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Something I Never Thought I Had (anxiety) And Something I Wish I Didn’t (A New So-Called Boss)

On June 1st,  2021 I celebrated my one year anniversary at this job.  Boy does time fly, even when you’re not having fun.  I started this job wondering and questioning my abilities to working for a boss who is not only generous but who is kick ass and did a lot for not just me, but for Impostor and others as well.   She gifted me a year’s worth of online yoga classes, she’s given me a designer purse and buys us lunch every week.  I’ve gotten confident under her tutelage, learning a lot about how she does her job, and mingling with those that work under her too.  Those that are positive influences of course, as Fake Buzz McCallaster and Fake Bob Pennciotti don’t count.    Because of this job, I was also able to finally get some money together for the down payment on my house.  Which by the way seems to have come to a complete stop, because apparently the mortgage company we’re using is backlogged and they are “trying” to get to my file as soon as they can.  With the housing market the way it is, being a sellers’ market, it’s no wonder I’m still waiting.  Anyway, back to the entire home buying experience and the new anxieties that have developed because of it.  Not the actual buying the house mind you, but the fact that I’m 51 years old, buying a house for the first time and constantly thinking of what my retirement will be like because, I will literally have to work until I’m 95.

The closing process has been slow and agonizing and that’s being positive, but I put in the offer for my house on May 4th, they accepted on May 5th and I’m still waiting on the fucking appraisal to get completed.  Yes I’m still waiting on the appraisal because apparently they are backlogged at the moment, so I don’t know how long I’ll have to wait.  Then, since me and my son are the only two residential clients our realtor (I’ll call him JMR) has, I’m constantly reaching out to the dude for information.  He started off strong, I was his only client at the time of my house hunting endeavor.  But now? I’ve been ghosted by my freaking realtor!! He’s not a bad guy really he isn’t but seriously you’d think that he’s keep me in the look about the status of my house.  I wake up in the middle of the night wondering why I am buying a house so late in life. How am I going to retire or if I’ll ever be able to retire?  When I left my previous University I didn’t have a job, so I took out my retirement saving because I didn’t know how long I’d be without work.  And doing so, now I’m worried about things like, will I have enough to retire on? Will I have to work until I’m 95, and then die in peace? Will I have to live with my kids because I’ll still be an old woman comminuting to work on the bus because I’ll no longer be able to drive?  Will I actually be able to enjoy my new house without all of these things worrying me?

Okay, I know I started way too late in life on things I should have done when I was younger, like buying a house.  Or getting financially secure, finishing my education and all that jazz that people do in their twenties and thirties.  I feel stupid for being this old and just getting around to it, even though I know there are many people who have started “over” in their lives.  I’m going through anxieties that I didn’t think I’d ever have.  I’ve made an appointment to see my therapist Terri, because all of these fears are literally keeping me up at night.

UPDATE

This is how I feel, seriously.

Finally the appraisal for the house I’m under contract for came back lower than the offer I had put in a bid for. It came back at $133K which is a good thing BUT, the seller wants $135K which means since I have an FHA loan, FHA will only pay for what the house is appraised at. I have to come up with another $2K out of pocket. As I slammed my head onto my desk while my realtor was telling me this, I was wonder why I’m even trying to buy a house in this market to begin with? He reassured me that this was a one time process and that it would be all over soon. But, I told him how in the FUCK would I come up with an extra two grand to meet the sellers selling price? Mind you, the selling price when I put in the offer was $130K, now that might now seem like a lot but here in El Paso that can buy a lot of house. Except now in this stupid sellers housing market, so I asked my realtor to counter offer at $134K since this is as much as I had on reserve.

He came back later that day to tell me that he is standing firm on the $135K. To add to my frustration the loan officer for the mortgage company is a complete and total bitch. She’s rude and has NO customer service skills whatsoever, and her communication skills are even worse. For example, my son is also dealing with her and after four emails from her telling my son that his income tax paper work “wasn’t legible” he was at a loss. She kept mentioning that his W-2 form wasn’t “legible” and that he needed to resend it to her. So after another four emails to her, I finally called her and asked her why she couldn’t read the income tax forms?

Finally the dumb bitch said “The W-2 form isn’t included in the income tax information.” I was like what the fuck? And I went back to see what I had scanned for him, and sure enough the W-2 form was missing. Now, I’m no rocket scientist but, I’m thinking “attached” and “legible” are most DEFINITELY NOT the same fucking thing, am I right? So, I rescanned his income tax information (making very fucking sure his W-2 was ATTACHED) and resent it to her. I’m like seriously how in the fuck does someone not know the difference between “Illegible and attached” and then have to constantly tell a customer this over and over. Not realizing that YOUR NOT MAKING SENSE YOU DUMB MORTGAGE COMPANY LENDING OFFICER BITCH!!!!!

No shit ya dumb bitch….seriously!

In any case that got settled but not before going through two days of complete miscommunication (on her end) and confusing my son and myself. When all she had to do was tell us in the first place his W-2 wasn’t attached to his income tax information. Needless to say she isn’t the greatest communicator and this causes problems for me. Because I ask a lot of questions to make sure I understand the process and know that if I keep asking the same question over and over again, that’s because I’m getting in debt with a $135K home I’ll be living in the rest of my life. So, I’m not talking to her anymore, I told my realtor JMR to be the go between since he’s been working with her for years because I will most definitely bury her body in the back yard of the house I’m buying. So, needless to say I had to have someone “gift” me the other $1K so I could complete the extra two thousand dollars I needed to buy this house. I signed the amended contract this morning, so lets hope this goes smoothly from here on out and that I’ll close around the middle of this month.

My Boss Is No Longer “A” Boss

Two weeks ago we (myself and Impostor) got an email from Fake Supervisor that we would no longer be reporting directly to our Vice Presidents.  That we are now direct reports to her and a dotted line to our VP’s.  I was livid not to mention that I asked my boss if she knew about this and she said she did.  Which made it all the worse because when my boss came back the following week I asked to talk to her about this.  We sat in her office and she told me that Fake Supervisor was getting her big, fat panties in a knot because we were only notifying her of leave after we’d told our bosses (VP’) and that she said she needed to stay “in the loop.”  So, needless to say my boss tried to put me at ease over this shift in our bosses, and I’ve tried to come to terms with it and I just haven’t been able to.  Realizing I have to play nice with someone who lacks integrity, honesty, and leadership skills is very hard for this Huntress.  Which is only adding to the stress and anxiety of the entire house buying process.  I need my job so I can pay for my house, so I can try and save money for retirement and not have to work at the drive thru at Wendy’s as the oldest cashier in their history. 

Now, having a reporting structure change isn’t something I wanted just because Fake Supervisor feels the need to be in control of everyone that works in the president’s suite.  I’m wondering whether or not I’ll be able to adjust to this “change” and how I can work with someone I can’t stand.  We get along with each other okay, I just don’t think she’s worthy of her position.  She’s lazy, does the bare minimum, and has us to most of her job.  I’m at a loss here people, and the fact that my boss was okay with this is more confounding because my boss bashes Fake Supervisor at every turn.  I hate hypocrisy, but I realize that it has to be part of the job at times.  I just can’t stomach it for very long and as I mentioned before, I need my job.  It doesn’t help that I’ve been off my game at work for the last week, I’ve made mistakes that are for someone who just started working here.  I own up to them of course, but it doesn’t help that my (dotted line) boss calls me out on them either.  Maybe that’s why I’m feeling the way I do, I’m second guessing myself, my abilities and my experience.

Impostor #2 Started Her New Job

I really do feel like this every single fucking time I see her walking down the hall

Today my friend began her new job as Executive Associate to the VP for Academic Affairs.  She is getting settled with all the things she needs to know about being an EA.  Not that it’s hard but we all don’t do the same thing.  Our bosses are very different and have different responsibilities, so we have many areas that some of us don’t have to deal with.  But since my boss is also Associate Academic Dean, my boss and her boss have to work together.  The thing is, I’m not sure about how that will go since this weekend we had planned to go out for margaritas and food on Saturday.  This was her suggestion and I said that would be a great idea since last week was completely horrible here at work.  My (now dotted line boss) was in a very bad mood and I had to put out fires everywhere.  So, I accepted her invite for Saturday.  Then come Saturday morning she texts me that she’s going to drive her mom to see some family about 75 miles away and she would text me a time for use to get together.  I was like, fine I can deal with that and waited.  I spent my Saturday doing what I always do, clean, wash, do some grocery shopping, plan my meals for the week etc. 

Then at 8:15pm I get a text from her telling me she’s not going to be able to make it because she and her mom are just leaving from visiting their family.  I’m like fuming by this point, because why invite me out for drinks if she had something previous planned to begin with!?!?  When you make plans and flake out later don’t fucking expect me to be all nice about it!  And that’s exactly what happened, she text me Sunday afternoon asking if I’d like to go and have margaritas.  I didn’t respond, because she does that to me, I’ll text her and she won’t respond for hours or sometimes days, or at all.  So she kept texting me asking why I wasn’t responding.  I finally just told her that Sunday afternoons I spend having Sunday dinner with my boys, and left it at that.  So this morning when we had a welcome breakfast for her in the kitchen, we had to pretend we didn’t know each other.  If Fake Supervisor knew we worked together before she probably wouldn’t have gotten the job.  So I told her we needed to act like this was our first time meeting, and as of now, she’s being trained by Impostor on the systems she needs to use.  And I’m glad because I think I would have strangled her by now after what she did on Saturday.  I know, I need to be able to let shit like this go, but I have very little friends and it seems as though the circle might get a bit smaller because I just can’t deal with stupid bullshit like that.  I’m too old and my patience has run thin with dealing with people who can’t make up their minds, have personality issues and don’t recognize a real friend when they have one in their lives.  I’m tired and I don’t think I need to have to explain myself to those that I think are true friends.   And I don’t like being treated as though I were “disposable” either.

So that’s all for now, until next time this is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”

Published by thehuntress915

My life has been a lot like the movie Bridget Jones Diary (the Hispanic version) constant comedic struggles and life lessons learned by way of personal experience. I've survived divorce and online dating debacles, so tag along for the ride and lets laugh together.

14 thoughts on “Something I Never Thought I Had (anxiety) And Something I Wish I Didn’t (A New So-Called Boss)

  1. I can’t even imagine trying to buy a house right now. The market is insane. Has it really been an entire year since you started this job? Lord, I’m getting old…. time is flying too quickly.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Huntress,
    Office politics…well…all politics drives me nuts. I don’t know how you keep sane, but sane you must stay so that you can pay off your house. I can’t wait until the middle of the month when you get your house…finally! I think you’re a wonderful role model for everyone out there who thinks they can’t do something because of their age or whatever other excuse they have. You show everyone who needs that extra boost of confidence that no matter what, if you want it enough, you can do it! So well done and, please, continue on. Also, I hope you got to have a margarita despite your friend flaking out. 🙂 Mona

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mona, you have no idea what your words mean to me. Seriously I needed that boost of confidence right now. I’m scared to death of everything that’s happening in my life, even though it’s a good thing, I still second guess myself. But thank you for that inspiring vote of confidence my dear friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I keep thinking you have impostor syndrome. Not because you work with Impostor, but because you’re obviously very smart, very capable, and have worked very hard, and, let’s face it, even the hardest working, smartest, most capable people make mistakes, especially when they’re under a lot of unnecessary stress.
    And it’s really admirable that in spite of everything you’re pushing ahead with buying the house. Yeah, I know, you’ve got very good reasons to buy the house, but it’s still amazing that you’re determined and sticking with it when some people would just flake out or give up. You’re the example some other people need even if they don’t know it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thanks Christopher for reinforcing that it’s determination and not stubbornness that’s the reason for my home purchase. Of course, I’ll be waiting for you to come down to put those cardboard cutouts of kids in my front yard. As for the mistakes I made, after the fact I realized it wasn’t my mistake. I worked on a stupid excel sheet for MONTHS, for a report my boss needed. When I sent it to her, she “modified” it and deleted several columns and rows so the formulas were off.

      She called me out on it and I sat there thinking “I know I did this right” and it wasn’t until three days later and after I registered for some refresher courses that I realized it was her mistake not mine. I didn’t tell her of course because she’s been under a lot of stress working out contracts with affiliated hospitals. But that’s something I’m not likely to forget anytime soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Stress and anxiety can sneak up on a person sometimes…and buying a house during a pandemic I’m sure wasn’t easy! They sure run a person through the wringer, don’t they? I think they make things more difficult than they should be!

    I’m just now playing catch up and reading blogs! I’m sorry I missed so much!

    Liked by 1 person

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