through all of that again but since most of the work on the financial side had been done.  I took a chance and agreed to meet with the person who would continue helping me look for a house while she traipsed off to sunny Florida to help her daughter. 

She told me this man was her mentor when she began in the business 20 years ago, and that he knew his stuff.  As for me, I had to meet and hear this man for myself to know if that was true, so she arranged for me to meet him at a house listing I had sent her previously.  So she booked us for a showing on a Sunday afternoon on the Far East side of town. 

I got there and he sent me a text me to tell me what he was driving and I met him out front while we waited for the mob of other people to leave the home so we could take our private tour.  We introduced ourselves and he began to give me details about the home.  He said to me that he needed for me to tell him what I wanted in a house and where I preferred to live.  So I did, he took notes and we walked the house.  We spoke for a bit and then left since that house seemed to have been booked all day for showings.  That was more than three weeks ago, since then I’ve put in offers for four homes and in the process I’ve been outbid by people with more money and on two occasions people that came in with cash.   I was beginning to lose hope because I hadn’t found anything in my price range and being out bid by people with more than I had to offer for homes that two years ago would have sold for $25K less than today and was beginning to get really discouraged.  He called me up one day and told me that I sounded a bit down, and I told him the truth about how I might have to wait to find not just something I liked but could afford as well. 

Well maybe not perfect, but he’s trying

Then, he began to give me some really important information that only a seasoned and experienced realtor would give.  He told me that the housing market right now is a sellers’ market, and that homes that were less than 1200 square feet were being price gouged by the owners because there is a lack of inventory right now.   He also advised that I look beyond the side of town that I wanted to find something that I could afford but, that I loved and would make my home there for the rest of my life.  He knew what I was worried about and then reassured me that if I wasn’t ready to continue looking at the moment, he’d be available for when I was.  So, my second realtor whom I’ll call Mr. Irvin, because that’s the high school he graduated from, is not only well versed in this business, he also knows how to gauge people and their enthusiasm or hesitancy in regards to their home buying.  He also said that because of the housing market right now, cash buyers are coming out of the woodwork to just undermine those who have financing.  It’s very competitive to purchase a home at this point in time, and Mr. Irvin asked me if I wanted to wait or keep looking? 

I told him I wanted to keep looking, that’s when he suggested I look in different areas of the city, not just in the neighborhood I live in now.  Two years ago houses in my neighborhood were coming up for sale like weeds.  And now? I’ll be hard pressed to find one like the rental I live in now at a decent price.  So look in another area I did, and even though I grew up in what we call the lower valley.  Moving to a complete other side of the city was never my intention.  To be continued.

So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Out Of My Comfort Zone……I Think.

My boss has been telling me to get out of my comfort zone for a while now and although she’s a good cookie and means well, I hadn’t thought of what I could do to get out of that comfort zone she says I have.   So, what did she do? She bought a paranormal tour of one of the oldest cemeteries in Texas, a PARANORMAL TOUR people! I thought to myself, what the fuck and why would she think this is the kind of thing I’d like to do to get out of my comfort zone? In any case, she had family visit from out of town last month and she planned an entire weekend around touring Old El Paso and the surrounding areas to learn more about the historic places and such.  She took a paranormal tour of Concordia Cemetery during this time and loved it.  She said the history alone was worth the two hour tour and three mile walk around the cemetery.

She loved it so much, she came into my office with the tickets and said “I paid for this paranormal tour of Concordia for you and ten people.  I had to pay for ten because that’s the least amount of people and it includes security for the tour.  They close off the cemetery for the tour so it’s you and nine other people, have fun!”  The thing is, she did her tour during the day and the one she gave me tickets for was for a night tour of this place that is said to be somewhat haunted.  Even the guys from Ghost Adventures were made to shudder while visiting this place.  This cemetery is in the heart of El Paso, where U.S 54 and I-10 intersect, the cemetery lies right underneath the overpasses that cross each other.  The tour was going to start at 8:30pm just as the sun was to set.  I seriously thought that my boss was testing me as I’ve watched ghost type reality shows but I’ve never expressed the desire to actually go and do this myself.

I had no trouble convincing Imposter to go, she had her twin sister, cousin, her sister’s bff and her daughter join.  My oldest planned to go with me but was called into work that afternoon and he had to work from 3-11pm that day.  My friend Virginia was supposed to go too but, she said it was her son’s birthday and she couldn’t make it.  So out of the ten tickets we had, seven people showed up to the paranormal tour of this very old and historic cemetery.   I was having second thoughts that day because I was still tired from the COVID vaccine clinics we had a week and a half before.  I feel as though I can’t get enough sleep, I need to let my doctor know because I’ve never felt like this. 

In any case, Friday night rolled around and I met the group on the side gates of the cemetery, the lady from Ghosts915 paranormal tours met us there to go over some rules and advice that we should adhere to since she’s experienced actual paranormal activity at the cemetery and other places around El Paso.  I was skeptical that I’d see or hear anything that night but Impostor was elated to say the least.  She loves this stuff, as does my son but mostly I watch from the sidelines interested in the fact that this stuff actually happens sometimes. 

As we walked the cemetery in the dusk of a windy Friday night, the mood got a bit more surreal and the group began experiencing some weird occurrences.  The paranormal guides encouraged us to take pictures with our cell phones, but not to take anything we saw on the ground, headstones or the fence that surrounds this 165 year old patch of hallowed ground.  They introduced us to a variety of paranormal equipment that they use on a regular basis on different tours.  Peter one of the guides handed me what’s called a paranormal puck, it’s a device that works by picking up temperature and/or humidity.  And the lights go off on it if the temperature around it goes cold.  Let’s just say the entire time I held the damned thing, it kept going off.  But that’s probably because my heart is a cold, cold place and my soul is dark as pitch.  No? Not buying it? Oh well you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

Impostor also was handed another version of the paranormal puck as well, we were told by all three of the guides not to stand next to each other (Impostor and I) to avoid any misreading of the pucks.  Hmmm, I was skeptical of this because then the pucks might give off false readings?  Okay I went with it, still having doubts about all of this.  So our tour began, and the history of this place is just amazing, the first African-American business woman in El Paso, her name is Ms. Flo, ran two restaurants and owned the biggest department store downtown for a time.  She fell in love with a white man and they couldn’t live or work together, they didn’t have children but they considered themselves married.  When he died he left her $15K and his family found out and sued her to get all of the money he’d left her.   A local judge sided with her and said not only did she deserve the $15K, but he gave her another $5K to boot, you go Lady Flo!!! Here is a picture of her grave marker.

Ms. Flo’s Grave

She’s buried next to the section where the Buffalo Soldiers were said to be buried, and during our walk through, we were encouraged to take pictures as I mentioned before.  I took a lot of pictures but I didn’t review them until Saturday morning.  This is one I took right at the foot of the plot where the Buffalo Soldiers were said to be interred.

Light anomaly or wtf?

Whatever that is or who that is I have no idea, all I know is that when I saw this through my phone as I was taking the picture, there was nothing there.  Then I see these misty question mark shapes right at the marker of the burial plot.  This might very well be residual light or some kind of electronic anomaly.  But, I can’t explain it, so I thought I’d share. This is also a place in the cemetery that, even though the wind was at about 15 to 20 MPH, it was perfectly still. It wasn’t until we moved to another part of the cemetery that I told Impostor and we both were at a loss. Why was the wind perfectly still at this certain place, and blowing normal when we moved?

Then as we made our way to the part of the cemetery where the rich and wealthy were buried at, I took another picture of the headstones in the distance.  Again, this could be the shadow of a headstone or whatever, but it looks to me to be a head and shoulders looking back at the group.

Shadow of a Headstone or creepy shadow head and shoulders?

Right before we began, one of the security guards was running towards the far west side gate to close and lock it.  I happen to take a picture of him when he was running towards the gate, and you can see his legs very clearly and the glow of his flashlight.  But, there is a black mass covering him from the waist up, ghost glob or just a shadow? Who knows?

The guard running to go lock the west side gate.

I would randomly scan the cemetery and click my phone and I caught this next picture, it definitely looks like the outline of someone standing behind that very skinny tree. 

To me it looks like he’s dressed in a long cowboy overcoat with a hat on his head.  This one I can definitely say that I’m sure there was nothing there when I pointed my phone in that direction.  You can even see the glow of the star on the Franklin Mountains in the background. 

The reason I saw it “looks” like a cowboy is that John Wesley Harden is buried here, and people have said that he roams the cemetery, so who knows? A lot of the graves had solar powered lights, don’t ask me why, but directly to the right of the picture you can see one of them at the foot of the headstone.  Now it was really dark so I had my phone on night mode to be able to see where I was pointing to clearly.  That’s why some of the pictures look like they were taken in the day.  But they weren’t, so I’ll let you be the judge of what’s on those pictures I took.

Yes, this was definitely out of my comfort zone because I would have never thought of doing this on my own. But it was worth it because most of the times I spend Friday nights at home, drinking Kahlua out of the bottle watching Ghost Adventures anyway. So this was a real life ghost adventure for me, thanks to my boss.

This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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I’m a Rebel Just For the Fuck Of It

The last two weeks our institution has had COVID vaccine clinics for the remaining students, staff and faculty members that were on the third tier of the vaccination list.  I worked an entire week until 9:30pm every night, to say the least I was dragging by Friday night.  And somehow I got wrangled into being the bilingual translator for President Cutie Pie and the Spanish speaking patients that were coming in for the vaccine.  He kept me there by his side (I’m not complaining about being at his side, he is called President Cutie Pie for a reason you know) the entire five days we had this event going on.  Then when he didn’t have patients he’d ask me how something was said in Spanish.  It was kind of fun watching an older white guy trying to learn how to speak Spanish.    I was very much looking forward to a much needed weekend of rest, peace and quiet.  Did that happen? Of course it fucking didn’t, why you ask?  Hmmm, let me see, where do I start?

Rental House Nightmare Continues

The property management company that is “suppose to” do all the maintenance on the house….hasn’t.  They’ve deferred to the owner/landlord to do whatever repairs that house needed because the cheap ass bitch doesn’t want to pay for anything she can do herself.  And I mean it when she does shit herself, so when the contractor that came last week to turn off the heater and turn on the AC told he wasn’t going to be able to turn it on because the electrical was shot, I was to say the least a bit pissed off.  He also told me that he’d told the property management company the last three years that the AC unit needed to be replaced because it’s apparently rotted on the bottom. 

So, he said he took pictures of the unit, sent them to the property management company and they in turn sent them to the landlord.  I knew that this wasn’t going to get resolved until the cheap ass Filipina bitch could come and see it herself and try to fix it herself or hire someone from her idiot Filipino circle to do it for her on the cheap.  That’s exactly what happened, well it was supposed to happen on Saturday.  She said one of her own contractors was going to stop by the house to take a look at the AC until.  But no one did, so this morning the property management company emailed me to ask if the owner had gone by and I told them no one had. 

I’m so fucking tired of this shit, but I’m still trying to get all my ducks in a row so I can purchase my own house.  Until then, I have to deal with this stupid bitch and her corner cutting, cheap ass, duct tape and staple fix it ways. 

On The Verge of Parricide

On Saturday, my mother fell…..again, this make four times since January.  And I realize that she’s old, getting frail and her memory is fading.  But, my mother has a narcissistic personality and thinks that the ENTIRE world should revolve around her, she make it impossible to try and help her.  Okay, I try and stay away from her because I’d smother her with a goddamned pillow if she so much as pissed me off.  Which she’s actually done on multiple occasions since this year started.  She’s supposed to use a walked because she trips over ants on tile, you think I’m kidding but the woman trips over herself it’s ridiculous.  Now, I know I sound like a complete and total bitch, but one has to have walked a mile in my stilettos to know what it’s like to deal with a mother such as mine.  So, on Saturday night my brother calls me to tell me my mom fell….again, and that she refused for him to pick her up.  He said that she crawled to the living room so she could pick herself up onto the couch and sit down. 

I’m getting angrier because I know she’s a bitch like that, she refuses help only to complain to doctors, emergency responders and anyone else that goes to help her.  My brother told me he was going to pick her up, and she kept yelling at him that she didn’t want him to.  So after our phone call she calls me to tell me what my brother already had.  Then she proceeds to tell me that “your brother just left me there and I had to crawl to the couch so I could sit myself up.”  Now, mind you I had already gotten the low down from my brother, so when she told me she was looking for sympathy and like always telling me her side to a story that I knew wasn’t true. 

I told her that my brother had already called me to tell me and that she refused his help, she stayed quiet.  I also got on her case because she wasn’t using her walker, and according to her, she fell because she slipped on the floor.  When my brother had already told me she was wearing her slippers with the rubber grip on the bottom.  He said he believed she tripped over a towel he found on the floor.  I asked her about it and she told me there was no towel on the floor.  My brother had sent me a picture, and there was CLEARLY A FUCKING TOWEL ON THE FLOOR!!!     I confronted her about it and she kept telling me, yelling at me that there was not towel on the floor.  Then I suppose my brother heard her yelling and he came to the living room where she was calling me from.  I heard him say “what’s that right there? It’s a fucking towel mom!”  He took her phone from her and told me he had shown her the picture he’d taken right after she fell.  And even the she still fucking denied it, which means that she’s losing her mind or she’s lying.  And I can’t tell either way because she’s lied her entire life that I don’t know when she’s being honest about anything.  She asked me if I was going to go over and check on her, I told her I was not, that my brother was there and anything she needed to let him know.  She began telling me how ungrateful and uncaring daughter I was.  I told her “Okay mom, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, bye” and hung up on her.  Then one of my aunts called me to yell at me that how could I just leave my mom there not even (and I quote) “giving a good goddamned if she lived or died.” 

I let her finish and then I said to her that she didn’t live with her sister and didn’t know all the petty bullshit she’s put me and my brother through.  And that if she was willing to quit her job to take care of my mom full time to go right ahead.  I also added that I’d give her a month before she quit because my mom would take advantage of her and want to control her about how she should be taken care of.  Then I hung up on her too.  Then my cousin called, she told me my aunt called all of my aunts and complained how I’m such a bad daughter.  I told her I don’t care what my aunts though of me, then she told me one of them said I’m just a fucking rebel without a care.  Can you believe that shit?

I LOVE how people assume I’m the worst daughter in the world because they only know what my idiot, inconsiderate, self-centered, self-absorbed, narcissistic mother tells them.  They have no idea what I or my brother have been through with her.  And my dad only adds to the frustration by siding with her, but that’s because I think he’s afraid of her dumb ass.  I’m trying really hard not to lose it completely with my mother and the cheap ass bitch landlord because of what my doctor said about my stress levels.  But it’s hard not too, and those kickboxing classes or time at the shooting range would have really come in handy this past week that’s for damned sure. 

I really could have used some alcohol this past week, but I’m a week and a half away from my month of abstaining from liquor, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I make it without having to be bailed out of jail.   The shit I have to put up with because of a careless cheap ass landlord and a self-centered, self-entitled mother….FML!

This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Apparently I Have Anger Management Issues…..Or Do I?

I’ve continued my quest to improve myself and get over several issues I’ve been carrying since childhood and one huge one in my adult life (Lestat.)  So I’ve continued to see Terri my super therapist who has had some very valuable insight into who, why and how to deal with all of these issues in my life.  Now, coming from a Hispanic/Latino background, therapy was a four letter word……B-E-E-R.  And if you think I’m joking, I’m not, okay just a little bit.  But that’s how people in my family dealt with emotional, physical, financial and mental issues.  So to say that alcoholism runs rampant in my family is a huge understatement.  My dad’s side of the family alone have had a long string of alcoholics that, combined have served enough time for alcohol related charges that a correctional facility could be named after them.

On my mom side, well let’s just say that every correctional facility from here to the California/Nevada border would have their last name emblazoned on them.  Needless to say that I have always been proud of the fact that I haven’t fallen prey to the type of alcoholism that most of my family suffers from.  I’m not talking about drinking Kahlua straight from the bottle, or the occasional glass of wine or cocktail.  The alcoholics (I call them mom, dad, uncles, aunts, cousins) in my family are daily drinkers, they can’t go one day without popping the top on a can or bottle of beer.  Or in my mom’s side of the family’s case, going though bottles of whiskey, gin or vodka.  ON A DAILY BASIS PEOPLE! They drink every single day of their lives, so I’m surprised that none of them have pickled themselves to death just yet.  Or maybe it works like formaldehyde and is preserving these dinosaurs forever….forever…forever.

Moving on, so in my last session with Terri she was asking me a couple of questions regarding work.  I told her about how generous my boss has been and how I love my job but that health wise, it’s causing me a bit of stress.  In an exercise she asked me to write down some of the people I deal with and give her the list, then after I gave her the list she began to ask me the first though that I came across afterwards.  I thought to myself, well this is weird.  So she started and after the first six names I was in such a bad mood, but I had no idea that this was happening to me.

She got to Fake Supervisor and she noticed how I reacted to her saying her name, and mind you I try very hard not to react to Fake Supervisor in any way, let alone hearing her name.  With this little facial twitch she told me I had anger management issues.  Can you fucking believe that?!?!  Okay I can believe it but I’m not trying to hide the fact that some people at work make me want to carry around the giant pair of scissors over my shoulder sometimes, just to get a reaction from the stupid ones like Fake Mimi.  But, Fake Mimi is leaving this week, so one of the sources of my stress will be vanquished. 

In any case, Terri told me that I had to control my anger, and I told her I was already doing yoga and running but she suggested something even more severe…..kindness.  I’m like what the literal fuck?!?!  She said “Have you ever heard the term, kill them with kindness?”  I shook my head and said “You had me at the word kill, then I lost you completely.”  She responded with “There you see, you are lost in your anger” and so after my hour long session and her suggestion that in spite of the stupidity I deal with daily.  I should focus my energy on being excruciatingly kind to those that piss me the fuck off.  So, for one week I told her I’d try and I also told her that I wasn’t making any promises but I would do so because she asked me to.

I’m Not An Alcoholic, I Only Play One On TV

I’m with you Karen

When Terri moved on to the subject of my families alcoholism she asked me if I was every afraid that I’d head down that path.  I answered honestly and told her I didn’t think I had it in me, and if I was I would already be a high functioning alcoholic.  She cocked her head to one side and said “high functioning?” I told her that almost all of those in my family who are alcoholics are high functioning, they seem normal, they can go to work, socialize and are responsible enough to earn a living.  But they have to have their alcohol after work into the late night because they can’t sleep without it.  Or it helps them relax and all the other types of bullshit alcoholics tell you when they try to justify why they drink.  She then started to write notes on her pad, and she confirmed what I had already suspected.  She told me that I wasn’t an alcoholic because I didn’t depend on it to help me function and also because even though I do drink, it’s not in excess and I don’t do it every day.  She also threw in a warning, which I should try to stay away from stressful situations because that can be a trigger to drink.  So, my take away from this session with Terri? I need to find another job because of my anger management issues that can cause me stress and lead me to drink.  Or, slowly but surely kill off everyone that pisses me off and have a toast of a bubbly beverage as I bury their bodies wrapped in tarps at the landfill that’s approximately 35 miles east of here. 

Call Me Diabloique, I Dare You

I went to go and get a p.o box for reasons that I will disclose later on. After they gave me my key and number, this is the number I got.

Could it be that finally the dark side has come to me?

It didn’t worry me any, I just thought it was hilarious because well, due to the nature of my personality I found it fitting. Then I showed my son, and he said “Well, do they know you down at the post office mom?” What can I say, that’s all the confirmation I needed.

Stupid People EVERYWHERE

One of my friends and former coworkers from the other university I worked at was in hysterics on Friday night because she had a car accident.  I was asking her if she was alright and she said she was, but that some stupid blonde bimbo in a Corvette had crashed into her PARKED Jeep Compass.  Then she said that when the cops showed up the Corvette Bitch was trying to tell the cops that it wasn’t her fault.  Now, look at this picture and tell me, do you think this bitch could possibly get away with, “It wasn’t my fault?”

Does it look like it was my friends fault here? I think not, dumb ass Corvette driving bitch.

Because my friends car was parked in front of her daughters house….I don’t think the cops bought it.  My friend said they didn’t either but now her insurance company is going through fighting Blonde Bitch Corvette’s insurance company because she keeps insisting that it wasn’t her fault.  I think her insurance company might be owned by the Donald.

This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Learning How To NOT To Let The Stupid People Get To Me or Let’s Kill All The MoFo’s To Help Me Feel Better

I know I’ve spoken about Fake Buddy, Fake Phoebe, Fake Buzz, Fake Bob, Fake Mimi and Fake Roseanne in a lot of my previous posts.  They have been to say the least entertaining and without them I wouldn’t have as much blog fodder to entertain my readers.  But, how does one get past the assortment of dysfunction and pure unadulterated stupidity that I encounter on a daily basis?  I had a Telemedicine doctor’s appointment on Friday, after extensive bloodwork to try and determine why I’ve been feeling so tired and without any motivation for the last couple of months, he determined it was stress.

My doctor went over the results of my labs and he concluded that my cholesterol and cortisol levels are much higher than the past two years combined.  He asked me what changed, and I of course told him that it was a new job.  Okay, it’s not that new, I’ve been here going on ten months now, but the last set of labs I had which was back in October showed that I was maintaining a good balance and my cholesterol was at a healthy level and he hadn’t tested my cortisol levels.  I began to tell him about what my new job entailed and who the cast of characters I deal with make me so mad sometimes that I have to go and walk around to blow off steam.  Well, after my virtual doctor’s visit, my boss asked me how it went and I told her what my results were and how my doctor was kind of worried about my stress levels.  She closed the door to my office and said “You know what Huntress, don’t do that to yourself.  I know you’re new to this department and everyone that comes through here.  But you need to learn to not sweat the small stuff.”  She continued, “A very long time ago I was exactly like you, I let every person that came through my office get to me.  Whether it was by their actions or attitude I would always somehow manage to be in angry knots when they left.  Life is too short to let stupid people matter.”

How I try to avoid stress…..by being sarcastic

She looked at me and asked “Do you understand? Don’t let Fake Buddy, Fake Buzz or Fake Bob get under your skin, remember it’s their the ones with issues, not you.” She winked at me and walked out of my office, I sat there pondering her words, taking them in, absorbing the knowledge of her 64 years.  Then, about half an hour later I get an email from Gaia | Yoga, and it said I was gifted a one year subscription to a series of yoga classes.  They start at beginners, then intermediate and advanced, four months of each, starting next week.  Then I get an email from Amazon, I got a virtual gift card to Amazon to buy three pairs of yoga pants/shirts or whatever I needed. 

I’m so very grateful, really I am but I think to relieve the kind of stress I feel I would have much preferred a kick boxing or taekwondo class, hell even access to a shooting range would alleviate a lot of stress, (yes Dave, and you’d be the first person I’d be aiming for.) But hey, I’ll take it, I need to focus on the stress that, apparently I’ve been absorbing since I started this job.

I was on the verge of tears, she said that she needs me to be healthy and not worry about the things I can’t control.  Nor to let the assholes that make me angry cause me undue stress.  She said, “By this time next year you should be the healthiest person in this department, remember don’t let the stupid people get on your nerves.  They are simply not worth the aggravation.  You also need to do something exciting, take a trip to the hot springs in New Mexico, go take a sky diving lesson, hike the Franklin Mountains, but do something out of your comfort zone, you got me?”  My boss is by far the bestesest (yes Dave, this is an actual word you grammar Nazi, because I’ve made it so!) boss I’ve ever had, and I mean that with all my heart.  Then I get the summary of my consult with my doctor, and this is what he said…

I love my doctor, he and his wife are my PCP and OBGYN’s respectively and I’ve never had to wonder or not whether they actually pay attention to me, my needs or how I feel. He had given me a food log to start logging in what I was eating. I logged in my lunch and dinner I emailed it to him, and during our consult he asked me if that was all. I stayed silent, and said that I had been indulging in a few after work (after workout) cocktails. He asked how many….I said one…..he stayed quiet. I said “Okay, does drinking Kahlua out of the bottle count?” He ordered me to stay off of alcohol for an entire month. Now THAT is going to be torture, and my stress level may go up, I’m not sure it’s a toss up….

I hear ya Ron Burgundy….I hear ya…

Snarky Cat on Classic Film Watching…

On another note, who say’s cats can’t convey feelings through facial expressions? Well on Saturday I…ahem, we were watching some classic movies on TCM. The movie Double Indemnity with Barbara Stanwyck, Fred McMurray and Edward G. Robinson came on which happens to be one of Charlie’s favorite films, and one of mine too. He sits on the ottoman and watches these movies, listening/watching intently and I have to say, learning something I just don’t know what. But I digress as I was asking him, nicely of course, if he was ready to have dinner. I asked the mofo a couple of times but he just ignored me and continued to watch the movie.

I nudged the ottoman he was sitting on and this is the look he game me. The mofo gave me the stink eye!!! He loves Edward G. Robinson, and then lectured me on how NOT to bother him whilst watching his favorite movies, after which, we watched the Maltese Falcon….in silence.

P.S Random Funny Picture Just Because

I’m with the people who say Math can solve it’s own problems….fucking math.

P.S.S – I’ve blocked “Dave” from my blog, he’s anther a-hole who only criticized my posts while the stupid motherfucker did nothing creative. Ha! Take that Dave!

This is the Huntress, saying.…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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More Dysfunctional Characters from The Huntress’ World

Fake Buddy the Elf

I recall that I mentioned Fake Buddy, or maybe I haven’t. who knows? Anyway we have a director from Human Resources whom I’ll call Fake Buddy. He’s a complete idiot who was acting as interim Vice President of HR since last May. First of all let me just say the motherfucker has the nerve to claim he was in the service. Yes, he actually has done that, so I did a little digging, and found not only didn’t he serve (because I can’t find any military records on the walking bag of assholes) he also doesn’t have a degree in Human Resources. What he does have is a “certificate” for a four and a half month Human Resources course from prominent university. And that alone also doesn’t make him and alumni ether, but it’s on his resume. When President Cutie Pie opened the position/recruitment search for the Vice President he made it a point to include that the candidate have a Master’s degree in HR. He also claims that he’s an Alumni from a very prominent Ivy League university, how fucking mental does one have to be to claim that after a four and a half month course??

Well, what did stupid Fake Buddy do? He stomped down to the President’s office to demand that he be included.  Well, President Cutie Pie and my boss told him straight out that, since his master’s degree is in Theology (yes you heard that right) he couldn’t qualify or even be considered for the VP position.  His resume, which Impostor was kind enough to show me, shows all the motherfucker has is being a Cruise Ship Social Director.  YES….you heard that right, the assholes only HR experience was from his stint on a Disney Cruise as its Social Director.  I mean come the fuck on, who hired this clown?  Oh that’s right he was hired by the former VP for HR who got fired because Fake Buddy threw her under the bus for shit he did.   As previously mentioned, he has ABSOLUTELY NO HUMAN RESOURCE experience! Oh, did I mention the dude’s gay? And not in a, “I’m happy” kind of gay either.  Now I have nothing against gay people, I have a cousin and three friends that are gay, so I don’t discriminate against LGBTTTQ community.  That is, unless you try to use the gay card to get what they want, then nope, you’re going to be a bitch to me, no matter what gender you are.  And that’s exactly what this asshole did to President Cutie Pie when he was excluded from applying for the Vice President position.  

He called the main campus and complained, using the gay card and telling them he was being discriminated against because of his homosexuality.   This caused President Cutie Pie some stress, but ultimately the main campus told Fake Buddy he didn’t have a case or a chance to apply for the position.  But now, the university has hired a new Vice President, and she seems totally fabulous! Oh, yeah the reason I call him Fake Buddy.  Well last Christmas the walking bag of assholes thought it would be a great idea for him to dress up as Buddy the Elf and walk around campus giving out candy to all the departments.  I was so embarrassed for the prick, I mean it was not only embarrassing but humiliating for everyone he visited! His costume was to say the least, a bit too transparent if y’all know what I mean? Not enough mental bleach in the entire world to forget that shit let me tell you.  Seriously I don’t know who wore it worse, him or Fake Carol. It’s a toss up at this point.

Seriously y’all that shit was just disturbing

But wait, there’s more, so for St. Patrick’s Day I was on a Webex meeting with my boss and other people, and my office door was closed.  The stupid motherfucker knocked, and then opened the door and what do I see??!!  His dumb ass dressed as a fucking leprechaun, yes people a grown ass, idiot of a man, who is a director of human resources is walking around campus dressed as a fucking idiot leprechaun!!! And not a cute, Lucky Charms kind of leprechaun either, he looks like the fucker serial killer from the movies “Leprechaun.”  And most of us on campus are adults, we don’t need an idiot dressed in a leprechaun costume to come to our offices and give us candy.  Yes, it was a stupid thing to do and I don’t know why the asshole thinks everyone is going to be amused. 

Fake Phoebe is Alive and Kicking….and Apparently Working for This Institution.

Then there is Fake Phoebe, she has the same title as I do only she works at an off campus clinic site.  She is and has never been held accountable for anything.  The Provost likes her, and that’s the only reason she has a job. 

The Provost is also Fake Mimi’s boss, anyway Fake Pheobe is an airhead of epic proportions, and we can’t ever get her to answer any of our emails.  But on Monday my boss sent her an email saying that President Cutie Pie and my boss needed (did you hear that? NEED) to meet with the faculty from the office site clinic, all of them.  On different days of course and she constantly answered me and Supervisor with “Give me dates and times of your people and I will ask if they are available.”

THE FUCKING NERVE, but I digress as both my boss and Supervisor told me to let her handle it.  My boss said that’s why she told her to set up the meeting because she’s (and I quote) “a ditz.”

And she indeed proved my boss right, with constant emails going back and forth and telling Supervisor and myself she needed US to send her days and times so she could check all of the faculty’s availability.  My end email was not so nice, but yet in a “I’m not going to kill you….JUST YET” kind of way…

She kept bitching about how the faculty members can only meet during their “administrative time.”  When the President and Vice President tell you they need to meet with someone, it doesn’t matter who, you’d best start telling them that it’s mandatory! Stupid people I swear! Well, yes I know I swear a lot, but can you blame me with an air head about to float away and a grown ass man who dresses up as a leprechaun to give out candy??  This is why I drink with my cat, he understand me.

This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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You Know What’s Funny???

Driving on I-10 coming to work and watching a Smart Car pass a Mustang….

Yes this actually happened on my way to work this past week….that shit was hilarious to watch.

Explaining to someone who has been in their position longer than you’ve been in yours, how to do THEIR job.   No other explanation needed, only to say Fake Buzz McCallister and Fake Bob Penciotti were involved.

That was the exact look the stupid mofo gave me…..priceless.

Watching a misogynistic asshole squirm because you are smarter than he anticipated.

Fake Bob Penciotti

This dude looks lost all the time, I’m talking about Fake Bob

This Sam Adams “Cougar” commercial…Just because it made me laugh…because you know….Cougars.

Being able to scare someone with one, strong meaningful glare….

Fake Mimi

Watching Fake Carol give a Presentation in these…………

Yes people it was a fashion crime that no self respecting (or anyone with taste) 64 year old woman SHOULD wear….but she did…FML

Yes, she really did wear this shit to not only work but to a meeting with higher administration, I took the picture myself.  So it may have not been that funny rather, more embarrassing than anything.

GREATEST NEWS EVER!!!!

Seriously no one cares….

FAKE MIMI QUIT!!!  And only for a split second did I think that maybe Imposter and I had something to do with it….NAH, couldn’t be.

She’s been in and out of the office on FFEEMMMLLLAAA since October, first she had COVID, then she had lady parts issues, then we found out she had to have a partial hysterectomy.  Not that I needed to know that but she felt free to tell the entire office why she was going to be out for 8 weeks.  Eight glorious weeks of no Fake Mini.  Eight lovely weeks of quiet and serenity…okay it hasn’t been that serene but I didn’t have to deal with her verbal diarrhea and back handed compliments.  So I wasn’t too disappointed when I heard she was leaving.  One down, two to go.  Two, you ask?  Why yes, two because in the last month or so I’ve gotten to know Fake Dolly a bit and she’s not that bad.  But Fake Roseanne on the other hand, that lazy bitch needs to go, so her and Fake Supervisor make two.  I’ll keep you all posted.

Random Cat Photo

Charlie gets an eye twitch when I tell him he has to wait for his daily dose of nip. Not sure it its annoyance or if he’s plotting my demise.

This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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There was Once a “Supposed” Supervisor that Turned into Something Worse…

I’ve been at this not so new job for about eight months now, and during that time I’ve encountered some characters that are questionable, some that are just amusing and annoying all at the same time, and then there are those that are…….just making me want to break out of my anger management and pop them so good and hard that it would be worth the charge of assault.  

When you work with so many people and then see them for who they really are, some surprise you in a pleasant way.  And others just make you wonder how in the fuck did this person get here?  Supervisor for instance, I chose the name Supervisor because that’s what she says she is, but really she’s a lazy ass, self-entitled, totally misguided and wrongly enabled bitch.  Who thinks just because she assists President Cutie Pie, she’s like a capo in the Higher Administration Mafia and untouchable.  At least that what she thinks she is, but in reality she’s just a lazy ass bitch that comes in late, leaves early and pawns off her duties to those of us she says she “supervises.”  Which she calls “delegation” of duties, which it’s clearly not.

Now, I now many might think that I’m being too critical of someone who’s been here longer than I have, but trust me, I’m not.  For example, both I and Impostor have Master’s degrees, as does she.  But Fake Supervisor insists that she is superior to us simply because she assists President Cutie Pie.  She makes my boss and other VPs feel as though she is above them, and she most definitely is NOT.

She, takes advantage of President Cutie Pie’s patience and generosity, so much so she makes decisions on his behalf that cause some problems, problems that she has to go and apologize to him for.  Adding to that she is a bad supervisor, has horrible communication skills both written and verbal, and she is extremely passive aggressive.  But, I’ve figured out that she also can’t handle confrontation or push back of any kind, and that’s where I, The Huntress have mastered these skills over the years.  And I’m not talking about in a bad, I want to get things done my way, kind of push back.  No, it’s purely in a defensive, I’m tired of your shit, come at me bro, you’ll see the worst side of me, I can play this game too and you’ll lose, the Huntress is aggressive-aggressive, these are my “rage on rage” colors, type of self-defense

She hired Fake Dolly, even though she had asked for my and Impostor’s opinion on who she should hire, and we both told her we didn’t think Fake Dolly could handle the job, but she hired her anyway.  She treats my boss like shit, and THAT won’t fly with me.  She thinks she’s smarter than all of us, she thinks she can control everyone to do her bidding because she does next to nothing every single fucking day! And she’s a genuinely a bad person, and by this I mean a REALLY BAD person, let me explain. 

Low Life Piece of Shit…..

In early January, her step daughter’s fiancé was killed in a car crash, and they have a son together.  Fake Supervisor started a GoFundMe account to raise money for her step daughter to pay for her fiancé’s funeral.   She hit up my boss for money, remembering that my boss had donated funds to the homeless mom and her son that Imposter and I were helping.  Fake Supervisor thought that she could get around the same amount from my boss.  Now, when my boss donated those funds to the homeless mom and son, I didn’t ask her to, she did it out of the goodness of her heart.  So when Fake Supervisor approached my boss, my boss was kind of weary about this, so she gave her a check for $150.  Well, Fake Supervisor wasn’t happy, because she thought that she’d get a donation in the thousands from my boss.

Well it turns out my boss did some digging (she and President Cutie Pie have known each other and worked together for about 16 years)  and President Cutie Pie told my boss that Supervisor had told him that the funeral was going to be paid for by her step daughter’s fiancés’ parents.   And that he was going to be buried in Mexico, because that’s what his parents wanted.  A funeral in Mexico costs about $3500 compared to $10K here in the states.

So, Boss was NOT happy, but she donated anyway.  Impostor found the GoFundMe account and it showed that Fake Supervisor had raised around $6500, and then changed her story about what the money was for.  It started out to pay for funeral expenses, then it turned into funds to help her step-daughter and expenses for the baby.  Fake Supervisor and Imposter go back a long time, then one day Impostor comes in raging mad and tells me that Fake Supervisor posted a picture of her giving her step daughter a check of $3200. 

Yes, you heard me right, out of the $6500 she only gave her step daughter half and what did Fake Supervisor do with the rest?  Oh, well her and her husband are going to Vegas in April, yeah so now do you think I’m being a bit too mean describing this lazy ass bitch??!!! I think not!

Then my boss found out and was raging mad as well, she said she’s not going to trust Fake Supervisor anymore and that she’s done with lying, conniving people like her.  One has to be the lowest of the low to do what this bitch did, start a fund raising account and worse, using her step daughter’s fiancé’s death to raise money for herself!! Oh but it gets so much worse than that…

COVID Vaccine Clinic

We’ve been having COVID vaccine clinics since late December, and during the last one there were some batches of the MODERNA vaccine that were still being stored.  Well, Impostor wanted to get vaccinated but she had to wait 90 days because she’d had COVID back at the beginning of November.  So, what did Fake Supervisor do?  She called all of her family and friends to come get vaccinated!  She didn’t even tell us, but she supposedly ran it by President Cutie Pie, and apparently she said he said it was okay.  So around 13 members of her family were vaccinated, and they aren’t even front line workers!!!!  I mean, both my parents and Impostor’s mom are elderly and have underlying conditions and could have used the vaccines.  But it never occurred to us to even ask because we don’t and we will, NEVER take advantage of who our bosses are or where we work.  But Fake Supervisor??  She’s just a lying, manipulative, entitled, lazy ass bitch who believes she is the entire President’s suite!

My boss tells me that Fake Supervisor is a disgrace to our suite, because she comes in late, leaves early and dresses like shit. Supervisor told Impostor that because she’s heavy (I’m putting that mildly, and no I’m not fat shaming here, I’m stating what this person is like) that she can’t wear a lot of professional attire (that’s what her excuse is anyway, which is pure BS because we have a director who is also on the heavy side and she has business suits and professional attire and looks simply beautiful!) and she dresses in leggings and oversized shirts.  She has a lot of patterned leggings that she wears and my boss says she looks like she comes to work in pajamas or worse a house coat.  Then Fake Supervisor turns around and tells me things like “Are we TRYING to emulate Boss?”  And I’m like what are you talking about?  So, I find out that she said that because my boss gave me one of her designer (Calvin Klein) purses.   My boss is awesome like that, she will “recycle” her bags and some of her clothes as well.  She’s given me a designer bag and a couple to Impostor.  But she’s never given Supervisor anything, so, what was my response?

“Who better to emulate than a kick-ass, strong woman like my boss? Who seems to be generous with those that she likes?”  Fake Supervisor just rolled her eyes and walked away, I was thinking to myself, Supervisor doesn’t like pushback, she hates it. 

She one day told me when I was in our breakroom getting coffee, “Well aren’t we dressed up today, are we looking for another job?” And she laughed, I just grabbed the coffee pot and poured me a cup of coffee and said “No, but I do believe in professionalism because we represent the President’s suite, you should try it sometime” and walked off.  Impostor told me later that day that she was pissed, that how dare I talk to her like that and imply she was unprofessional, that and that she doesn’t appreciate it. 

I laughed (actually we both laughed) and told her if the truth hurts then so be it.  And that I wasn’t implying I was outright telling her she was unprofessional.  Lucky for me she’s a supervisor in name only and can’t touch me because my boss likes me and how I work and has told me so on several occasions.

One day she came in about 9:45am and President Cutie Pie was not happy, but she began to talk to him like he was stupid.  I can hear all of this because my bosses and my office are right next to hers and President Cutie Pie’s.  My boss walked in my office closed the door and said “Can you hear Fake Supervisor try and talk her way out of being this late?” 

I said that I could, then we opened the door and Fake Supervisor was walking out of her office in a huff, with all her things in her arms and stormed out.  President Cutie Pie told my boss later that day he sent her home since she couldn’t get here on time, he’d given her the day.  Boss was surprised as was I because she thinks she’ll never get fired.  When she told me and Impostor she was going to Vegas in April, I very sarcastically said “Oh I’m sure Impostor and I will take care of President Cutie Pie very well while you’re gone, so don’t worry.”  Impostor told me she feels threatened by me, she also told her that I don’t listen to what she has to say sometimes.  She says that I question her a lot about the stupid shit she has us do, I told Impostor that one shouldn’t follow blindly.  Impostor said that she didn’t think about that or any of Fake Supervisor “leadership” before, until I began to point out things to her.   The Huntress 1, Fake Supervisor 0. 

This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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There was Once A White Russian that Turned Into A Colorado Bulldog, and a Bruiser Cat that Turned into a House Pet.

What? Snow in Old El Paso?……Get out of Town…Seriously Get Out of Town, People Here Don’t Know How To Drive In Inclement Weather….

The past couple of days have been……cold.  Yep, cold as a witch’s titty out yonder in this part of Texas.  A part of Texas that never sees the weather dip lower than, oh about, 45 degrees maybe?  Anyway when the local weather peeps were talking about El Paso being hit by that winter storm going on down south and up north I thought to myself, nope not going to happen.  Why? Because this is El Paso, it gets hotter than hell during the summer but it rarely gets cold enough for us to pull out those heavy winter coats, gloves, scarves and boots for.  Seriously it’s a joke when people say “oh it’s cold out there” and it’s like 55 degrees. 

The view from my front yard on Sunday morning

So when I heard it was going to be 15 degrees this weekend, I scoffed, yes I scoffed out loud no less as I made my way home on Friday stopping at the liquor store four blocks from my house to pick up some vodka and Kahlua to make myself a couple of White Russians for the weekend.

Not for any special reason, just simply for the fact that I was craving a white Russian, and the drink too….yes that was a joke.

Living With Squidward Is NOT FUN!

Anyway, I got home and my son who is recovering from the flu and being a total Squidward about it told me it was going to freeze and snow on Saturday night.  I scoffed again, and told him this was El Paso Texas and that cold here meant either Mother Nature was going through menopause and having hot and cold flashes simultaneously.  He was not amused, but of course not because the mofo has been home the entire week making my life a living hell because he has/had the flu.  Then he got mad at me because I MADE him go get tested for COVID since they have similar symptoms.  Yes the mofo got tested, and during the time he was waiting for the results, I made him stay in his room, wear a mask and gloves.  Made him wipe down everything he touched with Clorox wipes because I didn’t know if it was COVID or the flu.  Then his doctor called to tell him he tested negative for COVID but positive for the flu.

My son is Squidward, Squidward is my son…..ugh

Either way I treated him as if he had COVID, making him stay in his room, taking him food, reminding him to take his meds, you know being a good mom.  And what do I get in return?  I get attitude because he’s sick and acting like a goddamned baby and he complains about eating and not being able to taste anything.  About eating the same old “house food” and wanting take out (even though the mofo couldn’t taste anything) and complaining that he was cold (before the freezing temp actually hit) then that he was too hot.  Oh my god, I almost hit my very own son over the head with a damned shovel, YES, YES, THAT THOUGHT did cross my mind for a split second……..then I calmed down.   

Then I made myself a White Russian and settled in to enjoy the weekend.  As I sipped on my second cocktail, I thought it came out a bit strong. 

But I soldiered on, sipping my next cocktail, in my nice warm flannel PJ’s that I use maybe twice a year (again it’s El Paso people keep up with me here) and watching a great new show on SyFy called Resident Alient. 

This is totally hilarious, no seriously without alcohol

It stars Alan Tudyk (he’s from El Paso y’all) and it’s a combination of sarcastic humor, Law and Order and Northern Exposure all wrapped up into one great show.  Then I watched Ghost Adventures and I made my third white Russian that still tasted kind of strong. 

That’s why my brain Sharleen (remember her?) said to me, add freaking Coke to it and make is a damned Colorado Bulldog and stop complaining because your giving me and Charlie a headache.  Anyway I added Coke to my White Russian and it made for a much more pleasant drinking experience.  So much so I drank the entire bottle of vodka and Kahlua over the weekend, and no I didn’t get a hangover. 

Best stress reliving, grumpy kid tolerating, homicide tendency reducing drink ever…

Which in itself is kind of odd, because the Cayman Jack Margarita’s do give me a headache type hangover, but that could be that I drink the entire six pack at once.  HHmmmm…..

This weekend went by and because of all of my adult beverage consumption I didn’t even realize that Sunday way Valentine’s Day.  Not that I pay attention to that consumer driven holiday, but usually I remember because my dad’s and my oldest son’s birthday’s come the day after and two days later respectively.  But because my son was being such a pain in the ass, I’ve officially cancelled his birthday this year.  Yes I can do that, I’m his mom and went through 13 and a half hours of labor with him, for him to act like a total douche 35 years later. 

I’m his mom…..I can do that you know….

Why, yes I can hold a grudge…..and apparently a ton of vodka and Kahlua as well, come at me bro, do it…..I dare you.

Cone Cat….

On another note, my cat….ahem, my feline owner got himself into yet another round of “who has bigger balls” (oddly enough he has no balls since he’s neutered) with the neighbors cat Grady about three weeks ago.  He came in on a Friday night with his left ear swollen, then Saturday it was even more swollen and then he began to scratch it.  And scratch it he did, so much so that he began to bleed, all over the damned house! 

So finally on Sunday my son and I had to take him to the vet, or as Charlie puts it “Cat Physician.”  The Cat Physician found he had an abscess because he scratched it so much and became infected.  He was shaven (around the ear of course) and the abscess drained, two stiches put in, given a rabies and an antibiotic injection and given some pain meds.  He was also given a medical cone to keep from scratching, he had the cone on for an entire week. 

Captain Cone Cat high on pain meds

I felt bad for him because he was bumping into the walls, flipping his food bowl over.  But, his fight and the trip to the Cat Physician cost my son $200 and now, Charlie Bruiser O’Houlihan gave up his Kat Fight Klub title and is strictly an inside cat.  No he’s not happy about it, but he seems to be adjusting to the comforts of being inside 24/7 now. 

This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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COVID Vaccine Side Effects, Teaching Boss Not To Enable Hispanic Misogynists, Learning to Stay In My Lane and Explaining the Giant Scissors in my Office…..

COVID Vaccines and Side Effects….other than the stupid people we deal with…

Not really COVID related but I thought it was funny

My institution has been giving the COVID vaccine to the front line workers here in the city.  Which included 72 FBI agents, 45 Sheriff’s Deputies, 103 ICE agents, 55 local police officers, 81 fire fighters and countless doctors, nurses and clinic staff.  I was voluntold that I needed to help with these vaccine clinics which are being held on the 4th floor of our brand spanking new building.  Supervisor needed all the EA’s to help, with the exception of Fake Mimi because she’s out on FMLA.  She constantly feels free to enunciate it….calling it……FeeM….L…A.  She’s so annoying, but she hasn’t been here for over two months and I’ve been in heaven, well heaven when it comes to her presence anyway.

So, since January every week on Monday, Tuesday and Weds, I, Impostor, Supervisor and my boss have been down taking registration for the Moderna vaccine, both the 1st and second doses.  It been a mad house, because people from off the street walk in demanding, yes you heard that right DEMANDING that they get the vaccine.  I know El Paso isn’t the most polite town, but damn people calm your tits down and wait until the vaccine is available to the general public!

Like, hello lady get a grip..

We had this one lady walk in, asking about the vaccine for her husband.  She said he is recovering from cancer, and she only spoke Spanish so I was tasked with explaining to her that we were only giving the vaccine to front line workers and students, staff and faculty of the institution.  That we were not yet vaccinating the general public.  She looked at me, and in Spanish she said “My husband isn’t the general public, he’s the father of my children.”  I know she was being snarky, so I know it’s not right to respond that way because her husband is a cancer survivor.  But I too gave some snark of my own, saying “I’m sorry but he may not be the general public to you, and unless he’s employed with the university he will have to wait to get the vaccine when it rolls out for THE GENERAL PUBLIC.”  She rolled her eyes and left. 

Seriously people, I know everyone is anxious to get vaccinated but damn.  Speaking of vaccinations, I was made to get mine because my boss and I are in and out of several clinical areas she insisted.  I told her that I’d stay away from the clinics until the general public was allowed to get the vaccine, and someone who needed it could take the one I’d be getting.  She and President Cutie Pie insisted, so on January 4th I got first dose of the Moderna vaccine.  I didn’t get any side effects other than soreness at the injection site and it itched for the first couple of days, mostly at night.  Then last week I got the second dose, the booster and that motherfucker knocked me on my ass.  The next day I felt as though I’d been hit by an 18 wheeler.  I couldn’t get out of bed, my body ached and I had fever of 101, I slept all day the next day.  I only got up to get water and check up on my stupid cat who’s wearing a protective cone over his head because he’s injured, motherfucker.  But 24 hours later, it’s like I never had the side effects/symptoms of the second dose.  I woke up feeling so much better and thought to myself if I’m in relatively healthy condition, how would the second dose side effects make those with underlying conditions feel?

Don’t Feed The Pig or Don’t Enable a Hispanic Misogynist

Anyway, Boss has been trying to juggle a lot of internal issues with the administrators under her the last couple of weeks and it’s put her in a bad mood. Two weeks ago there was an administrator’s meeting, an in person meeting, why? Because Fake Buzz McCallister insisted on having it in person, and since our new digs have a huge conference room there was enough room for everyone to social distance. That wasn’t my call, if it had been I’d have said no. So since this meeting was scheduled for 7:30am I came in extra, extra early. I got her at 6:45am and my boss, President Cutie Pie were already here, so I made my way to the conference room to set up the laptop and screen and who do I see sitting there? Fake Buzz McCallister, on his laptop, as I walked in no acknowledging him I muttered “paranoid much?” He looked up at me and I ignored him. I heard Boss yell from the hallway “Hey Buzz, how do you take your coffee?” I was MORTIFIED, I mean I was in shock!! I walked out as Fake Buzz called out, “I’m light with one sugar…”

I walked into the huge kitchen and saw Boss carrying her cup of coffee and Fake Buzz’s as well.  I asked her “Boss, what are you doing? Why are you catering to him? Don’t do that, it’s just going to make things worse for all the women he has to work with!”  She looked at me, confused and said “I’m just being nice” and she walked slowly into the conference room with both cups of coffee.  Fuck my entire life, she just set Hispanic women back fifty fucking years!  Okay she’s an older white women, who’s made it this far on her smarts, education and ballsy, no nonsense attitude.  But she isn’t Hispanic, she doesn’t know how to handle misogynistic assholes like Fake Buzz McCallister and Fake Bob Penciotti!  After the meeting and all of the administrators left she came and asked me if I was alright.  I told her no, she was surprised and asked what was wrong.  I asked her to sit down and I closed the door to my office, then I told her that dealing with men like Fake Buzz and Fake Bob isn’t easy for me, for Hispanic women in general. 

I deal with “pendejo’s” all damn day long

She honestly didn’t understand, I had to let her know that since she’s white, she couldn’t possibly understand.  I told her that by catering to Fake Buzz she was enabling his bad behavior towards women.  She asked “By taking him a cup of coffee?”  I said “Yes, by taking him a cup of coffee.  Let me explain, to you it’s just a cup of coffee, but to Buzz he’s having ‘his’ boss bring him a cup of coffee.  He’s having his white, female boss cater to him and bring him a cup of coffee.  Which to a Hispanic misogynist is what he was taught to do, that women will never be equal to him.”  She still looked confused, “Okay I said, you see it’s like this, in the Hispanic culture when men are raised to think that women, all women are to be subservient, and they are more important it’s a control and power play. Now Fake Buzz is going to go back to his office and brag that he has ‘his boss’ bring him coffee.  Therefore every women that works under him is going to feel less of an equal to this asshole prick, and he will continue to treat us like we’re nobody, like we’re shit.” 

She sat there staring at me and I knew she didn’t understand what I was trying to say.  I said “Okay Boss I give up, but please don’t cater to his stupid ass anymore or else I, MD (managing director) and everyone else that has to deal with his over inflated ego will have to suffer through his attitude.” Seriously I don’t understand why the fuck she can’t understand?  Even MD asked me why she did what she did, and I honestly couldn’t tell her!

Learning to Stay in My Lane….I Think

I’ve been at this job for eight months now, I have learned a lot and thus far this has been the best job I’ve ever had.  Then last week when I was out with the side effects from the second dose of the COVID vaccine Boss gave a lot of what I was doing to MD.  I came back to find that MG had changed a lot of the procedures and protocols I’d had been trying to establish for Boss since I got here.  I asked MD why?  She said that Boss had told her to do some stuff while I was out.  I said I was out for one fucking day, not two entire weeks!  She said she was sorry and that Boss told her to do it for her, so what did I do? I talked to Boss about it, and came up against a stone wall.  She said “Oh I just asked MD to write a couple of the offer letters for the two faculty members that were coming in, no worries.”  No worries, she said no worries, I told Boss that I thought we’d established some sort of procedure since she had none when I got here.  Boss didn’t want to hear it, I just walked out of her office and I was pissed, and yet I don’t know why?  Maybe because I believed I was valued for my work and everything I had accomplished since I got hired.  A couple of days went by and MD came by the office to drop off some papers for Boss to sign and she asked me if I was okay?  I told her I was okay, just not too happy with Boss for backtracking on all the work I’d done.  MD sat down in my office and said “Look, I know how you feel Boss is hard pressed to let go of some of the things she’s been doing herself because she didn’t have any support before you came along.”  I told her that I didn’t understand why Boss keeps changing things when I had already put up a process for her approvals on documents, signatures or her review in general.  AND since I was the one that started/created the database for all the documents that require her approval for tracking purposes it just means I’ve done all this work for nothing if Boss won’t change her ways.  MD just shrugged and said she’d been working with Boss for five years now and Boss is hard pressed to let go of and change some things if they’ve been working for her.

I just said that it doesn’t make sense, Boss has made three steps forward and five steps back because all the work I’ve done and processes I put in place have been tossed out the window and that isn’t encouraging whatsoever.  So I suppose that now I’ll just do what Boss wants me to, don’t ask questions and leave any policies and processes to be implemented at her will.

Explaining the Giant Scissors In My Office

Giant scissors against my new mini fridge..

I had forgotten about the giant scissors in my office until 2bshamless reminded me on one of my other post comments.  So here I go…

While we were still in the old building we were packing up our offices to move here.  Impostor, Supervisor and I were packing up offices, supplies and various other items as fast and accurately as possible.  Fake Mini however spent the better part of two days taking all the crap in her office, bubble wrapping it, putting it in color coded boxes and labeling them, according to her, appropriately.  We had four carts and two hand trucks that we were using, and Fake Mini had ALL OF THEM with ALL OF HER STUPID CRAP leaving the rest of us to wait for her dumb ass to finish taking her and her bosses stuff across the street.  I mean she is slower than molasses in winter, and it was getting on my nerves that she was taking, not only too long to do this, but utilizing all of the carts and hand trucks for just her stuff.  Imposter went over to ask her to unload some of her stuff since she wasn’t finished and we needed to get moving.  She stood there trying to explain that she had “breakable” items on the cart we need to use.  I stood in the lobby area of the old office and on the couch there was a box with the giant scissors and other celebratory items that President Cuite Pie uses on special occasions, like ground breakings, new building openings and such.  I could hear Fake Mini trying to tell Imposter that she didn’t want us to break anything in the boxes.  I had just about enough of her so I took the giant scissors out of the box, dragged them on the carpet as I walked towards Fake Mimi and Imposter.

When I got to where they were, I flung the giant scissors over my shoulder and said “Look Mimi, we need to move and we need to move now. Take you box of breakable shit off the cart, put it back in your office and you can have this back once we’re finished. It’s really selfish of you to take all of the carts and hand trucks just for your crap. And yes, I think its all crap, who has a goddamned ice maker in their office? Seriously what the fuck? It’s an office Mimi, not some place for you to nest. Nest at home, that’s what your house is for so either take these boxes of crap off the cart or I will. Also, maybe you should like a fire, you know under your ass, because we have two day’s to move and all you’ve done is move your office!” Fake Mimi stood there looking at me with the giant scissors over my shoulder, she began to stutter as she normally does when she’s nervous.

Seriously, our office “Mimi” thinks matching her eye shadow to her shoes is a good thing…

She said “Well, well…um….I’m going as fast as I can…and….and…um.”  I took the scissors from one shoulder to the other as she asked “What do you plan to do with those scissors?  Cut my head off?” as she laughed a nervous laugh.  I looked at Impostor and then at Fake Mini, and said “No, not your head because there is nothing of value in there, but I’ll start with all the boxes of breakable shit you plan on moving to your new office.”  She stopped laughing as I took one of the box of crap and put in on her desk, took the cart and told Imposter “Take the other one, we can get this done in two hours.  It will take her slow ass forever and we can’t wait for her to finish her shit.”  Fake Mimi stood there just staring that blank stare she has when her brain shuts down.  As I walked back into the lobby of our office, President Cutie Pie was standing there and then he asked me what I was doing with his giant, ribbon cutting scissors.  I said “I was going to cut Mimi’s head off for hoarding all the carts and hand trucks.  But she saw my point of view and we have three of them now.”  He looked at me laughed, (I’m thinking because he thought I was joking) and that’s when he said “Huntress, I’m gifting you the scissors.  Just let me use them when I need to accordingly okay?”  I smiled and said “yes sir, of course.” So that’s how I came about those giant scissors in my office, as a gift from President Cutie Pie.  He really doesn’t know how or why I intended to use them or how I might still.  But that’s okay, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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A Moronic Inferno……More Characters I Work With. It’s Like a Dysfunctional Disneyland

I find myself once more dealing with questionable characters on a daily basis that make me wonder, how in the fuck did these people make it past the background check?  Okay, shut up Dave I know what you’re thinking, and I haven’t committed a felony……yet.   Fucking Dave….ahem on with the show.

My boss, who is super awesome has to deal with an array of characters with somewhat problematic personalities.  One, as you know, I’ve already written about Fake Buzz McCallister, a Hispanic, chauvinistic asshole who thinks he’s God’s gift to……everybody.  But wait, there’s more, more asshole characters that seem, even in this day and age, to be throwbacks to the days of Madmen.  Men who don’t like to be subordinate to a women, men who think they deserve to have my bosses job simply because they are….men.  Now, I’m not man bashing here, I’m stating and explaining the characters that I and my boss have to deal with on a daily basis.  Not all of them are this way, a couple are actually nice and very compassionate guys who are respectful to my boss and myself.

Introducing…..Fake Bob Pinciotti (from That 70’s Show)

Bob…not his real name. But it’s creepy just how much this person looks like Bob…

Yes ladies and gents this asshole is a horrible guy, and a worse clinical administrator.  He looks just like Bob from That 70’s show, without the curly hair, the guy acts with such stupidity it’s unbelievable.  Fake Bob has the sheer ignorance for anything reasonable or practical.  Bob is a fat asshole who waltzes into our suite, straight to my boss’s office without letting Fake Dolly know why he’s here.  I’ve had to stop him from just walking into my boss’s office while she’s on a phone call or meeting with someone else.  Twice I’ve told him to wait out front.  He looks at me with that, “Don’t you know who I am?” kind of look.   The third time I happened to be up front as he walked off the elevator and he completely ignored me and tried to walk past into the back offices.  I said to him “Bob, can you please wait here?” and he turned around and said, in a very condescending tone “Why? I need to talk to Boss.”  And I responded with “Well, does boss need to talk to you?”  I could see he wasn’t happy about a woman talking to him that way, and I proceeded to say “From now on, if you need to talk to Boss, you need to make an appointment or call to see if she’s free. Otherwise I won’t let you see her.”  He laughed and said, “You….won’t let me see her?”

And I said “that’s right, I WON’T let you.  Did you get that? I won’t LET YOU.” 

He smirked and tried to walk past me, and I got in front of him and said “Do you really want to try my patience Bob?  Because you won’t like the outcome.”  That’s when President Cutie Pie walked around the corner and Bob said good morning in that ass kissing, brown nosing kind of way.  President Cutie Pie wasn’t in a very good mood.  It’s been a hectic time for him and all the VP’s because they’ve been trying to get the COVID vaccine distribution out as fast as they can.  So President Cutie Pie said “Is there something you need Bob?”

Very short, curt and to the point.  Then Bob said “I’m her to talk to Boss but, Huntress isn’t letting me” and President turned to Boss’s office, her door closed and then asked me “Is Boss here?”  I said “Yes sir, but she on a conference call with Lubbock” and President Cutie Pie turned to Bob and said “Did you make an appointment to see Boss?” And Bob started to sweat profusely and stared at his notebook and said “Um, well, I never had to before” as he looked at me.  The President Cutie Pie said “Well, from now on, if you don’t, Boss won’t see you, do you got that?” and walked away.  I looked at Bob and said “Need I say more? Next time, if you don’t call or email before you show up, I’m calling campus police and I don’t think President Cutie Pie will have any issue with me doing so” and I told him to leave.  I stood there watching the motherfucker until he got on the elevator.  He glared at me the entire time and all I did was laugh maniacally as the doors closed. I told Fake Dolly that if he shows up again her job is to stop him or anyone that comes to see Boss and that she needed to call me to tell me someone was here to see her.   

She just nodded her head in agreement, kind of like a bobble head when you hit a speed bump, all nod no brain. 

Then there is Fake Potsie Weber (Happy Days)

Potsie is a wannabe Buzz McCallister and Bob Pinciotti.  He’s a young, naïve kind dumb dude that needs direction for EVERYTHING.  My boss just made him an associate clinical administrator from a unit manager, and the motherfucker doesn’t know what he’s doing.  Fake Potsie thinks he knows his job, but if he did he wouldn’t be calling me all the time to do shit for him.  I would, at first help, but then he got an inflated ego when Boss promoted him.  So when I stopped helping him, he thought he could tell me that since I work for Boss, I technically work for the administrators and it was my “job” to do what they asked of me.  I stopped him right there, and told him that if he needed my help to do the simplest of things then maybe I needed to talk to Boss about his promotion.  If I had to “do” his work for him, then he wasn’t ready to take over an entire clinical department as an administrator and that I should get the raise not him. 

I knew that Fake Buzz and Fake Bob were telling him what to say, because he sounded just like them and in some instances used their words verbatim.  I told Fake Postise, “I’d be careful about who you listen to and take advice from.  Other administrators don’t care about helping you, they just want attention and not all their advice is for your own good, it’s for theirs.”  Cheesus crust these people have bigger egos and god complexes than their doctors, assholes.

Then we have Fake Andrew Squiggman aka Squiggy (Lavern & Shirley)

Fake Squiggy is just that, fake.  He’s a short, annoying pain in the ass who likes to brown nose to anyone whom he thinks will help him and/or praise his mediocre efforts.   This short, briefcase carrying kiss ass is also an administrator and he’s not misogynistic or chauvinistic like Fake Buzz or Fake Bob.  He’s just….a back stabbing little weasel.  One thing you don’t do is piss off my boss, although she’s a soft spoken white lady, when she’s angry it’s like the devil let loose a tornado of fire.  No, seriously you don’t piss my boss of for any reason.  But what did Fake Squiggy do? Yep, he pissed of my boss in the worst way imaginable.  How do you do that? By doing things she didn’t approve with her budget that’s how, and by working with her nemesis, Fake Carol.  Fake Carol to be honest is on her way out, as the VP for Finance she’s alienated pretty much everyone including President Cutie Pie.  She is only now trying to rectify shit she should have a long time ago.  So she thought by manipulating Fake Squiggy she’d get back into President Cutie Pie’s favor….WRONG. 

All she did was cause more upheaval and problems for my boss by manipulating Fake Squiggy into spending money from MY boss’s budget and not hers.  Well, that didn’t go well for Fake Squiggy or Fake Carol.  Since I monitor all of my boss’s budgets, I noticed a lot of things being charged that weren’t authorized by her. I brought it to her attention and then did some research and found Fake Squiggy, the rat bastard was helping Fake Carol in doing shit they shouldn’t.  Now, let me clarify that Fake Squiggy is directly under my boss, so when you go and listen to another VP who isn’t your superior, that doesn’t sit well with any of the higher administration.  Then after my boss tore him a new one, he blamed me for the bullshit he caused.  And of course what did the Huntress do? I tore him another asshole in addition to the one my boss had already given him.  Yep, that’s right I did and he deserved every inch of that new asshole because I told Fake Squiggy that he shouldn’t bite that hand that feeds him by going around our boss.  This motherfucker doesn’t like confrontation, unlike Fake Buzz and Fake Bob, he shrunk into an even smaller, shorter version of himself standing in the doorway to my office. 

Then there is…..Managing Director, whom I’ll call Dora the Explorer

I’m not bashing her, she’s totes awesome, I just thought I’d mention a positive management figure rather than total douche-assholeness. And not because I’m making fun of her by calling her Dora the Explorer, okay I might be, just a little.  But it’s because you can see her walking all over campus carrying her backpack where she keeps her laptop and everything she needs as she travels back and forth from department to department.  She’s one smart cookie, and she’s my boss’s contracting person who has been helping with the purchasing of property around the university for our eventual expansion.  Dora has helped me in learning the ropes when it comes to contracting, the purchase of real property and the design and distribution of space on campus.  Yes, there is such a thing as having space designed and utilized for different departments.  Although Fake Buzz and Fake Bob love to hoard space with putting crap in unused offices, but my boss and I have a plan for those two assholes and their hoarding of space.  Well that’s all for this week.  Stay tuned for the next installment of, (insert echo here)……ASSHOLES I WORK WITH!

This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Introducing More of The Cast of Characters I have to Deal With…

It’s that time boys and girls to introduce the array of characters that I have to deal with as my bosses EA.  I’ve already mentioned Fake Mimi, Fake Dolly, Fake Roseanne, Buzz McCallister, Fake Carol and Fake April (who did us a favor and left this place.  So now without further ado, I introduce….

StayPuft EA – She is the EA for the dean of the Dental School, and was in our suite for a while after I got hired.  Why StayPuft you ask?  Because she’s a pretentious bitch who thinks she’s smarter than all of us, and is nice to our face but goes and talks shit behind out backs.  So, given her stature and, ahem, extra bulge/tire/fat she carries, as well as the way she walks across campus (I can see her from my view at the top) she looks like the StayPuft Marshmallow Man from the first Ghostbusters film…

Chucky Jr – She is the even more pretentious, rude, bitch asshole admissions and recruitment for the dental school.  Her nickname is Syd, and ever time I hear Syd, I think of Syd that Sloth from the Ice Age movies.  But then she cut her hair and painted it a Ronald McDonald red, and now she looks like Chucky from the horror movies.  So, she’s been named Chucky Jr., because of the fact that she look just as ugly as Chucky does and has the personality of a plastic doll.  The Dental school people seem to think they are literally “the shit” when it comes to being on campus.  And they are far from it, a few weeks back I was asked (by my boss) to help StayPuft with some documents she needed to submit to human resources.  She claims to be so smart and I was amazed at just how stupid she is.  She’s worked here for three years in this capacity and she didn’t know that procedures for any of the things she was asking my help on.  I did it myself, then sent it to her and told her to use it as a guide for further HR submissions.  She kept calling and emailing me but I never responded.  I told my boss that I wasn’t going to respond because I knew she wanted more help and I just didn’t have the inclination or the time to do it.  Then Supervisor told my boss that the dental school people had to do things on their own, that’s why they hired all of those so-called “experts” to run the school.  Yeah experts my ass the only thing they know how to do is act like they know what they’re doing.

Fake Jar-Jar Binks – This woman is incredible, and I don’t mean that in a good way.  She’s the administrator for one of the clinics on campus.  I use to work in this particular department and she is a complete and utter idiot.  She got hired a little after I did, and she felt inadequate because she didn’t have a degree.  She’s actually a bit younger than I am but you can’t see that because she’s but ugly and her attitude is total shit.  For example, she didn’t get along with the associate administrator because the associate admin had been there longer and knew a lot more.  And after Jar-Jar insulted the associate admin, they began to fight, literally and though emails, jabbing each other whenever they could.  No, it’s not right but the associate admin knew much more about how the department was run.  And not it a bad or self-absorbed kind of way, only that she’d been there for eight year prior to Jar-Jar being hired.  Jar-Jar took this as the associate admin thinking she was better than her, and yes, she was. 

But Fake Jar-Jar had an ego the size of a small compact car and the brain the size of a lentil.  So her tiraid of revenge began, alienating people she needed/needs, insulting others, forcing write-ups on people who she deemed friends of associate admin (even after associate admin left) and making those that were still in touch with associate admin lives a living hell.  She once told me that I wasn’t needed in the department, so I told the department I was actually under what she had said and my manager at the time made sure that our director knew about it.  To make a long story short, I was told that I didn’t have to listen to her because Jar-Jar wasn’t my supervisor.  So I’ve been on her hit list ever since, until that is I got hired here, you see my boss oversees the administrators, so that makes my boss her boss.  And I get the pleasure of returning things to Jar-Jar with comments about her inept writing, her using words out of context and letting her know that nothing she submits is going to be sent to my boss for review or approval unless she does what I ask her to do.  My boss is okay with that, which I love and it’s not in a malicious way either.  Just establishing protocols and procedures which should be followed by everyone under my boss. 

COVID Vaccinations Here at Our Institution

So I’ve been helping with registration and information taking for the COVID vaccine for the first responders and front line workers here at my institution.  It’s been hectic, we’ve had several people from the general public try to sneak themselves in.  And some from our own institution claiming to be “frontline workers.”  Which clearly they are not, for example, we had two ladies from the veterinary lab come in and start yelling that they are front line workers.  Supervisor was trying to calm them down to no avail, so I walked up and told her to let me handle it.  And handle it I did, the Huntress way, you see these two supposed frontline worker bitches are veterinary lab assistants.  They don’t deal with students, faculty or even staff.  They are all alone up in the fourth floor of the research building behind a keypad lock, no one can get in or out.  I know this because I worked in research and know exactly who these two trouble makers are.  So Supervisor stepped away and I told them to calm down and then one of them started yelling at me that it’s her right as a frontline worker to get her COVID vaccine.  So, I treated them exactly how they treated us.  I said “No you are NOT frontline workers, you have NO contact with students, faculty or staff.  You are both in an isolated lab that you can’t get into unless you know the combination to the key pad on the door!  So, you can either wait until the vaccine is available to general staff or I can report you to campus police AND Dr. Research (not his real name) and let him know that two of his employees are trying to scam their way into getting the vaccine before the staff is authorized to do so.  Also, DON’T EVER TRY TO COMPARE YOURSELVES TO REAL FRONLINE WORKERS, it’s AN INSULT TO THE ONES IN THE EMERGENCY ROOMS, CLINICS, FIRE DEPARTMENTS AND POLICE. You should be ashamed of yourselves, frontline workers my ass, now go back to your lab and wait until the staff are told to get vaccinated.  By the way, I’m making sure your names are keep on the list of those that gave us trouble!”

They genuinely looked surprised, then one of them said “You can’t deny us the vaccine, we’re going to report you to the department of health.”  I said “Go right ahead and report us, and when it comes time to have you annual evaluation I will let Dr. Research know that you were not only insubordinate you reported the institution for which you work for to the health department, just because you didn’t get your way.  Remember ladies, don’t bite that hand that feeds you, no one here is irreplaceable!”  They looked at me again with surprise on their faces, then turned and walked away in a huff.  My boss and supervisor stared at me, then my boss asked me if I knew them.  I told her I did, and knew they weren’t the so-called front line workers they claimed to be, fucking bitches.  Seriously, people are stupid and they just seem to get even more stupid as this pandemic gets deeper into a second year.  Well, that’s all for now, this is the Huntress and remember…..

Don’t be a moth around a dim, yellow bulb. Be a moth to the flame, make it worth the burn!

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Catching Up on Things In The Huntress’ World

Happy New Year everyone!!  I hope that you all had a safe and wonderful new year and now that we’re in 2021 we might be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Hopefully it isn’t the damned freight train headed towards us at lighting speed.  Anyway on with the show…..

Lestat’s Cousin Louis, The Self Centered, Forlorn Vampire

On Saturday the 2nd of January I went to go pick up a couple of items at Target, feeling pretty good about the fact that the New Year had begun and nothing major had yet happened, well in a negative way that is, until…..I ran into Lestat’s cousin, Louis the forlorn vampire.  This dude is incredible, not in a good way, he’s just those types of people who you want to avoid at all costs.  One minute he’s bragging about himself and everything he’s done and the next he’s having a pity party over shit that hasn’t gone right for him.  Anyway, Louis recognized me before I had a chance to see him and make my escape because I really don’t want anything to do with Lestat or anyone related to him.  So in essence. Louis ambushed me in the coffee aisle at Target, ugh.  He came up to me and said “Oh hey Huntress, how are you doing?” And before I could run away he was right there in front of me, I was trapped in between the Dunkin Donuts coffee that was on special and the oatmeal.  I stayed quiet, hoping he’d think he had the wrong person but nooooooo, he just said “How’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in ages.”  I just said “Oh hi Louis, how are you?” and that was it, that was enough to have this dude give me the verbal version of a downpour.  I cut him off because I really didn’t want to answer any of his stupid questions regarding Lestat. 

So I said “Oh Louis I have to go, my son’s waiting in the car, bye” and tried to leave.  He then walked around me and said “So do you miss Lestat at all? I don’t know if you heard but he and Fiona bought a new house.”  I looked at him and said “Louis, I don’t miss that fat bastard one bit, and as far I’m concerned he and Fiona deserve to be miserable together because I know for a fact she doesn’t make him happy and he doesn’t make her happy.  Your entire family is fake, their phony’s, they love to put on a show for the rest of the world.  To pretend that you all are happy, good, kind people but you’re all a bunch of hypocrites.”  Louis just stood there in silence, blinking his brain away because I’m sure he had no clue I was going to go off on him like I did.  A little background on Louise, when I met Lestat he was married to his first wife, Marie.  Then he met some cheap ass wannabe bleach blonde idiot at work and began having an affair, all the while he and Marie were trying to have kids.  This fucker would blame Marie for not being able to have children, yeah that’s the kind of bastard he is. Then Marie found out about the affair and divorced his ass.  Then a year later Marie gets married again, and had twin boys with her second husband.  So I guess we know it wasn’t her that couldn’t have kids.  Soon after that Louis marries the bitch who he had an affair with, and I could tell she was just a money grubbing bitch, because the first thing he did for her was buy her a Lexus. Then bought her a house, remodeled it the way she wanted, and put her name on all of the properties he owned.  Then after four years of being married to Bleach Blonde bimbo, he goes and “tries” to have an affair with his sister in law!!!!  Yes, that asshole tried to hook up with his brother in laws wife, and then she found out about it and divorced that fucker!

Then he met a younger woman with six kids to hook up with because he’s the kind of guy that doesn’t know how to live alone. So he’d rather be with someone whom he doesn’t know, and probably treats him bad because of his past history. Rather than be by himself.

These are the kind of people that are from Lestat’s family tree.  Anyway, I looked at him at continued with telling him that if he ever saw me again anywhere in public that he’d better just leave me alone.  I told him I didn’t care what Lestat was doing or who with, and that my life has been so much better without him!  That last part was strategic because I know Louis will tell Lestat next time he sees him.

Fake Dolly and Fake Roseanne

Before I went on vacation we hired Fake April’s replacement, someone who didn’t impress me much after reading her cover letter.  Seriously it was that bad, but I nor Impostor have the last say in who was hired so, it won’t fall on our shoulders if or when this person fails.  When we did the virtual interviews she came off as chipper, bubbly and a team player.  But then she actually started work and I saw none of those traits.  I’m going to call this person Fake Dolly, because when she came in on her first day of work, she’s much taller than I thought and maybe it doesn’t help that she teases her hair to oblivion.  Yep I started singing “Here You Come Again” when I saw her sitting at the front desk.  Then Imposter gave me the nudge to stop.  But it was only later when we were actually, physically moving that Fake Dolly got on my nerves straight off.

We were walking back and forth from the old to the new building, with carts of boxes for my and Impostor’s boss.  Okay my boss had ONE box, Impostor’s boss is a needy, passive aggressive bitch who kept complaining “who’s going to help me pack?” the entire time we were moving.  Fake Carol didn’t pack until Imposter began packing for her, ugh that woman’s a pain in the ass.  I actually feel sorry for Imposter, her boss is a complete and total bitch.  Anyway, while all of us were moving, cleaning, doing preliminary and final walk through’s at the old office.  Fake Dolly and our other Admin Assistant whom I’ll call Fake Roseanne (because she looks like Roseanne Barr), just sat there, doing absolutely nothing.

It wasn’t until our last trip that we walked in on them on their phone, because IT had already taken their computers, and I lost it.  I asked then nicely albeit loudly, “What are you two waiting for? Get you stuff and go to the new building and unpack your things!  Oh and by the way Supervisor asked both of you to take the boxes of PPE to the new building, so do it!” Fake Roseanne looked up at me and said “She never said that” and then Supervisor said “I sent you both an email last week.”  Then I told both of them, get off your phones and get moving.  We’re almost ready to start working from the new building and you all as just sitting there doing nothing!”  And I walked off into my old office to make sure I hadn’t left anything behind.  When we got to the new office, Fake Roseanne told Impostor she didn’t appreciate being yelled at, and Impostor told her that she and Fake Dolly should have been finished moving, unpacking and settled way before any of us because they are the front desk.  So I’m not in good standing with Fake Fiona or Fake Dolly right now, but meh, whatever, I’m not their direct boss but, I can tell them to do stuff for me if I need it.  But if her attitude is any indication of what kind of work they’ll do, I would rather do things myself. 

After they come to the new office and me and Impostor were going back and forth, all Fake Dolly was doing was sitting at her desk staring at her computer.  NOT ONCE did she offer to help!  Even after me and Imposter had a hard time with some of her bosses boxes, which fell onto the floor and the contents spilled out.  She just sat there like a fucking slug! She wasn’t my first choice so I won’t take the blame for creating another Fake April.  Which by the way Supervisor had Fake April come and train Fake Dolly on some of the systems we use, I’m like do we really want this bitch to teach the other bitch how to do things the wrong way?

Falling Behind and Experiencing Technical Difficulties

Yes, it’s true I’ve fallen behind on reading and posting comments to a lot of the blogs I follow.  I’m just going to blame it on the dumpster fire and the hobo who started it and say, I’ll do better this year.  But, I’ve also noticed that on some of the blogs I follow, I can’t post any comments because it tells me that “An error has occurred” and when I try again, same thing.  So I’m starting to think that I’ve been blocked, banned, hindered from posting to some blogs.  *Sigh* I’ll just keep thinking it’s a technical glitch and not being blocked by those I follow…..

This is the Huntress, saying ”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Are Tenant’s Rights Really Rights?

I normally don’t spur of the moment posts but I think this is one that deserves one and I believe that it might be cathartic for me right now. But I think this particular situation warrant’s a post because what’s been happening since Christmas Eve Eve (yes that’s a thing, watch Friends and you’ll know what I’m talking about.)

Anyway, since last year’s home purchasing debacle and having to wait to buy a house until this next March, I’ve waited patiently to get to the point, not to mention have enough savings, to be able to move out of this shit hole rental home I’ve been in for the last thirteen years.  Okay that’s not fair to the house itself, it’s been a wonderful home for me and my boys.  But it’s lacked, oh how do you say? Maintenance from the homeowner/landlord.  She, is Filipino, she married another Filipino but from American descent and somehow moved to El Paso.   Her sister got her meat hooks into a Navy veteran that was once stationed in the Philippines and moved here as well. 

For the first three years everything was fine, because this Filipino bitch had a rental property management company take care of issues that would arise with the house.  You know, minor plumbing problems, replacement tiles and faucet for the main bath.  When I moved into this house, there were no ceiling fans only bare light bulbs in every bedroom.  So Lestat replaced all of those with ceiling fans and painted my youngest sons bedroom a very striking light blue. 

Also, the fan over the stove stopped working in the fourth year we were here, not to mention the stove that came with the house, only the back burners would work.  So Lestat once again said to me he’d remove her busted ass old stove and put the one I had from where I lived in the apartment in instead.  Then, the house had the original washer and dryer which means that they were from 1982, when the house was built.  In 2013 the washer stopped working, I called the property management company to let them know and they said the owner wasn’t responsible for fixing it or replacing it.  I knew this but I told them I was going to buy my own and put her washer/dryer in storage.

Then the ceiling fan in the living room stopped working, and it was in the middle of summer, so Lestat replaced it with a new one.  Back in 2009, we had a vicious ice and hail storm that wreaked havoc on a lot of homes, damaging their roofs, cars and whatever was outside at the time the storm hit.  Since I’m sure the house hadn’t had a roof replacement since it was built, I didn’t worry.  That’s because a week after the hail storm hit, an insurance adjuster rang my door bell to let me know she was here to inspect the roof.  She took about 45 minutes, and then let me know that the insurance company would contact the owner to let her know they would be sending her a check for the roof replacement. 

Well, the roof didn’t get replaced and by 2010 the roof began to leak, in the dining area and in the hall way.  I let the property management company know, they told me they would contact the owner to let her know.  Well months then years went by with the roof still leaking and getting worse.  It wasn’t until I complained via a vicious email to the property management company and claiming my renter’s rights and how the landlord was neglecting her responsibilities with the lease we both signed. 

Not my house, just a meme I found, but these are the types of repairs the Cheap Ass Sisters make……*insert giant facepalm here*

After much complaint, finally in 2014 the cheap ass bitch finally had the roof replaced, think about it, it was damaged in 2009, then it was replaced in 2014.  That’s five fucking years of waiting on her to do something about the roof.  And still, I stayed because I had a job that I was living from paycheck to paycheck, and moving wasn’t an option for me.  Then, in the beginning of November my son was on one of his days off doing homework when this cheap ass bitch, whom I’ll call Kung Pao because her real name is close to that, yes I know it’s racist but hear me out here, she deserves her nickname in more ways than one.   She had stopped by to tell my son that her dryer broke, and she wanted to know if she could take the one that was in the garage that we use to use. 

I’m thinking here to myself, this really cheap ass motherfucking bitch would rather come and get a 38 year old dryer than buy a NEW ONE!?!?!  Seriously?  My son told her that he’d have to ask me because it was in the storage and it was locked and he didn’t have the key.  She gave him her cell phone and said she’d call me sometime during the week to talk to me about getting the old dryer out.

Well I waited, and nothing for a week and a half I didn’t hear from her.  Then on a Friday night around 9:45 at night, she texts me that she’ll be by early in the morning to pick up the dryer.  Did you get that?  She FUCKING TOLD ME SHE’D BE BY EARLY ON A GODDAMNED SATURDAY MORNING to pick up a damned dryer I hadn’t even gotten out of the garage yet!!!!!  By this time I was pissed and I text her back in the morning telling her I couldn’t be at home to let her get the dryer as I had to work.  Of course I lied, I wasn’t going to wake up early on a Saturday just for that cheap ass, low class bitch to come and get her dryer because she’s too cheap to buy a new one!!

So, my son took the dryer out of the garage and she came by, took the dryer the following weekend and left.  Wait, there’s more……

I’ve been on holiday vacation since the 19th of December and I was peacefully under the impression that I’d spend that time relaxing at home getting ready for the holidays and looking forward to the New Year, like most of us are.  But no, this bitch and her sister show up last Monday without notice and start to “work” on the house.  I was asleep when I heard banging and scraping and then got up and what do I see? These two annoying, cheap ass, make a nickel shit, do-it-themselves bitches scraping the paint off the trim on the house! 

Like totally true, especially when they’re cheap ass mofos who can’t hire someone to make repairs and do a half assed, shitty job themselves!

I was not amused, but I thought she’d only be here that day…..WRONG.  The motherfucking Filipina’s showed up again on Tuesday and after I went outside because I was going to run an errand to Albertsons did I see they used my garbage can and filled it with THEIR fucking trash!!! Then I saw Kung Pao using my water hose.  I just about lost it when I told her she couldn’t use my trash can!  I mean because of the holiday, city services won’t do garbage pick up until Monday.  And now I can’t use my OWN FUCKING TRASH CAN!!!  I also told her that since she isn’t paying for the utilities, she can’t use my water.

“Oh sorry, oh sorry Bebonica” is all I heard as I stomped back into my house.  Then I called the property management company to complain, because after all I am under a lease agreement with them and the owner and I have rights, or do I?

I talked to the owner of the property management company and told her that this was unacceptable and I wasn’t okay with the cheap ass Kung Pao just showing up at the house and fixing things on a whim.  I also made it known that after thirteen years of no actual owner engagement as far as repairs were concerned, NOW she wants to fix the house?!? The lady whom I’ll call Susan understood, and I told her that Kung Pao was using my trash can and water (without asking for that matter) and she said that the owner couldn’t do that and she would call her to let her know.  This was on December 23rd and I thought I’d enjoy Christmas and that would be the end of Kung Pao and her sister General Sao.

What happened today?  The Cheap Ass sisters show up this morning, once again waking me up with their aluminum ladders and speaking in their native tongue so loud the neighbors could hear them.  Speaking of ladders, while my parents were here on Christmas day, my mom went out to my back yard and all I heard was a crash and her scream.  My mom fell over one of the ladders these bitches left lying right by my back door!!

Thank God all my mom had was a bruised hand and shin, this WAS NOT how I wanted to spend Christmas, in the ER with my mom hoping she hadn’t broke anything.  Anyway, they were here this morning and last night I had parked my car about six inches from the garage door.  Yes I did it on purpose because I suspected that the two Ching-Chang sisters would be back without letting me know.

I go out to my car when I couldn’t see or hear them, and I grabbed my keys on the pretense I was going to my car to get something and what do I see?!?!?   I see that the Cheap Ass sisters are precariously perched on a ladder they maneuvered somehow OVER THE HOOD OF MY CAR!!!  They are painting the trim over the garage AND THERE’S WHITE PAINT SPATTERED OVER THE HOOD OF MY BLUE CAR!!!!!

This is exactly how I felt after seeing white paint on my car!!!

This was it, I’d had enough and I went off on Kung Pao, telling her she was inconsiderate and irresponsible to think that I was okay with her working OVER my car!!!  She came down off her ladder and said “Oh is dat paint or is bird poo?”  I was like ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!?!  She was noticeably scared and her sister began to speak to her in Filipino.  I told her sister to speak in English because I was not about to stand there while they talked about me in another language. 

She said “Oh, I sorry, I sorry.  Look it come off” as she dragged a dirty ass rag across the hood of my car.  I was furious and told her to keep her hands off my car.  I walked back into the house to get my phone so I could take a picture of the white paint on my car, and when I walked back out, she was still wiping my car down with that dirty ass rag!!  I had already told her to keep her fucking hands of my car and she didn’t listen!!!!  What is it about some Asian cultures that they don’t understand or comprehend when westerners are visibly upset?!?! They don’t take is as a warning but keep doing what their doing?!?!

I yelled at her to stay away from my and my son’s cars and told her that I understood it’s her house but she needs to not come back because she’s violating the lease.  All she kept saying is “Oh I sorry, I sorry Bebonica” which only pissed me off even more.  I stomped back into the house, but did they leave? No, no they fucking didn’t, they continued to work on other parts of the house and that’s when I emailed the property management company.  They’ve been closed since Wednesday, but will be open tomorrow, and I hope to God they call me back ASAP because this motherfucking ass bitch is too stupid and cheap to pay someone to make repairs to the house and rather do a shitty job herself.   She won’t let the property management company do it because they will charge her, and she’s already paying them to manage the home as it is!! I don’t get it, I’m FURIOUS because this stupid bitch doesn’t seem to comprehend how angry she’s made me and I’ve been in this house, paying her over $65K in rent.  And yet she doesn’t understand the she’s alienating the one tenant that has been a great one for over a decade!!!

I can’t stand the sight of her or her Cheap Ass sisters, and after repeatedly telling her to keep her hands off my car, she still wiped it down before I could take a picture!!  She’s ruined my vacation and I told the property management company if she’s willing to pay out of what remains of my lease and find a compatible property for me to move to, I was fine with that.  Which I know won’t happen, but I’m hoping that whatever tenant right’s I have will come into play here and keep this cheap ass Filipino bitch, whom I can’t stand the sight of, from damaging more of my property or belongings. 

I want to say that I have some semblance of holiday cheer left, so I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas with your loved ones and that you are staying well and staying safe. 

This is the Huntress, stay safe, be well and wear a mask!

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Lets Talk About Classic Movies And How They’ve Changed My Opinion About Them

Yep, I thought I’d write a post about old movies, mainly because I was on vacation for a week for the Thanksgiving holiday and binge watched movies like crazy.  In my movie repertoire, I have several classic films I never tire of watching.  But during that week when I did re-watch these films, I reviewed them with a more critical eye so to speak and some of these films were…………….FOREVER RUINED!!! Ugh yes, ruined, fucked up, FUBARED!! What else can I say, but let’s start the review and critiques of my favorite films.  

His Girl Friday 1940 – This is one of my favorites, it stars Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell, and it’s pretty much a remake of the 1928 film, The Front Page, also a remake in 1931 and a more comical version, in 1974 with Walter Matthau and Jack Lemon, which is to say the least, hysterical as always when it comes to Lemon and Matthau.  Walter Burns (Grant) is an editor at the Morning Post, and his prized reporter Hildegard (Russell) is leaving to get married.  I loved this film when I saw it back in the day after I had my second son and was home on maternity leave.  I’ve watched it about a hundred times, but last week I realized that, Cary Grant is a complete asshole in this film.  He’s a conniving, misogynistic prick trying to sabotage not only his ex-wife but very talented reporter out of getting married!

And not even because he misses her as his wife, but more so because she makes money for the paper he runs.  I mean seriously, I know this film was made in 1940, when women really didn’t have that much support as far as having a career or supporting themselves.  Or gaining any type of equality from the male species, as in this movie, only to be seen as a prize, a possession or a means of making money.  As much as I love this movie I’m hard pressed to want to watch it again anytime soon. 

I watched and cursed at the television (even threw Chex mix at the screen) as I made my pre-Thanksgiving preparations.  Of course my son would yell from the spare room/office/game room asking me who I was yelling at.  Anyway, on a scale of 1-5 wine bottles, I give this one a 3.

The Nuns Story 1959 – I saw this film one late night when I was a kid, I was with my grandfather and he was babysitting me while my parents were at a wedding.  The only thing that would come out late at night on one of the local channels were classic films.  Which didn’t interest me very much until my grandfather began watching this that day.  Although he didn’t speak English he understood it and seemed very enthralled by this film with Audrey Hepburn.  As we sat there, completely taken in by this young woman Gabrielle Van Der Mal (Hepburn) entering a convent of nursing sisters, to become a nun in the Belgian Congo.   We were captivated by the rituals of becoming a nun, as we watched her part ways with her physician father played by Dean Jagger, after a dowry was given to the convent that is.  The history and religious customs that she had to go through,  like observing the grand silence and letting go of your memories of your past.  One had to erase any trace of the life you lived before entering the convent, and observe, be obedient and take the vow of poverty.  It seemed like such an undertaking as I watched this as a 9 year old, but especially being a girl and having to watch this young nun give up any and everything she’d grown up with.  Like mirrors for example, having to get dresses without mirrors because it’s seen as vane, now come the fuck on!!  Mirrors, seriously?

Anyway, I watched this over the holiday week as it was on TCM, and as I re-watched it I realized that the only way she could become a nurse, was to become a nun? What the literal fuck?!  But Hepburn did turn out to be a true heroine in my eyes, as she couldn’t keep up the façade of being a nun, and not taking pride in her work as an excellent nurse.  Because pride is a sin, and she could not do that as a nursing sister.  She was asked to fail her final medical exam by one of the reverend mothers in order to prove humility. 

After taking your final vows, you erase everything of your former life. Which also includes cutting your hair, because having long hair is considered vain.

In my head I thought this was completely wrong and asking Hepburn’s character to do such a thing was a sin in itself.  I’d have been, nope not doing it, with all due respect reverend mom, I’m outta here.  But I suppose that I wouldn’t have made it past the preliminary vows as a postulant.  I have been thrown out as soon as I complained about wearing the same shit every day and not having mirrors or being able to drink water when I wanted to. 

Audrey Hepburn

She made it past being a postulent, and even got to go to the Belgian Congo to serve as a nurse. She worked with the handsome Dr. Fortunati.

A doctor who was labeled as hard to work with, but throughout their time together it seemed as though Sister Luke was developing feelings for him. But of course being a nun, one can’t develop feelings for anything or anyone. I’m sure this was the beginning of the end as a nun for her.

But I suppose Gabrielle found out that after her father was killed by the Nazi’s, she couldn’t find it in her heart to forgive, and being a nun, that has to run deep in your soul.  In the end (spoilers people) Gabrielle Van Der Mal saw she couldn’t be both a nurse and a nun.  It was either one or the other, and she left that place behind realizing she was a better nurse than she was a nun and taking pride in her work.  But overall, it’s a great film, and the Huntress gives this one 5 out of 5 wine bottles.

Rear Window 1954 – Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly play L.B Jefferies and Lisa Freemont, photographic journalist and fashion guru/socialite boyfriend and girlfriend.  Jefferies broke his leg taking a picture in the middle of a race track, and his sweet girlfriend Lisa is taking really good care of him during his recovery.  Because Jefferies is bored and stuck in his little apartment staring out at the courtyard that links his apartment building with three others, he’s become quite the nosey neighbor.  From there he can stare straight into the apartment of his neighbors.  Watching them like some sort of voyeuristic perv and making some judgmental opinions about his neighbors that somehow are really off key. 

I hate nosey neighbors

When Lisa kindly and lovingly orders dinner from their favorite restaurant he’s snarky about it.  When one of his neighbors, who’s a composer, is playing one of his unfinished tunes, she comments about it and how it seems that it’s being especially written for them, he’s snarky about it. 

This is definitely NOT a match made in heaven. Grace Kelly is the epitome of sophistication and so is her character in this film.

When she presents dinner at his side (lobster Thermidor, French string potatoes, and a fine wine) he’s fucking snarky about it.

Because she suggests that he may want to stay close to home so they can start a life together, he says’ that they are too different and it wouldn’t work out.  He tears her down at every chance he gets, and this is Grace Fucking Kelly were talking about here!! This asshole is a total jerk to her, then they argue and outright tells her to “shut up a minute” so he can assert his masculinity while tearing her down once again.  I love this movie, it’s been one of my all-time favorites for years, but after watching it over two bottles of Stella Rosa wine.  I again found myself yelling at the television calling Jimmy Stewart every name in the book, for being such an asshole all because Lisa is “too perfect” a woman for this prick!  She’s kind, loving, generous and not to mention patient with this sorry ass looking excuse of a man.  As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog post, Jimmy Stewart was 48 years old when this film was made and he looks 70.  Yet Brad Pitt is 56 years old and came out shirtless in Once Upon A Time in Hollywood and gives Ryan Reynolds and Bradley Cooper a run for their money.  But looking at Grace Kelly and James Stewart she is by far, more glamorous and way out of his league in this film as far as their characters go.  So I didn’t feel one bit sorry for the motherfucker (spoiler’s people) when he broke his other leg being a nosey neighbor.  But on one last note about this film, and the one His Girl Friday.  It seems that the writers of the screenplays wrote the female characters to be in “need” of a male in their lives to give them purpose.  I give this 3 out of 5 wine bottles, because, GRACE KELLY people!

As “strong” as Grace Kelly and Rosalind Russell’s characters are, they are still written by men who only saw them as an “accent” or an “accessory” to their male lead characters.  Because they were made to come on screen and play a part of a strong female only to wind up needing a man to feel complete.  If it were me in Rear Window, I’d have chucked L.B Jefferies for his detective buddy or said to him “Your right, I am too perfect for you prick, so I’m out of here.”  But of course that’s not how these films were written to begin with.  This is my review/critique of these classic films.

P.s This is a picture of my new office, we’re finally settled in and unpacked everything. Why, yes, those are a pair of GIANT scissors next to the mini-fridge. Those have a story of their own, I’ll post about it later on, but go ahead and just let your imagination run away with you for now.

This is The Huntress saying….”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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Things Happening in the Huntress’ World

First a few comments on the my featured image: Mr. Sherman Hemsley was my neighbor (on the nice side of the street I live on) for about six years before he passed away. I’d see him at the Albertson’s, at the Verizon store and as he took his morning walks around the neighborhood. He was a genuinely humble and good person, he talked to everyone who went up to talk to him. He never said no when asked for an autograph. God Bless Mr. Hemsley, now on with the news!

The Huntress is “Movin’ on Up”…..at least to a 5th floor office with a mini-fridge and new executive furniture that is.  We’re finally moving into the new building after being told that we were to move in July, then Sept, then finally they told us mid-December.  So, now we’ve been instructed to pack up our current offices so that on Weds the IT gang (two rude guys with attitude) could move our computers in the afternoon.  I didn’t really didn’t think I’d have much to pack up, but working with my boss I’ve amassed quite a few binders and files.  But, in the new building I’ll have a bigger office, with a view of the landscaped quad as well as the reserved parking space I have.

We’ve been trying to do as much as we can so that when Weds rolls around we are pretty much set to start working from our new offices.  Then….Fake Mimi sends us all an email that she is going to have surgery at the end of December and she will “have to know” who is going to cover for her.  I was livid, and I know I shouldn’t be but her attitude is so condescending and narcissistic.  The thing is, she isn’t aware she’s being that way.  For instance, a couple of weeks back she came into my office to ask me about a federal grant that the Associate Vice Provost wanted her to work on.  She was giving me the low down about what this woman wanted and I told her what federal grants allowed and what they didn’t.  Then she left and came back two hours later to ask more questions.  I helped her and told her she needed to let my old department know what this person wanted to do.  Because it sounded a bit shady to me. 

Then the very next day she came in bragging about how she balanced her budget and had money to spare and that she told her boss and he was happy and shit, and then made the following comment…

“Everyone knows that I’m like, the finance queen in this suite, with the exception of the VP for Finance and CFO” and that pissed me off.  So my reply?

“So what your saying is, that everyone else in this office is shit at finance even though, all OF US HAVE MASTERS DEGREES, with the exception of yourself, RIGHT?”  She just looked at me and began to stutter….”Well…no, no that’s, that’s not what I was saying.  I, I was trying to say…”

I cut her off and said “You know what Fake Mini, I don’t care what your explanation is, you implied that you’re the only one that can work wonders in finance and that the rest of us, with the exception of Fake Carol, are idiots when it comes to money.  And if you’re the finance queen, you should have known about the guidelines for that federal grant you needed help with a couple of weeks ago, right?” 

She stared at me from behind her mask and just stood there in my office door way like a fucking deer in headlights.

Then I told her “Oh, by the way Ms. Finance Queen, everyone knows that if you have money left over at the end of the fiscal year, they cut your budget by exactly that amount for the next.”  She just kept blinking at me until I got up and pushed her out of my office and closed the door.  Seriously who in the fuck says stupid things like that?!?!  Oh wait, Fake Mimi does, that self-absorbed stupid bitch….Ugh!

I’ve had about enough of Fake Mimi and I’m glad she’ll be out on her surgery for the 8 weeks and won’t have to see her stupid face until the beginning of February.  Because I seriously want to punch her in her Finance Queen Face.

Fake Carol and Her Horrid Holiday Jewelry

As mentioned before we’re all moving, and Fake Carol has been coming in all decked out in holiday garb. Which for a VP is quite tacky to be honest, she wears bells in her ears, around her neck and on her wrist. Which makes her sound like a goddamned Pomeranian jumping up and down wanting attention. We’ve all begun to close our office doors to keep the “jingle-jangle” noise at a minimum because she has horrible taste in jewelry, clothes, nail polish and art. She purchased some art pieces for her new office and they are, to say the least, horrible to look at. Imposter rolls her eyes when Fake Carol asks if they are pretty. Or what she thinks, and my boss rolls her eyes at her mere presence. I actually feel sorry for Imposter, she makes her do some stupid shit, like record her meetings because the bitch is too stupid to press the big red record button on Webex. Or have her go down to her car to take stuff out of her truck to bring back up to her office. She’s often asked her to make copies of something only to revise it and waste even more paper.

And she walks in making sure that EVERYONE notices what she’s wearing because she’s fishing for compliments. It’s hard to compliment someone who has horrible fashion sense, I mean faking it once or twice but every goddamned morning is quite a feat. One can only lie for so long before it backfires on you. But Fake Carol is a lot like Fake Mimi, they have no filter, they act entitled and they believe they know everything about, well everything. When they are the most lost and undelighted of the entire office, ugh it gets annoying. I’m losing my patience with both of them and Fake Carol isn’t even my boss and I don’t work directly with Fake Mini either.

It’s their manner that offends, like Fake Mimi came in this morning with hints of purple and teal in her hair…..IN HER FUCKING HAIR!! The thing is, she’s got jet black hair and unless you have light colored hair it just makes it look…..stupid. So those are the things that are happening in the Huntress’ world this week. I know I’ve been MIA for a while but I’m trying to get my writing mojo going again. Hopefully I can get there sooner than later.

This is The Huntress saying Stay Safe and Wear Your Mask!!

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Don’t Be a Sore Loser, Be a Humble Winner….and Other Happenings this Week with the Huntress

On November 7th there was a sense of relief, the entire nation seemed to let out a huge sigh of relief when it was announced that Joe Biden would be our next president.  Of course not all are relieved, some are still holding on to the last bastion of hope for their candidate of choice.  But as my son put it on Saturday night, he said “The US just let go of a huge dump that was constipating the nation, there is some relief.”  No, not the nicest of words, but very poignant given the situation.  We all know what the big “Dump” was or is, and now that big dump is holding onto the Presidency with his claws to try and fight what the rest of the country has already shouted loud and clear, and that is he is not fit to be this nations president!

So on Sunday morning, I was at Walmart gathering my weekly supplies, when the guard was holding back a woman (Karen I’m going to say) that refused to wear a mask while entering the store. 
I’m still astonished at this, these idiots that follow the orange idiot that think they don’t need to wear a mask because it’s oppressive or uncomfortable.  Seriously? The bitch probably has never felt oppressed in her entire life.  Okay maybe here in El Paso, where whites are the minority so I guess she might have at least once in her lifetime. 

As I passed I just said “Just wear a mask lady and you’ll get in the store” and she turned around and yelled “Oh you’re probably a Biden supporter bitch.”  My oldest son was with me and he immediately grabbed my arm and tried to walk me in the store.  As he “tried” I broke away from him and went back to the door and yelled “Bet your ass I am you idiot, what is it about your candidate that doesn’t understand the science of a pandemic?! And again YES I’m a supporter of someone who cares about others more than he cares about himself, KAREN!”  She said “This is a hoax, and who is Karen?” and I said “No, what’s a hoax is your president’s leadership, that’s why he’s not president anymore you dumb bitch! The country has spoken and he’s out like yesterday’s garbage!”  She tried to think of something to yell back but the guard had begun to walk her away from the door, as she looked my way and gave me the middle finger, and I responded with the Hispanic version that includes my entire forearm.  My son, who came back to walk me into the store said “Why do you let people like her get to you mom? They’re just not worth it, they’re too dumb to believe anything that isn’t on social media.”  He made a valid point, people who still believe that the election hasn’t been calculated correctly, those who believe this entire pandemic is a hoax, those that believe that all of the news they find is on social media is valid and call everything else fake news are not worth it. 

I read an article somewhere that said that the majority of Trump supporters are middle aged, white, uneducated with an income in the mid $30K.  No, I didn’t make that up, one just has to Google “How Stupid Is Trump Really” and tons of articles come with statistics on his supporters and why they chose him to vote for in 2016.  They believe his false claims of immigrants, Muslims, fake news conspiracies and how he’s smarter than the scientists who first warned him of the COVID virus before it got out of hand.  Let’s face it the idiot can’t even hold a conversation, and apparently one of his college professors claimed him to be one of the dumbest students he’d ever had! Yes, it’s amazing that he got into college, but we all know he didn’t finish.  I’m not saying everyone is smarter if they go to college, I can attest that is not true, I’ve worked with engineers and physicians who couldn’t put together a single declarative sentence with both hands and a flashlight.  It just depends on how one chooses to use their college education.

You know what I think? I think that when and if there is a vaccine for COVID, everyone that is a diehard Trump supporter shouldn’t get it, I mean after all they are so smart that they believe it’s a fucking hoax, they should abstain from getting a hoax vaccine right? Let the fuckers die holding on their political god, who put his interest before those of the American people.  That chooses to use the Presidency as a reality show instead of giving us solid, honest, caring and competent leadership.  Who downplayed the virus as he and his supporters call it a hoax which has killed millions around the world, while he was on Twitter spewing his misogynistic, jealous, self-serving rants, instead of doing his job. 

I’ve always been a proud American, our nation isn’t perfect, but it sure as hell is better than most.  Our nation isn’t always right, but we’ve managed to get over worse disasters than this Trumps presidency, and I use those words loosely.  But one thing is true and that is, we as Americans deserves better than Donald J. Trump as this nation’s leader.  And one thing is for sure, he’s already ruined his so called “legacy.” Many historian’s predict that he will be labeled and go down in history as the worst president the United States has had thus far.  So I was glad to say what I did to that idiot at Walmart on Saturday because……………….I am Generation X, I answer to no one!! 

Okay my son did roll his eyes when I shouted that out at the pharmacy section in the Walmart, like Norma Rae trying to recruit union memberships in a loud factory.  As we drove home the song from Charlie Daniels came on, In America.  It talks about how our country has fought for what we’ve built.  How we as a nation have fought amongst ourselves, but outsiders shouldn’t intervene because as Mr. Daniels said……

And we may have done a little bit of fightin’ amongst ourselves. But you outside people best leave us alone ‘Cause we’ll all stick together, and you can take that to the bank. That’s the cowboys and the hippies and the rebels and the yanks. You just go and lay your hand on a Pittsburgh Steelers’ fan, and I think you’re gonna finally understand.”

I had to get the line about the Steelers in, so sue me.

I was all riled up and felt pretty good about my response to that void of a Trumptard supporter.  Then it happened, I got an email on Sunday night that one of my coworkers tested positive for COVID and that I was ORDERED to self-isolate and go for a COVID test…ugh.

If you all are wondering it was Imposter whose mom tested positive but didn’t tell her, she began to feel sick but thought it was her allergies but tested and came back positive.  We had virtual interviews for Fake April’s position all day Weds and Thurs.  We were more than 6 feet apart and I wear a mask all the time, even at work.  I’ve gotten good at mask makeup, which means I don’t put too much effort from my nose down, since no one really sees my mouth.  So now I’m here, self-isolating until my test tomorrow and then for 48 hrs. until I get my results.  I don’t feel sick, I haven’t lost my sense of taste or smell, I don’t have a fever, chills, body aches or pains.  Okay I have a slight headache from the half a bottle of wine I had last night.  But that’s not COVID related….okay maybe it is since we all know that drinking at home has been at an all-time high since the pandemic hit. 

Fake Carol is a Pig..

So fake Carol is not only a fashion disaster, which I have to look at every single freaking day when she walks by my office. But apparently now, she’s just a pig, why you ask? Let me explain, in the President’s suite there is a private bathroom, and it’s hidden away in the back and it was meant for President Cutie Pie, but he’s humble and generous and he told us that anyone could use that bathroom if we needed to. But I choose not to, and here’s why, Fake Carol is a “swatter” which means she doesn’t sit on the toilet seat like normal people, she hoovers above it. And in turn leaves her “mark” on the seat, which is disgusting in itself. Because that leaves the next person to use the facilities to clean up after Fake Pig Carol and I just ain’t doing that shit (no pun intended.) It’s completely deplorable and I can’t believe she doesn’t clean up after herself!! She’s a goddamned vice president and acts like she’s from El Segundo, here in El Paso it’s a section of town known for it’s poverty and gang related violence.

So I don’t use the private facilities because who knows when Fake Pig Carol will use them and leave splashes of her bathroom use on the toilet seat, ugh this woman is fucking incredible, and not in a good way. She also has the most disgusting hands ever!! She has dry, cracked finger tips, I mean has the woman not heard of hand lotion?!?! and when she uses nail polish she winds up chipping and peeling it away and it too looks disgusting. I have no idea how Imposter puts up with her?

P.S – Update to this post, I’ve gotten test results back and I’m NEGATIVE!! Okay negative in test results, Dave! I know you were going to say I’m just negative period, which sometimes I am but shove it DAVE!

This is the Huntress, stay safe, be kind and WEAR YOUR MASK!!!!

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The Things that Bother the Huntress

I know this might sound a bit redundant, because it seems a lot of things that bother me and I tend to rant, talk about them quite a bit.  But there are daily little nuances annoyances that tend to get under my skin because they seem to happen EVERY FREAKING DAY!

Here are a couple…

The passing/fast lane on the interstate is FOR PASSING!!!

Yes, I’ve bitched talked about this one before, but this one rubs me the wrong way every single day I drive onto the interstate so it warrants a second helping.  Why do people insist on holding up traffic because they drive on the passing or fast lane the entire fucking time they are on their commute?  I don’t understand this, just because you’re going the speed limit doesn’t mean you can stay in the fast lane.  It’s called the passing/fast lane for a reason you Prius driving, slow moving “I’m going the speed limit, so I’m not doing anything wrong” self-righteous assholes!!! Get on the far left lane, speed it up, pass the slow moving cars (unless you’re the slow moving little bitch then you should just stay home) then make your way to the middle lane ya PRICKS!!! Don’t hold up ALL of the traffic on the interstate because of your belief that you are going 60 miles an hour, therefor not breaking the law because you’re too stupid to know what to do when you’re driving.  And if you have a goddamned BMW, why wouldn’t you step on the gas and pass all traffic and make your way down I-10 until we no longer see your taillights you bitch?!!?  You know who you are, so move it!!!

Reserved Parking is reserved for a REASON!!!

I pay a little bit more for a reserved parking space here at work, with my new job I thought, why not? This way I didn’t have to look for a parking space when I leave for lunch and come back to park on the far side of the parking lot.  But the last two weeks there has been a white Mazda SUV that’s been parked in MY PARKING SPOT every other day.  There’s even a sign that says “RESERVED PARKING FOR THE HUNTRESS!”  So after calling parking and transportation about a thousand times, and not having any results, even though they are supposed to give out tickets to those that are parked in reserved parking spaces.  At the time I didn’t know if this white SUV asshole has gotten any, but if they have it has not deterred them form parking in MY parking space.  I decided to take things in my own hands and call a tow truck to have that annoying white SUV towed at the owner’s expense.  When the truck got here, the driver called me and I quickly made my way down stairs to let him know which car it was.  Right as that was happening, the owner of said SUV was making her way to her now being towed away car. She began yelling and then she looked at me and said “Did you do this?!” And I said “I sure did” and she began to throw profanities at me and I just looked her and walked up to the sign that said it was a reserved parking space, pointed and told her “Do you see this? This is a reserved parking space that means it’s reserved for one person and one person only, me.  You know why that is? BECAUSE I PAY FOR THIS PARKING SPACE AND NO ONE SHOULD PARK HER BUT ME!!!!”  She looked confused, then said “I didn’t see that it was reserved, to which I added “How can you not see it, it’s right there in huge red letters?”

She began to cry, and then I looked at the tow truck guy and told him to stop.  She told me she was a medical student and was here early every day for her labs.  Well, except for me that is, because I get here just as early as or earlier than she does (about 6:50 or 7am.)  My boss is an early bird and I have to help her catch that worm so to speak. She also mentioned that she thought because she got here early she didn’t think anyone would notice.  Which made me realize that she did indeed know she was parking where she shouldn’t have. I asked her if she’d gotten any tickets, she wiped away her tears and said she had three.  And then, in my head I thought, she must be related to that Prius driving asshole on I-10 that hold up traffic every morning.  She showed them to me, and then I said “Have you paid these?” she nodded no.  I told her that I was going to give her a warning this time, but if I ever saw her car parked in my space again I was going to have it towed for sure at her expense.  I took her tickets with me and told her I’d take care of those, but that she’d better not get anymore or she’d be on her own.  I hate that I have a kind steak in me, it makes the entire Huntress, dark, unforgiving, I’m going to kill you with a spoon, don’t mess with me or my kids, you’ll be sorry you ever crossed my path type of soul hard to hold onto.

Fake Mimi Is a Hoarder and I don’t Like Hoarders….and She’s annoying too

Fake Mini is another Executive Associate that works for our dearly loved Provost.  Dr. Provost is a great guy, an old football player that loves to talk about his alma mater with nostalgia and pride.   He talks about history and books and we have some great conversations.  I’ve actually read a couple of his book recommendations.  But his EA leaves a lot to be desired, she is about 47 years old, married never had kids because she didn’t want any, and that’s her choice which is fine by me.  But she makes her job harder than it has to by doing stupid shit like sending out Doodle polls for my boss’s availability.  I mean send me a goddamned email and I’ll let you know when my boss is available!  You don’t have to get all technical and make your job harder to show off.  Yes, that’s my opinion of what she does, half the time she’s making more work for herself she constantly complains about have so much work she has to stay late or work from home.  So as an EA we have to cover for each other when one of us is out, so the bitch got COVID and I covered for her for two and a half weeks while she was out.  No biggie, her boss is a doll and I love working with Dr. Provost. 

But she began working from home so I began to direct every one back to her letting them I was no longer covering for her.  She then sent me a calendar invite for next week to cover for her while she’s on vacation going to Houston.  I was to say the least, enraged, why? Because she didn’t ask me, and only assumed I do this again when there are two other people that can cover for her instead of me.  Well she came back today and what do I see? She’s colored her hair a teal blue…..that matched her eyeshadow and (gasp) her lipstick.  In my head I’m thinking to myself, how old are you and why do you feel the need to dress like you fucking 15 years old?  She stood in my office jabbering on about her being sick with COVID, how she couldn’t taste…blah, blah, blah.  I couldn’t stop staring at her one dimensional colored head, like teal blue washout.  Seriously why would a grown woman who works in the President’s office of a University think that doing something like that is okay?  When I got hired, along with the operations of the office I had to read and sign, I got handed a dress code, which I also had to read and sign.  But of course no one here really pays attention to if but me.  Supervisor wears printed leggings to work, Imposter Huntress wears colored jeans every day, with blouses she got at a garage sale and Fake Carol dresses like she’s still 30 years old.  But Fake Mimi? Why do you feel the need to color your hair a certain color and then match you freaking eye shadow and lipstick too?!?!  And she rambles on about the same things, how much work she has, why she stays in her office all day long, how much she paid for her new couch (about $6000 if I remember correctly.)  Don’t even get me started on her house, Imposter and I went to take her the laptop she uses for work a little after she got sick and she lives in a very prominent neighborhood, but her house looks like it could come out on the show Hoarders.  She has crap all over the yard, on the porch, in the alley no less.  When I got down to leave her laptop at the door, I glanced into her dining area and there were amazon boxes piled everywhere.  Okay I do too, but they are in the garage where no one can see them and I’m saving them for when I move.  I break them down and put them nice and neat in a pile for when I need them.  She just gets on my nerves period, but I have to work with her so I won’t kill her anytime soon, but at the rate she’s going, that could possibly change before the year ends.

The New Word Press Block Editor

I FUCKING hate this thing…..that’s about it for that subject.

This is the Huntress, stay safe, wear your mask and GO VOTE!!!

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The Urge To Write…..Is Gone….For Now

Those words definitely ring true, I haven’t had the urge to write at all.  I don’t know if it’s been because my new job has kept me busy writing for business purposes, which lets face it can get a little dry.  Or because I don’t think I’m a good writer in general.  But the fact that I’ve lacked the interest in writing is scary to me because ever since I was little all I’ve ever wanted to do was write.  My ambition, like all wannabe writers, was to write the great American novel.  Okay that’s a stretch but I do or did want to write my very first book by the time I hit 50, and well that’s in the rearview mirror now.

So at this point I’m not sure what is going on?  I’ve also lost the urge to run, but as much as I’ve fought with myself to just get home and lie on the couch like a slug and eat Rocky Road ice cream right out of the container, I’ve still managed to make myself run my 5K or three miles a day.  I’ve slowed down in my time too, but that’s another story entirely.  The main reason for me pushing myself to run is because, I don’t want to get fat again.  I’m amazed at myself that I’ve actually gotten to where I can run three entire miles without passing out, falling off the treadmill, laying on my bedroom floor covered in sweat my limbs twisted and contorted as I reach for the bag of Oreo’s on my dresser.  Don’t judge, doesn’t everyone keep Oreo’s on their dresser?

When I began my weight loss journey, I weighed 202 pounds and I do not want to get back there again, so that is the motivation, however faded or misguided it may be I refuse to go back to being that heavy.  But I’ve also realized that I’ve come a very long way health wise.  I can now run for three miles straight without stopping, falling, passing out, or looking like Elaine from Seinfeld when she’s dancing (that’s what I look like when I run) and I finish in less than 30 minutes.  Again my motivation for running, as mentioned is to stay healthy.  My lack of motivation for writing is something totally foreign to me.  So I don’t know where this is coming from, or maybe I just really don’t feel like writing anymore or maybe just for the time being. This is my short and not so sweet post for this week.

This is the Huntress, stay safe and wear your mask! COVID is NOT A HOAX!

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EVERYBODY PANTS NOW!! PANTS, PANTS, PANTS, PANTS, PANTS……

Yes, that’s exactly how I feel today, I walked in the office (I’m usually one of the first ones here) singing and dancing my way down the hall, in heels no less….why you ask?

Because Fake April gave her TWO WEEKS NOTICE ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON!!! Yes ladies and gents, Fake April got the job with those arrogant asshole zombies at the Dental School.  I am, to say the least ecstatic about this new revelation, we’ve known she wasn’t happy here because she didn’t want to be told what to do.  Yes, seriously she’s that kind of personality, she wants to be a boss, but has no clue about how to actually get to be a boss.  She just thinks it’s telling people what to do and having a big office.  Boy is she in for a rude awakening, one of the Director’s under my boss told me that she applied for a job in his department, he even gave her an interview.  But he and he hiring panel were put off by her answers to their interview questions which consisted of, “Tell us about your work ethic?”

Her answer? “I like to do things my way.”   “Do you consider yourself a team player?” Her answer, “I like to do things my way.”   Well, it’s going to totally come as a shock to her that, her new job isn’t a “boss” job, it’s a coordinator and the dumb bitch left for the same pay and more work.  She didn’t like it here because she was our administrative support, and again she didn’t like people telling her what to do.  I can’t contain my sheer enthusiasm at her getting the fuck out of our office!!  I’m so excited I can’t stand it! 

She’s a toxic person, her attitude (not to mention her sloppy work ethic and dress) make our entire suite look bad. 

Okay enough about this shallow bitch, on to the next monstrous personality in our office, and unfortunately its Impostor’s boss.  She is another VP but, honestly she lacks personality, professionalism and above all sophistication and decorum.  Yes, this is a vice president I’m talking about, I’m going to call her Fake Carol Burnett, because she’s just as loud, just not funny or witty like her.  So Fake Carol is about 63 years old, not very old (yeah the older I get the more I realize that 60s and 70s aren’t old anymore) but she comes in wearing the most hideous outfits.  She dresses like she’s still in her 20’s and not in any way professional for a vice president.  For example, at my age (yikes 51) I don’t wear anything above the knee, and I do mean nothing.  My wardrobe consists of mostly tailored business suits and professional dresses. 

Fake Carol, on the other hand, dresses like she’s going to a night club, and that’s putting it mildly.   For example, today she walked in wearing a mini-dress that when she bent down to pick up a copy that fell at her feet, you could (if you were looking) see her entire hoo-ha.  NO, I’m not exaggerating one bit, yes she has killer legs for her age.  But no you shouldn’t ware something like that to the office.  She also has a penchant for tacky ass jewelry, she matches everything with her clothes which doesn’t necessarily mean you have to.  When you do, one tends to become a color blur, but that’s just me and how I think.  She has more shoes than I do (if you can imagine that) and wears the stripper-platform type to work, another big no-no.  I’m talking the clear platform, six inch heel kind and she has them in all different colors (to match her outfits of course) but those shoes aren’t something one should wear to meetings I think.

She also has the really awful habit of matching the color of her lipstick to her eyeshadow, and that has sometimes has been purple, green or gawd, even orange.  This woman is a fashion disaster, and what makes it even worse is that she has this condescending tone when she talks to you.   This makes me wonder why Fake Carol dresses like she’s still 25 years old and Impostor making no effort to dress up at all.  Yes, as far as Impostor and I are concerned, we’ve come a long way in our working relationship, I still have no clue why she dresses like she’s staying home on a Saturday to paint her kitchen.  Colored jeans, faded may I add, and tops she’s mentioned she’s bought at Saver’s.  Now don’t get me wrong, I shop at Saver’s too, but I’ve bought some real good finds, business suits and designer dresses to be exact.  Not faded blouses that she thinks are a steal that don’t even match her jeans.  Yes, I know some of you might say, well The Huntress is a fashion snob, because she’s criticizing this woman’s wardrobe. 

Yes and no, and he’s why.  First off she’s 63 years old, a Vice President at a medical university AND the head of the Human Resources department.  There is a standard code of dress for university employees, so why doesn’t she adhere to it? Your guess is as good as mine, and you’d think that being that old one would season, mature with age so to speak.  Even I know I can’t pull of a skin tight band aid dress anymore, not even to go out socially, but to wear it in the office?  But then again this particular VP doesn’t understand social cues, or any cues to be honest.  She may have the body of a 29 year old, one can if they’ve never had kids and she hasn’t, but she’s got the equivalent of hammer time on her face.  She’s not anywhere near attractive.  As my former coworker said “She’s a four bagger for sure.”  Most of you will know what that means.  And when asked why she never had kids, she responded with “I didn’t want the responsibility of having to take care of anyone else but myself.”  Yes she actually said that, and talk about selfish, she’s one of the most selfish people I’ve ever met, and this includes my mom people.  She and my boss have had their verbal scuffles and my boss puts her in her place pretty damned quick, and that’s why I love my boss.  She’s a kick ass woman who doesn’t mince words and does her job well.

UPDATE…..As per River at Rivergirl’s request, I have an actual photo of Fake Carol in one of her getups….you’ve been warned…

Well that’s my post for this week, I have so much more but I have to get to work now. This is The Huntress, stay safe and wear your mask!!!

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Have You Ever Wondered…..

What real life would be like if we could live it as though in a movie?

This post came about because I’ve had a lot of stuff happen in the last two weeks that got me thinking, why can’t my life be like a movie?  Yes, I know it sounds a bit odd, but I think we’ve all had that feeling, and sometimes we just want to have the day we’ve been having end, by having credits roll at the end and maybe a post credit scene like in Deadpool, where Ryan Reynolds mimics Ferris Buller at the end of that movie.  Okay yes is sounds confusing but my nerves (not to mention my patience) are coming to a car crash, flying through the air in slow motion, shooting paint ball at my enemies, while looking devastatingly on point movie scene end……see what I did there?

So, pan back to my life two weeks ago before the clusterfuck of issues came about in helping this homeless mom and son started.  I’m sitting in my office, happy as a motherfucking clam (how can you tell when a clam is happy by the way?  Like do they laugh out loud or what the fuck?) and then I got the message from my son asking if I had any blankets to donate to this family.  I’ll leave it at that because I’m so done with this situation and my son’s now ex-girlfriend.  Then as I began to focus solely on my job again, I get hit with some asshole physician and a department administrator that are terrorizing their department.

My boss is now in charge of HR and she’s been in charge of clinical administration, so the complaints have come through to her.  I’ve worked in this department previously, so I know what a total hell hole that bunch of pit vipers are like.  I count my lucky stars that I got out there and into the research side when I did.  I have no doubt I’d be one of the ones complaining as well.

As I began to reflect on my life this year (which has been a complete shit-show, just like the current Baboon in the White House’s Presidency) I couldn’t help but wonder, what if we could decide to have our bad and good days, weeks, years end or begin like a movie?

You know have that good days end with wind blowing through our hair, walking in slow motion as we high fived everyone walking past us and getting into our cars and driving away blasting our favorite song on the radio?  Or if our emotional state would be introduced to those around us by the soundtrack of our mood? For example, Fake April has been, thus far acted just okay and that’s because we all found out that she’d applied for and I believe have gotten a job with the new dental school here.  A little background on the “dental school”, they are fairly new and honestly a bunch of fucking asshole morons who walk around like they own the damned place and yet, they have no actual student’s enrolled.  Yeah, I don’t know how we can have a dental school with no students, go figure?

Anyway, Fake April applied for a coordinator position with the zombies from the dental school, and I call them zombies because the dean and the associate dean are like 105 years old.  They are arrogant as are the people they hired to work for them.  They, along with their “staff” make the dental school a total of six people…..six arrogant, self-entitled, ignorant of how things run, always asking for help, can’t do shit on their own, useless…..….people.

They use to be in our floor, in our actual suite but they recently moved into the new building which they narcissistically call the “Dental building” not realizing it’s not.  They haven’t brought in any actual revenue in order for them to lay claim to anything on campus, but that’s how narcissistic they are.   The building is actually called the research and sciences building and our office will be moving in there as well.  But, the President’s suite will be on the 5th floor and the Dental Zombies will be on the 2nd, which is still not far enough for me.

But I digress so Fake April is pretty sure she’s got the job, and I’m hoping she does because that would make all of us ecstatic! But last week she pissed me off, and when that happened I could hear and feel my anger soundtrack start up…….for all of those wondering, it’s Metallica’s Enter Sandman…..