“You never thought you’d be alone, this far down the line. And I know what’s been on your mind. You’re afraid it’s all been wasted time.” – The Eagles, Wasted Time
The seeds of animosity began to germinate and only got bigger as time went by, only I didn’t know exactly what it was, I just knew that something bothered me about him and his proclamation of “love” over the years. I suppose I was still waiting for him to turn into Prince Charming as I made excuses for the asshole and continued to think he was the great love of my life, which of course wasn’t true. But nonetheless I believed it then because I was still blinded by love for this man. Okay so I was stupid but what have I been saying all along, love makes you stupid, but only voracious, emotional draining love does this to you. I’m sure that healthy, sharing and emotional supportive love isn’t this way but I don’t know what that’s like, I haven’t had the opportunity to know find that out for myself, yet. I’m only speaking from my experiences. This is when one begins to realize that love is and should be a two way street. Some relationships are at times lopsided but relationships like the one I had with Lestat the Emotional Vampire was all give on my part and all take on his.
I rarely got much in return because of the “I never promised you anything” mantra he held steadfast to. I’m not denying I should have bolted, but I kept wondering why fate kept me there for this long. I didn’t think I had done anything as bad in this life or any past life (if you believe in that) that warranted the emotional suffering I was going through. So I will elaborate more on exactly what kind of suffering and emotional self-mutilation I put myself through. At the point when my ex-husband and I separated I suppose he was in a vengeful state of mind because the very next day I moved out of our mobile home in rural El Paso County, Fabens Texas to be exact, and moved back into my parent’s home, he had closed all of our joint bank accounts and left me without a dime. We had both contributed to the household finances but the asshole decided he was going to make me suffer for the separation we had both been at fault for. While he did that, I had written checks (remember those?) to pay the utility bills and for food at a local grocery store the weekend prior.
Well those checks bounced (because he closed all our joint accounts and opened new ones under his name) and months went by with those vendors sending notices to me at the address where he still lived. So what did this mentally immature asshole do? He threw them in the trash, which in turn meant that I didn’t respond to the hot check notices, which turned into a warrant for my arrest. I of course was unaware at the time this was happening but it didn’t matter he was going to make me suffer any way he could. This all happened during the time I had just accepted the job at UTEP, and I was on my way to go and turn in some paperwork at human resources that morning. I had, at the time a 1994 (manual transmission) two door white Ford Escort hatchback with electric seat belts. That day for some reason the driver’s side seat belt didn’t go all the way back, and I didn’t think much of it so I left my parents’ house to make the twenty-eight mile drive to UTEP. From San Eli to Clint the drive is about two and half miles, and that day I passed the Silver Streak/Exxon Mobile gas station, going slower than the speed limit.
As I passed I saw a Clint Deputy police officer, and he was talking to someone outside in the parking lot, smoking a cigarette. The minute I drove by, the fucker threw his cigarette on the ground and proceeded to get in his car and at that very moment I thought “this motherfucker is going to stop me because my goddamned seat belt!” And sure enough he did, now let me describe what this officer was like. A tall, skinny/lanky, blonde haired, green eyed twenty something, who was hell bent on doing what he could to make whatever quota he needed to make by way of traffic stops. If anyone has seen The Andy Griffin show, and you’ve seen Barney Fife, this is what this fucker looked like only younger and dumber (if that’s even possible). I looked at the red and blue lights flashing in my rear-view mirror and slowly pulled over almost in front of Clint’s teeny tiny police headquarters. As I put my car in park and reached for the glove compartment for my insurance, license and registration he put his hand on his gun holster and yelled out “Ma’am please keep your hands where I can see them.” I actually felt a bit confused because did I look like I carried a gun? (Okay yes I might have but I wasn’t). And I didn’t move, what did this idiot think I was going to do, literally right in front of the fucking police department?
He comes to my driver’s side window and then he say’s “Your insurance and license please ma’am.” I’m sitting there thinking to myself, isn’t that what I was fucking doing? In any case he then repeated the request and I rolled my eyes and handed him my information. He then asked what every cop asks “Do you know why I pulled you over?” I answered with “was it my seatbelt?” Then he lost all credibility and said “Yeah that’s right, wow your smart” and I knew it wasn’t said with sarcasm but sheer surprise at the fact that I knew why I had been pulled over. I told him that I could explain that and asked if I could get out of my car.
He said “Um, well I guess” and again I refrained from rolling my eyes at Barney and slowly opened the door to my car. I proceeded to show him and explain what had happened with my electric seat belt, and that I was on my way to get it fixed (of course I lied, this trigger happy, deliverance banjo playing mofo was going to give me a ticket). He then said to me that I needed to make sure I got it fixed soon and I felt a sigh of relief that went through my entire body and he said I could get back into my car. He then said he’d be right back because he was going to run my information. I of course didn’t worry as I knew I didn’t have any outstanding tickets, so I waited patiently in my car. Lestat called me and I had told him what was going on and he said to call him when I left Barney’s traffic stop. As I hung up with Lestat, Barney made his way back to my car and he said to me that I had an outstanding warrant for a hot check and I was like what the fuck!?!?!
I didn’t immediately put together the pieces of the puzzle together but it didn’t take me long. So he said he had to “take me in” and I thought take me in where exactly? He gave me back my insurance information and asked that I step out of my car as he reached for his handcuffs. Can you believe that? This motherfucker was going to handcuff me for a hot check warrant! He asked if I knew anyone that could come and pick up my car so that it wouldn’t be impounded and I said yes. He said I could call them and then I looked at him and said “It’s going to be hard to call when I have my hands in cuffs.” He had another cigarette in his mouth and exclaimed “oh, whoops sorry” and I thought this fucking two horse town is in deep shit if they have a guy like this one patrolling the three streets.
I called my dad and he and my mom showed up to take my car back home, while Barney Fife’s twin decided to take me into the police station, which we were parked in front of. As he walked me in like a goddamned common criminal in cuffs and all, his Chief was there. He sat me down by the door and he walked into the Chiefs office and began to tell him why I was being arrested. He also began rambling on about some serial killer that was walking his way down the railroad tracks at that time, Angel Rezendez known as the Railroad Killer and I heard this idiot ask his Chief, “So Chief I mean, this guy is like, you know fair game right? I can like, draw my weapon at him if I see him?” I almost laughed at the sound of this Barney Fife motherfucker thinking he could take down a serial killer when he couldn’t tighten the handcuffs I had on enough so that I couldn’t slip my hands out of them to scratch my nose.
His Chief said in an annoyed tone of voice “Yes Paul, he’s fair game but don’t go doing something stupid” which indicated to me that he was known for his stupidity, and I had finally found out his name, Paul. Then I heard his Chief tell him that he could take me to the Eastside Regional Command Station on Pebble Hills and that he didn’t have to make the trip all the way downtown to the county jail. Then Paul responded by telling him that he would make the trip all the way to the jail because he wanted to process me the right way. Again I could hear a loud sigh from his Chief and he told him to do what he wanted but I was being arrested on a hot check warrant not murder. Not that I hadn’t thought about it, I could have slipped out of my cuffs right there in the waiting area and walked out, no one was watching me while Paul explained his wannabe heroics to his Chief if the Railroad Killer got in his way. I knew this asshole had bigger aspirations than being small town law enforcement he wanted to be a “real” cop.
As he drove me downtown to the county jail (which was in the middle of downtown El Paso, and entire 19 and a half miles from Clint) all the while I kept slipping my hands out of the badly tighten cuffs to make myself a bit more comfortable. I mean as comfortable as someone being arrested and being driven to jail can possibly get. During the drive is when I made the connections as to why I was being arrested and thought to myself that my asshole of an ex-husband was doing what he could to get back at me for whatever reason. We drove into the parking lot in front of the jail where law enforcement vehicles are, he walked me into the grey, alien like building with small windows. I had seen this building many times, anyone can see it driving by downtown on I-10 I just never realized I’d actually get to see it from the inside. Not that I ever wanted to but here I was. Paul walked me across the street and into the front processing area and as he did, almost all of the jailers, sheriff’s deputies and EPPD that were around began to mock him, almost as if they did this on a regular basis.
One of the jailers shouted out “Hey it’s Paul! Have you found the Railroad Killer yet Paul?” and proceeded to laugh out loud. That’s when my embarrassment grew, not only was I being arrested because of my asshole ex-husband but, I was being arrested by someone who was the most inept law enforcement officer in the entire county of El Paso. It was clear he had mentioned (to anyone that would listen) about wanting to catch the Railroad killer. I stood there as they took my mug shot (can you believe I have a fucking mug shot? And not even for a serious crime like murder or stealing) and the jailer took my shoelaces and belt away from me. What did they think I was going to hang myself over a hot check? I was to say the least frustrated and annoyed at being arrested by Roscoe P. Coltrane but because I overheard an officer with the EPPD tell him he could have taken me to the Pebble Hills Regional Command Center where I would have gotten out sooner. He said “yeah I could’ve but I wanted to do it right” and the officer shook his head and said underneath his breath “yeah, okay.” The officer glanced my way and the look on his face was of sympathy and pity, almost as if to say “Hey lady I’m real sorry you’re being arrested by this douche bag.”
I was processed and put into a cell with other women, there were nine of us in a cell that was about fifteen by ten feet. By the time I was booked in, it was around lunch time and a jailer was pushing a lunch cart and as she got to our cell she handed us each a small carton of milk, an orange and a “bologna” sandwich. This sandwich consisted of stale hamburger buns and a thick cut piece of bologna (omg I was in prison eating prison food!). I waited for them to call my name so I could get my phone call. Finally after about forty-five minutes I heard my last name called and was told I could make two phone calls, and of course like an idiot I chose to call Lestat first. Lucky for me he answered on the first try and he asked me what happened and where I was at and I told him. I asked if he could come and get me, because I had money to pay for some of the bail and he responded with “I can’t leave the job site right now, we’re pouring concrete” (sound familiar ya’ll?) I couldn’t believe this, here I was again in desperate need of his help, it was just a fucking ride back home, and he couldn’t leave the job site! It seemed this motherfucker was perpetually pouring concrete, this slab must be as big as the goddamned Hoover Dam! Stay tuned for part 17……….