In the recent light of the mass shootings here in El Paso and Dayton, the very core of beliefs I once held has been shaken, so much so that I’ve begun to rethink a lot of things that I’d held onto since I was a kid. The one obvious thing was, my parents were prejudice, not racist but they let their prejudice cloud whatever since of right or wrong they might have had. They would always comment that Mexican’s were low class that they came to this country to take advantage of the “system” and take jobs from American’s. As a kid growing up on the border I knew, we all knew that our small town was predominantly Hispanic/Latino/Mexican. With one Cuban and two Puerto Rican neighbors peppered about our sleepy little town. These were my own parents saying these things, and I grew up constantly questioning their way of thinking. When I got married my in-laws were from Mexico, and at least my MIL’s side of the family perpetuated a lot of the stereotypes I grew up hearing from my parents. But not all of them, and I learned to adapt to my own thinking and ideals. So after I became an adult I began to question and correct my parents on what they believed and to actually scold them because they were, after all of Mexican decent and I found it terribly hypocritical and I was having none of that, especially because I didn’t want my boys to hear my parents demean their roots and heritage.
We also happened to be in Texas, where conservative thinking and holding on strong to every word of the U.S Constitution and the Bill of Rights was, well held onto with great pride and constantly misquoted and misinterpreted. Specifically the Second Amendment, the right to keep and bear arms. My dad had hunting rifles, at least four of them of different sizes and calibers, all placed above our fireplace displayed with pride. My grandfathers, both of them had rifles, and my maternal grandfather, who served in WWII and was a very proud American, had three hand guns and took his grand-kids (all nine of them) out to the desert to learn how to shoot those guns.
My maternal grandfather was the one who taught me and my cousin’s gun safety and how to handle a gun/rifle and none of us though anything was wrong with this. Since becoming an adult I’d never thought about getting a gun or any weapon for safety because I felt safe in the Sun City because we are, at least 97% of us, of Hispanic/Latin/Mexican origin. I am a fourth generation American, my boys are second on their dad’s side and fifth on my side. But feeling safe was somehow taken for granted, until August 3, 2019. As I watched this heinous act unfold only four miles from where I live, I like so many others in our city felt helpless.
Then the aftermath of it all hit all of us, especially those of us of Mexican decent, like a preverbal ton of bricks…..we were being hunted. This came to light after the murderer’s so called “manifesto” was found online. He drove all the way from a Dallas suburb to our town, to hunt and kill “Mexicans” on purpose! So, I’m going to set aside the political correctness and proper language now, because this Huntress is FUCKING PISSED!!
The impact of what happened was nothing short of shocking, for all of us who live here in El Paso. Especially when we found out who this person was, where he was from and why he did what he did. People have tried to rationalize this and give this young, stupid and apparently easily influenced 21 year old asshole the benefit of the doubt. Someone that probably didn’t have any familial structure to teach him right from wrong, and was left to his own devices while his parents tried to find themselves or figure out what to do after divorce all the while ignoring the little bastard.
But this is after all, only speculation as we all try to come up with reasons as to why he choose El Paso to commit this crime which seemed to be motivated by white supremacist and Neo-Nazi rhetoric. And this is only one of my theories, because my boys were also put through the emotional whirlwind that is divorce and none of them are out with warped ideals and taking up shooting practice on the human race. Because I made it a point, despite their father being out of their lives, after the divorce to show them right from wrong, to make sure they knew I loved them and I never ignored their needs and learned to look for warning signs of emotional turmoil. Which let’s face it wasn’t easy because I was working full time and going to school full time, but I made sure to let them know above anything else, they were my priority, ALWAYS!
Since this mass murder occurred my city has been on edge, everything everyone does is a careful and calculated thought process. This happened only weeks before several school districts were scheduled to return to school. All of the Walmart’s and Target’s in El Paso have El Paso Police Department uniformed officers at every entrance/exit at the moment, which makes one a bit uneasy and safe at the same time. This should not be commonplace, we should be able to walk into any store and feel safe. Memorial services have been taking place since the shooting happened, it’s so unbelievably sad, I don’t think a day’s gone by that I haven’t cried. As news about the killer comes to light a lot of us have realized that sadness has turned to anger and outrage.
His manifesto is supposedly (I say supposedly because it hasn’t been released to the public) a long-winded rant about how Mexican’s were taking over Texas and he was afraid of their liberal views and also worried about how these people would slowly but surely turn Texas from a Red State to a Blue one. He also mentioned how he was afraid of Mexican’s or anyone of Hispanic/Latin background were taking over “his” country and choking out his European heritage. Now, let me get this straight a twenty-one year old asshole, still wet behind the ears is going to tell ME about how he’s worried that HIS country is being taken over by OTHER cultures?! OH HELL TO THE FUCKING NO!!!
First of all, let me put this out there y’all, the United States of America is a melting pot of all cultures, races, ethnicity’s and it is NOT pure breed WHITE! No one is pure breed white, and assholes like him actually believes this! First of all let me address his thinking of “his” country, OUR country had people here before the Europeans even set foot on this big ol’ rock we call America. It had indigenous peoples, Native American’s, really…… that’s why we call them NATIVE AMERICANS because they were here first you white supremacist asshole pricks!
Texas wasn’t even a state in the US until 1845, it belonged to Mexico, so the saying “We didn’t cross the border, the border crossed us” is true in every sense. Don’t even get me started on the Alamo, really you don’t want to go there with me……
Also constantly hearing “Go back to your country or where you came from” pisses me the hell off even more. I’ve been told that twice in my lifetime, once as a child and once as an adult. The adult version yelled back “I am where I come from bitch, come closer so we can discuss this, no? I thought so!” This was here, in El Paso in my community where we are a cultural mosaic. This woman was white, but I’m sure she wasn’t pure breed.
When I hear Lenny Kravitz’ song American Woman, I don’t think of a whitewashed version of a female. I picture a very diverse group of women who have roots in many different countries.
Here in El Paso, we speak Spanglish, code switching is the clinical term for it, we always have and we always will. Now some Latinos are being condemned for speaking Spanish as far away as Hawaii! We are being language shamed because others feel entitled to share their ignorant and misplaced opinion about how we should speak. To those of you who do all I have to say is this, it’s not our fault we are multicultural and you are stuck in your one dimensional life with your one dimensional language, go fuck yourselves! If you think that only English should be spoken, then you’re in the wrong country people, get a clue or better yet get an education to learn another language OTHER than English!
During the horrible years of slavery, slaves were brought to the US and sold and they intermingled with Native American’s as well as many other cultures, especially Hispanic/Latin/Mexican’s this is where the words Mestizo and Mulato come from. The fact that we have so many different cultures in us it makes us richer as a people, we have learned so much from each other there is no excuse for any of us to single out one race or culture for extermination, NO EXCUSE.
We as American’s have so many different cultures/race/heritage running through our veins it’s impossible to narrow down where and whom we come from. So the fact that these white nationalist “believe” they have a pure blood pedigree is fucking stupid not to mention naive. Also for them to think there are “pure breed” people out there, yeah right, keep lying to yourselves if it makes you feel better. We’re all mutts, we don’t belong to just one people and to think this way, well it makes me question their intelligence. Let’s turn now to the turn of the 20th century and the influx of immigration from Europe shall we? Thousands upon thousands of Irish, Italian, Greek, Hungarian, Slovaks, Russian, Polish, German, Chinese, Japanese, Indian and countless others were coming to the United States because they were fleeing religious, racial and political persecution, civil war or poverty. And all of them, and I do mean all of them suffered one type of prejudice or another because of where they came from or who they were. They were thought of as expendable and they took jobs doing things that others would never do. The Chinese helped build the railroad, the Mexican’s helped with crops and agriculture, I could go on and on.
So tell me again white nationalists asshole pricks how you are pure breed and only have Aryan blood in you? Because even your idol, Adolf Hitler was half Jewish remember that, no? Oh right because you only believe what you want to believe, got it……ignorant motherfuckers. Even when the Unites States was a colony of the British Empire, those Brits back then weren’t pure breed either, nope they had all kinds of different blood running through their bodies.
This is just a drop in the bucket of emotions that I’m feeling right now, what happened here was a senseless crime. Where do people like this stupid kid get off thinking that he can control the lives of others? Oh right, that white supremacist thinking that is perpetuated by the so-called president of this country. Yes I’m getting political, when one doesn’t condemn acts like these and stays silent, idiots like white nationalist think it’s okay because the president doesn’t really say anything. Because let’s face it, the mofo can’t really talk to begin with, so it only perpetuates hate and intolerance. The only thing I’m glad about is this, I live in Texas and we are a capital punishment state and have always thought that the punishment should fit the crime. And we are a hard state to get away from capital punishment, many have criticized Texas for this. Hell even Thelma and Louise didn’t want to come to Texas for any mischief due to how criminals are handled here.
It was reported last week that this murderer was being held in isolation here at the El Paso county jail. I thought to myself, why don’t they just put in general population? Oh right, because he’d be dead by the end of the day being locked up with a bunch of angry Mexican’s. Even inmates in the jail have been reported to say they’d like a shot at him, and I’m all for it believe me. No, I don’t have any compassion for someone who’s killed twenty-two of this towns great citizens, not one ounce of compassion. If I had my way, after trial, conviction and sentencing I’d have him be killed exactly how he murdered those twenty-two people. I’d rent out a grocery store somewhere that was about to go out of business. Pay generously for the use of the fully stocked building, lock it up nice and tight, made sure there was no way of escape, let him loose in the store, turn off the lights and have him hunted like the goddamned dog he is! No I don’t care that he’s someone son, brother, cousin or nephew he’s a fucking cold heartless ignorant killer and deserves to die that way!
Have a bunch of snipers hunt him down until he’s dead, that’s my kind of Texas justice, and no it doesn’t make it right. But I’m pissed as hell right now, because there are people dead that shouldn’t be and even though I only knew one of them and only casually (she went to school with my youngest and died shielding her infant son from gunfire and her husband died as well) it shouldn’t have happened! Which brings me to gun control, again I live in Texas where the right to bear arms is taken seriously. Red flag laws will only work if they are put into place and even then, they may not be enough. We are one of the countries in the entire world with the weakest gun laws on the planet. Before what happened on August 3rd I firmly believed in the right to carry your gun, license to carry classes have sky rocketed in the last week and a half here. Two out of three of my sons are going to enroll and I thought about joining them. But what will that fix really? There were at least four people inside the Walmart that day that were licensed to carry and not one of them had their weapon with them, two of them were soldiers from Ft. Bliss.
But the sale of automatic weapons is absolutely and totally absurd, but let me clarify, handguns, rifles and shotguns are vastly different than automatic firearms.
Most people that own firearms are in the category of handguns, rifles and shotguns, it is rare that the average citizen owns a fully automatic AK-47. But that doesn’t mean one can’t go out on and buy one if we wanted to, just like the little prick sitting in the El Paso County jail did. Gun laws for the protection of people against others with questionable intelligence and/or mental capacity need to be put in place. Or a ban automatic weapons all together, no private citizen should be able to own a military style assault firearm! If you don’t feel safe with a Smith & Wesson or Ruger then your intentions are not to protect you or your family or your property and are more nefarious in my opinion. Yes people will disagree with me because I’m not including ALL firearms. But this is what I strongly believe, you have your opinions and I have mine.
On a side note (a bit Bridget Jones-ish, as always) as I was researching the types of guns for this post during lunch, campus police showed up in my office to inquire that our firewall had detected someone on campus was “Googling” firearms. And here I thought our firewall didn’t work…..so I spent half an hour talking to the Sergeant (whom I know and is a friend of mine) why I was doing so. He sat here in my office and expressed his sadness and anger over what happened as well. It was a sort of cathartic for both of us. As he left he got up and hugged me and began to walk out of my office. As he did he was silent and when he got to my door he turned around and said “Oh yeah before I forget, knock it off with scaring the IT guys will you? I don’t want to have to walk you out in handcuffs because people think your buying guns while at work.” I smiled and told him sure thing and reassured him it was only research, he smiled and left. I need to have a serious talk with those skittish IT dudes, I swear!
This will be my last post about the tragedy that befell my city on August 3, 2019, writing about what happened has helped. Many people in my office have sought counseling because again, just because we didn’t know anyone who was killed personally, the stigma that we are now a culture/race of people who is being targeted because of who we are and where our roots come from is unnerving to say the least.
But let me be crystal clear about one thing, I am first and foremost an American, I was born in the United States, I have lived here my entire life, so have my boys, my parents, my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I am an AMERICAN no matter what my linage, and I am proud of this fact, this is MY country and no one, absolutely NO ONE can take that away from me.
Until next time remember, chin up, solider on and watch your back!
The Huntress 915