Yes, that’s exactly how I feel today, I walked in the office (I’m usually one of the first ones here) singing and dancing my way down the hall, in heels no less….why you ask?
Because Fake April gave her TWO WEEKS NOTICE ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON!!! Yes ladies and gents, Fake April got the job with those arrogant asshole zombies at the Dental School. I am, to say the least ecstatic about this new revelation, we’ve known she wasn’t happy here because she didn’t want to be told what to do. Yes, seriously she’s that kind of personality, she wants to be a boss, but has no clue about how to actually get to be a boss. She just thinks it’s telling people what to do and having a big office. Boy is she in for a rude awakening, one of the Director’s under my boss told me that she applied for a job in his department, he even gave her an interview. But he and he hiring panel were put off by her answers to their interview questions which consisted of, “Tell us about your work ethic?”
Her answer? “I like to do things my way.” “Do you consider yourself a team player?” Her answer, “I like to do things my way.” Well, it’s going to totally come as a shock to her that, her new job isn’t a “boss” job, it’s a coordinator and the dumb bitch left for the same pay and more work. She didn’t like it here because she was our administrative support, and again she didn’t like people telling her what to do. I can’t contain my sheer enthusiasm at her getting the fuck out of our office!! I’m so excited I can’t stand it!
She’s a toxic person, her attitude (not to mention her sloppy work ethic and dress) make our entire suite look bad.
Okay enough about this shallow bitch, on to the next monstrous personality in our office, and unfortunately its Impostor’s boss. She is another VP but, honestly she lacks personality, professionalism and above all sophistication and decorum. Yes, this is a vice president I’m talking about, I’m going to call her Fake Carol Burnett, because she’s just as loud, just not funny or witty like her. So Fake Carol is about 63 years old, not very old (yeah the older I get the more I realize that 60s and 70s aren’t old anymore) but she comes in wearing the most hideous outfits. She dresses like she’s still in her 20’s and not in any way professional for a vice president. For example, at my age (yikes 51) I don’t wear anything above the knee, and I do mean nothing. My wardrobe consists of mostly tailored business suits and professional dresses.
Fake Carol, on the other hand, dresses like she’s going to a night club, and that’s putting it mildly. For example, today she walked in wearing a mini-dress that when she bent down to pick up a copy that fell at her feet, you could (if you were looking) see her entire hoo-ha. NO, I’m not exaggerating one bit, yes she has killer legs for her age. But no you shouldn’t ware something like that to the office. She also has a penchant for tacky ass jewelry, she matches everything with her clothes which doesn’t necessarily mean you have to. When you do, one tends to become a color blur, but that’s just me and how I think. She has more shoes than I do (if you can imagine that) and wears the stripper-platform type to work, another big no-no. I’m talking the clear platform, six inch heel kind and she has them in all different colors (to match her outfits of course) but those shoes aren’t something one should wear to meetings I think.
She also has the really awful habit of matching the color of her lipstick to her eyeshadow, and that has sometimes has been purple, green or gawd, even orange. This woman is a fashion disaster, and what makes it even worse is that she has this condescending tone when she talks to you. This makes me wonder why Fake Carol dresses like she’s still 25 years old and Impostor making no effort to dress up at all. Yes, as far as Impostor and I are concerned, we’ve come a long way in our working relationship, I still have no clue why she dresses like she’s staying home on a Saturday to paint her kitchen. Colored jeans, faded may I add, and tops she’s mentioned she’s bought at Saver’s. Now don’t get me wrong, I shop at Saver’s too, but I’ve bought some real good finds, business suits and designer dresses to be exact. Not faded blouses that she thinks are a steal that don’t even match her jeans. Yes, I know some of you might say, well The Huntress is a fashion snob, because she’s criticizing this woman’s wardrobe.
Yes and no, and he’s why. First off she’s 63 years old, a Vice President at a medical university AND the head of the Human Resources department. There is a standard code of dress for university employees, so why doesn’t she adhere to it? Your guess is as good as mine, and you’d think that being that old one would season, mature with age so to speak. Even I know I can’t pull of a skin tight band aid dress anymore, not even to go out socially, but to wear it in the office? But then again this particular VP doesn’t understand social cues, or any cues to be honest. She may have the body of a 29 year old, one can if they’ve never had kids and she hasn’t, but she’s got the equivalent of hammer time on her face. She’s not anywhere near attractive. As my former coworker said “She’s a four bagger for sure.” Most of you will know what that means. And when asked why she never had kids, she responded with “I didn’t want the responsibility of having to take care of anyone else but myself.” Yes she actually said that, and talk about selfish, she’s one of the most selfish people I’ve ever met, and this includes my mom people. She and my boss have had their verbal scuffles and my boss puts her in her place pretty damned quick, and that’s why I love my boss. She’s a kick ass woman who doesn’t mince words and does her job well.
UPDATE…..As per River at Rivergirl’s request, I have an actual photo of Fake Carol in one of her getups….you’ve been warned…
Well that’s my post for this week, I have so much more but I have to get to work now. This is The Huntress, stay safe and wear your mask!!!