It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad World, but not as Mad as I am Right Now!!!

A couple of months ago I wrote a post about finally getting to buy my own house.  Well, as the slow and tedious process of the home buying began to unfold it slowly and surely turned to pure and utter shit!  Yep y’all heard that right not only am I not getting a house, but the debacle that led to it has pissed me off beyond belief.  It all began when I contacted the awesome realtor I had that went out of her way to find me the perfect home for my budget and me as an individual.

She had Mr. Fat Ass (I’ll explain this name in a bit) from one of the mortgage companies she uses to contact me, he took my information and he quickly evaluated my financials and told my realtor Laura that I was good to go, and he told her what my price range was.  She also let him know that I only had about $1100 for a down payment and he said he could get me into the down payment assistance program, he said it was no problem.  So she and I hit the road running looking for a house in the range of $125K.

Now to some people that doesn’t sound like much, but $125K in El Paso can buy you a whole lot of house, the one I had chosen was almost 1600sq feet, and that’s a hell of a lot bigger than the rental I live in now.  Not to mention that the kitchen isn’t just a sink and fridge, like the house I live in, ugh it’s so frustrating cooking in that piss ant kitchen!

Okay I’m getting of track here, anyway we looked and looked and then I found it, the gem in the dirt, the crystal skull in the kingdom, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!  We quickly signed a contract, I took half my paycheck to put down $650 earnest money and off I was thinking I would soon have the keys to my very own home!

The buyer accepted a low ball offer of $116K because we negotiated in a conversion to refrigerated air from the swamp cooler the house currently had.  I was to say the least, a happy camper.  Until that is the mortgage dude stopped calling me, answering my calls, emails and my realtors repeated calls as well.  Since he had told the both of us we were “good to go” we didn’t really worry all that much.  I had to pay for the appraisal, which cost me another $350 and the inspection was going to cost $380.  I thought that’s okay since my realtor said she’d pay for the inspection and I could pay her back when I got my next check.  What realtor does that?  She’s amazing I’m telling you.  I asked her if I should give the property manager that handles the rental house I live in for the owner my notice to vacate.  She said to do it, so I did and I was elated because for the last five years it’s been a nightmare living in that house.

Things need to be fixed that never get fixed because when I put in a request, the property management company had to notify the owner if she “approves” of the repairs.  And the bitch never does!  She’s a penny pinching, motherfucking tight-fisted whore! Sorry, just stating the truth here.  I’ve lived in that house going on thirteen years, and around year six we got a bad hail storm.  Her insurance sent out an inspector to evaluate the roof and she got a big fat check, but did the bitch replace the roof?  No, no she fucking didn’t, it began to leak, severely over the dining area.  When I complained to the management company they told me that they had already told her.  I wrote them a nice long letter, with a copy of my lease and tenants’ rights from the State of Texas to tell them they, as well as the landlord were in violation of their very own lease.

The very next day she (the landlord) shows up with her sister and her brother in law to “fix” the leak on the roof.  Did I mention that she and her sister are cheap ass Filipinos? No? Okay I mentioned it, the sister climbs into the attic to find the leak and they do a half assed job putting roofing tar where they “think” the leak is.

Ugh okay I’m getting off track here, I’ll get back to the story of my cheap ass landlord later.  So I gave notice to vacate, I began packing up my things in boxes which are now sitting in my garage in place where my car should be.  Then I get an email from Mr. Fat Ass, saying that I didn’t qualify for the FHA loan he was working on because of my student load debt.  BUT that I do qualify for a conventional loan because they take into consideration what I pay on a monthly basis NOT the entire amount I owe, which is a lot.

So he goes to work to get me into a conventional mortgage.  So me and my realtor keep working on everything else, then he emails me another week later saying I need to bring up my credit score a bit more.  I ask why, he said so that I can qualify for the down payment assistance program.  I’m like whoa, whoa, whoa you said I did qualify, he said I would if I pay off the only credit card I have.

At the time I had a balance of $745 on my card, but he said if I could pay that amount off he could do a re-score.  At this time all my liquid funds were tied up in the earnest money, the pending repayment of the inspection to my realtor and paying for the movers.  So what did the Huntress do?  For the second time in my life I had a clear title on my precious car, so I went to go and hock my beautiful Ford Fusion to pay down the goddamned credit card.  Because this mortgage dude knew what he was doing right?  So I borrowed against my car, paid off the balance on my credit card and I waited.

Only now I was feeling a bit uneasy about Mr. Fat Ass Mortgage Guy, after four days I get a text from my realtor to call her ASAP.  I was at work and when I saw the text I had a sinking feeling that this was not going to go well.  I closed the door to my office and called her, and she said right away that it wasn’t good news.  She began to tell me that after the re-score my credit score didn’t go up enough for me to qualify for the down payment assistance program, but it was enough to get a conventional mortgage.  So in essence now I had no down payment, my car was in title loan pawnshop hell, I had given notice to vacate my rental house, and I owed my realtor $380 for the inspection of the property.

If I only knew where Mr. Fat Ass parked his car…..

She said if I could come up with the 3.5% down payment on my own we could move forward, which is about $4200 not including another $650 earnest money, $380 inspection and $350 for the appraisal!  I literally broke down telling her how in the fuck was I supposed to do that when the $1100 I had gone in with was up in smoke and that Fat Ass had said I was “good to go!”  She said she was going to call him about everything but wanted to tell me what had happened.  After I got off the phone I had to contemplate my next move, to let the landlord’s management company know that I wasn’t going to leave after all.  Which would be a nightmare in itself because the snarky bitch who runs the place is one of those “I told you so” kind of people.

It sure is, all my money is gone….

I emailed her and she promptly responded with “we will ALLOW you to stay” and I’m like what do you mean allow me?!?!  I’ve paid over $97K in rent and you are going to ALLOW me to stay?!?

I got a call from my realtor and I told her what the management company had said and she offered me one of her rental homes on a month to month, at a reasonable rental amount so I could put together my down payment.  I appreciated her offer but I didn’t have money for the deposit or the moving expenses so I had to stay in the house I was in.  Then I got an email an hour and a half later, it was from my realtor saying that the owner of the property I had a contract with was not going to be releasing the earnest money.  So, I was out more than the $1100 I had initially put into this entire process.

A couple of days later I get another email from Laura, she copied me on the email to the director of the mortgage company telling him what had transpired and that she would no longer be using their company because of the careless way Mr. Fat Ass mortgage guy had handled my home purchase.  The director said he would refund me the earnest money and that he was truly sorry about what she and I had gone through.  That was on August 22^nd and I still don’t have my earnest money back, and I’m not holding my breath either.

I got onto their website and Google and did the worst review of this half assed mortgage company I could possibly write!  I let them have it and I went into detail about what had happened to me and how I would warn anyone and everyone NOT to use them.  This too was in August, yesterday my Google review had over 54 comments and after which I got into the mortgage company website and Mr. Fat Ass is no longer on the website as a mortgage consultant/expert.  By the way the name Mr. Fat Ass is because when I saw the picture of the mortgage dude he looked like a Hispanic version of Chris Farley, okay bigger.

As of today I’m still living in that crappy rental house and I recently discovered I have to have periodontal work done that has already cost me $1550, which should have gone to my down payment fund.  I am so fucking angry at how this entire situation went down, but with that said lesson learned.  I’ve had this post written since it all happened back in August, but I was too angry and too embarrassed by what I had been though to post it.  After my therapist Terri talked to me she said I should because it’s like letting go of the situation and moving on.  So here I am, and here is my home purchase debacle for everyone to read.

The Huntress