This question came about because of a shopping excursion to buy a pair of jeans……
I will buy a lot of things on Amazon, for convenience of course, like shampoo, deodorant, laundry detergent because they come in bulk. And sometimes one gets a really good deal on these items if you purchase them often. Clothes however I will buy with caution, especially women’s clothes because one size does not mean it fits all. Women’s clothing sizes will vary from one brand to another. So a size 10 dress in one brand can be a size 8 in another, frustrating for sure. But jeans are one thing I won’t buy on Amazon or anywhere online because sizes vary drastically by brand/manufacturer. So during my lunch hour (and in order to get away from Baby Kermit’s constant, annoying bull frog, scratchy, loud, raspy throat clearing) I made my way to Kohl’s to find some black jeans for my upcoming trip to Nashville.
I walked in thinking I’d find the perfect black jean to go with my business casual wardrobe for this training/conference. Then, as I made my way from one jean design/brand to another I didn’t even bother with the sizes. Why? Because I couldn’t get over the damned sticker shock prices that’s why. They were advertising a “sale” half off or buy one get one half price, and I was like why the fuck would I buy one pair that probably costs as much as a goddamned car payment to get half off the other?! Seriously, the Levi’s women’s jeans were $59 and the other brands like Gloria Vanderbilt were $44, and nothing lower than $35. Which is fucking ridiculous, their jeans not diamond encrusted bras, like Victoria’s Secret make for their annual fashion show, I mean come the fuck on!
Then adding to my aggravation I go to Target which is seemingly more my price range, and then find that all the jeans, I MEAN ALL THE JEANS are low rise, skinny. Why would stores like Target cater ONLY to millennial’s and carry just skinny low rise jeans?!?! Has their marketing department not realized that the majority of the American population is overweight? I’ve seen millennial’s (overweight millennial’s at that) try and fit their full sized, chubby asses into skinny jeans, it is NOT a pretty picture. I’m not fat shaming here, I’d never do that but sometimes one has to wonder why a person would try and fit into something that clearly is two sizes too small?
Anyway back to shopping, and as I’m trying to look through the sizes I hear some snarky young girl tell her mom that if she didn’t like any of the jeans at Target, she can go and get old mom jeans to wear. Then this snarky little bitch laughs and walks away, she must have been 13 or 14 years old at the most. I really wanted to just tell the little bitch, your headed down the same road, remember this. But, meh who am I to say something like that? Okay I have and I probably will again but I was still in sticker shock at the jeans I was looking at.
So why do older women like me seem to not be able to find jeans for us, sensible jeans, jeans that aren’t overpriced, low rise, skinny ass, can’t fit my muffin top, my ass is too big, my calves are literally COW jeans?!?!?! Skinny jeans are my enemy, I have big calves, and skinny jeans don’t do it for me, they accentuate my big, fat lower legs which are already a menace to my ego and self-esteem, don’t even get me started on trying to find boots to wear in winter, ugh. I can’t, for the life of me find a normal pair of dark blue or black denim, straight leg jeans that I can wear with boots or high heels for a business casual look. I’ve seen memes online about acid washed jeans. But you know what? I’d give me right calve for a pair of blue, acid wash, button fly, straight leg Levi’s jeans right about now.
Don’t even get me started on the phenomena called………..JEGGINGS! No support, no fashion sense, no way I could wear those to work, clothing disaster I couldn’t possibly pull off. Again why would companies market jeggings to the majority of the population when the, according to NIDDK 40% of women are obese. Jeggings are okay if your 5’5 and weigh 105 pounds, and even then I think jeggings are just wrong. Besides, thanks to our “executive assistant” who wore leggings without underwear one day, leggings/jeggings were removed from our dress code.
But then again the definition of obese is subjective, I’ve lost 46 pounds, and because of my height (5’4) I’m considered obese even though I wear a size 8 jean. So maybe the NIDDK needs to reassess what they consider obese according to height, because when did having curves become unattractive, like seriously……..but I digress.
I just want to find a pair of regular cut jeans, that are a perfect fit for me and that I won’t have to spend a fortune to buy. If it were up to me, I’d banish the so called skinny jean from the face of the earth. After all there were only “regular” jeans before some stupid woman decided to sew a regular pair of jeans into stupid skinny jeans because her bony ass didn’t look good in them, and made them a fad. I’d also obliterate the so-called “mom jean”, those over-exaggerated lose fitting jeans with elastic waist bands as well. Seriously who comes up with shit like this?
Not to mention that now almost all stupid skinny jeans are sold…..TORN, ugh. When I was a kid (don’t even go there with your fucking “Ok boomer” shit…..you know who you are) because I’m a Gen-Xer and grew up in the 1980’s not the goddamned 50’s. We’d work hard to make new jeans comfy and worn. And now people pay for torn jeans to wear as fashion? I must be living in the mirror dimension, seriously (if you don’t know what that is, watch Dr. Strange and then get back to me). Right now I’m so frustrated with this entire jean situation, I’m going to go have a donut (or maybe two) and contemplate my jean conundrum.
Stay tuned for next week’s show where the Huntress will go into detail about how bras are devices of torture……
Onward and upward!!