I’ve written about my friend Veronica, she doesn’t read my blog because she can never find it despite me sending her the link like a thousand and one times (just another little annoying thing that bugs me about her). Anyway, this past week was a test of the will for me and my friendship with her. The last time around it was because of her being gaslit, or gaslighted or gassed (however you want to spell it) by her now ex-boyfriend. But the more time I spend with her the more I realize that it’s her, not me, and that may sound pretty self-absorbed. But, when you realize that your best friend latches onto you because she has no boyfriend or significant other in her life, I think that’s when you have a problem.
Negative Characteristic #1 – Neediness, it’s annoying as hell, and I’ve never been like this because I had a narcissistic, needy mother. I actively have tried my entire adult life to do for myself so I wouldn’t come off clingy, needy or to drain someone of their will. I just can’t, and won’t do that. My mother was too absorbed in her self-induced crisis to show or help me as a teen age mom, or at all for that matter. And when she did try to do something for me, she turned it around and made everything about her.
So, of course needy people put me off, and sometimes it takes a while for me to realize the extent of their neediness until it’s too late and I want to bash their head in against the hood of their car. I’m getting off track her, so, on Thursday my friend gets invited out to dinner with someone she met a couple of months ago. At around 11:15am I begin to get text messages from her asking what she should wear on that date. I’m like, wear what you fucking want (I really did put it that way) it’s not rocket surgery to pick out an outfit. Well, apparently it is, because she asked if I could go over to her house after work to help her put together an outfit. The thing is, she’s needy as hell but can’t pick up on social or emotional cues that she sometimes overreacts to a lot of things?! Needless to say, I did not go to her house to help her pick out an outfit for this date.
It’s like she has to have constant validation, from someone, that all her decisions are the right ones. I have no idea how she’s made it through her 56 year old life this far with that kind of mindset. It’s bewildering to be honest, not to mention extremely annoying.
Negative Characteristic #2 – The Damsel in Distress act she has going on, it’s really getting on my nerves. We both work in higher education, in different universities, she also deals with the submission of grants, funding and everything that goes with it. Last week I get an email from her, sounding desperate as hell and then she asks me if I know how to use EndNote. Which is a reference/citation software she NEEDS to use because her boss is asking her to use it. I tell her that I do know how to use it, I used it a lot when I was getting my Master’s and writing research and academic papers. As soon as I said I knew how, she calls me begging me to see if I could go to her office during lunch and show her how to use it. Her office is just down the street from where I work, but I’m not about to spend my lunch hour showing her how to use software that she could learn in that hour by watching a YouTube video or two. Seriously, when I had to use it I didn’t know how to either, but you know who showed me? ME…..I SHOWED ME HOW TO USE IT!!
I got online, downloaded the step by step manual and saw about four or five YouTube videos and that’s how I learned. What is so hard about finding out yourself how to do something?!?! It’s aggravating! Okay, I’m composing myself *breathe, breathe*……..anyway I sent her an email with step by step instructions and a couple of YouTube videos. I don’t know if she’s taken that as a “No, I’m a grown adult, so are you, fucking learn how to do shit yourself” kind of hint.
Negative Characteristic #3 – She can attract a man, but isn’t able to keep them around, why? I’ll tell you why, because she’s the kind of person who has her….attitudes mixed up. I have no other way to put it, so let me try to explain. She’s 56 years old, has been married and divorced twice, she owns her own house, has a good job that pays very well. She drives an almost new car, but…..has credit card debt up the ass, she’s a cheapskate like you can’t imagine. And she’s kind of fucked up when it comes to men. In October, she went to lunch and found a note on her windshield from a guy who had seen her the day before. He left a note saying something to the effect…”Hi, my name is Marc, and I saw you getting out of your car and I had to just let you know how beautiful you are. I’m not a stalker or anything like that. I’m ex Navy, I’m currently a student and if you’d like to talk to me here’s my number so please call or text me. I’d really like to meet you.” If someone has to tell you they’re not a stalker, they’re probably a stalker.
Shit like this happens to her all the time, she gets approached by men everywhere she goes. Back to Marc the non-stalker, so she texts him, they meet for coffee ONCE and then she’s all in love. They keep talking or should I say texting because this mofo doesn’t call to talk to her. He starts to show up uninvited to her house, which would really get on my last nerve. He never asked her out on a “real” date, like to dinner or a movie. She said he only kept talking about it but never followed through.
Then, after a dinner at his apartment, and a couple of his relatives dying on him and her supporting him through these so called family issues, he shows up a couple of more times unannounced at her house. Once while I was there, I quickly left to leave them alone, even though I was annoyed as fuck but hey, it’s not my place to say anything (yes you did hear that right). She also happens to belong to a book club, they meet at different places once a month. This last time they met at a hotel called The Indigo, which has an awesome bar and restaurant. So after this, he tracks her via Facebook and then accuses her of cheating, can you believe that? This motherfucker had the nerve to accuse her, of cheating, just because she checked in at the Indigo. Then, a couple of hours later, he breaks up with her, and this is where I wanted to fucking kill her.
She decides she needs to explain, and continuously texted Marc the Loser, and he would respond with “Leave me alone.” Or “I don’t want to talk right now” and how do I know this? Because she showed me the texts, and then she called him, which of course he didn’t answer. But seriously, she called him over fifteen, FIFTEEN TIMES!! And text him over twenty-one, because she HAD to explain to this loser why she was at the Indigo!! She did this same thing with her ugly ass ex-BF, Humpty-Hump! The one that was gaslighting her!! She didn’t have to explain anything to him and yet she persisted.
She becomes this wishy-washy, spineless, nothing but annoying, crying, whiny, clingy woman. Then she wonders why they don’t want to talk to her again?!?! Because it always comes to that, then when she’s in between relationships she has the nerve to say “I’m not the one that has to impress them, they have to impress me.” And I want to grab her by her long black hair and beat her face in until it’s unrecognizable!!! Because, of course you have to impress, it goes both ways!!! Relationships are a two-way street, its neither him nor I, it’s both of us, and if she keeps thinking like that, she’s going to be alone for the rest of her life. She insists that she isn’t the one that needs to put any effort into impressing a man that PURSUED her. Which brings me to…
Negative Characteristic #4 – Passive Aggressive Narcissism. When I say she attracts men left and right, I’m not lying. It happens all the time, when we’re out together having margaritas after work, when we go listen to our favorite local band, when we’re having breakfast at IHOP, you name it, men come up to her to ask if she’s single and if they can have her number. She’s been married and divorced twice as previously mentioned. But she’s never had children, and she looks younger than I do, which in itself is aggravating.
So, she goes on a lot of first, second and third dates, but they never result in anything because of her attitude of “I’m not the one that has to impress” so they drop her after they talk to her for a couple of dates, realizing the kind attitude she has. Then she spends the next couple of weeks crying and asking me “What’s wrong with me?”
And I always answer her with “Do you really want me to tell you or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear?” I’ve told her several times why these men don’t turn into serious relationships. But it goes in one ear and out the other, so I don’t try anymore. I just sigh and shake my head, not telling her what I really want to and that’s “What’s wrong with you is, you’re a fucking spaz! You’re needy and fucking annoying and when these men get to know you they run back to their moms asking why women like you roam the fucking earth?!”
Then her passive aggressiveness kicks in and she says “You’re so lucky you don’t have that problem my friend. You’re better off because you don’t have to go through what I go through.” I tell her that I am lucky, because if I were a man, and met her and got to know her, I’d fucking join the priesthood. She just looks at me, laughs and says “Oh stop it” thinking it’s a damned joke. She also gets a jab in there as to why men don’t approach me when we’re together, and this is going to sound so unbelievably cruel, so….”Some material may be inappropriate to some readers, reader discretion is advised.”
She actually told me once that she thinks the reason I look older than her, when she’s clearly older, is because (are you ready for this?) I have had children, that I’ve had three pregnancies and that is why I look the way I do. She told me they drain the body of necessary hormones to be able to maintain our youth. Calmly I looked at her, while drinking my pitcher of margaritas and said “Well, my friend, that may be true, but at least I won’t grow to be an old spinster with no friends and only my dog to keep me company because I have three boys, and they are what I will have, even if I don’t meet anyone else or remarry anytime soon. I know my children will flourish, get married and have kids and continue my bloodline.”
Then she has the fucking nerve to cry and tell me how I could say that to her knowing that she can’t have kids. Needless to say, I don’t feel sorry for her one bit, and I tell her the truth, because if you’re my friend, I am honest about everything. Including our friendship, and I told her that beauty is only skin deep, but emotional intelligence runs so much deeper than superficial beauty, anyone will see that, and men, especially smart men will realize that.
I have to also mention that I stopped taking her calls because I’d always answer her, but when I’d call, she’d ignore me, and send my call to voicemail. Then she claimed she “never got my call.” Which I know happens sometimes, but come on, not all the fucking time. I only answer now when I feel like answering, then I get the feeling sorry for myself drama from her, and once I just hung up on her. She called me back and said we’d gotten disconnected and I said “No, I just hung up on you because I’m not in the mood to deal with your needy ass right now” and she got offended, wow…….she got offended….ugh.
So, I’m on the verge of cutting cord on yet another friendship, which will leave me with two IRL and a couple of blogger friends. I’m just too old to deal with stupid shit and self-induced drama from anyone, let alone my friends, when they tend to create it themselves and for me when I’m with them.
So, does this make me overly critical of my friend? Or is this common sense kicking in and letting my gut tell me that this is too much for me to undertake in a friendship?
This is the Huntress, Over and Out.