I was going to post something relating to this damned virus, but I thought to myself no one wants to hear about this thing any more than I do. It doesn’t matter that the numbers keep skyrocketing and that some people don’t take this seriously. I mean, after my son came down with it and all, and that he’s now recovered because he has no underlying conditions and healthy, he was able to do so. And that they did contact tracing to find out how my son and another of his coworkers got sick and come to find out it was someone in the department of Athletics who didn’t wear a mask and showed up to work for a week KNOWING THE MOFO HAD COME IN CONTACT WITH SOMEONE WHO HAD IT!! But decided to come to work anyway!!!
I’m not going to dwell on that and fight the urge to go find the dude who got my son sick and rip his fucking balls out through his nostrils….ahem……onto breaking news.
My oldest son began or should I say, is finishing up his degree in Information Technology. It’s about fucking time, but I digress. One of the classes he needs to take is a gawd-damned Calculus and Trigonometry class. Because of the entire pandemic thing, all of his classes have become online classes. Which is better for him because he works on the military base here and his schedule changes often, sometimes at an hours’ notice. He’d been putting off this class because, well he hates math too and that’s because he thinks he’s not good at it. So he actually looked at it and then told me “Mom, there’s no way I can pass this class” and said he would pay someone to take it for him. Which was what I would have done, seriously I would have. He approached his step-mom, who is an idiot because 1) she married my ex-husband (need I say more?) and 2) she’s not as smart as she thinks she is.
His step-mom recruited some flunky resident from her department to tutor my son, but after a week, that prick skipped out on the tutoring. After seeing my 34 year old son’s face and that look of desperation and potential defeat, I logged on and took a look at his math class. Then I said to him “We can do this, you and me, we can get through this class but I’m not guaranteeing that you’ll pass with an A. I’m only going to guarantee a C+ at best.” He reluctantly said yes, I reminded him that he needs to not let this one class be the reason he doesn’t graduate and move onto his career in IT.
He then asked me, “How are we going to do this mom?” I responded, as I put a slice of Super Supreme Pizza with extra, extra jalapenos in my mouth, “We’re going to cheat” and proceeded to eat my dinner. “Cheat, how?” he asked as he saw that I wasn’t as worried about this fucking, horrid, devils math class as he was, knowing that I’m bad at math and hate it just as much, if not more than he does.
I told him that there are several online sites that if you pay for it, will not only give you the answer, but provide the steps on how to solve the problems. He looked stunned, and then said “Really mom, you’re going to help me cheat at my math class?” I told him yes, because he could either try to learn five years of gawd-damned calculus, algebra and trigonometry in 7 weeks or we could go with my plan. He didn’t say anything, so I’m assuming that he agreed with me, we are after all in the home stretch now. We have two weeks of this fucking class left, and I say “we” because it’s been him and I, going over the sections of this class, him on his computer and me on mine.
I haven’t run, or lifted weights or done anything but fucking, devil spawn math in over five weeks because I have to help my son get done with this class. I hate math more than I did before, I’m serious its been a nightmare, not that we’re doing bad mind you. But it’s taking up so much of my so-called “free time” that I’m even dreaming about numbers, fractions, augmented matrix’es, matrixi, or however you fucking pronounce it. Word problems like, if a runner is running on a flat track, view the graph to determine whether the intercepts are if the runner is slowing down, speeding up or turning. I’m like turning? WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK!?!?!
It’s like the move Peggy Sue Got Married, after she’s in her algebra class and is about to take a test (after she’s been to the future) she gets up, takes her test to her teacher and tells him “I know for a fact I’m never going to use this, thank you.” When in the fuck will we (or should I say my son) be using augmented matrix’s?
Math is my life right now and so far he’s got a solid B-, and I told him that when he graduates, and if this entire pandemic has gotten to where he’ll actually have a graduation ceremony, I’m fucking walking across that stage with him, and I’m going to wear my Master’s cap, gown and hood (because I didn’t go to my graduation) holding his hand, embarrassing the shit out of him, and grabbing his diploma and walking off the stage fist pumping the whole time! Then I told him, you’re going to take me out to dinner at Cattlemans for a damned 1 ½ lb t-bone steak. Because not only did I give birth to him, which was painful enough, but having to go help get him through this damned class was probably more painful than all the hours of labor I went through. Stay tuned for more adventure of….
THE HUNTRESS AND MATH I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH……
Stay safe everyone, and WEAR YOUR MASK!! This is one angry and worried Huntress, over and out!