Fake Buddy the Elf
I recall that I mentioned Fake Buddy, or maybe I haven’t. who knows? Anyway we have a director from Human Resources whom I’ll call Fake Buddy. He’s a complete idiot who was acting as interim Vice President of HR since last May. First of all let me just say the motherfucker has the nerve to claim he was in the service. Yes, he actually has done that, so I did a little digging, and found not only didn’t he serve (because I can’t find any military records on the walking bag of assholes) he also doesn’t have a degree in Human Resources. What he does have is a “certificate” for a four and a half month Human Resources course from prominent university. And that alone also doesn’t make him and alumni ether, but it’s on his resume. When President Cutie Pie opened the position/recruitment search for the Vice President he made it a point to include that the candidate have a Master’s degree in HR. He also claims that he’s an Alumni from a very prominent Ivy League university, how fucking mental does one have to be to claim that after a four and a half month course??
Well, what did stupid Fake Buddy do? He stomped down to the President’s office to demand that he be included. Well, President Cutie Pie and my boss told him straight out that, since his master’s degree is in Theology (yes you heard that right) he couldn’t qualify or even be considered for the VP position. His resume, which Impostor was kind enough to show me, shows all the motherfucker has is being a Cruise Ship Social Director. YES….you heard that right, the assholes only HR experience was from his stint on a Disney Cruise as its Social Director. I mean come the fuck on, who hired this clown? Oh that’s right he was hired by the former VP for HR who got fired because Fake Buddy threw her under the bus for shit he did. As previously mentioned, he has ABSOLUTELY NO HUMAN RESOURCE experience! Oh, did I mention the dude’s gay? And not in a, “I’m happy” kind of gay either. Now I have nothing against gay people, I have a cousin and three friends that are gay, so I don’t discriminate against LGBTTTQ community. That is, unless you try to use the gay card to get what they want, then nope, you’re going to be a bitch to me, no matter what gender you are. And that’s exactly what this asshole did to President Cutie Pie when he was excluded from applying for the Vice President position.
He called the main campus and complained, using the gay card and telling them he was being discriminated against because of his homosexuality. This caused President Cutie Pie some stress, but ultimately the main campus told Fake Buddy he didn’t have a case or a chance to apply for the position. But now, the university has hired a new Vice President, and she seems totally fabulous! Oh, yeah the reason I call him Fake Buddy. Well last Christmas the walking bag of assholes thought it would be a great idea for him to dress up as Buddy the Elf and walk around campus giving out candy to all the departments. I was so embarrassed for the prick, I mean it was not only embarrassing but humiliating for everyone he visited! His costume was to say the least, a bit too transparent if y’all know what I mean? Not enough mental bleach in the entire world to forget that shit let me tell you. Seriously I don’t know who wore it worse, him or Fake Carol. It’s a toss up at this point.
But wait, there’s more, so for St. Patrick’s Day I was on a Webex meeting with my boss and other people, and my office door was closed. The stupid motherfucker knocked, and then opened the door and what do I see??!! His dumb ass dressed as a fucking leprechaun, yes people a grown ass, idiot of a man, who is a director of human resources is walking around campus dressed as a fucking idiot leprechaun!!! And not a cute, Lucky Charms kind of leprechaun either, he looks like the fucker serial killer from the movies “Leprechaun.” And most of us on campus are adults, we don’t need an idiot dressed in a leprechaun costume to come to our offices and give us candy. Yes, it was a stupid thing to do and I don’t know why the asshole thinks everyone is going to be amused.
Fake Phoebe is Alive and Kicking….and Apparently Working for This Institution.
Then there is Fake Phoebe, she has the same title as I do only she works at an off campus clinic site. She is and has never been held accountable for anything. The Provost likes her, and that’s the only reason she has a job.
The Provost is also Fake Mimi’s boss, anyway Fake Pheobe is an airhead of epic proportions, and we can’t ever get her to answer any of our emails. But on Monday my boss sent her an email saying that President Cutie Pie and my boss needed (did you hear that? NEED) to meet with the faculty from the office site clinic, all of them. On different days of course and she constantly answered me and Supervisor with “Give me dates and times of your people and I will ask if they are available.”
THE FUCKING NERVE, but I digress as both my boss and Supervisor told me to let her handle it. My boss said that’s why she told her to set up the meeting because she’s (and I quote) “a ditz.”
And she indeed proved my boss right, with constant emails going back and forth and telling Supervisor and myself she needed US to send her days and times so she could check all of the faculty’s availability. My end email was not so nice, but yet in a “I’m not going to kill you….JUST YET” kind of way…
She kept bitching about how the faculty members can only meet during their “administrative time.” When the President and Vice President tell you they need to meet with someone, it doesn’t matter who, you’d best start telling them that it’s mandatory! Stupid people I swear! Well, yes I know I swear a lot, but can you blame me with an air head about to float away and a grown ass man who dresses up as a leprechaun to give out candy?? This is why I drink with my cat, he understand me.
This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”