Ah-ha!! I got your attention didn’t I? Okay well that’s just a fantasy of mine but let’s move onto the real topic of today’s post shall we? Recently I’ve read certain blog posts and have seen some Youtube videos about how horrible online dating is. So let’s be honest here, online dating is a nightmare but only for certain people, myself included. Also some fellow bloggers as well, check out my girl Rakkelle’s blog here for her story on online dating. I think for the most part, I’m in the majority for online dating disasters as there seems to be a lot of us, both men and women that online dating is a horrific experience. For those of you who’ve read my blog you know about fake US Marshal Rick, Oompa Loompa David and Rude Sergio all of these online dates were absolutely horrible. Not one of these guys changed my mind about stereotypes of online dating, and those that had the potential to do so, weren’t interested in me. Now before I start getting emails about how not all men are bad and those a just a few cases….blah, blah, blah. I have to say that maybe it’s me, maybe I intimidate more than allow these online dates to reveal their true selves. I’ve been told I intimidate but I’m going to take that as a compliment, but onward we go.
*Disclaimer, this post is purely based on MY online dating experience and not meant to deter anyone from trying online dating or diminish their experience whatsoever*
All of the men I connected with, including rude Sergio saw actual pictures of me, recent pictures of me. Then Rude Sergio told me he thought I’d be younger when we met in person (just for the record I hope that asshole catches crabs). But it’s not uncommon for both men and women to lie on their online dating profiles, hell it’s expected because of what societal standards are in this age of beauty, education and financial status. The thing is, this type of lying will always and I do mean always have a bad outcome. I mean look at Ooompa Loompa David, his profile said he was 5’9 and the dude only came up to my shoulders and I’m 5’4! Expectations of what we are looking for in an online date will diminish the value of the person you might be overlooking in favor for some unrealistic image we have in our mind. One of my friends said to me that women have this Prince Charming (remember him?) image in our minds and men have this porn start image of women in theirs, thinking this is what we want and what we’ll find if we date and look hard enough.
People will lie if they think the person their lying too is hearing what they want to hear. The truth is online dating is successful for people under the age of forty-five, now this is only my opinion based on my research (the disastrous dates I’ve had). Online dating is hard, it’s full of unscrupulous people who will lie to you for their own personal reasons. As a forty-five year old (at the time) I found it extremely difficult to find someone genuine, and when I did they weren’t interested in me. So what does that say? It says that women with less self-esteem or no confidence will lie, and they will over exaggerate themselves, their accomplishments and their lives in general. A former coworker of mine was so clingy with men, any man that came into her life she literally drove them away.
She would sit in my office and cry and ask me “what’s wrong with me, is it because I have six kids or what?” and of course being the straight shooter I am, I would tell her that maybe it was intimidating to date someone with so many children (they were already grown) and they may see her as a gold digger or wanting a replacement dad for her kids. Then she’d cry some more and I’d think to myself what the fuck, go cry at your desk I don’t have time for this shit (yes I really did think that, but hey I had my own problems). She would tell me about her online dates and how well they went (she’s eight years older than I am) and she made the mistake of telling me she only wanted to date wealthy older men who would take her out to expensive dinners and buy her clothes because she’s never had that. I told her straight out, if that’s what you’re looking for you’re not going to find it, they will see through your fake persona and drop you like a G-string in a strip club. She showed me her profile and she had put on there that she had her bachelor’s in accounting. I told her I knew damned well she hadn’t even gone to college, and asked her “Don’t you think this will come up? Or when they hear you talk they’ll know you didn’t go to college?” Okay again before I get nasty messages about peeps that didn’t go to college and things like that this is purely based on this particular person.
Let me just say she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, she couldn’t say pneumonia that’s right, she would try to pronounce it like it’s spelled but then it would sound like pa-no-mia. Once when she was out sick and came back she kept saying she had panomia, to everyone and no one would correct her, then I asked her “What did you have?” and she said she caught panomia, and I asked her what that was and she rolled her eyes (like I was the dumb one) and said “You know, PA-NO-MIA, like a cold only worse, duh?” That pissed me off so I decided to cut her off at the knees in front of our director and I laughed and said out loud “You mean you had pneumonia? If you’re going to tell everyone your sick you’d better learn how to pronounce your illness” and I walked back into my office. She turned red and then got an IM via my computer telling me I didn’t have to do that and embarrass her in front of people. That’s when I told her same here, don’t act smart if you aren’t, then a fight ensued and well……I’m getting off topic here. So my assessment of her is no reflection on those that didn’t attend college, this is only from personal experience with this particular person.
So this person lied on her online dating profile and she got plenty of dates but no follow ups because once you meet someone and talk to them that’s when you realize that you were duped. It doesn’t feel too good when you’re duped like that because I’ve been the “dupee” more times than I care to remember. Then there were those dates that I believed had some potential only to find I wasn’t what these men were looking for. Like Rude Sergio, who wanted a thirty-something knowing full well how old I was, I didn’t lie or misrepresent myself. I didn’t photo shop my pictures, I didn’t lie about my age or my accomplishments. And even though we had talked for a while before we met, those conversations led me to believe that he was okay with who I was, that he was genuinely interested in me as a person, not any type of arm candy or trophy girlfriend.
And I can totally pull that off too, because even though now I’m forty-nine (and in spite of a much needed chemical peel, but that’s another story) I am by no means one of the ugly step-sisters. In my opinion I’m attractive enough to have some of these online dates take a second look (well that’s what I was told by Kyle and Lestat) but what can I say? Men my age want women ten years younger and because men my age are usually divorced and financially stable, they get actually women ten years younger. Women my age want men a bit older (well I do) established, well adjusted, secure in their own person and financially stable (I didn’t say dripping in money) but has a job so I don’t have to support him, and I’m sure this goes for men too. Not all my bad dates have been a result from online mediums. I was once introduced by a former friend to her brother, an older man who was retired and seemed to be a nice guy when I first met him.
So this “friend” of mine thought it would be a good idea to introduce me to one of her brothers (the one that was divorced, and I’ll explain why later) because he hadn’t dated for a while and neither had I. After some convincing I agreed to meet her brother Gilbert (I’m using his real name because the chances of him or his sister finding my blog are slim to none). After our initial meeting I thought to myself, okay this guy is decent, not bad looking he’s nice and seems sane. So we had two dates and then his older brother invited us out to a restaurant called The Pershing Inn, they were having a Beatles cover band that night so I thought to myself, why not?
The night started out okay, the band was on fire, I was having a good time and then I noticed Gilbert was drinking and I mean a lot, I had picked him up (at his request) and by the end of the night he was plastered. I drove him home in spite of having a couple of drinks myself, but I wasn’t by any means fall down drunk. Although I knew I should be driving with even a couple of drinks what choice did I have at this point? Luckily his brother’s house was only six blocks from the bar. His brother and sister-in-law were already at their house when we got there. They had stopped by to get some food and invited me to eat with them and even to stay the night if I didn’t want to drive home. I lived about twenty miles or so from where they lived and although the gesture was a kind one, what transpired after we got to their house made me want to leave and never return.
As we sat and ate our food then Gilbert and his older brother began to argue, and his brother wasn’t even drunk. But their bickering went on and on and his sister-in-law apologized to me and said they are always like this when Gilbert drinks. As I helped her clean up, we walked into the kitchen and left the brothers to continue their argument alone. I asked her why they get like this and she said “Gilbert didn’t tell you that he was in jail did he?” My inside voice was like “No he fucking didn’t tell me he was in jail and neither did his stupid sister!” She went on to explain that he shouldn’t be drinking because he’s an alcoholic, and that’s the reason he was in jail, he got caught with too many DUI’s and jail and a divorce were the result. Then I heard shouting from another room “Why would you think a smart, attractive girl like her would want to have an out of work lush who lives with his son for a boyfriend?!? I have to lend you money to take her out!” Then Gilbert responded with “Because she likes me asshole and I can help her around the house and shit!” Lend him money? Help around the house?
What the literal FUCK is this guy talking about? It turns out he was retired (lost his job because of the DUI jail sentence) from Coca-Cola and his pension/retirement wasn’t enough for him to live on by himself hence why he lived with his oldest son (Holy Broke Asshole Batman!). He lived in Houston and was looking to move back to El Paso to be with his family so I was the “catch” he needed to be able to do just that. His sister-in-law began to look embarrassed and I looked at her and she said “Tina should have told you about him before you decided to go out with him, I’m so sorry, really I am. After we met you we knew it was too good to be true, that once you would see the real him you’d…….” I didn’t let her finish and I told her I had to leave. She said she understood and during his argument with his brother, I got the keys to my car and got the hell outta Dodge as fast as my Ford Fusion could get me. But the damage had been done, he had my phone number, and knew where I lived and for three weeks after that he did nothing but bother the shit out of me. Calling, coming by my house he even showed up to my office! This was because the last time he went by my house all three of my over five-foot nine inch tall boys were there and all three told him to leave in a not so nice way (boy am I glad I gave birth to three huge body guards). This was even after I didn’t want to see or talk to him.
But did he get the hint? No he fucking didn’t so what did I do? I called in a favor from one of my friends who is Texas State Trooper and what was said or done I’ll never know all I got was a “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it” from my friend Joe. After that all I know is that Gilbert the Lush didn’t bother me anymore. But I still get drunk voicemails from him from time to time even though I blocked him, his daughters and his stupid sister’s phone numbers. He still leaves me messages, like he’ll think I might change my mind about him, I don’t fucking think so!
So it’s not just online dating that can have disastrous outcomes, real life meeting people the “normal” way can too. Needless to say I no longer talk to his sister because she should have been honest. So honesty is definitely important whether your dating the “old fashion way” or online. So what’s my conclusion? That online dating for me has been more than disappointing because of false advertising and the devious people I’ve met. I’ve given up dating through this particular medium and my chances of meeting anyone the “old fashion” way are diminishing because of online dating, no one meets organically anymore. I’m too old to bar hop or go out clubbing, besides what are the types of people one can meet at a bar or club? So if it happens it happens, and if it doesn’t well then, ce la vie. Even though I don’t have a “significant other” at the moment, I’m happy and I’m not just saying that to sound, look or pretend that I am, I truly am. I found the following on one of my friends desk (another single mom) and I read it and thought, wow, that is the absolute truth. Even though I was already married in high school, the rest resonates with me so I decided to share.
But let me just add this, on Friday I got asked out by an “older” medical student (he’s 37, usually med students are in their early to mid-twenties. He was in the Navy before he decided to go to Med School) and although I was flattered, he just began his residency and the chances of a healthy relationship coming out of this are not good, residency is hard for any new medical student but it’s harder on a couple when one of them is a resident. Also, it proves I still got it, chemical peel or not! *flips hair and fist pumps air like John Bender at the end of the Breakfast Club*
I’m looking for something long term, I am no longer dating for fun. Did I mention he’s a Psychiatry resident? No? Huh, I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something……Keanu Reeves where are you?!
This is the Huntress915, over and out.