Welcome back kids to the second part of “Online Disaster Dating Game!” If you’ve read my last and final attempt at online dating, it was as I suspected, a clusterfuck of men with some misguided ideas about what women are looking for on the online dating sites. If you haven’t read it, then you can here. Now before I get messages about how not all men suffer from chronic bouts of verbal diarrhea and that somewhere out there are men who are classy, cultured and sophisticated, I will say I agree. Not all men are the types of creatures one finds on online dating sites, with oversexed ideas and raging testosterone that turns them into knuckle dragging assholes. I know many decent, loving and responsible men who don’t fall into that stereotype.
And on the rare occasion one will find one of these men online but they seem to be like Bigfoot or the aliens at Roswell, we’ve all heard of them but have never really encountered them ourselves. But I digress, the purpose of this post is to try and steer those misguided LvrBois, LadiesMen, LatinLvrs, Hoodlums and ArmyHunks in the right direction. Because I’m pretty sure most of the women on these sites are sick and tired of men thinking they can say just about anything without it having some kind of consequence. I’ve asked some of my male friends both married and single what they think about my experiences on these dating sites. I’ve gathered some very interesting information and I’m going to share some of it with you, so onward we go.
Tip #1 – Ask about her interests. We know you all like talking about yourselves, how long you were married or if you’ve never been married (if the dude is 57 years old and has never been married, his name might just be Norman Bates) how many times a week you go golfing, what kind of car you drive and how many kids you have living with you. But do stay away from a surefire way to be ghosted by the lady you’re interested in and DO NOT under any circumstances talk about your ex. About how big a bitch she is, how much your divorce cost and how she’s now married to the guy she cheated on you with! These topics will lead to you to being ghosted or blocked, I know what I’m saying. Also listen, listen, listen!! There’s nothing worse than talking to a guy that’s a complete corn-hole and a one-way street when it comes to communication. We get it, you like to talk about yourself a lot, but once in a while you need to listen, REALLY LISTEN!
Tip #2 – Try and I do mean TRY HARD not to sound overeager or needy. Again we all have our hang-ups it’s only human. But when you’re talking to a woman your clearly interested in, take your time in getting to know her. There’s nothing worse than having to constantly reassure a middle aged man (or any man) you’ve never met, that you are interested in him or explaining that we need to take it one day at a time before we decide we want to meet you face to face. The insecurity thing is just plain aggravating and totally unattractive. And for FUCKS SAKE act you age guys! Really I mean the constant barrage of needy ass questions like “Do you really like me?” “Are you serious about talking to me, be honest” and “I’m so interested in you, I hope you’re interested in me” shit gets old and it gets old pretty fucking fast! I realize that there are women out there that have the same characteristics but I’m strictly talking about men here.
Tip #3 – Be Honest. I can’t stress this enough to men. Because being honest is going to win her over faster than lying! And when I say be honest I mean do so on your online profile as well. Women don’t want to see a picture of you when you were in your 30’s (unless you are really 30) or a high school picture or a picture of Tom Cruise instead of yours. I mean really, come the fuck on. Don’t lie about shit that we will eventually find out about like your height, eye color, if you’re bald, or if you say your “average build” and you really weigh 350 lbs! (No I have nothing against the “fluffy” men out there) but that kind of shit is hard to overlook when we finally meet you (kinda like if you’re 55 and live with your mom, you fucking scrub!) And if you’ve lied, we WILL find a drastic way to bail on our first meeting like climbing out a bathroom window at a restaurant or bar or walking out the back door! (No comment on that) moving on. And women over think a lot of shit like, if you’re willing to lie to us about the most trivial things, then our assumption will be that you are willing to lie about the important stuff like if you’re really married and all your looking for is to get laid! If that’s the case then I suggest you stick to finding women on Tinder!
Tip #4 – TALK for at least one to two weeks. This is extremely important because some women have had bad relationships (as have men) and are put off by the constant nagging that you want to meet her. A week to two weeks is a good time frame to establish a verbal foundation to build on. You need to be patient, especially with online dating. I realize that the demographics of the women to men ratio is 1/5. That’s five women to every one man. Some of us are aware that you have a virtual cavalcade of women to choose from but that doesn’t mean you can fish, catch and throw back the ones that aren’t responding to you fast enough. We’re human and we have feelings, just like you do and we don’t appreciate the pushy, overzealous attitude when you might lose “the” one you like because we aren’t acting fast enough. In this case patience is key, don’t fuck it up by asking her to meet you on day two. This is an indication to women that you are too needy and overbearing to deal with, so STOP IT!
Tip #5 – DON’T TALK ABOUT SEX! Until you know for absolutely sure she’s going to allow you to talk to her that way. If you begin asking her about her previous relationship and how long it’s been since she’s had sex and she shy’s away from it, STOP. This is coming from experience, again unless she’s okay with it and (this is going to totally sound like a double standard) unless she initiates it first stay away from the subject. And what I mean by this is, don’t talk to her using vulgar and sexually suggestive or aggressive comments, like what you’d like to do to her, when and where, just stay away from thinking she’s so desperate to have sex she’ll settle for the first guy that comes along. I know what I’m talking about here, nothing screams “asshole” more than someone who keeps interjecting sexual innuendo into a conversation about your impending first date. You don’t know her well enough to go that far in conversation. And she will walk away from you faster than a stripper being pelted with quarters at a strip club.
Tip #6 – DO NOT initiate a conversation unless you intend to see it through. When you begin online dating there are a lot of women and you will be inundated with many wanting to talk to you. As mentioned above there are five women to every one man, and don’t waste our time if you’re not genuinely interested in getting to know us. Sending “flirts” and “winks” does not constitute a conversation and our time, just like yours is precious. So don’t waste it by doing the casual drive by on our profile, leaving winks and flirts without really wanting to talk. And on the rare occasion you will be stalked by that one crazy ass woman who thinks that wink or flirt will mean more than it does, and unless you’re ready to have your inbox overflowing with messages from that ONE woman, don’t, because believe me it will not end well.
Tip #7 – Complete your profile. When I say this I mean write something other than “I’ll fill that in later” type shit. You won’t get any hits if women see that you’re just too lazy to fill out a one or two page profile. We want to know what you’re about, your likes, dislikes, hobbies etc. And try hard to avoid the website’s automatic answers, if we see twenty profiles with the same answer to questions six: Describe what you do for fun? Chances are we’re going to skip right down to the guy who actually answered his questions with real substantial responses. Write something heartfelt and real. If you can’t think of anything ask someone you trust enough to help you with this, a best friend or brother. It’s not rocket science guys, come on! It should come easy if you’re describing yourself, again DON’T LIE!
Tip #8 – Don’t use stupid profile names. Use a genuine name on your profile, not something stupid like LvrBoi65, LadiesMan51, LatinLvr08, Hoodlum51, ArmyHunk 55. Really, ArmyHunk? This may work with some women (usually the shallow ones looking for a man with money) but those of us that are actually independent and smart will skip right by your profile. And it will usually indicate to us that you think way too much of yourself to be calling yourself a hunk. Actually it screams self-absorbed narcist asshole truth be told. Use something creative like your profession (like Architect007 or Aquarius55) yes they sound cheesy but you’ll probably have more luck with those. They’re personality neutral and don’t scream “hey, look at me, look at me” in a needy, narcissistic kind of way.
Tip #9 – Keep Your Expectations Real. Okay guys this one is probably THE second most important one and I’ll tell you why. Most of the women on these online dating sites are real women, with real world issues, hang-ups and self-esteem problems. We don’t all look like Megan Fox, Sandra Bullock, Jessica Biel or January Jones and chances are even they don’t look like that. Have you ever seen those actresses without makeup, I mean come on! Having real expectations about the women you start talking to is the first step to avoid being disappointed. I also realize that women will lie on their profiles, and if you do find one that has, walk away. Because just like with men, if they can lie about something trivial they can and will lie about the more important stuff. As the saying goes, real women have curves…..and issues it’s a package deal guys if you can’t handle it then your expectations are most definitely unrealistic.
Tip #10 – Don’t Judge Her Mistakes By Your Experiences. When and if you have established a good verbal foundation chances are you both will begin to talk about your past. When you do, don’t be a dick-wad and bail if she’s not perfect. If both of you are on online dating sites you have a reason why. Just like men, women will make mistakes and just like men we will probably say inappropriate things at the most inopportune times. But if you find that she was, at one point unfaithful in her previous relationship or that she isn’t as financially responsible as most, you should find out what happened before you decide to ghost her for misconceptions you’ve created in your mind. Because if you’ve been the victim of infidelity that shit will most definitely hit a sore spot, but remember one thing, she’s not your ex or the woman that caused you that personal turmoil so don’t judge or blame HER for it. She’s not perfect, she will make mistakes just like you have or will. And don’t be a douche, if something bothers you about her and you really like her, ask for fucksake don’t just stop communication with her without a reason.
So there you have it guys, those are the ten tips I have for you on online dating. These are actual experiences that I and several women I know have been through. As previously mentioned I also gained some very useful insight from male friends both single and married and included their input. I believe that men’s ideas and input are important, not all men though, like a specific blogger jerk who commented on my Part I post, and criticized my writing and grammar (like using the word mofo and being surprised that I used the word decorum in the same blog post *gasp*) which only led me to believe he was questioning my intelligence. Meanwhile his reply to my post was one long run-on sentence with badly placed punctuation and childlike incoherence.
And in his reply to my post he thought he’d give ME criticism on how I should write about my personal perspective and how I should get use to men talking like uncultured swine to women they are just getting to know, about sex, because (and I quote) “that’s apparently normal, missy, so accept it.” Apparently he felt he needed to give me his unsolicited male perspective without reading any of my previous posts or knowing who I am or how I got here.
This “blogger” also said that maybe my online rejections were a result of karma because I refused to lower my standards about what I want in men, calling it “fair game” as well as resigning myself to “scrapping the bottom of the barrel” of online dating because I’ve rejected those that were attempting to contact me for reasons that according to him were completely unfounded. Decorum according to him, should be used in ones blog, and “lewd” language should be kept to ones self. Well, all I have to say is, this is for you.
How do you like decorum now?
So to the men that were more than helpful in giving me their input on my online dating fiasco, I thank you with all my heart! This includes the male bloggers who follow me and give me nothing but constructive and creative feedback to my posts, but also in supporting to a fellow blogger without having to tear someone else down to make yourselves feel good. You guys are wonderful and I’m so glad I have friends like you. So with that, I leave you with this parting thought……..There’s always three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth!
This is TheHuntress915, until next time.