Lacking Motivation or Inspiration or Tricks and Treats?

I realize that I haven’t posted anything consistent for a while.  After all starting this blog was purely for cathartic reasons on the suggestion of my super awesome therapist Terri.  And that all started because of one stupid, careless, self-absorbed person, Lestat.  Well, Lestat is long gone, not that he hasn’t tried to contact me because he has.  Desperate measures I think because he’s just that kind of an asshole.  Anyway since last Monday, which was officially my first day of unemployment, I’ve been trying to keep busy here at home.  I’ve tried my best to get my unemployed ass out of bed to do something productive around my house.  Like pulling that stupid, annoying devils weed from winding its way around my one and only rose bush and the chain-link fence on the corner of my house.  This fucking thing is just what I said it was, the devils weed, it’s an ivy sort of plant that just grabs onto something so it can choke the fuck out of it and just keep growing no matter what it has to cling onto.  Or keep unpacking more boxes of crap in the last bedroom because I’ve still to find some of my cook wear.  Or attempt to clean out more of my garage, my one car garage that although I can fit my car in there now.  There are still boxes and bags of stuff I need to go through before I can fling it into the trash bin. But I haven’t done much in the last week here at home other than obsessively apply for jobs online. 

Speaking of which, let talk unemployment shall we?  Here in the great state of Texas (okay it’s not that great right now with the fucking state government trying to tell me what and how I should treat my own female body, those fucking asshole pricks) we have to go through this state office called the Texas Workforce Commission.  If it sounds like a branch of the mafia, well that’s because trying to get money from them is like having to kidnap someone, put them in your truck to prove that you’ve done what you have so they know you’re a goodfella.  That’s what it’s like to try and register with them to get unemployment benefits.  It’s taken me two days to do this and then your directed to a third-party website where you have to register yourself so potential employers can see you; your qualifications and experience and they can contact you.  If you don’t register and do this, you don’t get unemployment benefits, fuck my life this is aggravating.  In any case, I’ve applied to so many jobs (27 to be exact) that I’m hoping something will turn up.  Before I left that shithole university and its crap leadership, I applied to several jobs within and I got four interviews.  Nothing came of those of course because I’m pretty sure they all called my ex-boss the leathery hag to ask about me and that was the end of that.  I’m just making an assumption here; I don’t really know if that’s the case. 

Okay moving on, so I’ve been glued to my computer applying for city, state and federal jobs like a mad woman.  I’ve made a few private company applications here and there, but I’ve been in state service since God was a boy, I figured I’d find something that better suited me within these entities.  I’ve had three interviews with the university I was with prior to this shit university I just left, and I haven’t heard anything back yet.  I’m even applying within the state of New Mexico because they seem to have a lot of positions that I’m suited for.  And because I live so close to the Texas/New Mexico border it wouldn’t be so bad for me commuting from here to there.  But what is puzzling me at the moment is my lack of…..drive.  I have no energy, no inspiration, nothing to motivate me.  My very good friend who is also a counselor told me on Friday as we met for lunch that I’m simply adjusting to being without a job for now.  She said this to me because I asked her if I might be getting depressed.  She looked at me and she asked me a series of questions, which I answered honestly, and she told me that I wasn’t depressed. 

She said that my life before I lost my job was always go-go-go, from 5:15am to when I got home at about 6pm every day.  Now my body is adjusting to not having to rush around and get to work every single day.  I told her that last week I had the hardest time getting out of bed, I woke up and damned these light blocking curtains, it was already 11:30!! Yes, I just blamed my curtains for my not waking up early, but then I thought, why?  I have nowhere to go because, ha-ha, get this I have no money!  Okay I do have money but it’s my savings for four months of unemployment.  But I have no liquid income at the moment whereas before I could go and buy a pair of shoes to go with the other 67 pairs I already have and not suffer for it financially.  Yes, I know it sounds very petty but I’m venting here, and I know a lot of you don’t feel sorry for me and I don’t expect you to.  Again I’m just writing down what I’m going through to put out there into the void. 

Speaking of Voids

Halloween came and went this year and I didn’t even blink, or should I say shudder.  My neighborhood is rife with rug rats of all ages and I didn’t even think to buy candy.  Good thing too because no one came to my house.  Maybe it’s because I locked my gate with a chain and lock.  Yes I do that at the behest of my three sons since I live alone.  But my next-door neighbors reassured me that no one comes down our street to Trick or Treat.  They all go across to the golf course every year because they host a huge Halloween Trick or Treat…..thing and give out candy and prizes and stuff.  They also told me that since COVID hit, the hadn’t had it so it was going to be a big deal this year.  I suppose I don’t feel as bad not giving out candy and stuff and now I guess I’m the crazy cat lady on the corner who locks her gate at night.  And everyone can just stare at me while I yell at the neighborhood kids to get off my lawn.   Which I really don’t do, I’m exaggerating here……OR AM I?

Now back to your regularly scheduled program. Until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

Published by thehuntress915

My life has been a lot like the movie Bridget Jones Diary (the Hispanic version) constant comedic struggles and life lessons learned by way of personal experience. I've survived divorce and online dating debacles, so tag along for the ride and lets laugh together.

21 thoughts on “Lacking Motivation or Inspiration or Tricks and Treats?

  1. You’re too good, you got too much energy, to remain unemployed for long. Keep kicking doors in. You survived Lestat; this too will pass — sure, maybe like the biggest fucking kidney stone ever, one that will make the Guinness people gasp and cry, “Holy shit,” but it will. Nothing wrong with being known as the crazy neighborhood cat lady but you should step up, go for the title of crazy local witch. You know, add a cauldron and shit. Go all out. Make ’em REALLY wonder.

    Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Michael, this comment made me laugh, the part about this will pass like a kidney stone 🤣. I never thought of going all crazy cat lady yet, I mean sure I have a cat that drives me crazy. But not full on crazy cat lady, corner house, cauldron in the front yard, lmao. I’ll think about it though 🤪.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can totally understand your bewilderment. When your life revolves around a career and it’s suddenly pulled out from under you, there’s going to be an adjustment period. Take advantage of your time off to get your new house in shape… and try not get discouraged with the job hunt. The right position is out there, you’ll find it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I sure hope so River because I’m not sure how long it will take to adjust to being without a job. Then finding a job and having to readjust to working again..lol. But, I have painted four of the ugly green walls in my house to an acceptable dark gray and another to an almond (Biscotti is the official paint name) color. Two more walls to go!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Did you ever accept the letter of recommendation that was halfheartedly offered? It might have made it harder for them to bad mouth you on the phone if you had a letter stating what a sterling employee you were.
    I’m pulling for you to find at least a part-time job so that you can see if you like whatever you get, so you can concentrate on becoming full time or at least try looking in a different direction. Maybe something completely different – a new company starting up and needs experienced employees to help them succeed. I’ve been seeing commercials for a job placement company called INDEED that looks interesting. One application and they do the searching for you. Just a suggestion. Enjoy the sleep in while you can get it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t accept her stupid letter. It was a farce how she said she’d write it and then reneged giving it to me, stupid old bitch. I’m only assuming they are bad mouthing me. My friend Jack told me the universe is pushing me out of that place because he use to work there too. And he said that after he left, he realized just how toxic that place really is.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love your honesty here. Unemployment does suck, but it can be a boon for you to regroup and perhaps go down a path you never knew you could. Either way, I’ll be here rooting for you (from all the way across the world). Wishing you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Suzanne!! I have been using Indeed and LinkedIn as well as USAjobs.gov and other job posting sites. And they do suck balls, and I’m trying really hard to let go of that horrible experience and leave it behind me and move on.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Suzanne, I sure hope so because the thought of not having a job for the holidays really sucks 😏. So, I’m hoping something will materialize soon, so please keep your fingers crossed for me.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve been where you are–you’re grieving. You’re grieving the loss of a job that turned out to be something different than you believed it would be, and taking a chance on it meant losing your career with that longtime employer. It’s all normal. You’ll rally.

    Unemployment here is just as stupid, and looking for a job takes just as much time and energy as having one. I was unemployed more than half of 2019, and it was a weird thing for me to go through too. I was just as pissed about having to jump through the state’s stupid hoops in order to receive meager unemployment benefits as you are now. In the end, it’s worth having that small lifeline just to allow your savings to stretch a little further. My advice? Jump through the hoops, but only go through the motions until after the holidays are over. Hit the ground hard come January 3, and you’ll get a ton of interviews, which will likely land you a handful of offers. People look for new gigs in January, so that’s the time to find what you’re looking for. Also, contact recruiters to do the work for you. Agree to temp in the meantime to bring in a little more cash. There is a lot of temp work available during the holidays (and in the summer). It’s also a great way to “date before marrying,” and you just may end up finding a perfect match along the way like I did (one of my temp gigs ended up being where I landed a couple of years ago, and I’ve been there since–it’s still a perfect fit).

    Hang in there. You’re in a transition period, and those are always tough to deal with. You’re a badass though, so you’re going to sail through this and find something awesome, I just know it!

    Like

    1. Thank you Heather and I didn’t see it as grieving but your absolutely right. I started out with such high hopes with this job because of who I worked with. She was awesome at first and then in May everything changed and it all went to hell from there. Which tells me that my ex-boss has no spine or professionalism to voice her displeasure with anyone other than those beneath her. I’m actually looking at some seasonal/part time jobs at the moment, I put in an application at Lowe’s, i’d really love to work there because not only is it six blocks from my house but I spend (or should I say spent) almost all my time there since I bought a house, lol. Thank you again for your encouragement and words of wisdom to get me through this transition period of mine 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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