I’m Stressing Y’all!!!

It’s been ten months since I last saw, talked to or had any sort of communication with Lestat the emotional vampire.  I consider this a huge milestone in my life because since I dropped his ass like a hot potato so many good and positive things have happened that even I’m having a hard time processing.  I found much inspiration from Tom over at Tom Being Tom and his post Happy Birthday Tom, you can read it here.  His post was about his fifty-first his birthday and how he himself was amazed at all the things he’d accomplished by the time this birthday rolled around.  He went on to compare his younger Tom self to his fifty-one year old self, which triggered me to stop and contemplate that maybe that would be a good idea.  Thanks Tom for the inspiration!

My journey began twenty years ago in November of 1999, I was twenty-nine years old, newly divorced, new single mom, unemployed driving around a SUV I couldn’t possibly afford, with my new ex-husband bitching and complaining he wanted my/his Ford Expedition back because he wasn’t going to pay for it if I was going to keep it.  Fair enough asshole, come and get it, and he did only to give it to his second wife (whom he married literally eight months AFTER our divorce was final and she crashed and totaled it, but meh, he wanted it back right?  Talk about a man that couldn’t be by himself, when he came to pick up the SUV I saw a newly inked tattoo on his forearm that read….”Born to Be Free” which made me laugh.  Then it made me laugh even harder when I found out he’d married only eight months after our divorce, as Bugs Bunny would say…”What a Maroon!”

I had to borrow my mom’s car to go job hunting, and soon found a job that didn’t pay nearly enough to support me and my kids.  But I had to take it, and take it I did.  During all of this I met a wonderful man whom I believed was the “great love of my life” and his name was Lestat.  He was accomplished, business savvy, he was a contractor and well established within the contracting community in El Paso.

He was romantic, charming, loving (so I thought) and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him.  But as the forty-nine year old me looks back at the twenty-nine year old me, I see so many things that weren’t clear then.  The twenty year journey of struggle and heartbreak had one common theme and that was Lestat.  Nothing and I do mean nothing went right when I was still with him, I struggled financially, and I tried several times to buy a house that ended badly.  I lived with my parents which was a disaster, and I continued to struggle financially and emotionally.  Then my two oldest boys decided they wanted to go back to live with their dad, and that was devastating for me, I was dragging my heart behind me on the ground.

Surprise meme

But I had to try to understand that they were mostly doing it so they could remain at their school with their friends, to keep some sort of normalcy in the disaster that was their parents divorce.  The least I could do was try to make their lives as easy as possible.  So I marched on trying to make sense of the chaotic life that was following me.  At twenty-nine, I was lost financially, emotionally, mentally and even physically as well.  My knee began to hurt, my hair began to fall out, I began having stomach issues which I thought might be my gall bladder, but it turned out to be a small ulcer.

As I turned thirty-three things seemed to be getting better, I was hired at UTEP, I got my very first car as a single adult, although I still lived with my parents.  I helped them out as best I could, but living with my mom was a nightmare in itself.  Living with a narcist mother is hard, especially when you pay rent and she still demands to know everything you do, where you go and who you’re with, her excuse was “I’m your mother and I DESERVE to know what you’re doing because you live under my roof!”  One day after a heated argument I told her “Wrong mother, I pay rent, and I’m thirty-three I don’t have to tell you shit!” then as a last resort she called me a bad mother, boy that was definitely the pot calling the kettle black.

But I persevered with Lestat still in my life wreaking havoc with his selfish demands and his indecision about getting his overdue divorce.  Last night as I lay awake at 2:47am because of all the things that were going through my mind, worrying, stressing and contemplating every little thing in my life.  I realized that for ten entire months nothing but positive things have happened to me since Lestat’s exorcism from my life.  At twenty-nine I was still naive, too trusting and too in love with this man to see what I should have.  At forty-nine I’ve become aware of so many things that it’s actually surprising to me, and sometimes I think to myself, why didn’t I see this before?  The answer? Lestat was a bad influence and I had rose colored beer goggles on, and because of him I’ve gone through some very life altering things.  At twenty-nine I wasn’t financially responsible enough to keep up with my bills.  I went from paying off one car to getting a newer, nicer car which only added to my financial instability.  I lived in apartments and rental homes that at times I couldn’t afford, I spent way too much on things I didn’t need.  I tried in vain to get Lestat to see that I was responsible enough for him to marry (yep you heard that right) that I was good enough for him, that I could be the person he wanted me to be.

At forty-nine I realize that the twenty-nine year old me was so stupid to put this much faith, love and devotion into a man who now I know doesn’t deserve what I had to give.  A man who I spent so much time trying to prove that I was good enough to marry, when in reality he was the one that wasn’t/isn’t good enough for me.

I'm Done Talking Linda meme

From twenty-nine to forty-two I was blinded by what I thought was love and went through so many financial disasters, one vehicle repossession, one bankruptcy and a hell of a lot of money lost due to my irresponsible fiscal nature.  From twenty-nine until now I’ve had that one, white knuckling, bank draining bankruptcy, six jobs, two degrees, rebuild my credit which was a slow and tedious process, I raised three boys and one cat with attitude.  I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m realizing that I’m accomplishing what I want.

Since Lestat’s expulsion from my life……..

Antiope meme
Literally, so tired.

I’ve paid off my debts, I’ve gotten my Master’s degree, I have a free and clear title to my car, I have an additional retirement account, I have one credit card and………… (can you believe it?) I bought a house y’all!!!!  I bought my very first house, on my own, with no one’s help!  I did it all alone and of course with the help of my awesome realtor, she’s helped a lot.  I should have done this a long time ago, I should have gotten this accomplished in my thirties, but for me all those years of struggle and emotional chaos was a time I needed to learn that there isn’t anything that Lestat could give me, that I haven’t been able to get for myself.  That was a lesson I NEEDED to learn the way it played out and I’m glad I got here the way I did.  But this is where I’m stressing, I have one month to get myself packed and out of the rental home I’ve been in for twelve years, yes twelve years!

I calculated how much money I’ve thrown away in rent, and it’s come to $111,600!!  Can you believe that?  The stress continues as I gave my intent to vacate to the property management company yesterday and they told me that I’m still responsible for the rest of what remains on my lease, which is six months.  So, now I’m stressing about that, I have to pay for the appraisal, I have to pay for movers to move my entire house to the new house which thank God is only seven blocks away from the rental house I live in now.  I have to pack and clean my house because the property management company wants to show the house as soon as possible to try to re-rent it. Which means I have to find a cat sitter for Charlie Bruiser O’Houlihan because they don’t know I have a cat.  Luckily my oldest son’s girlfriend said she’d be happy to take Charles with her to her house for about two weeks so we can get all this straighten out.

I’m stressing so much that it’s keeping up at night and adding to this, work is so unbelievably busy and I’m going to need to ask for vacation for when I move.  I’m stressing out because I’m worried about my snarky cat adjusting to the new house, I’m worried about fixing everything I’m responsible for at the rental house, I’m worried that my new neighbors will have all night keggers during the summer, I’m worried that I won’t get my security deposit back from the property management company, I’m worried that I need to buy a refrigerator for the new house because it doesn’t have one, I’m worried I’ll be stuck with six months of rent that I couldn’t possibly afford because I’ve broken my lease on this rental home, I’m worried I won’t have enough money to pay for movers.

So, yes the Huntress is stressing out a bit right now.  I just want August to get here so I can close on my house, move and get settled so that whatever comes my way I can take on without the stress of moving, getting re-settled and having that stupid six month of potential rent looming over me like a goddamned giant 8 ball waiting to hit me when I least expect it!

8 Ball meme

Until next time remember, chin up, solider on and watch you back!

The Huntress915

 

Published by thehuntress915

My life has been a lot like the movie Bridget Jones Diary (the Hispanic version) constant comedic struggles and life lessons learned by way of personal experience. I've survived divorce and online dating debacles, so tag along for the ride and lets laugh together.

38 thoughts on “I’m Stressing Y’all!!!

  1. Congratulations on the new house! Most leases have a clause that the landlord has to do everything reasonable to rent the space after you vacate, and you only have to continue paying rent until he does. If you have any lawyer friends, have them take a quick look at your lease. You should also be able to use your deposit as part of the rent after you move out.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Hot Sauce and Aspirin is absolutely right – landlords are generally required by law to do their best to mitigate their damages by finding another tenant to move in ASAP. If you know of someone that could take over your lease until its end, that would help too.

      All that said – I am super happy for you AND proud of you…CONGRATS!!!! Buying a house is nervewracking and so rewarding! I hope everything falls into place and ends up going smoother than you can imagine!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank your Saturn’s return. Saturn has got a whole bunch of hula hooping rings on him lol. Friggen oath. Good for you. Well done for making it through. Fist bump 👊😎🎂🔪🍰🛸 yeah. Cake and eat it too.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. You’re going to be fine. Sorry. LOL I saw your triumphs and forgot about your pitfalls. Hey, it’s what we all choose to focus on, what is deserving of our attention. Much like finding the courage to fight for yourself the first time around. You got where you are fighting tooth and nail, and unless you’ve suddenly changed, I doubt you’d fail and just fall limp like a shrimp out of water.
    You’ll be fine. One day at a time. Find something to channel your frustration into. Like … imaging sunburning different sized dicks and swear words onto lestat.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks River, I can’t wait to move in and start working on my backyard garden to make it my own private getaway. I want it green like your fifty thousand acres of land where all of the wild animals go to party! lol
      Well, as green as I can get it living here in El Paso, without the wild animals unless you county my snarky cat.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well I wish I could show you a Dillo, but there aren’t very many here in El Paso. They are seen a lot more as you head out towards east Texas. All we get here are coyotes, foxes, rattlers, roadrunners and the annoying pigeons and mockingbirds.

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  4. What should really be stressed here is that you’re amazing. Let’s put the stress on that. And that reminds me of studying poetry in English class and how certain syllables had to be stressed, and I always wondered what they did to deserve stress, but that’s another story.
    The important thing here is you’ve got this. You can do this. And it won’t be long before you have this whole home-ownership thing wrapped up like a taco.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. So stinkin happy for you! On a sort-of related note… I was watching America’s Got Talent (because sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s fantastically bad) and a young singer came on & was asked if she was nervous. She said yes, she was, but more excited… because nervous & excited are the same thing, it’s just your perception that changes. You friggin GOT this. YOU did it. You CAN do it. And you’ll keep proving it to yourself day in & day out, you rockstar!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for those words of encouragement, it’s much appreciated! I have so many great blogger friends that are so reassuring and confident even when I’m not. Thanks again Soul! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Huntress,
    I love that you summarized where you started and where you are now! Good for you and well done! As far as I can see, you and things for you only continue to get better. You don’t need me or anyone else to tell you, change is difficult and stressful. This is a big change and you’re feeling it! Those feelings you’re feeling are so very normal. Keep reminding yourself of your successes and that this is the next step in conquering the world! You’ve got a lot of support from the blogging community! I’m so happy for you! Now I want to hear all about your new home. Please don’t leave anything out!
    Mona

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Mona, thank you so much for your encouraging words, and yes I have found so much support from my blogger friends it’s unbelievable. And I am so grateful for all of you!

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  7. It is a wonderful thing to have a handle on your life – to be in control of your money, how you spend it and how you save it. Bravo for all the ups and downs that have helped you arrive at this place – right here and now!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I know we’ve never met in real life, but I am so damn proud of you. I’m smiling so hard after reading your post, I’ll probably have permanent smile lines. You’ve been through so much, and conquered so much, and have come out stronger and fiercer and bad-assier for it. You’re a role model to all of us women out there who have been kicked into the dirt and left to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off. I admire the hell out of you.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Don’t you dare make me cry Maggie!
    But thank you so much, I am pretty proud of myself for getting this far without a husband, boyfriend or significant other (wow I just depressed myself, lol). Both of us have been through so much, but it adds to our determination and self-preservation I think. We dirt-bags have to stick together! lmao

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  10. Congratulations on the house! I bought a house as a single woman….I refused any help from my BF at the time it was something I needed to do independent of him. It was tough I had to return a $40. couch cover because I was B-R-O-K-E. It turned out fine and I sold that house 15 years later for triple what I bought it for – so happy for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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