“I hold onto this pride because these days it’s all I have and I gave you my best and we both know you can’t say that” – Little Big Town, Better Man
So, on to more about my nightmare online dating adventures. There were some that were not bad, they actually went okay but well those, those guys probably thought I was too much trouble because I never heard back from them…..at all. One particular one comes to mind, his name was Luis and he contacted me and we began talking for about a week then he asked me out. He took me to dinner at a German restaurant off of Viscount and I-10 and I actually liked the atmosphere and the food. It was a German pub type feel and I felt very comfortable there and Luis and I talked about everything. I thought this guy had potential which was, let’s face it, something I hadn’t thought of with fake US Marshal Rick and Oompa Loompa David. So after dinner he walked me to my car and we hugged and I thought he’s for sure he’ll call me tomorrow as I drove off feeling a bit more positive than the previous online dating experiences.
I sent him a text later on that night to thank him again for dinner and a very pleasant evening and he had sent me a short and not so sweet “No problem” response and as I stared down at my phone I wondered if he thought the date was a bust. I waited for him to text me the next week and nothing, so I gave up on Luis after another text I sent him and got no response. I thought to myself alright then we’re moving on, Sharleen (my brain, remember?) had finally said to me forget about it, don’t dwell and move on down the line. Which I did, so my next online date didn’t even get to the twenty minute mark because this guy, whose name was Sergio was all sweet and a gentleman on the phone and via text. I got my hopes up again telling myself I have to remain positive but that all went down the drain when he said we should have a drink first and then we’d plan a proper date. I agreed because I kept getting encouragement from my friends even after the horrendous dates I had already experienced.
We agreed to meet at Pelican’s, a restaurant and bar on the eastside of town. He asked what I would be wearing so he could recognize me (even though I sent him a picture) when I walked it, and I told him. I got ready and once again I got all dressed up and put on my best everything. As I drove to the restaurant I began to feel a bit nervous and thought about him and everything he had told me. He was an employee in management with El Paso Electric, divorced father of three, a bachelors in information technology from UTEP and had just bought a house in the Briargate estates, close to where I lived and I began to feel a bit intimidated. But I tried to shake off that feeling because I was getting ahead of myself and didn’t want to overpower my confidence with intimidation over a guy I hadn’t even met yet. As I walked from my car I tried to look as cool and confident as possible, trying not to trip over my own heels.
I got to the front door of the restaurant and he had told me to ask for him so they could direct me to his table, and that’s what I did. As I followed the waiter to the table my hands began to sweat and my breathing began to get labored as I tried to remember that this was just first date/drinks. I walked towards a very good looking older gentleman (he was 56 and I was 45 at the time) as the waiter motioned with his hand for me to sit down, Sergio looked past me as if looking towards the door. The waiter left and I looked at him and said “Hi Sergio” and then he looked at me up and down and responded with “Veronica?” I was taken back as I wondered why he was surprised or what he could possibly be thinking because it’s not like he didn’t know what I looked like because all my pictures on my profile were recent. I answered “Hi, yes nice to meet you” and stuck my hand out to shake his.
He hesitantly extended his as he still had this confused annoyed look on his face, and I finally cleared my throat and said “Um, is there something wrong?” As he still held my hand he blatantly said “Well, um yeah. I thought you’d be younger” and at that very moment I yanked my hand out of his and I responded with “Oh really? And I thought you’d be smarter” and quickly turned around and walked out of the restaurant towards my car. I am usually a very strong woman, and I can try to contain my emotions but this was a poison arrow aimed directly at my self-confidence and self-esteem, shot there by a careless narcissistic man. I drove home with tears streaming down my face ruining my makeup. But by this time I didn’t care as I pulled into my garage with mascara streaking down my cheeks. I undressed in the darkness of my bedroom and got in to take a shower to scrub myself clean of the Perry Ellis 360 perfume, drowning in embarrassment and anger of what had just transpired because of an insensitive asshole who never even bother to get to know me but judged me on my age. I cried and screamed as loud as I could as I knew no one would hear me with the shower running as I clung to the slippery tiles of my shower wall.
Finally the anger subsided and I got out of the shower and changed and made myself a cup of tea (paired with a tin, an ENTIRE TIN of Royal Dansk butter cookies, hey those things are the shit) and sat out in my backyard watching the sky turn from a light blue, to a faded purple-orange sunset. I took in the peacefulness of my own little world comforted by hot tea and butter cookies. That was the very last online date I was on and decided from that night forward I would give up the online dating thing because let’s face it, it’s brutal to be middle aged and trying to date the way millennial’s do. Even in spite of dating sites that claim to be designed specifically for the older crowd, it’s utter bullshit. Let’s face it, there are a lot and I do mean a lot of assholes (both men and women) out there especially on this online dating scene. Soon after I reconciled with Lestat for the fourth-hundred and sixty seventh time (no it wasn’t that many times but it sure as hell fells like) and we began the honeymoon phase of our reconciliation once again. This phase seemed to get shorter and shorter every time we got back together.
Because of course the emotional vampire will play on the vulnerability of the emotional state of mind and being emotionally weak because of all my online debacles, I allowed him to do so. Somehow I tried to find his redeeming qualities every time we got back together, I mean after overlooking the fact that one) he was married and two) that he never gave me anything remotely supportive in return and three) by this time around I knew that there was no way I would want him in my life on a full time basis. In spite of his self-righteous attitude towards me when we would get back together, I’d overlook it, many, many times, case in point. I had online dates that were disasters, but nothing more disastrous as Lestat’s attitude towards me after the “serious” attempts at relationships while we were apart. The first thing we’d do when we’d reconcile would be to have sex (hello? It’s a given I think in any relationship) and although I was extremely careful with my other relationships in using protection it would always be a fight with Lestat and his idea of “protection.”
The only two times I had intimate relationships with other men were with Waldo (yuck) and Kyle and that was because I actually dated these men, I never even tried with Jeff because he was “unable” to have sex if you know what I mean. It wasn’t one night stands or for fun, it was because I honestly believed I might build a long lasting relationship with them. But as we know Waldo was an idiot and Kyle was transferred to another army base in Fort Campbell. So for as long as I can remember he would make the most callus comment and that was his explanation as to why he needed to use two condoms (at the same time). He’d say “I need to be careful because I don’t want you to get me sick” and I would stupidly comply. Why? Because I was in love with the bastard and I didn’t know any better or realized he was being a complete and total asshole. But then as my fangs began to grow I began to defend myself against his words and actions, and once when he was all too eager to begin our honeymoon relations, I stopped him and gave him two condoms. He asked what they were for and I told him that he’d probably been out sleeping with his wife’s friends or her co-workers and God knew where they had been, I told him he probably was still shitting where he ate and I didn’t want him to get me sick. He stood there, naked in my bedroom and looked at me in shock and bewilderment. He asked “are you serious?” and I said “yes, no double condom no nooky, that’s the rule. I mean I’m not the one that goes out to the Brew (his favorite bar) to pick up women so desperate you’ll fuck them in your car, so put those suckers on if you want to get laid.”
This ignited a huge fight, whereas he’d argue his side and then I’d sucker punch him with my logic and I’d tell him what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I told him if anyone was going to get him sick it would be one of his wife’s friends and not me, because as previously mentioned, he liked to shit where he ate (remember Moonstruck?). One of the three friends I had that knew he was married told me one day that I allowed him back in on his terms because this is what worked for me. She also explained to me that Lestat he wasn’t someone I’d normally be into if I wasn’t in love with him. She said I didn’t seem him for who or what he was because I would see him through rose colored, love clouded glasses. I stopped to think about what she had said and tried to figure out if this theory of hers had any merit. I began some deep inner soul searching and this started with our first encounter when we got together, which consisted of lunch and sex. I spent the afternoon with him and after a three and a half hours I began to feel that indeed a couple of hours together with this emotional vampire was all I could take.
He began to get on my nerves in insufferable ways, case in point, after years of construction and not using the proper safety equipment his hearing began to deteriorate. I had to speak louder than usual almost screaming. I could never whisper anything to him because he couldn’t fucking hear me. When we watched television the volume was so loud one time my neighbor out back called me and asked if I was having a party. He also had the annoying habit of never and I do mean NEVER letting me finish was I was saying because he’d interrupt, always. His excuse was because he didn’t want to forget what he was going to say and it pertained to what I was talking about. Did I mention his memory was also fading, for some reason he would tell me he was afraid of getting Parkinson’s disease, I would reassure him that it wasn’t the case, but now I’m not so sure. But he believed interrupting me would help in telling me what his mind was thinking at that very second so he wouldn’t forget, it did not that shit got old fast.
My patience was coming to an end, I could see it and feel it and so could he. We’d talk on the phone and he would ask me to hold on to answer the other call (which I suspect would be his wife most of the time) and he would take forever. And at times he would hang up on me and stupidly I’d call back and he’d apologize. But then as our relationship began to see its inevitable demise he’d hang up on me and I wouldn’t call back, or if he’d ask if I could hang on I’d say no, to call me back whenever. Now this worked, God knows why, but I suppose was reverse psychology and I began to feel a sort of disconnect to him and our relationship, which only meant one thing. I was falling out of love with Lestat the Emotional sucking Vampire. Stay tuned for part 20…….