Hilarious Quotes, Jury Duty Debacle, Idiots Everywhere and Other Weird Things

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

I love this series and I’m bummed that the next season will be the last.  I love Midge and all the characters in her world especially Luke Kirby who plays Lenny Bruce.  He does an incredibly magnificent job of portraying the legendary comic.  And it doesn’t hurt that he’s unbelievably handsome too.  But its been a treasure trove of hilarious quotes since I began watching it.

“I don’t trust soup, it tells you it’s food but you eat it and never get full” – Joel Maisel

“Hi Abe, there’s a guy in the hall way who’s waiting for you.  He said I’m a friend of Abe’s, check that, Abe and I use to be friends.  Because friends don’t stab you in the back with a rusty knife, dipped in arsenic then wraps a guitar wire around your neck to strangle you” – Isobel, Abe Weisman’s secretary.

“The matchmaker mob was after me so I ducked into a catholic church.  But I didn’t notice that they were in the middle of mass.  There was a long line of people headed up top the alter so I joined them, then when I got to the front everyone was kneeling so I knelt too.  That’s when I saw him (the priest) and he was holding a silver cup, and in order not to look suspicious……….I took communion.  But I think the priest was suspicious because when he said the body of Christ, I said mazel tov’.  So, there I was with a mouthful of Christ wondering what the hell to do.” – Abe Weisman

Jury Duty and the Incompetence In The City/County Government

I wish I had thought of that…..

I loathe being called to jury duty, not because I have to go but because I never get chosen.  In my lifetime I think I’ve gotten summoned about fifteen times to show up and out of those fifteen, ten have gotten cancelled.  The other five I’ve waited and waited and waited, an entire day at one point.  Only to be told that they didn’t need me or if I got past the first round to get pulled in and questioned, to be let go with a check for a whopping $8 for my troubles.  But on Monday I had to show up, and I kept checking the website to see if it would be cancelled.  No such luck so I had to show up at the county courthouse at 9am.  After about an hour of waiting, walking around and reading my book for entertainment the clerk finally comes out to tell us the trial was cancelled and we could go home. 

He told us to just go by the clerk’s desk at the end of the hall so we could present our paper summons so she could stamp it “dismissed” and validate our parking.  There were about eighteen of us who formed a line at the end of the hall to go past this chubby faced assistant clerk who clearly seemed completely unhappy with her job.  No smile, no hello, no good morning nothing, just silence and the biggest stank face I can recall in recent memory.  I was the fifth person in line and when it was my turn and she took my summons and began her clickity-click on her computer keyboard, she turned to me and said (with gum in her fat mouth and sighing under every word that came out of her mouth) “Uh…. you have a warrant out for no-show on a summons back in May.  You need to go pay that before I can clear you here” and tossed…. SHE FUCKING TOSSED MY SUMMONS BACK AT ME!!!  So ever the consummate lady, I tossed it right back at her and asked her to explain why I have a warrant for a summons I never received. 

Again, she sighed loudly while chewing her chunk of gum saying that I was sent a summons in May and I told her she already said that but since I never got it I asked to what address they sent it?  She sighed again and looked at her computer screen and told me they’d sent it to my old address at the rental house I lived in.  I told her I hadn’t lived there in over a year and a half and she sighed again and said “the county court is going to need proof of this.”  I was fucking livid and then she turned to me and said “I leave for lunch in ten minutes, just letting you know.”  I told her that she needed to process the rest of the people leaving and then she needed to get a supervisor over here and if I wasn’t leaving she wasn’t leaving!  I was so loud that one of the Sheriffs deputies came over and asked if everything was okay.  I told him no, and explained what was going on. 

He, in turn asked Liliana yes I’m using her real name, what are the chances of her actually finding my blog?  And said for her to call the assistant county clerk so that I could talk to someone.  So, to make a long story short I was at the damned county courthouse for over four hours trying to sort this shit out no thanks to fat-ass Liliana the amazing gum chewing, loud sighing moron who clearly hates her job.  After talking to her supervisor’s supervisor, I had to walk over to the county jail to the administrative offices to have the warrant cleared after I called one of my utility companies to have them confirm what date my services had been transferred over to my new residence.  The Sherriff warrant clerk a wonderful lady who not only made me feel better but told me that she was sorry about how I was treated at the county courthouse.  She told me that she had submitted a release of my warrant but it takes up to 48 hours to clear the system.  She printed out the request and told me to keep it with me just in case I get stopped.   Now I hate jury duty even more and hope that I don’t get called back for at least five years because if I do, I’m the one who’s going to be on trial for killing Liliana the bare minimum, fat faced, loud gum chewing, sigh talking court clerk.

Idiots Everywhere

I’ve been at my job for going on three months already and I thought I had left behind the indifferent idiotic people at the university of hell.   But as I’ve started to interact with other departments I’ve found more idiots here.  We deal with the department of engineering a lot because they have several faculty members that are doing research with grant funds we’ve given them.  So naturally I have to communicate with them when I see something wrong with the way they are (or aren’t) spending their grant funds.  It seems that they have the “it’s not our problem it’s yours to fix” attitude and for the most part my boss would just keep the peace and tell poor Phoebe to fix whatever fiscal issue we had.  That is until I started my job and began hold these idiots accountable for their mistakes.  I talked to my boss and told him I had no problem being the bad guy in these situations because we needed to be extra careful since we answer to NASA and the university vice-president for research and not the departments.  Linda (her real name) is one of those people with her emails constantly saying “I’m not sure what your asking for” and “I don’t think what you asking is correct” to which I respond that she needs to read all the attached documents before she responds with emails deflecting blame.  Linda is only one of several idiots I deal with on a daily basis and I will go into specifics about those others later on.  But I’ve become acutely aware that just because I do my job to the best of my ability doesn’t mean that everyone else does.

Student Jerks

This idiot student is a woman, which shames my gender by not knowing how to park her obnoxiously huge truck. And just because she has a rearview camera she thinks parking so close to other cars she’s utilizing every inch of parking space. Well not last week when she parked so close to my car I couldn’t get out of the fucking parking spot. I called campus police who then tracked her down in class and made her come and move her goddamned truck and then gave her a ticket……..your fucking welcome you moron!

Only In El Paso

Yes those are coffins, the question is were they empty?

I took this picture last week while driving near my old neighborhood on the east side, it seems a tad odd don’t you think?

The End of The Rainbow

Random rainbow picture that I took on my way to work last week while it was raining on I-10. It turns out that the end of the rainbow is the off ramp for Mequite New Mexico…..and no pot of gold.

Until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

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