Sorry folks, I couldn’t muster up the energy to think of a witty or interesting blog title, so I improvised.
It’s Been A Very Trying Year
I’m still here, surviving and trying to get my life back on course. Which hasn’t been easy since last October when I lost my job with the University of Hell. But I suppose that was a blessing in disguise, at least that’s what I keep telling myself. I have been trying to find some sort of motivation for the not so new job I have, but that in itself has been a challenge. I don’t know why it’s not happening….oh yeah wait, it the fact that the pay sucks monkey balls and the job I have to do has nothing to do with my education or experience for that matter. And I’m barely making ends meet, which is also a struggle because I really don’t want to sell my house if worse comes to worse. The only good thing is that I work from home therefore saving money not having to fill my gas tank with gas prices the way they are right now. Not to mention no wear and tear on my car having to drive into the office that still has no functioning AC. I’m trying no to complain, really I am because I decided that I need to change my state of mind to try and be as positive as I can to stay sane. Although I have many challenges that make me want to fucking just punch a bitch!!!!
Motormouth and Her Incessant Interruptions
My coworker who I’m suppose to be learning from has the horrific habit of constantly interrupting ANYONE who is speaking. Whether it’s on a Teams meeting, in person or on a phone call and it drives me up the fucking wall. We have several of these stupid meetings each week which take up precious television binging time for me. Last week we had a team meeting and my coworker and partner in crime was trying to report on his part of what he was doing and Motormouth constantly interrupted him. To the point that my boss text me and asked if I thought if she might have rubbed my worker, (whom I’ll call Stabler, because he’s just as good looking as Elliot Stabler from Law & Order SVU) Stabler the wrong way. I responded with definitely! I told my boss she rubs a lot of people the wrong way because not only does she think she knows everything just because she’s been here for more than two decades but, because she thinks only her way IS the right way.
I told my boss that she needs to stop because her opinions aren’t always right and she has no communication skills whatsoever. He didn’t respond to me so I’m assuming he knows that Motormouth has gotten on my nerves and I don’t like her. Stabler has already mentioned to me that if he doesn’t get some kind of training by the end of July he’s leaving. I would say I feel the same way but I have to stay at this fucking job because I need the money until I can find something else.
I’m Tired Of Going to Funerals
As you all know my father passed away in March, it wasn’t expected. Okay it might have been a little since my dad was a stubborn man and didn’t follow direction too well especially from his doctors. But we all assumed he’d get better and go home. Well, during all the drama with my dad’s passing my aunt (my dad’s brothers wife) was a huge help. She helped with the luncheon following the funeral, with food, with support, with everything. She was there when my dad had died at the rehab home the morning he passed along with my uncle. My aunt had been a fixture in my childhood because she and my uncle were always around. I grew up with my cousins and we played, went to school and we were always together. My aunt was the one who took my to my first OBGYN appointment when I found out (at age 15) that I was pregnant with my son. On the drive to the doctors office she spoke to me like she related to my situation. It turns out she did, she told me that she was scared too when she got pregnant at the age of 19 and that’s why she and my uncle got married. She did clarify that she loved my uncle very, very much. But she knew I was scared not knowing what or how I’d be as a mother, but then she said I wasn’t alone and not to worry too much. She laughed and said “I’m not going to lie and tell you it will be easy. But it will get easier as time goes by so, remember if you need to talk or have questions you can call me.” She had such a beautiful smile and great sense of humor. Well because I hadn’t seen her in such a long time, that day at the rehab hospital I did notice she was yellow. I mean jaundice yellow, her eyes and her skin were not a normal color. It was a shock to see her like that, I was worried but I didn’t say anything. I did however tell my mom and she told me she too had seen her and asked her if she was okay. My mom said my aunt told her she hadn’t been feeling well but she had a doctors appointment in May.
In early May my aunt told me she was in the hospital because she had gone to her doctor and he admitted her not liking the fact she had severe jaundice. She had been in the hospital a week having tests run for all kinds of things and her doctor found a mass on her bladder. They did a biopsy, but we didn’t find out the results because on Mother’s Day my aunt passed away, she was 74 years old. Another funeral was planned and my uncle had lost both his oldest brother and his wife in the span of a month and a half. At the funeral service he asked if I would read a scripture passage and as reluctant as I was, I said yes. I’m so fucking tired of burying family, I’m sick of it!!!!! And I’m so angry and having to do so, I hope and pray I don’t have to anymore for the time being.
So Many Applications
I’ve been looking for a job since October, and so far, the only job offer I’ve had is the job I have now. And y’all know how I feel about this job, I’m not comfortable here, the pay sucks and the some of the people I can’t stand. But it’s the job I have and I need the money because I don’t think I could survive without it. I used what little savings I had on trying to stay afloat when I was on unemployment and since I don’t even break $1900 a month, so I can’t replenish my savings now. I’ve made many, many applications since October and have steadily had several interviews that came from them. But I’ve yet to find something that pays better or is within the realm of my education and experience. I’m even applying to the main campus in Lubbock of the university of where I use to work at. I’m willing to commute if the pay is worth the sacrifice. I just need something better than what I currently have. I am grateful to have a job right now believe me. But I feel out of place, like an outsider in this organization and I’m thinking Stabler does as well. My boss has only been there a month longer than I have and he too had to settle for so much less in salary. The only thing is he’s willing to stay here and I’m not. So I continue with my job search for a better professional opportunity.
I Need A Vacation
Seriously I need a vacation but with gas prices the way they are and inflation hitting an all time high someone in my salary bracket can’t afford anything remotely reasonable. Even a “staycation” is out of the question since I already stay home for work. I’m going crazy at home, and I can’t even work on my house because, hello I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY. I thank God that I don’t have a car payment because I would surly drown financially if I did. I can stay above water financially for now, which only means the type of vacation I can take is called “Liquor and Netflix.” I just want this year to start going in a somewhat positive direction for both myself and my family.
Until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”