Let Me Explain……Or Maybe I Should Just Stab You Instead?

Let me explain……

Is not something I say too often, other than at work I mean, because that comes out of my mouth every single day to faculty members who don’t get what my job is and how I’m here to help them not fuck up their proposals.  But in my private life, I don’t say it often when I have to explain to someone who asks me if I’m married and then find I’ve been divorced for twenty years and haven’t remarried.

Last week my office was extremely busy, I stayed late almost all week, leaving the office about six-thirty or so and getting home mentally exhausted to where I didn’t even run or eat dinner.  But on Thursday we had a sort of “meet and greet” with other departments so we (and they) could get to know what it is we do and why and vice versa.  The turnout was a lot more than first expected, but then again advertise there will be “refreshments” and the entire university will show up to freeload a catered affair.  So we had to mingle and introduce ourselves to faculty and staff members we’d only dealt with over the phone, not really knowing each other than by our voice.

Our Vice President, my director, supervisor, JP, Baby Kermit and Thing 1 were all doing this awkward social dance, pretending to be nice (okay I was the only one pretending) and introducing ourselves, generating small talk before our VP was to speak to the crowd to make some small announcements regarding changes of operating procedures on how we would work on grant proposals.  This little work shindig was after work so there was alcohol (thank god) which consisted of red and white wine only, appetizers and small individual dessert options.  As I made my way around the room I encountered a faculty member that I’d dealt with on many occasions but never knew him face to face.  We’d emailed each other back and forth regarding his proposals, he’d call me to ask questions and such.  But neither he nor I knew what we looked like.  So when I introduced myself, he looked surprised, and he’s a professor okay so he has no social skills.  I realize not all professors/faculty members are like that, but in my experience I’ve realized that a lot of them don’t, I’ve worked in higher education for almost eighteen years.  We shook hands and while holding my glass of chardonnay he kept on shaking my hand while he said “Well, wow I’m surprised” and I responded with “About what?”

Sam Elliot meme

He said “Don’t get me wrong, I just imagined you being a much older woman, say fifty or so with thick glasses, overweight in frumpy librarian garb.”  He laughed as though he thought I found this funny, which I did but that’s another story.  I didn’t laugh or show any emotion as his response was clearly from someone who had so social filter or knows how to take social cues.  Standing right beside him was our head of fire safety, I’m going to call him Kevin.  Kevin knew this faculty member who I’ll call Professor Dumbass (PD for short).  Kevin is a handsome man, former fire department chief of instruction and now works for the university.  Kevin was making all kinds of gestures for PD to change the subject or just plain shut the hell up, I could see it and he was really trying not to make it obvious.

BBT Meme

But PD kept on, and on about how he thought I looked a certain way, and how I sounded much older on the phone.  I could have said the same thing about how I thought he was younger, and sounded so much dumber in person than on the phone.  But I was just going to stand there and let this idiot dig himself into the quicksand that is the Huntress’ bad side.  Kevin on the other hand could see the expression or lack of expression on my face.  He was doing his damnest to try and deflect the conversation to something else.  But PD wouldn’t give, then PD continued to talk about how young and surprisingly attractive he thought I was (yes he actually said that) which kind of pisssed me off.  All the while still holding and shaking my hand.

Chris Walken Stupid meme

I finally pulled my hand out of his and said “It was nice to meet you Professor Dumbass, but I have to go and mingle some more” and tried to walk away.  Now remember I said “tried” to walk away, and then he decided to say “Wait, um so are you still going to help me with my upcoming submission to that private foundation I emailed you about?”  I told him I didn’t get to choose which faculty member I work with, we are assigned the proposals based on our specialty.  Unfortunately I’m the one that deals with private foundation submissions but I didn’t need PD to know that.

As I walked away he followed me, as did Kevin and then PD asked me “Will you and your husband be coming to the Christmas gathering that Medical Education is having in December?”  A stupid, roundabout way of asking if I was married I think, and I told him I didn’t have a husband and that I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be going to that event.  Then Kevin sighed out loud and said “PD let’s go over and talk to Dr. Torres.”  But did PD listen, no he didn’t, I saw the frustration on Kevin’s face and he mouthed “I’m so sorry.”  I just nodded to let him know it was okay, and PD continued with “How are you NOT married? I mean, I thought women like you all had husbands.”   Kevin hung his head as to say, just stick your foot in your mouth a bit further so you can choke on it you idiot.  I said I was divorced, and the PD asked how long of course I should have walked away, I really should have but I didn’t.

I thought, why not let’s try and make this asshole understand that he shouldn’t be so stupid and ask questions like those he’s asking me.  So I turned and said “Women like me? What do you mean by that PD?”  He looked surprised, and said “Well I’m just saying….” And then I interjected with “You’d better choose your next words very carefully because our HR rep is only a few feet away, do you get where I’m going with this?”  Obviously he didn’t, but then I walked away and told PD not to follow me, I kind of said it really loud and in an angry tone.   Which low and behold he was actually shocked at and even got somewhat angry.  Kevin came up to me a while later after he’d escorted PD out of the event and apologized for PD.  I didn’t know they were actually friends outside of work, not just at work.

Stab you meme

Kevin kept saying he was sorry and I told him not to worry about it, it wasn’t his fault that his friend acted like that or that he was a complete and total douche bag.  Kevin laughed and tried to explain his friend isn’t very social especially around women.  I told him it was very obvious, we both laughed and then Kevin (who is married) asked me if I was really divorced.  I said yes, that I’ve been divorced twenty years this November.  He said he was sorry and I said not to be, that the divorce was probably the best thing to happen to me.  I explained that if I had stayed married, I wouldn’t have gotten to go to college and get both my degrees, or raise my boys to be good, decent, responsible adults.  Or learn the lessons I had to in order become the person I am now.  He raised the wine glass he was holding and said “Lets toast to your divorce and the evolution of the woman that you’ve become” I was surprised and a little verklept as I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

I raised my glass to his, clinking them and then another professor walked up and said “So….what are we toasting?”  And Kevin said “To divorce” and I laughed and the professor looked confused.  Before Kevin could explain, our VP began his speech (thank God) and I gave him a wink, he winked back and I walked to go and stand next to my coworkers.  Now before that day all I knew of Kevin was that he’s our universities Fire Chief, but now I know he’s a compassionate man with a stupid friend who turned a potentially bad situation around and saved his very stupid friend from being stabbed in the parking lot.  As well as saving me from explaining why I’m fifty years old, divorced and haven’t been remarried at my age.  Because really, why do I have to explain that shit to anyone?

unicorn meme

Until next time remember, chin up, soldier on and watch your back!

The Huntress 915

Published by thehuntress915

My life has been a lot like the movie Bridget Jones Diary (the Hispanic version) constant comedic struggles and life lessons learned by way of personal experience. I've survived divorce and online dating debacles, so tag along for the ride and lets laugh together.

34 thoughts on “Let Me Explain……Or Maybe I Should Just Stab You Instead?

  1. Last time I said anything even approaching what PD said to you I was as a college freshman. After it came out of my mouth I was totally embarrassed. It was a while before I spoke to women again. Something akin to what Raj Koothrappali was like. At least PD thought you looked a lot younger. At my age I have started taking that as a compliment no matter the context or who says it.
    And be careful out there. Even though we love you and we are many I don’t know if, even with a GoFundMe, that we could raise enough bail to get you out on a murder charge.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! Thanks Jono, your understanding of my personality makes me feel so much better. Maybe we could all start a GoFundMe page to have a blogger vacation where we could all get together and complain about every and anything, with alcohol of course! 😉

      Like

  2. Even after decades of working at a university myself I’m amazed at the stupid things some professors say, especially in social situations, but then too many of them stopped learning once they got their Ph.D.s. And I would have been a little tempted to ask Professor Dumbass if he were married.
    I’d also never use the phrase “women like you”. You’re one of a kind, and Professor Dumbass should consider himself lucky for that. You’re a smart and strong individual, and he’d be in even bigger trouble if he had to face an army of you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What is it about professors in any university that think that way? I mean really, wtf? Obvs he isn’t married but because Kevin told me he wasn’t. And your right it seems they stop learning, evolving after that PhD, but just because they have a doctorate doesn’t mean their smart.

      And thank you for all your kind words Christopher, you a prince among men!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. When I was at the mine my Fire Chief was also named Kevin. He is a top block full of life and enthusiasm. Plus he is technically super competent. I am counting social situations as a technical area here, in which one can be competent.

    Give me a techo person anyday over an administration or academic person. I dont trust administrators and I am sure academics are part of dismally inept alien uprising that has not got its shizen in a pile.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lmao…okay just so you know I’m a research administrator…
      But I get what your saying, and Kevin isn’t his real name, because well you know protecting the identity of the good and yes, the bad. But I’m with you, all the tech peeps I know have both education and common sense. Unlike many educators.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. “I’m here to help them not fuck up their proposals.” Sounds like a techo job to me. Just happens to be words not fires or electronics or computers or….

    At the mine I used to always sit with the techos at the techo table in the mess. More real, more honest, … e.g. What is not to get excited about: We have water, we have pumps! Let’s build a standing wave and go surfing in the desert out here in hell. The chief administrator put the kybosh on the idea. (she is a horse person not a surf person)

    https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcSNpFEtcTIA3ks4VXug–rFF5RU_M1o9TQxwrIIkSswrNqRfUBP

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well it’s more of a support admin position, and thats exactly what I do, I help them with everything that deals with guidelines, legal, human resource, research compliance gargon because they dont’ understand all that shit. Damn no surfing in the desert kybosher! lol

      Liked by 1 person

  5. No need to remarry at any age. Just sayin. Thanks for the laughs. I LOLd at the one meme about stabbing. My kids think I’m crazy now. So, are you training for a race, or just running because you like it? 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No, I began to walk because I went to the doctor at 202 lbs in early 2018 not being able to lose weight. He found I was insulin resistant and put me on meds, vitamins, keto and told me to walk three times a week. Walking turned to jogging and that turned into running and lost 43 lbs. I’m not by any means a runner, but I found that I enjoy it. I run on my treadmill, not outside because I definitely look like Elaine from Seinfeld trying to dance.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Good for you! I have severe insulin resistance as well. But if you run, you’re a runner. Don’t be afraid to get outside! I know some nice people in EP who run trails . That’s really fun. Check out the Trail and Ultra running ladies only group on Facebook. I think there’s two so find the bigger one. Great group . All abilities.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you PK, although I’m must admit I run on the treadmill because I’m afraid of running with other and looking, well like Elaine from Seinfeld trying to dance, lol. But I’ll look into those running groups, thanks for the tip!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Whadda an idiot! Way back when I was in my 30’s I worked for a software company and this one male manager – Dump Truck Dan (he dumped his work on everyone I have no idea WTF he did all day) would always say stuff like – I can’t believe you aren’t married? You’re so blah blah blah blah- whatever I couldn’t stand him didn’t matter what he said. One time in the middle of his out loud wondering about why I wasn’t married giving off his verbal checklist (PS he was married so not like I would date him oh and he was an ASSHOLE) attractive, smart, successful (I recently finished my BA and bought a house as a single woman). I finally had enough and said Dan – I wanted to finish my degree and I did. I wanted to buy a house and I did. I wanted to get promoted to PM and I did, If I wanted to get married, I would. He finally shut up after that. Like his pea brain could not comprehend that a woman would chose to be single. I feel this post on a spiritual level.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! Dump Truck Dan, I love it!!! I’m going to use it, lol. I don’t understand why men like PD and DTD think they think the shit they say is okay. Their stupid, clueless and of course single, lol. After PD left and my boss made his announcement Kevin came up to me and apologized again especially for the comment about my age. I told him I wasn’t offended, that I had just turned 50. He didn’t say it but I could tell by the look on his face even he was surprised, lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Why would you feel compelled to explain about not re-marrying after a divorce? Being married and divorced cured me of the desire to be married. Nobody asks me why I am not remarried. Maybe it is because I am a guy.

    I also have very limited social skills but I don’t think that I have ever been that big of an ass. That’s a lot of inappropriate comments in a short time. Maybe it’s a record.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh believe me, I’ve know stupid women ask men in the same question about not re-marrying too. It goes both ways but maybe you’ve been lucky to never have had someone ask you why. And it could be because your a guy too. I don’t know, it also could be who it is, the situation, place and time. It may just have been a record of inappropriate comments, lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. In my profession, I work almost entirely with men. Introverted men to add to that. I don’t think most of them have ever given the first thought to whether or not I am or have ever been married. Come to think of it, I don’t know the relationship status of many people that I work with unless I see the obligatory family picture on their desk.

        There was a lady at church once who apparently believed that she was called by God to fix me up when she found out I got divorced. I mainly just played dumb until she gave up (apparently I was believable as being dumb). My kids are almost to the age where I don’t have to talk to their mother any more, so I have that to look forward to.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh I know that “my kids are adults so I don’t have to deal with the ex” thing, it’s wonderful isn’t it? And unlike many of my coworkers who give up personal information freely, I do not. Just the other day my VP told me he didn’t know I had adult kids, after I introduced my middle son (whose 30 and works at the same university I do but in a different department).
        Because no one needs to know anything I don’t volunteer freely, like my coworkers, ugh. So I guess I’m a private extrovert, I’m sociable but don’t reveal anything private until someone’s earned my trust and that privilege.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I agree, it is getting more rare to stay off the radar so to speak. Your daughters are awesome young ladies I’m sure, and I’m certain you’ve done a wonderful job raising them as well.

        Like

  8. God, forced socialization events give me the heebie jeebies. I have no idea what I’d be like if someone threw me into a group of strange people, took a hammer to my shell, and then ordered me to start talking to people. I doubt I’d be like Professor Dumbass, but I’d probably say things like him and then rapidly disengage from the situation. The one time I was ever dragged to a party of people I really didn’t know, I staked out a chair in the corner of the room and made friends with the family dog. I have good socialization skills with animals at least! And now I need to look into getting that special social dweeb parking place! At least if it doesn’t involve talking to our new store manager who I haven’t met yet…..

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It sounds like PD has a school-boy crush on you–and hasn’t learned the basics of adult flirting. While it wasn’t appropriate, I suspect he felt like he was complimenting you…in his own way. Is Kevin single? Perhaps PD was being his wing man?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I meet and talk to a lot of new people every day and the absolute worst ones are the ones that can’t take social cues. Can you not see by my body language that I am not interested in talking to you? Out of necessity I’ve learned to be “politely rude” or (like most of my coworkers) I’d get stuck and get nothing done.

    As for your current marital status, who can tame the Huntress? Few are worthy!

    Now I’ll get out of here before you give me the crossed arms and blank face nod while looking at the clock behind me. I can take a cue. To divorce!* 🥂

    *Uh, not mine, I mean. Happily Mr C!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would never accuse the famous Pastor Tom Pols Saw of un-social cues. As for why the rest of those with the inability to take those cues, well just use your imagination…….lol.
      And thank you for the kind comment, I mean about those few worthy of my presence in their lives. Very sweet, Mrs. C is a lucky woman indeed….as are your pups! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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