I had mentioned in my previous post that JMR had called to tell me about his dog mauling mishap. At first I was skeptical because, guys have used all kinds of excuses to get out of a date. So when he called me on Weds to tell me he’d like to go out that Friday I let him talk and tell me why. He explained that he got hurt trying to separate his three dogs, okay his daughter’s two dogs and his dog. His dog is a pit bull but he says normally she’s a gentle pet. Anyway we talked for over 45 mins that day and he asked me if I’d like to reschedule for that coming Friday? I said okay and he asked if I’d like to go to the Italian Kitchen which is a local Italian spot. It’s famous for its chicken Angelo and I hadn’t been there in literally decades. I said yes, and we were set for Friday at 6:30 (which I found odd because it was a bit early for me and the fact that he didn’t give me a choice as to where I wanted to have dinner seemed kind of selfish but okay) and I made plans to go all the way back home, change and spruce myself up and drive back to central El Paso to meet him at the restaurant.
He Said He Was A Chivalrous Gentleman….NOT
Yes, he asked to meet me there because he had a house showing at 4:30 in the upper valley. I didn’t question it although I did think since he asked he should have offered to pick me up since we only live about eight blocks from each other. I got to the restaurant around 6:15 and he sent me a text as I turned the corner where the restaurant is located at. He told me that there was parking in back of the restaurant and that he was already there. It did bother me that he was already there and that he didn’t offer to wait for me out front, but okay maybe it’s just me. As I walked into the restaurant I walked past the foyer and into the dining area and he was seated right by the bathroom doors. I didn’t say anything but this is a less than attractive place to sit in a restaurant. He said hi as I approached the table and sat down, it was hot and humid and I was thinking my makeup was melting off my face. He said that the waiter told him the AC has been on the fritz and that we could go out and sit on the patio where they had water misters and fans to stay cool. But JMR said he’d gone out there and it was packed.
Okay by this point I’m getting pretty annoyed, and thought to myself why can’t we just go somewhere else, right? But I didn’t say anything because other than our interactions with the purchase of my house, I didn’t know too much about him other than what he divulged that day at the pub. So I kept my mouth shut and smiled as he started to joke about the heat and humidity. I was sweating like a pig, in my nice little black dress and high heels. We ordered and then we talked about everything other than his or my work, finding out that other than a recovering alcoholic he’s also a recovering drug addict. I was blown away because normally I try not to judge anyone on their past because I’ve been on that end. Specifically about Lestat and his marital status and me being labeled “the other woman.” As the night went on and the heat and humidity seemed to get worse, I was physically uncomfortable. He seemed to be comfortable talking about himself and not once asked me about myself, he never once asked where I grew up, what I did, how many siblings I had, or anything personal. This wasn’t a good sign, to me this seems to be a person who hasn’t been in a long term relationship and if he has, it didn’t last because of his lack of interest in the person he’s in the relationship with. Then he showed me his hand and I saw that he was recovering from the dog bite/mauling and had thirteen stitches from his wrist to his index finger
Patience Isn’t MY Virtue
But I sat patiently listening, waiting for him to ask me something the pertained to me, downing my fourth glass of iced tea because it was so fucking hot, thinking I normally interject with stuff about myself if I’m comfortable with the person. But I choose not to with JMR, I just heard him talk more about himself, his time with the Marines, his daughter, his dogs, how he started drinking at the age of 5 (yes, you heard that right, his dad started giving him alcohol at the AGE OF FIVE YEARS OLD!) How he’s never been married (actually he mentioned this a lot, and I do mean a lot.) I wasn’t sure if he was trying to hammer home the fact that he never wanted to get married or that he might be looking for someone to settle down with. Either way, I caught onto this statement of his as I sat there feeling uncomfortable as hell, listening to him talk about…himself…..still.
Great Advice….In Spite of…
We sat there for three hours after we’d finished dinner, dessert and coffee (as hot as it was I fucking had coffee.) I can’t say “we” talked because it was mostly him, but he did give me some great advice about shit going on at work. I told him that changes have been happening at work and not for the best, the reporting structure has changed and now Impostor is being a total bitch. I came back from my time off to find she’s not talking to me, she’s spending a lot of time with Fake Supervisor. Whom she’s bashed about her leadership skills, the way she dresses, how she manages the office etc. Impostor has gone on and on about how Fake Supervisor bullied her and even threatened her to try to keep her grasp on the people under her. Which we weren’t actually until the beginning of June when we came back from a weekend to an email from Fake Supervisor saying that we were going back to normal operations from the COVID schedule we’d been on. Which wasn’t new to me, I’d been at my job 100% even before the transition back. It was Fake Supervisor who “worked from home” three days out of the week. Talk about hypocrisy. Anyway I told him about how Impostor was acting and that it caught me off guard and how awkward it’s been since then. He asked me if I had to work with her on a daily basis to do my job, I said no. He asked if it affected my job on a daily basis that we didn’t communicate and I said no. He asked if we were actual friends outside of work and I said no. Then he said something that totally blew me away.
He explained that coworkers aren’t friends, and as tempted as we are to see them as that because we spend more time with them than our families sometimes, we need to keep it professional. He said that friendships at work with coworkers are artificial/superficial and to keep from getting swallowed by a pretend friendship is to keep it a work relationship. Then he said that Impostor has gained something from Fake Supervisor in terms of her job, which is true. I found out she’s getting a $15K raise, and he pointed out that it’s to Impostors benefit to be Fake Supervisor’s new best friend.
He also said never talk about your personal life (which for the most part I hadn’t other than telling my VP that I was buying a house) and stay away from any socializing, gossip or bashing anyone in the office. I told him about my VP as well and how she’s totally changed since the new reporting structure changed and I explained how she too use to bash Fake Supervisor about the way she dressed, her lack of communication and leadership, how she’s a disgrace to the office of the President. And that she’s now in there behind closed doors gossiping about other VP’s and that’s caught me totally off guard.
He said that my VP lacks integrity if she’s gossiping about other vice presidents to someone like Fake Supervisor. He asked if I confided in my VP and I told him I use to, but I stopped when I saw how much she’s changed. He said that was a good thing and to remember we get paid to go and do a job, not to go and socialize and make friends. He sent me an email with a couple of audio books to keep from stressing myself out about things and people at work. Now that, I appreciated.
As we got ready to leave he said he’d walk me to my car parked in back of the restaurant, it felt awkward because there was tension between us as we walked close to each other. Or maybe it was just me. But I was still sweating up a storm (I know I’ve said this a lot but fuck it was hot and I couldn’t feel comfortable at any point) and surprised he hadn’t noticed, but men don’t really notice shit like that do they?
We talked another half hour by my car, all about him and how he’s been told how he takes over conversations (really? Never noticed that) and how he also comes off as being a downer (apparently his sister’s told him that.) I was wearing high heels and my feet were killing me standing there for half an hour and then I said I’d give him a ride to his truck which was parked in front of the restaurant. I drove him around the corner and parked right behind his black Toyota Tundra. I thanked him for dinner, he said “you’re welcome” and he had fun and that we should do this again. I agreed (don’t ask me why I said that) and smiled and got out of my car. I drove away with the air conditioner in my car full blast, trying to stop myself from fucking melting like the Wicked Witch of the West. All the while wondering if he really meant we should do this again? And his lack of interest in anything personal about me or asking about my life made me wonder if he was just being nice. Or even an attempt at a halfhearted hug or small peck on the cheek, after all it was a “date” wasn’t it, or was it?
I got home that night, tired and wondering if I had built this guy up in my head and felt disappointed that he was too self-absorbed not asking about me other than the advice he gave me about work. I took a shower, had a glass of wine and even though it was late I sat in my living room watching Dateline and 20/20 episodes I’d recorded but hadn’t had time to watch.
Attempts at Further Dialog Didn’t Pan Out
The next day I spoke to my best friend Impostor #2, and she was all kiddy about me telling her about my date with JMR. I told her my story and she still felt it was exciting and asked me if we had planned to go out again. I told him that we didn’t because he’d mentioned he’d be going to Greece in two weeks with his realtor’s group. He said that they go on two excursions a year, in March they went to Costa Rica. But that he never told me he’d like to get together when he got back. Impostor #2 said that I should initiate a conversation via text with JMR to keep the dialog open. After I got off the phone I said to myself, what’s the worse that could happen? So I decided to text JMR a short good morning message and included that he never told me about how he makes his famous soup. He said he makes a good green chile chicken soup the night before at dinner. I thought it would be great opening for a continuous conversation……..wrong.
All he said was “It’s not famous I just kind of know how to make it.” Which sounded kind of cold and really not interested in continuing the text conversation. So I responded with an attempt at humor saying “Well any guy that can cook is a rare thing” with a LMAO emoji. That was Saturday morning and I haven’t heard back from him. So I decided to just let it go and leave JMR alone with whatever he was doing.
Moving On….Life’s Too Short
On Sunday morning I was going through my texts with JMR (yeah don’t ask me why) and I saw the last attempt at trying to get him to interact with me even if it was via text. I told myself that I’m not going to try anymore especially if he didn’t ask about me during our date on Friday. As much as I thought I liked him, he may not be someone I need to have in my life and try to work my way into it his to be that “someone” that could/should be important if we began a relationship with each other. Yes I’m aware at how far fetched that idea is, and I know that it’s just over thinking the situation. But I deleted all of the texts we sent each other since we started working together when I began my house hunting adventure. And thought to myself, life’s too short to waste my time on anyone who sends mixed signals all the time as well as constantly telling me he’s never been married. Like what the fuck is up with that shit?
Grateful In Spite of The No-Second Date Date
One thing I’m grateful for regarding JMR is this, I have been so preoccupied with buying my house and all of the adventures that came about because of it. I hadn’t thought about Lestat in MONTHS! Yes, you heard that right this is the first time I hadn’t had a thought of Lestat, even a fleeting one since April. JMR had me so focused on buying my house and because of his constant flirting, I was devoid of memories or thoughts of Lestat and I’m finally recovered from that narcissistic, self-serving, self-absorbed asshole!!! This is a BREAKTHROUGH!
So until next time……this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”