A Series of What the F**ks

I’ve encountered a couple of situations where Ive found myself, literally saying, WHAT THE FUCK?!? I thought this would be a change to the comedic side of life because well, we could all use a laugh or two. You know to bring some sort of positive glimmers of civility in this barbaric slaughterhouse known as humanity, especially due to the pandemic.

I’ve been “house sitting” for my oldest, if you all remember we bought our homes around the same time last year. So he’s had a series of issues that needed someone to be at home to have solar panels installed, the water heater fixed and oh yes, the second 65″ television that was delivered when the first one had been cancelled. It’s not been fun house sitting, I’m there with my grand cat Zeus, and he’s just a teenager so he has a lot of energy.

This is Zeus….isn’t he adorbs?!?

So the last couple of times I house sat, I hung curtains in my sons house because well, he’s a man and lives a minimalist lifestyle. Which is mom code for he’s too lazy to think about shit like that. Anyway, he asked me to house sit the first time and I hesitated and then he said “Come on mom, what else do you have to do?” As much as I hated to admit it, the mofo was right….ugh. On with the show.

Spandex/Yoga Pants….It’s a Privilege NOT A RIGHT!!!

Yes white woman who drives a red Dodge SUV at Albertsons!!! I’m talking to your fat butt, if you can see crotch hair in the mirror, don’t fucking put it on!!!!!! She was walking the aisles at Albertsons like she was circa 1980’s Christie Brinkley and thinking she was hot as fuck. But that wasn’t why people were staring, it was the light pink yoga pants and your lack of underwear that everyone was looking at you space cadet. Seriously what the fuck!?!?!

Roundabouts El Pasoans, Learn How to USE THEM Assholes!!!!

I’m talking to every fucking Audi, Mercedes, Accura, Lexus driving (oh yeah that one bitch in the silver Chevy Tahoe too) asshole who uses the roundabout at Edegemere and Rich Beem. Its a fucking roundabout you use it like YIELD signs you pompous over paid pricks!! Your supposed yield and let someone else take a turn to get where their going. If you don’t know how to use one, YOUTUBE IT IMBECILES!! But then again I have no idea why TXDOT just doesn’t put up street lights, because people on the far east side of Hell Paso will never learn how to use roundabouts, like EVER!

Okay Boomer……….Your Saying It Wrong.

I was at Target last week and saw a women not much older than myself with a snarky teenager in tow. To which the little bitch would respond to her mothers questions of “Do you want oranges or mandarins? With “Okay Boomer” and the woman seemed to be frustrated enough with shit going on in her head that she’d ignore this snarky little, prissy ass bitch. Now just to be clear, the phrase “Okay Boomer” was said to a specific person who was actually a Baby Boomer. A baby boomer are indicators of people who were born between 1946 and 1964. I was frustrated with just listening to her daughter who didn’t look up from her fucking phone once while they walked the isles of the store. After the fifteenth hundred “Okay Boomer” I finally stopped and asked her mom, “does she know what that means?” Her mom looked at her and then at me and laughed, and replied “Nope, she sure doesn’t.” Thats when the little bitch looked up from her phone and told her mom she didn’t like her making fun of her in front of strangers. I said “Aww, seriously? Oh poor little you” and finished with “Okay fetus” and her mom put her hand in the air and we high-fived each other as we passed our way towards opposite sides of the store. I could feel that snarky little bitches eyes trying to burn a hole through my back but, I’m one of the original queens of snark, so I was unfazed but her feeble, amateur attempts.

How In The Fuck Was I Suppose To Know This?!?!?!

So I had a virtual interview for a job I’d kill to get with the County. I had a panel of three people on it and two of them were smug as fuck. One of them I could tell wasn’t paying attention to my responses, because the fucker looked totally lost when it was his turn to ask me his three questions. One of which was this:

“In an Excel spreadsheet with multiple years of income on it, how would you create a rule for which to filter out the income for a certain year, with only the months of March and August?”

I’m sure my response will get me a “fail” on my interview because it’s a PASS/FAIL on whether candidates will go onto the next round. My response was….”If I was to be allowed to have an Excel sheet open while I interview, I’m sure I’d be able to give you a reasonable answer but since I can’t recall this action from a random question I’m going to have to give my answer as I don’t know.” Seriously pompous County Fiscal Budget asshole manager, who in their right mind could recall that kind of information especially during a job interview?!?! Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Oh well, live and learn I suppose.

Until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”