Anyone who has ever seen the series The Big Bang Theory knows the story line of Rajesh Koothrappali and his inability to talk to women for the first couple of seasons of the show that is of course unless he’s consumed alcohol. Why am I bring up this topic? Well, let me explain, before I began my blog I had this idea in my head that I could not possibly meet anyone “IRL” ever, and I do mean EVER again. Online dating is as you know, was a torturous nightmare for me so I resolved to accept that meeting anyone face to face as they say was never going to happen. Yet last week there was a research conference where I work, medical research to be exact and our vice-president strongly encouraged us to attend a session or two. I’ve always found these types of conferences very interesting, yes I know I’m boring but it pertains to my job.
In any case we had a presenter from Houston, he is an older gentleman (when I say older that usually means about five to ten years older than I am) an endocrinologist from the greater Houston area and a faculty member at UT Houston. We met during one of the breaks in between sessions at a social mixer. I stood with another colleague as I managed to lose Female Sheldon in the crowd of people, but I could hear her “Oh my gawd, are you serious?” from across the entire lobby, like a squawking seagull. Dr. Houston made his way to our table and introduced himself and we in turn did the same. He kept asking me if we knew each other and I told him that I’d think I’d remember having a friend who was a doctor. He laughed and my colleague might have sensed this magnetic attraction because she excused herself. As she walked away gave me the cheesy thumbs up as if I had just managed to run into Jeffery Dean Morgan in the lobby.
But after she left Dr. Houston stopped talking, which made me think he might have wanted to talk to her and I should have been the one to walk away and do the cheesy thumbs up at her while grabbing an entire tray of appetizers and eat them alone in a dark corner as the research people walked by. But that wasn’t the case, I suppose, because we stood there doing the awkward smile, laugh, clear you throat, smile, laugh dance until I asked him about himself. So here is where Rajesh comes in, as part of my online dating nightmares the one thing that bothered the shit out of me was someone’s inability to hold a conversation. I’m talking in person, on the phone, email or via text, this entire “let me ask you questions and you give me one word answers” shit get old, and it tires the fuck out of me. So I kept asking Dr. Houston questions, I only got one word responses and not once did he even attempt to reciprocate and as the girl walking around with the tray of wine glasses (yes we had one day of this conference that had wine, it was held in the evening, it was the only day I went) I grabbed another full glass of wine.
As I did I caught him looking at me and I must have given him that “what are you looking at?” look. He then cleared his throat and said “You’re really pretty” and said “thank you” and downed the glass of Chardonnay in one gulp. This flattery was going to get him nowhere, okay it did as I proceeded to ask him about himself yet again. He began to loosen up with each glass of wine (just like Raj) and began to talk more. He said he had been divorced for eight years, had a son who was in the Navy and his youngest son who was still in college. Everything seemed to be going great after that, our conversation began to have some depth, and interesting enough he told me he would be presenting next. I said “Oh really? Well then I can’t wait to hear what your topic is going to be on.”
As he looked at me and I thought to myself, this man is good looking, smart and a doctor what else could I want? Yes okay I was jumping the gun, I knew that ten minutes before he couldn’t manage one single declarative sentence and now I saw matching SUV’s, vacations in the Bahamas and an Island wedding, so sue me I’ve been single for a long time. Okay that’s not true either but Lestat doesn’t count as a legitimate relationship here! In any case he asked me if I’d like to have dinner the next day, and I said “That sounds lovely” and he smiled. It was either the wine or euphoria of being noticed after my Titanical relationship and online dating debacles, but for only a split second everything felt right with the world. We heard a bell from inside the auditorium signal the end of the social mixer, as he drank the last of his wine, he turned to me and said “You know, I don’t know how you’re going to take this but…….you remind me and kind of look like my ex-wife.”
All at once I had flashbacks of the rental truck and the fence, and in my head my inside voice was like, leave now just walk away before you say anything stupid.
I stood there staring at him as if trying to make sense of what just came out of his mouth and then I said the cheesiest thing I’d ever said in my life (it might have been the wine)…“Houston, we have a problem……bye FELICIA!” (it was definitely the wine) and walked away out the side door back to my office to retrieve my purse trying to balance myself on my high heels and doing my damndest to look sophisticated (okay I burped out loud).
I had one and a half glasses of wine that evening but the weight of what Dr. Houston said brought me back to being stone cold sober. I got my purse and keys to my car and drove home saying to myself out loud “I don’t know how you’re going to take this?! You remind me of my ex-wife?! I remind him of his fucking ex-wife?!?!….Ugh!” Dr. Raj Houston couldn’t hold a conversation until he’d had a couple of drinks in him and then he managed to say what is probably one of the worst things you can say to a woman, any women especially one you just met, that you remind them of their ex-wife! The constant comedic escapades that are my life never stop.
Until next time, this is the Huntress915 over and out!