“Life Is A Series of Train-wrecks With Only Brief, Commercial-Like Breaks of Happiness” – Deadpool

So my job hunting journey continues, not that I’ve heard anything because several people have told me (including those at the “commission”) that the holiday’s are the absolute worst time to be unemployed. Okay, I agree but that doesn’t mean I hope and pray something comes up soon because I’m going stir crazy at home and I think my cat is starting to plot against me. In any case I’ve tried as best I could to tidy up my house and when I’m done I start all over again. I’ve purged and purged junk, stuff, things and given them to the Goodwill and Savers. I’ve put up my Christmas tree or tried at least because my cat had never cared too much about the tree in our previous house. Now sees it as his personal play thing, he punches ornaments, he chews on the artificial branches that some are almost bare. He sneaks under and tries to climb that damned thing…..HE TRIES CLIMBING MY 9 FOOT ARTIFICIAL TREE THAT MOFO!!!!

Train Wreck #1

For the first month I tried to stay positive but that was when I was getting a couple of job interviews. Since then things have dried up and I’m submitting applications every day. Then I sit and watch television because I’ve cleaned my yard, cleaned my garage and organized and re-organized everything I can. Then the preverbal and dreaded other shoe (namely ‘doom’) dropped. I got a letter in the mail from the local mortgage company I had initially worked with letting me know I still owed them the mortgage payment for August. When in fact I had called TWICE to ask why the payment hadn’t been drafted from my account AND asking when it would? When I called I talked to the same lady who I spoke to on Monday. She had told me back in August that my mortgage had been sold (shocker there) to a servicer from out of state and that I would make my first payment with them. This was after TWO phone calls to the local mortgage company, well I spoke to her on Monday and told her she’s the one who told me that I didn’t have to pay them because my mortgage had been sold. She denied it was her and lucky for me I kept all my notes and had written her name down, the date and time of my initial contact with them. She kept denying it and I lost it, I went ballistic and told her that I would NEVER SKIP A MORTGAGE PAYMENT, EVER!

So no in addition to my payment with my new servicer, I have to pay the August payment to this asshole mortgage company as well. Ha! Go figure that things could go from bad to worse, I mean seriously. Although I told this dumb bitch that there was no way I could make this payment in its entirety because I let her know I was unemployed. She agreed to have my pay in payments but what else could she do? I threatened to contact the Big Cheese for this local asshole mortgage company and let him know what I was told. I’m pretty sure it was her that told me this, but then realized she make a mistake and had to back track to cover her ass.

Train Wreck #2

My youngest son who had started the Fire Tech academy was struggling. He began strong but somehow he was derailed by, of all people, his fucking classmates. He was the first one to class in the first day of the semester, so his instructor named him class leader. This meant he was in charge of the entire class, texting them what they needed to know about test times. Getting them prepared for skills tests out in the field, etc. They were suppose to be a team, but it seemed that he was helping everyone else prepare but no one was helping him. He started to develop anxiety, he fucking lost 37 lbs because he wasn’t eating. He would go to work at 7am, leave work at 4pm to be at school by 6pm. He’d get out at 10pm and go straight to bed to do it all over again the next day. He went to school Monday through Thursday from 6 to 10pm and then again all day Saturday until 5pm. It’s no wonder he got the flu. Yes, he got the flu and was diagnosed with exhaustion and fatigue. He’d tell me he would go talk to his Captain that was in charge, about his so-called “team” not helping him out when he needed them to. All the while he gave all of himself to his fucking teammates, those ungrateful bastards.

As his mother I was furious because I could see how tired he was physically, mentally and emotionally. But he kept on, determined not to quit. Then he fell ill and his Saturday instructor asked him to go get tested for COVID. Which he did, and he came back negative but his doctor told him he had the flu and had to stay home for the rest of the week. This was the final week of this semester and he had to make up two written exams, two skills exams and the final. It would be impossible, so with a heavy heart he had to let his instructor know he could not return to complete the semester. He is to say the least, devastated as am I because he thinks he disappointed me. Which he could never do, my boys have made me so proud. They are good, hard working, honest men who are good hearted and will help someone in need if they can. My son stayed with me when he came back from the doctors office so I could care for him, with tears in his eyes he completely broke down. I cried along with him because you think that once you kids are out of dreaded high school the bullying stops. The alienation and exclusion comes to a screeching halt because they are adults. My baby turned 27 on December 1st and we tried to celebrate his birthday the way we always do. But he told us he didn’t feel like it, and that’s when I knew it was more than just the flu. He’s still recovering and will return to work on Monday. He will retake these courses again in the Fall of 2022 because that’s when the next cycle is open.

He says he’s okay with that, that he doesn’t mind having to go through all of this again because he’s bound and determined to finish the courses needed to graduate and become a firefighter. On a more positive note, his crew at work offered to go to his college (and I quote) kick some snotty-wannabe firefighter ass (namely his classmates.) His crew consists of two Marines (once a Marine, always a Marine) two former construction workers, who I think together weigh about six-hundred pounds, one former amateur MMA fighter, and another student at the Fire Tech academy (but in another cohort and on the second cycle) and a former football player that played for the university when he was an undergrad who is going for his Masters in Kinesiology. This particular person said he knows how to cast bones, which when divulging this information seemed ominous but then practical at the same time. It’s funny that they all wanted to go to one university to another to threaten the asshole mofo’s who treated my son so bad. Funny because I knew they meant it.

It makes me feel better that his coworkers, his crew, look out for my son in ways that every mother wants to know her children are cared for. Yes he’s 27 years old, but he’s still my son and my heart hurt so much for him and I’d cry when he’d go to sleep just knowing that such a good hearted boy was excluded because his fucking classmates thought he didn’t need the help. But, he’s a fighter and he’ll get to fulfill his dream of becoming a firefighter one day. As he put it “even if I’m the oldest rookie on the squad, at least I know I didn’t give up or quit.” But for now he’s recovering from the flu which hit him hard. And he’s also resting so he can recuperate both physically and mentally from this horrible ordeal. Working full time and going to school full time is hard, I did it and it takes a toll on you but I know he’ll come back to do this again and succeed. I’ve tried to make him feel loved and cared for this week, I’ve made him homemade chicken soup to heal his body, I’ve held him in my arms to help him heal his heart, I’ve prayed for my dear son to help heal his soul. I know he feels let down because the whole class was told they were to be a team and start with the mentality that no firefighter is left behind. Well those asshole bastards failed and I hope they fucking know it when they don’t have my son there to help them. Yes I’m pissed as fuck because no one deserves to be treated like this, especially if they help everyone else.

Train Wreck #3

Okay it may not be a wreck per say, but it’s just something that bothers me because its so fucking unrealistic. The dreaded Hallmark Channel…..yes ladies and gents the channel with all the sappy, sticky sweet as Robitussin Cough medicine and just as hard to swallow holiday broadcasting. During this time of year they have made for T.V movies for Christmas about two lost people who over the Christmas holiday discover they are a perfect match. Or two people who vehemently hate each other and over the planning of a Christmas pageant they find they actually are in love. Or there are two people in the midst of a divorce and work together to plan a Christmas parade and find that, low and behold they still love each other!!! I’m like so fucking sick of these unrealistic movies!! It’s nauseating and mind you there are more than just one Hallmark Channel. And because of the cable package I have, I’m stuck with all four of them!! Even if I’d want to watch this broadcast cavity fest, I don’t recognize any of these actors. I did however think that Haley Joel Osment was one of them, but it turns out it’s his sister *Insert dramatic eye roll here.*

If it were realistic it would feature two people who are married tried to make ends meet so they can buy their kids presents for Christmas all the while dealing with the in-laws and their constant butting in. Or a single dad trying to get home for Christmas to see his kids because he’s an over the road truck driver, you know real life shit. The majority of these Hallmark Channel “couples” are white, middle or upper class and again….unrealistic. I’m not bashing any race here I’m stating a fact about these weird ass made for T.V movies. As Chris Rock once said, it’s only the wealthy like the people that own Similac or the color blue (referring to the color Tiffany Blue) that are portrayed this way at least on the Hallmark Channel anyway.

Train Wreck #4

Speaking of white middle class type of broadcasting, let me comment on what use to be one of my favorite films to watch during the holidays, Meet Me In St. Louis with Judy Garland. I loved this film, yes I say loved because I sat down to watch it yesterday and then noticed that it’s a weird ass movie. I mean it’s a classic yes, but some of the storylines are really…inappropriate. Okay so this film was made in 1944 but set in 1903 a year before the World’s Fair is set to open in St. Louis Missouri. Judy Garland’s character is perfect, so is her sister Rose. But for the life of me her two little sisters are horrible!! One is name is Agnes (that should tip you off right there) and the other Tootie. Who is a horrible little bitch if I do say so myself. She buries her dolls in her back yard calling it the cemetery and when she gets a new one, she plays with it for a couple of weeks and then decides it has to die. Then she holds a funeral for it…..can anyone say “PYCHO?”

Or lets talk about Agnes when she threatens the help, Katie by telling her that if Katie hurt her cat, she’s going to stab her to death a million times and the have her drawn and quartered and pulled apart by horses. Of course it doesn’t help that Katie tells Agnes (jokingly) that “The cat got in her way walking down to the cellar and kicked it and heard the cats spine hit every step.” I mean who wrote the fucking psychopathic script for these characters, seriously?! Then the psycho sisters go out on Halloween and decide to put a mannequin on the trolly track to watch the trolly overturn with passengers on it!!! When they actually try to do this their neighbor, John Truitt sees the police and grabs them to hide them away so they won’t get caught. The that horrible little bitch Tootie blames him for the cuts and bruises she got being well, the little bitch she was being. After the Halloween scene I stopped watching it, this use to be on my watch list every year along with Trading Places, Scrooged, Nothing Like The Holidays, Love Actually, Die Hard (yes it’s a Christmas movie as my friend Christopher confirmed), A Christmas Story and White Christmas. But I’m taking Meet Me In St. Louis out of that rotation due to those two little psycho bitches who make it just fucking creepy.

Praying For Guidance

Because my optimism and patience is running thin, I pray for guidance, patience and optimism. I’m not religious, I’m spiritual and I believe in God. Although I know that may come as a shock to many of you since I know I can come off as abrasive, a bit bossy and who cusses like a sailor. But I still believe that God is taking care of me and my boys. So I pray, and I’m thankful for what I have even with my current situation. But it seems the more I pray the harder things become and so I’m like “okay Lord I know, I need to chill out but I’m getting a bit worried here.” In any case I’m trying but to be honest it sucks big, fat monkey balls not having a job during the holidays. I’m cutting corners like you can’t believe. Cutting coupons, buying store brands, being extra frugal with what money I have and trying to accept that this too shall pass.

Until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”