What? Snow in Old El Paso?……Get out of Town…Seriously Get Out of Town, People Here Don’t Know How To Drive In Inclement Weather….
The past couple of days have been……cold. Yep, cold as a witch’s titty out yonder in this part of Texas. A part of Texas that never sees the weather dip lower than, oh about, 45 degrees maybe? Anyway when the local weather peeps were talking about El Paso being hit by that winter storm going on down south and up north I thought to myself, nope not going to happen. Why? Because this is El Paso, it gets hotter than hell during the summer but it rarely gets cold enough for us to pull out those heavy winter coats, gloves, scarves and boots for. Seriously it’s a joke when people say “oh it’s cold out there” and it’s like 55 degrees.
So when I heard it was going to be 15 degrees this weekend, I scoffed, yes I scoffed out loud no less as I made my way home on Friday stopping at the liquor store four blocks from my house to pick up some vodka and Kahlua to make myself a couple of White Russians for the weekend.
Not for any special reason, just simply for the fact that I was craving a white Russian, and the drink too….yes that was a joke.
Living With Squidward Is NOT FUN!
Anyway, I got home and my son who is recovering from the flu and being a total Squidward about it told me it was going to freeze and snow on Saturday night. I scoffed again, and told him this was El Paso Texas and that cold here meant either Mother Nature was going through menopause and having hot and cold flashes simultaneously. He was not amused, but of course not because the mofo has been home the entire week making my life a living hell because he has/had the flu. Then he got mad at me because I MADE him go get tested for COVID since they have similar symptoms. Yes the mofo got tested, and during the time he was waiting for the results, I made him stay in his room, wear a mask and gloves. Made him wipe down everything he touched with Clorox wipes because I didn’t know if it was COVID or the flu. Then his doctor called to tell him he tested negative for COVID but positive for the flu.
Either way I treated him as if he had COVID, making him stay in his room, taking him food, reminding him to take his meds, you know being a good mom. And what do I get in return? I get attitude because he’s sick and acting like a goddamned baby and he complains about eating and not being able to taste anything. About eating the same old “house food” and wanting take out (even though the mofo couldn’t taste anything) and complaining that he was cold (before the freezing temp actually hit) then that he was too hot. Oh my god, I almost hit my very own son over the head with a damned shovel, YES, YES, THAT THOUGHT did cross my mind for a split second……..then I calmed down.
Then I made myself a White Russian and settled in to enjoy the weekend. As I sipped on my second cocktail, I thought it came out a bit strong.
But I soldiered on, sipping my next cocktail, in my nice warm flannel PJ’s that I use maybe twice a year (again it’s El Paso people keep up with me here) and watching a great new show on SyFy called Resident Alient.
It stars Alan Tudyk (he’s from El Paso y’all) and it’s a combination of sarcastic humor, Law and Order and Northern Exposure all wrapped up into one great show. Then I watched Ghost Adventures and I made my third white Russian that still tasted kind of strong.
That’s why my brain Sharleen (remember her?) said to me, add freaking Coke to it and make is a damned Colorado Bulldog and stop complaining because your giving me and Charlie a headache. Anyway I added Coke to my White Russian and it made for a much more pleasant drinking experience. So much so I drank the entire bottle of vodka and Kahlua over the weekend, and no I didn’t get a hangover.
Which in itself is kind of odd, because the Cayman Jack Margarita’s do give me a headache type hangover, but that could be that I drink the entire six pack at once. HHmmmm…..
This weekend went by and because of all of my adult beverage consumption I didn’t even realize that Sunday way Valentine’s Day. Not that I pay attention to that consumer driven holiday, but usually I remember because my dad’s and my oldest son’s birthday’s come the day after and two days later respectively. But because my son was being such a pain in the ass, I’ve officially cancelled his birthday this year. Yes I can do that, I’m his mom and went through 13 and a half hours of labor with him, for him to act like a total douche 35 years later.
Why, yes I can hold a grudge…..and apparently a ton of vodka and Kahlua as well, come at me bro, do it…..I dare you.
On another note, my cat….ahem, my feline owner got himself into yet another round of “who has bigger balls” (oddly enough he has no balls since he’s neutered) with the neighbors cat Grady about three weeks ago. He came in on a Friday night with his left ear swollen, then Saturday it was even more swollen and then he began to scratch it. And scratch it he did, so much so that he began to bleed, all over the damned house!
So finally on Sunday my son and I had to take him to the vet, or as Charlie puts it “Cat Physician.” The Cat Physician found he had an abscess because he scratched it so much and became infected. He was shaven (around the ear of course) and the abscess drained, two stiches put in, given a rabies and an antibiotic injection and given some pain meds. He was also given a medical cone to keep from scratching, he had the cone on for an entire week.
I felt bad for him because he was bumping into the walls, flipping his food bowl over. But, his fight and the trip to the Cat Physician cost my son $200 and now, Charlie Bruiser O’Houlihan gave up his Kat Fight Klub title and is strictly an inside cat. No he’s not happy about it, but he seems to be adjusting to the comforts of being inside 24/7 now.
This is the Huntress, saying…”Don’t be a Moth Around a Dim Yellow Bulb, Be a Moth to a Flame, Make it worth the Burn!”